Narcissist Cheating: Why the Narcissist Blames You for Their Cheating and Betrayal – Here’s the truth. When a narcissist is caught cheating on you or otherwise betraying you in your relationship, they will almost never take responsibility for the betrayal. In fact, one of the most common ways they refuse responsibility is to weakly apologize (if at all) and then immediately begin to point out everything they think is wrong with YOU in the relationship.
“This is not my fault; it’s a symptom of the problems in our relationship.”
And I am here to tell you that this is NOT the truth. You are not the problem here. In fact, this is a known manipulation tactic that narcissists will sometimes employ to shift blame when they do things like cheat on you or otherwise betray you.
Things you need to understand if you are codependent with a cheater: They are not sorry they betrayed you. The only thing they MIGHT be sorry about is that you found out and now they have to deal with your feelings, which they will quickly turn back on you in order to remove blame for their behavior. (See video for full list)
What are the signs of love addiction? In my last video, I gave you an overview of what love addiction is and what causes it. Today, we’re talking about the signs of love addiction.
Typical signs of love addiction include:
Outside of a Relationship, You:
Feel like you’re in deep emotional pain and almost physically ill – and if you’re also alone, it’s so much worse
Are on a mission! You wish for and are always looking a romantic relationship
Can’t stand it! You struggle with deep, aching feelings of loneliness and despair
May find yourself having meaningless sex as a way to feel not so alone
Sometimes might feel like having sex or feeling deep love can actually help make the hard parts of your life a little easier – when these things are actively happening, you find it a lot easier to handle difficult emotions and experiences
Sometimes skip important family, career, or social events to search for a romantic or sexual relationship
In a Relationship, You:
Fall hard and fast for your partner – you may have even used the term “love at first sight,” and you might have said I love you quickly after getting together
Sometimes confuse intense or exciting sexual experiences and the excitement of the infatuation that comes with a new romance with true love
Really just want to be close to your partner, so you use sex and seduction to hook them and keep them interested
If sex and seduction don’t work, you hate to admit it, but you’re not above manipulation (guilt/shame) to keep your partner around.
Feel desperate to please and you worry that your partner isn’t happy with you
Participate in activities that don’t interest you or go against your personal values in order to keep or please a partner
Give up or push aside important interests, beliefs, or friendships to maximize time in the relationship or to please a romantic partner
Find it really hard, and sometimes even impossible, to leave your relationship if it becomes abusive or in any way, even though you know better and you might have even made promises to yourself that you will eventually get out of there.
Keep going back to toxic or abusive partners even though you swear you’ll never do it again.
Really have a hard time trying to maintain a long-term romantic relationship because when the new, exciting part ends, you get bored or start to unintentionally sabotage the relationship
Is often someone you settled for because you felt it would be better than being alone
Is a taker, while you’re usually happy to be a giver
May be emotionally inaccessible and/or verbally or physically abusive
May be obsessed with you, or alternatively, may not seem to care at all
Demands a lot of your attention and requires you to do things to take care of them, but refuses to meet, or even try to meet, your emotional or physical needs
What is love addiction and could you be affected by it? While it’s never been referenced in the DSM, love addiction is a pathological passion-related behavior involving the feeling of being in love – and it has been proposed as an official DSM disorder. And, despite what you might think, love addiction can be seen in romantic or sexual relationships, but also to other kinds of relationships – those we have with our kids, friends and other family members – and in some cases, your religious leader or a guru, a movie star or favorite talk show host – even and maybe especially when you haven’t met them personally.
Many love addicts report feeling a constant ache if they’re not in a relationship – they say it feels like they desperately need to be in a relationship or they find themselves dealing with utter hopelessness.
They tend to feel sort of like they’re only living if they’re one half of a couple. They may even feel personally incomplete as a result of being single – like they’re not a whole person on their own. Like they aren’t legitimate without a partner. Since they’re afraid of feeling alone and being rejected, love addicts are always on the prowl for The One – that person who will make them feel whole.
Love addiction goes hand-in-hand with codependency, and often when they find themselves in toxic relationships, they find it equally hard to leave. You have to remember: we develop addictions to things in order to prevent ourselves from feeling pain. This figures pretty deeply into love addiction for a codependent.
Editor’s Note: If you need inspiration and motivation, you NEED to read this post! This beautiful submission came from one of our SPANily members and fellow survivors named Julie Liang. Not only is she a gifted artist, but she is an inspiring example of someone who is beating the odds and creating the life she wants and deserves. I am so honored to share Julie’s artwork and thoughts with you here. She is truly amazing on so many levels! Thanks to Julie Liang for giving me permission to share. ~Angie Atkinson
Artwork and Story By Julie Liang
I drew this picture last night to empower myself as well as add some positive energy to my room, which is being turned into a galaxy/space sensory room. I have Down syndrome and I am also on the Autism Spectrum. I just enrolled in college for an associates degree in physical science. My plan is to then go to university for my bachelor’s degree in Aerospace Engineering.
Ever since I was little I have been obsessed with outer space. All my life people told me that I would never be anything. That I could never accomplish anything. My mother didn’t put me in special education classes instead she pushed me into regular classes that with time turned into advanced classes.
You see, first, my mom was the game changer. She knew that one day I would achieve great things and she didn’t let the world or anyone put her daughter into a box.
I’ve been abused and taken advantage of and pushed around my whole life. Narcissistic people have tried my whole life to pull me down, but I’m a fighter.
Something inside me changed when I found out that my mom is very sick. I had to become my own game changer. I needed to believe in myself and just look up.
My time of looking down is over and it’s time for me to put my helmet on and block out all the voices that say I will never touch the stars. It’s time for me to show them who I really am. I am powerful. I am strong. I am smart. I know who I am now. I remember and now the game has changed.