Q. Why is narcissistic abuse recovery one of your primary topics?
A. A lot of people ask me why I so often write and produce videos about narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder and toxic relationships. That's why today, I'm going to give you a little insight into that - I'm going to share my story.
First, you always hear me say "I'm a certified life coach, an author and a survivor." What I mean is that I have survived toxic relationships in my life, and two of the most significant included narcissists who gaslighted, manipulated and abused me in different ways - and unfortunately, these included both a parental narcissist and one in a marriage.
Even so, my experiences and my personal research, study and healing have given me a pretty unique perspective - one that not a lot of people have. As someone who has been involved in narcissistic relationships in my life and survived, I feel compelled to share my experiences, at least to the extent that they are valuable to my readers.
I don't always share my darkest moments or specific details because they're not always relevant for my audience, but as a journalist and a seasoned researcher, it's in my nature to learn about things that concern me. And as someone who is always working toward becoming a better version of herself, it's also in my nature to use the information I learn to both understand and overcome the issue in my own life.
I also lost 100 pounds and found myself growing more successful in my career and in other relationships in my life. Yep.
As a result of both the shame a narcissist's victim can feel for not standing up for herself as well as fear of the narcissist's reaction if she does, the victim often feels like she has no one to turn to for help--she's too embarrassed to ask and the narcissist is too concerned with appearances. And since narcissists tend to isolate their primary victims, the victims are especially unlikely to reach out for support.
Plus, as so many of my viewers, readers and coaching clients tell me - many people in their lives just don't get it - and they are relieved to find someone who does. Those who work with me one-on-one even tell me their own stories and are visibly and audibly affected when I can relate. They have had so many people tell them they're "just too picky," or that they're just being dramatic, or that they might need to go get some help - and that's because narcissists are so good at fooling people into believing they are honest, kind and generally victimized by their "crazy" source of supply - aka wife, child, parent, partner, etc.
It's because of you. YOU, my viewers, SPAN members, readers and clients, are the reason I do what I do. And since I recently reached the 4000 subscriber point, I want to say thank you, honestly.
I write about narcissism because it is my intention to help other people go from being victims of narcissists to being survivors.
And finally, I'd like to say thanks to those viewers who have offered their opinions, tips and advice for improving my videos and making them much more watchable for you -
I'd say my top viewer advice has included:
1. Show your face! My original videos were straight up slideshows - not so much of "me." I initially didn't really see the point in showing my face - because these videos generally aren't about me, save for sharing my personal (related) experiences. But since so many people asked, I started including this little window in my videos - and it seems to do the trick.
2. SLOW DOWN! Yep. I talk really fast, and this is especially problematic for those who have different accents or who don't speak English as a first language. So, I'm working on that one. 🙂
3. Get rid of the background noise! Put batteries in your damn smoke detector! I have hard-wired smoke detectors and one of them was malfunctioning for a long time. So long that I stopped hearing the "beeP" that rang out every ten minutes or so. This became quite annoying for my viewers and I had to fix that. I guess the point here is really that I needed to clean up my background noise. Done, for the most part, and a very effective change.
4. Dump the music. I used to play background music in my videos, thinking it made them sound more professional. This might be the case for some genres on YouTube, but it wasn't the case for mine. I dumped the music, except the intro an outro, and it seems to have been a positive change.
5. Stop referring to the narcissists as "he" - a LOT of male viewers (and a few females) asked me to stop saying "he" when referring to narcissists. Initially, I didn't take this suggestion because I figured I was talking to mostly women. But as my subscribers increased and my video views grew, I noticed something interesting - a full 25 percent of my viewers are male. And from my calculations, nearly a third of my viewers were dealing with female narcs in some area. So, I made the change in videos that followed.
Oh - and one more - people asked me to get to the point at the beginning of my videos, so now I wait until the end to share info about my websites and stuff.
And then, there are the trolls and haters. They exist, and all YouTubers have to deal with them. Initially, they really bothered me, but at this point, I recognize that haters are unavoidable...in my case, they are often narcs themselves, or they are just trolls who are looking for a reaction. I do my best to acknowledge those who have good intentions (there are a few who simply disagree with my methods and state so a bit rudely) - and to ignore those who don't (those who are just being rude for the sake of it). No point in stressing over something I can't control.
But, to end this video on a positive note, I just want to say thank you to everyone who has subscribed to my channel, and to those who are watching my videos. My goal is to get to 10k subscribers so that I can have access to a YouTube adviser who will help me to better serve you by teaching me more about creating better videos and delivering my information in the most effective way possible!
My plans for the future include coming up with an expanded and more specific lineup of weekly content and possibly adding personal vlogs to the lineup. I'd love to know if you think that would be a positive or negative change, so please share your thoughts on that in the comments below.
Now, I have one more quick question before I go - if you have found value in my videos, or if you have suggestions, tips or thoughts on how I can do better, I'd really appreciate a quick comment sharing your thoughts. Please leave it below - I'd love to know how I can better help you with my videos.
This is me, signing off for today in gratitude and love. Thank you for watching. Thank you for your support. And thanks for being your amazing self. Hugs and love to you all!