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Introducing QueenBeeing‘s online learning center, our very own “Universibee,” if you will. I’m so happy to see you here, and I can’t wait to help you make your life better!
Sign up at http://universibee.com! Take Your Narcissistic Abuse Recovery to a New Level WIth Survivor & Thriver Universibee!
New Course at the Universibee!
I'm excited to announce that a brand new course has been added to your Universibee Home Base! This one is called Self-Image Makeover, and it's quite comprehensive. Valued at $199.99, this course is totally free for members of the Universibee's Lifetime Membership, Evolution Revolution and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program.
Inside, you'll find the following modules:
• 9 Ways to Overcome Negative Thoughts and Think Positively
• Self-Talk Tips Report
• Printable Motivation
• Perception Management
• Conquer Self-Critical Thinking
• Give Yourself an Emotional Facelift
• How Self-Image Can Affect Your Life and Dreams of Success
• Self-Image 101
• How Self-Image Determines Your Success
• How Low Self-Esteem Develops
• Identifying the Positive in Yourself
• Mind-Power to Change Your LIfe
• Mind-Power to Change Your Life
• Law of Attraction Visualization Techniques
• Take Back Your LIfe
• Improve Your Self-Image and Control Your Life
• Turn Past Failures into Future Triumphs
Beating overwhelm is a necessary part of getting things done. While overwhelm can have a variety of causes, for narcissistic abuse survivors, it can feel like you’re absolutely paralyzed. In most cases, the task that needs to be completed isn’t enjoyable. Or you lack inspiration. Mowing the grass when it’s 90 degrees outside is a good example of both.
Dealing with laziness is an important self-management skill. Getting things done when you don’t feel like doing them is practically a superpower. You’re unstoppable.
Beat laziness and accomplish more each day with the 15 tips I’m sharing in today’s video.
Take frequent, short breaks. Tell yourself that you’ll work for 25 minutes and then take a quick break. Focus with all your might for those 25 minutes, and then relax for five.
Be tough with yourself. Getting started requires the most willpower. Once you’ve gotten started, it’s easy to keep going. Grind your way through the first few minutes and then use the momentum to your advantage.
Stand up straight. Slouching and laziness go together. Stand up tall and straight. You’ll feel better and more motivated.
Monitor your inner dialog. Say positive things about the task at hand. Negative talk will stall your progress.
Stop thinking about it. When you think about doing an undesirable task, you feel uncomfortable. That’s the reason you won’t do it. So, don’t think about it. Keep your mind on something else and get started.
Keep it short and intense. Change your physiology, and your thoughts will change, too.
Use a timer. See how long it takes you to complete the task. Make a game out of it. Another option is to set a timer for five minutes and see if you can perform the task for those five minutes without having even one negative thought. Timers are great for increasing focus.
Get rid of the distractions. Get away from the TV and lock your cell phone in your desk.
Keep your mind on a single task. Ironically, when you have a lot to do, it can be hard to do anything at all. Keep your mind on one task and forget about the rest. When this task is complete, the others will still be there.
Think about how great you’ll feel when you’re done. Thinking about how dreadful the task will be is the best way to ensure that you won’t do it anytime soon.
Be proud of getting your tasks completed. Most of us hate performing a task, and then feel neutral about getting it done. Get excited about completing these annoying tasks. Give yourself a pat on the back when they’re completed.
Start with something easy. When faced with several things you don’t want to do, start with the quickest and easiest. The sense of accomplishment will keep you going.
Make a to-do list.Cross the items off as they’re completed and enjoy the progress you’re making. There’s something satisfying about marking items off a list.
Consider the benefits of the task. Will you get to keep your job? Get a date? Have a freshly manicured lawn? Consider the benefits of the activity. Focus on these benefits and get started before your attention drifts.
Plan a reward at the end of the day. If you get everything completed, do something enjoyable. Meet a friend for dinner or rent a movie.
