Everyone experiences sadness at times. Sometimes, life just gets you down. However, you don’t have to take sadness lying down. You can actively combat sadness by changing your perspective or by doing something enjoyable.
The ability to self-soothe is one of the most important skills a person can have at their disposal.
Try these tips to take control of your emotional state and feel more joy.
A lot of our readers have asked about our affiliation with Life Makeover Academy, so I thought I’d fill you in today! To make it simple, here are the most important bits of information from the LMA about page:
Founded by certified life coach and author Angie Atkinson (and backed by BlissFireMedia), the Life Makeover Academy‘s mission is to help you discover, understand and overcome any obstacle that stands in the way of the manifestation of your ideal life. Plus, we’ll teach you how to take your life to the next level and to become the ideal version of yourself.
At the Life Makeover Academy, we’re about just one thing – creating the life you truly want and deserve!
It’s about your personal life, your physical health, your spiritual and psychological wellbeing and even your professional life!
We believe you can have everything you want so much that we’re creating a whole new MOVEMENT here at the Life Makeover Academy!
Whether you’re just getting started in life or you’ve been around the block a few times, chances are that you’re full of thoughts, experiences and ideas that lead you to want to fix parts of your life.
And, being human, it’s only sensible that you’ve got so many different things you’d like to change that you don’t even know where to begin. Maybe a “whole life” change is too much for you?
But here’s the thing. It’s really not about jumping into a whole new personality by tomorrow afternoon–nope. In reality, what this whole life fix movement is all about is pretty simple–it’s a whole attitude change and comes along with a whole host of tools to help you in the day-to-day challenges that beat you down.
The Life Makeover Academy is focused on improving every aspect of your life. Take some time and look around! Try out some of our free courses, and get involved in our community. If you’re tired of the life you’re living and you’re ready to create serious personal change, you have found your new online home.
One of the first ways we can identify narcissists in our life is through their own words, regardless of the type of relationship you have with a narcissist. If you’re looking for ways to identify people in your life who could be potentially toxic, this is for you.
Today I’m going to share with you a few verbal cues that you might hear from a narcissist or another type of toxic person in your life that would allow you to recognize early on, that this person might be toxic and maybe reduce contact with them or eliminate them from your life.
If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist of any sort, whether it’s a work thing or a spouse thing boyfriend-girlfriend thing, a parent thing, there are certain common things you see. You notice they might act like they’re always a little better than you or they might always be insulting. They might be demeaning. They might need more attention than you can stand to give them.
Maybe they won’t give you any attention – or at the very least, they don’t reciprocate any of your efforts. Maybe they cheat on you or they regularly lose interest in you and they require you to change yourself to be part of their life (if you’re in a romantic relationship).
But even if you’re in a friend relationship or a work/coworker type of relationship, similar things can happen. In many cases, narcissists humiliate you in public (usually to make themselves look better).
They might be all about impressing other people, making false promises or even taking credit for things you’ve done or other people have done. Narcissists are pretty identifiable once you get your finger on the pulse of what they’re all about.
But what about the words they use?
Here are four red flag words or phrases that narcissists will use in order to manipulate you and make you do what they want when they want.
1. Seduction. Not just the word seduction but the act of seduction through words. This happens during the love-bombing phase a lot and the narcissist will say things like, “oh my gosh, you’re the most amazing person I ever met” or “I have never met someone as wonderful as you.”
“I just love you.” (too early in the relationship)
“You are so much better than my ex.”
“You’re the center of my world.”
“I will give you everything and more.”
“I would give you the shirt off my back if you needed it.”
“I will treat you better than anyone has ever treated you before.”
“No one can love you like I love you.”
“Your ex is a serious loser. I’m the better choice, obviously”
“I’m gonna be really really rich someday, I’m gonna be really famous someday.”
“I’ve got these amazing ideas and I’m gonna tell you my secret plan for success or for taking over the world.”
You might notice a lot of these phrases are all about comparing you (or themselves) with someone else. The red flag here is that you will be compared in the future by the narcissist or a toxic person.
2. Words like “loser” and phrases like not good enough. The negative words and phrases, such as:
“Let me tell you about this loser I went to school with”
“That person right there is a big nerd, let me tell you all about them.”
“These people I work with are so stupid.”
“I am getting screwed over at work.”
“My boss is being unfair.”
“I’m pretty sure the whole world’s against me.”
“My boss is just mad at me because I’m so much smarter than he is or she is.”
“I can’t wait to see that person go through the humiliation they deserve.”
You tell the narcissist a story – maybe one about the worst thing that ever happened to you in your life. Let’s say you got run over a car 16 times and both your legs were broken – something terrible. Their response?
“Oh, yeah? Well, you think that’s bad, let me tell you what happened to me.”
Not only do they gloss over that horrible thing that you went through, but they also turn the subject right back around to themselves. This shows the lack empathy and the whole “look-at-me” factor – and as we all know narcissists tend to lose interest in everything we say, think, do, feel or are, once they know they’ve got their claws deeply in our souls.
