"If you have been living with a narcissist for a long time, you may feel that you have lost all ability to function as an intelligent human being. By the time I divorced, I no longer felt confident about my looks, my ability to use technology, driving ability, or the reliability of my thoughts and emotions. It’s not an easy thing to come back from but you can do it." ~ First Wives World (more…)
Get your free copy of "The Rest is Still Unwritten" by certified life coach Angie Atkinson at http://booksangiewrote.com through Sunday - and don't worry if you don't have a Kindle! You can get the Kindle reading app for any device right here: https://www.amazon.com/kindle-dbs/fd/kcp - and it's free!
About the Book:
A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating the Life You Want and Deserve After a Toxic Relationship Ends
Have you recently ended a relationship with a narcissist, or are you considering doing so now? Or maybe you're the one who's been left in the lurch after yet another gaslighting episode that led to the devalue and discard phase.
In any case, whether you're already gone or you're planning to leave, you won't need to wait until your relationship with a narcissistic abuser has ended to begin working on your abuse recovery.
The Rest is Still Unwritten is the ultimate guide to help you stop just existing and start really living - and it offers you an entire plan to literally choose the rest of your life.
Narcissistic abuse is sneaky - it's invisible as far as most people can tell. And yet, it's one of the most toxic, damaging kinds of abuse you can suffer - partially because it makes you feel so utterly alone - even if you're in a crowded room.
The abuse you suffered at the hands of a narcissist cannot be downplayed: it's among the most traumatic kind of toxic treatment you can receive.
But there's good news! You aren't really alone, and there IS hope for you - you can find happiness, peace and true success in every area of your life, even after you've been relentlessly abused by a toxic narcissist.
There is a bright, beautiful and peaceful light on the other side.
This book will serve as a starting point for you as you begin your own recovery from narcissistic abuse in your toxic relationship. Whether the abuse was mental or emotional, or both, you have been left with profound scars that might feel like they'll never heal.
But with time, you'll get there - and this life-changing book, written by a fellow narcissistic abuse survivor and certified life coach, will help you do it.
It's time to reclaim your power. Are you ready? What are you waiting for? Get this book right now and start on your healing journey today.
From Angie: I'm giving away this ebook through SUNDAY ONLY - I mentioned it in my video this morning but wanted to pop it out separately so you can all get your free copy. Feel free to share this with anyone you know who might also need the help! Here is the UK version: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rest-Still-Unwritten-Narcissistic-Detoxify-ebook/dp/B01DOLGJQ0/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8 and here is the Canadian version: https://www.amazon.ca/Rest-Still-Unwritten-Narcissistic-Detoxify-ebook/dp/B01DOLGJQ0/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger." ~Buddha
Anger is one of the more common emotions we deal with during and after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships in general. It’s also one of the most damaging. Anger can ruin relationships, fuel poor decisions, and even lead to harming another person. Choices made while angry are rarely good choices. Learning how to deal with anger like an intelligent, rational adult can eliminate a lot of drama from your life.
Deal with anger effectively and avoid making a situation even worse:
- Call a timeout. Imagine all the problems you could have avoided by taking a short break and cooling off before opening your mouth. Not every situation is suitable for a break, but most are.
- Get some exercise. Go for a hard run or hit a punching bag. A long swim can burn up a lot of energy, too. Get your heart pounding and breathe heavily for a little while. You’ll feel much better and increase your health and fitness.
- Listen to soothing music. Now isn’t the time for heavy metal or the theme from Rocky. Find something that soothes your emotions and listen for 15 minutes. Experiment with different types of music until you find the best choice for you.
- Praying can help calm you and release your anger.
- Meditation can also lower feelings of anger. Either meditate on your breath or on your feelings of anger. Stick with it until you feel better.
- Count to 10. Visualize the numbers as you count. If possible, count out loud. Changing your focus to counting, visualizing the numbers, speaking the numbers, and hearing the numbers will keep your brain occupied. Think of counting as a very short break.
- Focusing on breathing is another way to take a mini-break without having to flee the scene. Breathing is a tool you can use throughout the day with complete privacy.
- Volunteer regularly. One of the advantages of volunteering is the perspective it provides. You realize that your life could be a lot worse than it is.
- Take a walk. Walking is a great activity. You get a little exercise. It requires a little bit of brain activity, but not so much that you can’t think deep thoughts. A walk is a good addition to anyone’s day and can help you deal with anger-related issues.
- Remember that everyone is doing the best they can. At any given moment, everyone is doing their best. Their best might not be very good at this moment, but it’s still their best.
- A smile holds more power than most people think. The simple act of smiling can enhance your mood and change your perspective.
- Focus on solutions. Rather than focusing on your emotions, focus on how you can resolve the situation.
- Address your anger internally. Ask yourself why you’re angry. Did someone fail to meet your expectations? Do you feel threatened or underappreciated? Are you afraid? Dig into the reasons that you feel angry.
- Address the issue rather than the other person. By attacking the other person, you escalate the situation. Once the other person starts defending themselves, finding a solution becomes much more difficult.
- Get help. Get professional help for serious anger issues. If you’re regularly angry and can’t control your anger, seek out the help of a professional.
It’s important to deal with your anger in a positive way. Handling anger poorly can damage your relationships and your health. There are many quick and easy ways to diffuse your anger and stop yourself from making a bad situation even worse. Address your anger in a healthy manner and you’ll be glad you did!