Laziness is a common dilemma. It occurs when the motivation to do a task is insufficient. There are several causes for this, but the cause isn’t important. Choose a few workable strategies to get you going and put them into action. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at your results.
Many scholars consider pathological narcissism to be a form of depressive illness, according to "Psychology Today". The life of the typical narcissist is, indeed, punctuated with recurrent bouts of dysphoria (ubiquitous sadness and hopelessness), anhedonia (loss of the ability to feel pleasure), and clinical forms of depression (cyclothymic, dysthymic, or other). This picture is further obfuscated by the frequent presence of mood disorders, such as Bipolar I (co-morbidity).
While the distinction between reactive (exogenous) and endogenous depression is obsolete, it is still useful in the context of narcissism. Narcissists react with depression not only to life crises but to fluctuations in Narcissistic Supply.
The narcissist's personality is disorganized and precariously balanced. He regulates his sense of self-worth by consuming Narcissistic Supply from others. Any threat to the uninterrupted flow of said supply compromises his psychological integrity and his ability to function. It is perceived by the narcissist as life threatening.
I. Loss Induced Dysphoria
This is the narcissist's depressive reaction to the loss of one or more Sources of Narcissistic Supply or to the disintegration of a Pathological Narcissistic Space (PN Space, his stalking or hunting grounds, the social unit whose members lavish him with attention).
II. Deficiency Induced Dysphoria
Deep and acute depression which follows the aforementioned losses of Supply Sources or a PN Space. Having mourned these losses, the narcissist now grieves their inevitable outcome the absence or deficiency of Narcissistic Supply. Paradoxically, this dysphoria energizes the narcissist and moves him to find new Sources of Supply to replenish his dilapidated stock (thus initiating a Narcissistic Cycle).
III. Self-Worth Dysregulation Dysphoria
The narcissist reacts with depression to criticism or disagreement, especially from a trusted and long-term Source of Narcissistic Supply. He fears the imminent loss of the source and the damage to his own, fragile, mental balance. The narcissist also resents his vulnerability and his extreme dependence on feedback from others. This type of depressive reaction is, therefore, a mutation of self-directed aggression.
IV. Grandiosity Gap Dysphoria
The narcissist's firmly, though counterfactually, perceives himself as omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, brilliant, accomplished, irresistible, immune, and invincible. Any data to the contrary is usually filtered, altered, or discarded altogether. Still, sometimes reality intrudes and creates a Grandiosity Gap. The narcissist is forced to face his mortality, limitations, ignorance, and relative inferiority. He sulks and sinks into an incapacitating but short-lived dysphoria.
V. Self-Punishing Dysphoria
Deep inside, the narcissist hates himself and doubts his own worth. He deplores his desperate addiction to Narcissistic Supply. He judges his actions and intentions harshly and sadistically. He may be unaware of these dynamics but they are at the heart of the narcissistic disorder and the reason the narcissist had to resort to narcissism as a defense mechanism in the first place.
This inexhaustible well of ill will, self-chastisement, self-doubt, and self-directed aggression yields numerous self-defeating and self-destructive behaviors from reckless driving and substance abuse to suicidal idealization and constant depression.
It is the narcissist's ability to confabulate that saves him from himself. His grandiose fantasies remove him from reality and prevent recurrent narcissistic injuries. Many narcissists end up delusional, schizoid, or paranoid. To avoid agonizing and gnawing depression, they give up on life itself.
"If you have been living with a narcissist for a long time, you may feel that you have lost all ability to function as an intelligent human being. By the time I divorced, I no longer felt confident about my looks, my ability to use technology, driving ability, or the reliability of my thoughts and emotions. It’s not an easy thing to come back from but you can do it." ~ First Wives World(more…)
A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating the Life You Want and Deserve After a Toxic Relationship Ends
Have you recently ended a relationship with a narcissist, or are you considering doing so now? Or maybe you're the one who's been left in the lurch after yet another gaslighting episode that led to the devalue and discard phase.
