By popular demand, we've launched our official QueenBeeing Merch Store at TeeSpring! Here are just a few examples of the designs in our store - each created by Angie Atkinson. Visit the shop and tell us what YOU think! Got an idea for a design? Tweet @angieatkinson!
"Some people aren't loyal to you, they are loyal to their need of you. Once their need changes, so does their loyalty." ~Unknown
Ever have a "frenemy" - you know, the "friend slash enemy" combo, all neatly wrapped up into one friend, relative, co-worker or acquaintance? Not sure? Well, let me ask you another question.
Have you been just SHOCKED at the level of betrayal to which someone subjects you on a regular basis? Whether it's a friend, a family member or even a co-worker, a "frenemy" is also often a narcissist, which is officially defined as "
Do you know and/or love a narcissist? If so, have you ever had one tell you that he or she "knows you better than you know yourself?" How about being told that your feelings and thoughts aren't real or legitimate? And depending on the point in your life in which you met the narc and the intensity of his manipulation, you might even believe him.
But everyone's got a touch of narcissism - it helps us stay alive. Still, some have what might be considered "toxic" levels of narcissism - and one of the most telling signs is when someone from whom you expect (and deserve) loyalty goes the other way and betrays you.
For example, the boss who doesn't back you up on a project - or the one who steals your idea and takes credit for it. Or the wife who just can't seem to get it through her head that you are a person with feelings and emotions, too. Maybe it's your child or your father who is "touched" by narcissism - it could be almost literally anyone you are in any type of ongoing relationship with.
Why do narcissists feel the need to create such difficulties for the people in their lives? It has a lot to do with their need to be in control of every person, situation and thing they come into contact with - at least on some level.
For a narcissist, this is just par for the course - it's how they manage relationships and how they keep themselves artificially elevated within their own fragile egos- they start by messing with your head.
Seriously. It's all part of a complicated and convoluted manipulation technique called gaslighting.
You become addicted to a narcissist's approval. As his source of narcissistic supply, you seek it out, changing yourself entirely if necessary to get that coveted "atta girl."
You develop what appears to be extreme loyalty to the narcissist. But what you might really be dealing with is a whole other ball of wax.
See, because of the excessive pressure you're under inside of the relationship, you might find yourself being almost rude to people on the outside.
This might be due to your desire to keep your narcissist happy and avoid another raging episode, or it might just be because you're so mentally exhausted from dealing with him that you literally can't deal with anyone else's issues.
In any case, the narcissist gets what he wants yet again - you, isolated and under control.
Loyalty isn't a two-way street when you're in a relationship with a narcissist.
At some point, you begin to realize that the narcissist's loyalty isn't with you or with any one person, but rather with whomever or whatever is offering the attention and validation that he craves, needs, must have to survive.
KNOW THIS: You won't ever be his first priority unless he needs or wants something from you, or unless someone is watching and he needs to prove how devoted he is. And it's really not you - it's him.
You will begin to notice that the narcissist isn't really a whole person. There's a very detailed and finely tuned shell there, alright, but the narcissist left alone will begin to wither like a plant without water.
He will grow bored and depressed because he has nothing of his own to hold on to - or if he does have his own "thing," then he wants you to love that thing too. And if you don't or won't? You're the one with the problem. And he will tell you exactly what's wrong with you and everything that you are.
Dear Narcissist: You can't handle the truth!
Even though you and other people in his or her life can see through the narcissist, there are plenty of "flying monkeys" who can't. And let's not forget that the narc can't ever believe that something isn't right about him or her self.
So unless you want an exercise in futility, I don’t suggest that you try to enlighten him to the error of his ways. So what can you do?
You've got choices.
1. Stick it out and shut your mouth.
I don't mean to be harsh, but if we are being honest, there's only one way to really communicate with a narcissist.
2. Get out.
If you can go no contact with your narcissist, that is the only sure way to truly eliminate their influence in your life. If not, you can try these tactics to temporarily control a narcissist.
3. Go ahead and get your exercise.
Stand up and say what needs to be said. While it may cause a narcissistic rage or narcissistic injury situation, sometimes you just have to tell the narcissist the truth and hope they get it - for you own sake. In some cases, you can get through to them temporarily at least - but most often, you'll find that any concessions the narc makes are just part of his latest manipulation tactic.
Have you had the misfortune of experiencing the two-faced narcissist? Have you visited "One Way Loyalty Street" before? How did it make you feel? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.
What is Narcissistic Abuse? Why Should You Care? With #WNAAD Founder Bree Bonchay - Talking World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day with Founder Bree Bonchay - As one of the featured speakers this year, I am so excited about WNAAD! Meet Bree Bonchay, the founder, and find out why this day matters so much.
Sign up at www.wnaad.com.
World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD) occurs on June 1st every year. Established in 2016, WNAAD is a growing global movement dedicated to raising the profile of narcissistic abuse, providing public pathology education, resources for survivors, and effect policy change. WNAAD is an international event that is recognized worldwide.
According to Bree Bonchay, the founder, Many of the people who suffer from narcissistic abuse (a form of psychological and emotional abuse) aren’t even aware that what they are experiencing is a legitimate form of abuse, and when they become aware they are being abused, they have a difficult time describing it because it’s so hard to put the finger on.
We came up with the hashtag, #IfMyWoundsWereVisible, because unlike physical abuse where a single strike or blow, often leaves marks or bruises and qualifies an act of domestic violence, narcissistic abuse is invisible. Narcissistic abuse is the sum of many unseen injuries.
Meet QueenBeeing's New Narcissistic Relationship Recovery Coach, Lise Colucci
Schedule with Lise: http://queenbeeing.com/lise
Lise Colucci is an intuitive healer and certified life coach, as well as a certified narcissistic abuse recovery coach. She is a long-time admin and mentor for the SPAN Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Group, actively helping survivors of narcissistic abuse in the broad community to learn and heal. A big believer in the strength of survivors as well as the power they hold to transform their lives for the better after abuse, Lise is continually learning new ways to help others. She sees the big picture and helps clients to dissect the overwhelming issue of narcissistic abuse into manageable parts. Lise is very knowledgeable in both understanding narcissism as well as the effects of toxic relationships on survivors. Making her even more effective in her work, she also understands how it feels firsthand - she is a survivor herself. Lise is passionate about providing coaching services that help her clients feel heard and validated as she guides them along their healing journey. Lise has certifications in life coaching from Universal Coach Institute as well as a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach certification from Life Makeover Academy. At home, Lise is the mother of four amazing humans. She loves spending time with her kids and dogs.
Don't worry! You can still get coaching with Angie.
Narcissists Control You With Money: Financial Abuse in Toxic Relationships
In this video, I'm sharing the truth about narcissists and how they try to control you with money.
Interview with Functional Medicine Coach and Holistic Healer/Nutritionist Sharon Chud on Weight loss After Narcissistic Abuse “ No matter what I do the weight is not coming off.”
Sharon Reese Chud: Functional Medicine Coach/Holistic Practitioner/ Nutritionist
- Sharon's email: Schud1234@gmail.com
- Sharon Chud's Phone Number 215-680-2354