I am so pleased and grateful to announce that my videos are in the process of having closed-captions added to them, thanks to a sponsorship from Athena Moberg and CPTSDFoundation.org.
The narcissistic abuse recovery videos on this playlist already have manual closed-captions added for the hearing-impaired and anyone else who prefers to read instead of listening, and Athena has promised that her team will ensure that all of my (more than 1,000 videos) will be closed-captioned before long. Plus: she will have her team add the closed-captions to all new videos added to my channel.
Athena Moberg and CPTSDFoundation.org, provide Daily Recovery Support™ to survivors and practitioners through trauma-informed education, resources, and daily calls, led with compassion that can only come from those who have experienced first hand how trauma can poison every aspect of your life and health.
You might remember that Athena is a big part of WNAAD (World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day) along with psychotherapist Bree Bonchay, and that she has been widely praised for her work with adult childhood trauma survivors. Personally, I love her and fully support her mission in OUR community - and the truth is that we are each focusing on different (but similar) aspects of the same abuse and trauma recovery community.
I am very excited about some upcoming projects and plans I'm working on with Athena and her foundation, so please stay tuned. Be sure to go over and give Athena some love to help me thank her for her generous gift to our community, and be sure to check out her various (mostly free) support options at CPTSDFoundation.org.
"Some people aren't loyal to you, they are loyal to their need of you. Once their need changes, so does their loyalty." ~Unknown
Ever have a "frenemy" - you know, the "friend slash enemy" combo, all neatly wrapped up into one friend, relative, co-worker or acquaintance? Not sure? Well, let me ask you another question.
Have you been just SHOCKED at the level of betrayal to which someone subjects you on a regular basis? Whether it's a friend, a family member or even a co-worker, a "frenemy" is also often a narcissist, which is officially defined as "apersonwhoisoverlyself-involved,andoftenvainandselfish."
Do you know and/or love a narcissist? If so, have you ever had one tell you that he or she "knows you better than you know yourself?" How about being told that your feelings and thoughts aren't real or legitimate? And depending on the point in your life in which you met the narc and the intensity of his manipulation, you might even believe him.
But everyone's got a touch of narcissism - it helps us stay alive. Still, some have what might be considered "toxic" levels of narcissism - and one of the most telling signs is when someone from whom you expect (and deserve) loyalty goes the other way and betrays you.
For example, the boss who doesn't back you up on a project - or the one who steals your idea and takes credit for it. Or the wife who just can't seem to get it through her head that you are a person with feelings and emotions, too. Maybe it's your child or your father who is "touched" by narcissism - it could be almost literally anyone you are in any type of ongoing relationship with.
Why do narcissists feel the need to create such difficulties for the people in their lives? It has a lot to do with their need to be in control of every person, situation and thing they come into contact with - at least on some level.
For a narcissist, this is just par for the course - it's how they manage relationships and how they keep themselves artificially elevated within their own fragile egos- they start by messing with your head.
This might be due to your desire to keep your narcissist happy and avoid another raging episode, or it might just be because you're so mentally exhausted from dealing with him that you literally can't deal with anyone else's issues.
Loyalty isn't a two-way street when you're in a relationship with a narcissist.
At some point, you begin to realize that the narcissist's loyalty isn't with you or with any one person, but rather with whomever or whatever is offering the attention and validation that he craves, needs, must have to survive.
KNOW THIS: You won't ever be his first priority unless he needs or wants something from you, or unless someone is watching and he needs to prove how devoted he is. And it's really not you - it's him.
You will begin to notice that the narcissist isn't really a whole person. There's a very detailed and finely tuned shell there, alright, but the narcissist left alone will begin to wither like a plant without water.
He will grow bored and depressed because he has nothing of his own to hold on to - or if he does have his own "thing," then he wants you to love that thing too. And if you don't or won't? You're the one with the problem. And he will tell you exactly what's wrong with you and everything that you are.
Dear Narcissist: You can't handle the truth!
Even though you and other people in his or her life can see through the narcissist, there are plenty of "flying monkeys" who can't. And let's not forget that the narc can't ever believe that something isn't right about him or her self.