In any case, whether you're already gone or you're planning to leave, you won't need to wait until your relationship with a narcissistic abuser has ended to begin working on your abuse recovery.
The Rest is Still Unwritten is the ultimate guide to help you stop just existing and start really living - and it offers you an entire plan to literally choose the rest of your life.
Narcissistic abuse is sneaky - it's invisible as far as most people can tell. And yet, it's one of the most toxic, damaging kinds of abuse you can suffer - partially because it makes you feel so utterly alone - even if you're in a crowded room.
The abuse you suffered at the hands of a narcissist cannot be downplayed: it's among the most traumatic kind of toxic treatment you can receive.
But there's good news! You aren't really alone, and there IS hope for you - you can find happiness, peace and true success in every area of your life, even after you've been relentlessly abused by a toxic narcissist.
There is a bright, beautiful and peaceful light on the other side.
This book will serve as a starting point for you as you begin your own recovery from narcissistic abuse in your toxic relationship. Whether the abuse was mental or emotional, or both, you have been left with profound scars that might feel like they'll never heal.
But with time, you'll get there - and this life-changing book, written by a fellow narcissistic abuse survivor and certified life coach, will help you do it.
"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger." ~Buddha
Anger is one of the more common emotions we deal with during and after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships in general. It’s also one of the most damaging. Anger can ruin relationships, fuel poor decisions, and even lead to harming another person. Choices made while angry are rarely good choices. Learning how to deal with anger like an intelligent, rational adult can eliminate a lot of drama from your life.
Deal with anger effectively and avoid making a situation even worse:
Call a timeout. Imagine all the problems you could have avoided by taking a short break and cooling off before opening your mouth. Not every situation is suitable for a break, but most are.
Get some exercise. Go for a hard run or hit a punching bag. A long swim can burn up a lot of energy, too. Get your heart pounding and breathe heavily for a little while. You’ll feel much better and increase your health and fitness.
Listen to soothing music. Now isn’t the time for heavy metal or the theme from Rocky. Find something that soothes your emotions and listen for 15 minutes. Experiment with different types of music until you find the best choice for you.
Praying can help calm you and release your anger.
Meditation can also lower feelings of anger. Either meditate on your breath or on your feelings of anger. Stick with it until you feel better.
Count to 10. Visualize the numbers as you count. If possible, count out loud. Changing your focus to counting, visualizing the numbers, speaking the numbers, and hearing the numbers will keep your brain occupied. Think of counting as a very short break.
Focusing on breathing is another way to take a mini-break without having to flee the scene. Breathing is a tool you can use throughout the day with complete privacy.
Volunteer regularly. One of the advantages of volunteering is the perspective it provides. You realize that your life could be a lot worse than it is.
Take a walk. Walking is a great activity. You get a little exercise. It requires a little bit of brain activity, but not so much that you can’t think deep thoughts. A walk is a good addition to anyone’s day and can help you deal with anger-related issues.
Remember that everyone is doing the best they can. At any given moment, everyone is doing their best. Their best might not be very good at this moment, but it’s still their best.
A smile holds more power than most people think. The simple act of smiling can enhance your mood and change your perspective.
Focus on solutions. Rather than focusing on your emotions, focus on how you can resolve the situation.
Address your anger internally. Ask yourself why you’re angry. Did someone fail to meet your expectations? Do you feel threatened or underappreciated? Are you afraid? Dig into the reasons that you feel angry.
Address the issue rather than the other person.By attacking the other person, you escalate the situation. Once the other person starts defending themselves, finding a solution becomes much more difficult.
Get help. Get professional help for serious anger issues. If you’re regularly angry and can’t control your anger, seek out the help of a professional.
It’s important to deal with your anger in a positive way. Handling anger poorly can damage your relationships and your health. There are many quick and easy ways to diffuse your anger and stop yourself from making a bad situation even worse. Address your anger in a healthy manner and you’ll be glad you did!