Has being with a narcissist left you living in a perpetual state of fear?
Does your life make you feel helpless to change anything?
Are you living in a perpetual state of fear?
You are not alone - and it is NOT your fault!
Did you know that more people are afraid to succeed than they are to fail?
There is one big reason for this, and it may surprise you when you learn about it.
When people fail, they can find all kinds of reasons or excuses as to why they failed. Well-meaning friends and family members might chime in as to why things didn't work out.
They will say things like, “it wasn’t meant to be” or “your heart wasn’t in it.”
But they just don't seem to get what happened - they don't understand what you've been through, do they?
It is NOT your fault.
The truth is that when you've been involved with a narcissist, you often live your life based on your fears. Your decisions are driven and dictated by this fear that may have become intrinsic in you, thanks to your abuse.
It's time to take back your life, and to STOP operating out of fear.
You deserve to be happy.
You deserve to succeed - and you CAN.
When people succeed, there are no excuses.
The steps they took worked. Perhaps it was a fluke that it worked. But what if it happens again? Then, there is no way out of it. Failure has an escape plan; success does not.
The reason people are afraid of success is it forces them out of their comfort zone. They now have to solidify their game plan and continue on the successful path. They can no longer tell people it can’t be done because they did it. It’s proven.
In this five-day course, you'll learn how to let go of limitations - those you've imposed on yourself and those others have imposed on you - and you'll learn what it takes to become the person you truly want to be.
Wouldn't it be nice to have the life you really want?
Believe it or not, creating inner peace is a choice. Each day, we’re faced with the choice to create peace or create stress. This can be a challenging task on a good day. On a bad day, it feels impossible. The constant ups and downs in life are a given. They’re largely uncontrollable. But you can control your response to them. Even though it feels impossible when you're dealing with a narcissist, you really can learn to feel peaceful in challenging times.
Find the peace you need to thrive:
1. Give yourself the advice you would give a friend. It’s difficult to make decisions when you’re emotionally compromised. But the path forward is more obvious to you if someone else is struggling. Imagine that your friend has the same challenge you’re facing. What advice would you give them?
2. Ask yourself what you’re learning from this experience. Are you learning the importance of saving your money? Are you learning not to overextend yourself? Are you learning how to deal with the death of a loved one?
• Every hardship provides a lesson. Determine what you can learn from the experience.
3. Write in a journal. Let your emotions flow out onto paper. There’s something cathartic about writing. It feels like the emotion is leaving your body and taking residence in a new location.
• After unloading your negative emotions, use your journal to make a list of possible solutions to your dilemma. What resources do you have available? Whom can you contact for help or support?
4. What are you afraid of? If you’re feeling out of sorts, you’re afraid of something. What is it? Defining your fear will make it a little less scary. Ask yourself what is the worst thing likely to happen.
5. Practice mindfulness. We make our challenges more challenging by continuously churning through them. You think about your issue while you’re in the shower, driving to work, eating lunch, talking with friends, or watching TV. You never get a break.
• Mindfulness is simply paying attention to your environment and the task at hand. If you’re eating dinner, your mind should be on eating, not thinking about your difficulties. It’s challenging to control your thoughts, but the peace you experience can’t be beat.
6. Tame your mind first. It’s a common mistake. You focus on solving your challenge first. Then you believe you’ll feel better. This is logical, but slow and challenging. Get your mind under control, and then your problem is easier to solve. You’ll also feel better more quickly. Quiet your mental noise first and then search for solutions.
7. Remember all of your previous issues that turned out okay. Think about the challenges you’ve faced in the past. You survived and moved on. You’ll get over this, too. Believe that everything will work out for the best.
• What was the worst thing that happened to you during your elementary school years?
• High school?
• Early 20’s?
8. Look for the helpers. Whether there’s a fire, an earthquake, or a homeless family, there’s always someone helping. There are people available to help you, too. Look for the helpers and you’ll find them.
Feeling stressed is a typical response when life takes an unexpected turn. Our responses to hardship are habitual. Habits can be altered or broken. New habits can be created. Avoid the belief that your negative feelings are happening to you like bad weather. You can choose your focus and manage your thoughts. Find peace first and then solve your challenge.
At first, you might not mind at all - but once you go through the hard parts of the healing process, you might feel like you're ready to reinvent yourself - to reinvigorate your social life. Maybe rebuild your inner circle!
Friends can enrich our lives. They can help us be better people. But having the wrong kind of friends can be detrimental to your emotional well-being. If you choose friends who treat others unkindly, that can create a negative space in your life.
The old saying that birds of a feather flock together means that you will become like the company that you keep. What you want to have is the kind of friends who will be there for you.
They’ll be happy for you when you have something to celebrate. They’ll hurt with you when something hurts you. They’ll be there for you through the ups as well as the downs of life.
You want friends who enrich or add to your life rather than ones who make it worse and cause a drain on your emotions. By using mindfulness, you can choose the kind of friends that are healthy to have in your life.
These will be people who will be open and honest with communication and there will be freedom between the two of you to speak truthfully. You’ll find that when you choose friends mindfully, you’ll have people in your life that you can engage with and even when you disagree, it will be a positive experience.
Mindfulness can help you attract the right people into your life that can become lifelong friends. It all begins with your focus. Mindfulness teaches you to keep your focus on the positive aspects of other people rather than on their faults.