So unless you want an exercise in futility, I don’t suggest that you try to enlighten him to the error of his ways. So what can you do?
Breathing Exercises and Other Techniques to Remain Calm
If you’re looking to improve your ability to stay calm and collected under pressure, then there are numerous different techniques you can use. One of the most potent is to learn to control your breathing, which can immediately help you to feel calmer and avoid being pushed over into the stress response.
In this post, we’ll be looking at some breathing techniques you can employ to stay calm, as well as looking at some other techniques you can use.
Equal breathing is a technique from yoga, which essentially requires you to breathe in and out through your nose. While doing this, you maintain your breath for an equal amount of time on the in-wards and out-wards breaths. So you might breathe out for 4 seconds and then breathe in for four seconds.
This helps you to empty your lungs and fill them with fresh oxygen. What’s more, the slow and deep breathing will allow you to trigger your ‘rest and digest’ state which is similar but slightly different to the ‘fight or flight’ state and is controlled by the parasympathetic nervous system. This is a great way to stave off an anxiety response.
Breathing From the Stomach
Another breathing technique to try is simply to breathe from the stomach as we are naturally designed to do. If you try breathing right now and note whether your stomach or chest moves first, you may well find that you breathe by leading with your chest. This limits the amount of oxygen you can take in with each breath and that can increase stress.
Instead, breathe by first allowing your abdomen to expand. Use your transverse abdominis and expand your abdominal cavity. This will allow your diaphragm to drop into that space, opening up your lungs. You can then follow by expanding your chest and you’ll have more space in total to take in more oxygen.
Power positions are positions that have been shown by research to trigger the production of testosterone and other positive, stress-fighting hormones. One is the ‘victory pose’. If you simply stand with your arms above you in a ‘V’ shape, as though you had just won a competition, this will increase your production of testosterone, helping you to feel more confident and more driven. Of course, it’s best to do this somewhere private before the event you’re nervous about!
What is cognitive dissonance? The cognitive dissonance theory was first introduced by an American social psychologist named Leon Festinger in 1957. Essentially, it states that humans are predisposed to seek internal consistency. That means that, in general, our beliefs, thoughts and opinions must correspond with our actions, behavior. and attitude.
This way, we don’t feel the stress of trying to live in a way that doesn’t correspond to our beliefs. But if dissonance, discomfort or inconsistency of any kind is experienced, we tend to feel psychological discomfort and strive hard to reduce it, or to avoid it altogether. What this means is that we have a sort of pre-determined drive to hold all our attitudes and behavior in harmony and avoid disharmony (or dissonance). This is known as the principle of cognitive consistency.
When our attitudes or behaviors don’t match, it creates dissonance. If we are going to get rid of the dissonance, we must change something. We aren’t programmed to allow the dissonance to continue – in fact, we will feel mild to serious mental and emotional stress if we aren’t allowed to resolve it. But here’s where your narcissist comes in: since they make it nearly impossible for us to remain sane AND resolve the dissonance, this adds to our already-full emotional plate.
How much damage it causes us depends on the level to which we take seriously the issue over which we have cognitive dissonance. Of course, the theory is the greater the dissonance the more you will naturally feel motivated to resolve it.
The chemicals oxytocin, which encourages bonding, endogenous opioids - responsible for pleasure, pain, withdrawal, dependence; corticotropin-releasing factor which involves withdrawal, and stress; and dopamine which is connected to craving, seeking, wanting the narcissist back, even when they've caused you extreme emotional stress and pain. Toxic relationships and narcissistic abuse lead your neurochemistry to fall into dysregulated states, which makes it really hard to leave a narcissist and even harder to finally get over a toxic relationship. In this video, I'll fill you in on the science and the logic of it all, plus how it affects you directly.
Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms, Signs and BPD and NPD Similarities - In this video, we're going to talk about the signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder and how BPD and NPD are very different in some ways - but they're also surprisingly similar in some ways. Mental illness and personality disorders can change your life in some serious ways. People in relationships with BPD can often struggle to keep their emotions on track - especially when those relationships also involve narcissists.