As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, there are a few things you may not want to hear. But it’s okay - you know how I roll! I'm all about tough love when we need it - and the truth here is that you’ll be better for knowing them once you dry your eyes. Failing to understand these truths makes life confusing and dissatisfying. Seek the truth and it will set you free.
Understand these truths and increase your understanding of life:
- Most people only care about what’s in it for them. The majority of the world doesn’t care if you’re nice to puppies and remember your spouse’s birthday. Do you know society is composed of? It’s a bunch of people that need things. They need money, food, clothing, self-confidence, comfort, entertainment, and personal satisfaction.
- If you can’t provide any of the many needs that society wants to have fulfilled, you’re not going to get the respect and recognition you desire.
- It’s important to develop skills, products, or services that satisfy the needs of society. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself being ignored.
- The universe isn’t for or against you. Many people are under the illusion that the universe is either on their side or working against them. The earth is but a speck of dust among billions of other specks.
- You’re one organism among several millions of species of organisms. It’s estimated there are over 20 million species of microorganisms that live in water. There are 50 birds for every person on the planet.
- The universe is neither on your side nor against you. That can be good or bad news, depending on your perspective. You’re responsible for your results.
- Your friends and family won’t always be there for you. You’d better be able to cook, clean, make money, brush your teeth, and pay your bills on time. Your friends and family won’t always be available to bail you out when you need something. You might have to find your own way to the airport someday.
- You can’t control or change others. This may be the hardest lesson to learn, especially where romantic relationships are concerned. You find someone that comes close to what you’re looking for, except for a few rough areas. You’re certain you can turn them into something you can live with. In most cases, you’d be wrong.
- People naturally resist being controlled or changed. Think about how hard it is to change yourself even when you want to change. You want to eat better, lose weight, hit the gym every day, and save more money. But 99% of the time you can’t make those changes.
- Now, imagine how hard it would be to change someone that doesn’t want to change. Then add on the fact that they’re resentful and resisting your efforts. You have no chance.
- Accept people for what they are. Either change your expectations or expect to be disappointed.
- Failure is normal. Failure is par for the course. Expect to experience several failures before attaining results that please you. The only way to avoid failure is to never try. Never trying is the perfect strategy to ensure that you never experience success.
- Learn to deal with failure effectively. It’s nothing more than an undesirable result and there’s no reason to take it personally. Adjust your approach and try again.
Do you know the truth about the world? You’re on your own more than you realize. Fortunately, that puts you in the driver’s seat.
The 10 Minute Guide to Mind-Body Exercise
There’s more to exercise than losing weight and building bigger biceps. What’s going on above the neck is just as important.
Mind-body fitness, like mind-body medicine, honors the connection between your physical and mental well-being. Learn how to integrate outer movement and inner focus with these suggestions for peaceful and empowering workouts.
General Principles Behind Mind-Body Exercise
- Pay attention. As you would imagine, mindfulness creates the foundation for integrated workouts. Let go of daily concerns. Be aware of your movements, thoughts, and feelings. Enjoy the changing sensations.
- Breathe deeply. Abdominal breathing is one way to calm your mind and energize your body. Experiment with three-part breath filling and expanding your abdomen, your lower chest, and finally your upper chest. Reverse the flow as you exhale.
- Relieve stress. Physical activity is a constructive response to tension. Exercise lowers your levels of stress hormones and raises your endorphins.
- Be flexible. Listen to your body to tell when you’re ready for a change from your planned workouts. Maybe you need an active rest day doing gentle stretches instead of your usual run.
- Practice deliberately. There’s a natural tendency to gravitate towards tasks we’re already good at. You’ll make more progress if you structure your workouts to target the areas where you want to grow.
- Boost your immune system. A little time at the gym can help you manage chronic conditions and catch fewer colds. You may even recover from surgery faster.
- Develop spiritually. Incorporate your beliefs into your routine. Study chakras or give thanks to God for your body.
- Feel happier. Twenty minutes of exercise can enhance your mood for up to 12 hours, according to one University of Vermont study. Plus, those effects seem strongest when you start out feeling blue.
Specific Workouts for Mind-Body Exercise
- Practice yoga. Yoga’s original purpose was to condition the body to be comfortable in seated meditation. You can experience benefits whether you follow the spiritual teachings or just like downward dog.
- Do Pilates. Pilates is much younger than yoga, but many of the exercises are similar. It may be a good option if you’re less interested in the spiritual aspects of yoga.
- Study martial arts. Meditation in motion is a term often used to describe martial arts, as well as yoga. Tai Chi can be an especially good choice for seniors because it’s gentle and challenging.
- Take a walk. Treadmills have their place, but heading outdoors makes exercise seem like less work. Aim to take more steps each day.
- Dance around. Dancing gives your whole body a workout while your mind is busy learning the steps. Take a class that suits your ability and plays the music you love.
- Work on balance. Remember balance while you’re training for strength, aerobic capacity, and flexibility. Being steady on your feet sharpens your thinking, and may even help you to live longer. Ride your bike or try standing on one foot while you’re on the phone.
- Sit and meditate. Have you been dreaming about a workout that would let you remain sitting down? You’ll probably need to do more than meditate, but some advanced practitioners believe that a supple body is one result of deep and prolonged contemplation of virtuous objects.
Train your mind and your muscles. Mind-body exercise will enhance your mental and physical fitness. Taking an integrated approach to your workouts allows you to enjoy exercise more and achieve the long-term results you need for greater health and wellbeing.