4. Victim words, victim phrasing. Some people who are always having a crisis. Everything’s wrong. These people are always playing the “poor me game.” You might text the narcissist to ask how they’re feeling, and you’ll get some kind of drama back. Something like, “oh it’s terrible, the whole world’s against me. My whole life is over.”
Ever know anyone like that?
These are the people who live in perpetual Narcissistic Injury State. The people who are always focused on everything that’s going wrong. You see them on Facebook, always talking about things that are messed up in their lives or other people’s lives. Maybe somebody else got the job they always wanted, or they become obsessed with taking on other people’s tragedies, if they don’t have enough of their own drama. If someone has done something to injure them on a narcissistic level, they will want revenge. They will want to prove that person wrong.
They will want everyone to feel bad for them and not like that other person. They might feel like they’re being punished for something they did, or if they don’t feel like they get the recognition they deserve for something.
This is a red flag because anyone who lives in a perpetual state of Narcissistic Injury has no desire to have a better life. They want that pain, they want to get attention and sympathy for that pain. It’s so difficult for the people around them to consistently listen to the negativity.
I’m not talking about someone who’s actually in a toxic relationship or actually dealing with tragedy. These are attention-seeking behaviors. But more than anything, what really counts here is this person’s effect on you.
How do they make you feel? If they make you feel great every time you’re around them, well, then you probably don’t have a problem. If they make you feel stupid, inadequate, not good enough, miserable – generally negative – then that person isn’t for you. They don’t deserve your time and your attention. Don’t let them be part of your inner circle.
One more note: If you sometimes feel like that person is too good to be true and like you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, watch closely, that can also be a red flag. They might be love-bombing you, especially if it’s a new person in your life.
You might feel like you can’t breathe around them. You might feel constantly overwhelmed by them, like you can’t function normally when they’re around.
Maybe even the idea of them even kind of takes your breath away. If you feel like they’re sucking all the air out of a room or you feel like they’re sucking all the energy out of your body, or you feel constantly tired, it’s a HUGE red flag. Be aware.
Questions of the day: Do you recognize any of the phrasing that I explained earlier in this video? And does any of it apply to what you’ve gone through with your narcissist? On the flip side of that, do you recognize the kinds of the emotions mentioned? Did any of those ring true for you when it came to your narcissist, whether you’re still with them or not? Did you feel overwhelmed, upset, angry? Did you feel like it was too good to be true?
What did you experience with your narcissist in relation to the words they spoke and the emotions that they evoked in you? Share your thoughts in the comments section, right here, and let’s discuss.
Narcissistic abuse often leaves us isolated and alone, and when we finally gather up the strength to leave, we find ourselves without any supportive friends or family members who really get what we’ve been through. But a lot of times, we don’t even have anyone to hang out with, much less share our deepest, darkest thoughts with. So how do we start over as adults? How do we build a new community for ourselves and start our lives over again?
Consider these ideas to develop your personal community:
1. Define your interests.What do you like to do? If your favorite activity is playing poker and analyzing football games, a group that meets for needlepoint might not appeal to you. Think about the things you enjoy and make a list. There’s bound to be something in there you can work with.
2. Consider religious and spiritual groups. Check out a few churches in your area. Try to stay relatively close to home or you might find the inconvenience is too much to overcome consistently. Keep looking until you find a place where you feel comfortable and welcome.
3. Consider groups related to physical activity. Do you like to run? Play golf? Bowl? Compete in powerlifting? There are plenty of groups you can join. You can do something you already love to do and make a few friends in the process.
4. Look at the people you work with. You might not want to hang out with the same people you work with all day. On the other hand, you already know whom you like and don’t like. Maybe you could get a group together once a week for an activity.
5. Take advantage of the internet to find people. There are many websites that cater to finding like-minded people for meeting and socializing. Meetup.com is one of the most well-known. There are many others. See what you can find and fill out a profile.
6. Consider online communities, such as SPAN and our related communities. If you’re extremely shy, have an unusual schedule, or eclectic tastes, you might have more luck online. If your interests are hairless cats and howling at the moon, you can probably find your people online. Of course, there’s plenty to be found if you’re mainstream. Just be careful. It’s important to have some face-to-face interaction in your life. Avoid having your entire social life online. There’s no true substitute for sharing the same physical space with someone.
7. Be bold and be patient. The process of finding and bonding with new people can be stressful. You’ll have to use a little courage and be patient. It might take some time to find the right group.
8. Build your social skills. Avoid using a lack of social skills as an excuse to wait to find some new people. Just make an effort to build on your social skills in the process of finding your community. Practice builds expertise.
There are people out there just like you that would love to see you and interact with you on a regular basis. Resist the urge to be a loner 24/7. There are a lot of good things happening that you’re missing. No one is meant to face the world alone.