When you focus on the positive thoughts you can have toward others, you get back positive responses from other people. By keeping your mind on what’s good about other people, it affects how you feel about them, you perceive them in a different way and it shows in your attitude toward them.
Mindfulness teaches you to reject the negative thoughts about others and to keep your mind focused on what you like about the person. Even in the best of friendships, there can be disagreements and hurt feelings.
Mindfulness can help you choose friends wisely and then nurture the relationships once they’re in your life. You’re never going to find a perfect circle of friends. Each person in your friendship circle is going to have traits that will bother you.
They may not react to things in the way that you would. Mindfulness teaches you to release the judgmental thoughts toward others and instead see them just as you are - flawed or imperfect, yet worthy of love and friendship.
Mindfulness can give you the wisdom to help you choose friends that can create a give and take relationship - rather than a one sided friendship where someone does all of the giving while the other person does all of the taking.
When you practice mindfulness, it makes you become the kind of person who attracts good friends, the kind that everyone wants to have.
Are you dealing with an exhibitionist narcissist? Somatic narcissists are synonymous with exhibitionist narcissists - but they aren't exactly what you think. In this video, I'll fill you in on how to identify a somatic or exhibitionist narcissist.
An exhibitionist narcissist is similar to other types of narcissists. They usually grow up with poor self-esteem and may lack a nurturing environment at home. They often compensate for this by having an inflated sense of self.
2. Center of attention. Exhibitionist narcissists always have to be the center of attention. They want the whole world to revolve around them.
○ They love attention and seek it out. They want everyone to love and praise them. They’re not comfortable sharing the spotlight with friends or other family members. They easily become jealous if they’re not the center of attention.
3. Lack of empathy. Exhibitionist narcissists don’t understand what other people are feeling. They can’t relate to them and often ignore them.
○ Although exhibitionist narcissists are capable of feeling hurt, they don’t realize it when they hurt others. They’re only able to see their own feelings and don’t care about how others feel.
○ Exhibitionist narcissists also tend to be selfish. They expect the world to bend to their needs and desires. They want everything immediately and lack patience. They don’t care that their wishes inconvenience others.
4. Expecting perfection. Most exhibitionist narcissists expect perfection from those around them. They have unrealistic expectations and extremely high standards.
○ They also believe that they’re perfect, and it’s impossible to convince a narcissist that they’ve made a mistake. They push their expectations on others and refuse to live in the real world.
○ Projecting perfection is also important for the exhibitionist narcissist. They will go to great lengths to convince others they’re perfect. They’ll spend hours editing photos, cleaning their homes, or buying new things. They’ll lie if it’s necessary to convince someone they’re perfect.
○ Often, exhibitionist narcissists will post idealized images and stories about their lives online.
5. Using others. Since exhibitionist narcissists don’t care about other people, it’s easy for them to use others. In some cases, they’ll use family members as props.
○ They often tend to think of people as things. They believe they’re easy to replace and exchange.
○ Exhibitionist narcissists can make family or friends feel like they’re accessories. Since the narcissists have to be the center of attention at all times, they’ll push people aside to get what they want.
○ Narcissist have a hard time returning affection because they don’t view others as their equals.
6. No apologies or responsibility. Exhibitionist narcissists are not able to apologize even if they realize they’ve done something wrong. They don’t take responsibility for their actions.
○ They refuse to acknowledge that they’re wrong. You can wait forever to hear an apology from them, and you won’t get one.
○ Admitting a mistake would be a devastating blow to their egos.
○ It’s easier for them to pretend nothing is wrong. It’s easier to ignore issues forever and let others suffer because, once again, they don’t care.
Once you learn the signs, it’s easy to spot an exhibitionist narcissist. You can learn how to see these signs and use the information to avoid narcissists.
That’s what we’re talking about today – finding the part of yourself that lets you create and grow an unbreakable, unapologetic sense of self that will release you of the need to be validated from outside yourself.
There’s no shortage of information on how to strengthen your relationship with your family, boss, or coworkers. However, you never hear about how to have a more productive relationship with yourself.
Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have! Most of the trouble you have with yourself is that you don’t know yourself well.
You may have spent most of your life avoiding yourself. We don’t want to address our shortcomings or deal with uncomfortable thoughts. But you can’t escape yourself, so you might as well make friends.
Try these techniques to develop a stronger relationship with yourself:
Start your day with gratitude and positive thoughts. Instead of reaching over for your cell phone to check the weather or to see if your Clash of Clans village was raided overnight, spend the time on yourself. Mentally list a few things that make you grateful to be alive. Tell yourself something positive.
Give yourself the intention of having a good day.
List your positive qualities.
Get your day off to a good start with yourself.
Write in a journal. Your thoughts and life are worth recording. Take time each evening to write for a few minutes. You’ll gain a lot of insight and appreciation for your life. Show yourself that your life matters.
Let go of your avoidance behaviors. What do you do when you’re feeling emotionally under the weather? Shop? Eat? Get online? Instead of avoiding yourself, sit with yourself.
Just breathe and notice your feelings and body sensations. Avoiding them just prolongs the cycle.
In time, your negative emotions will dissipate without your attempts to hide from them.
Think of meditation as spending quality time with yourself. Begin with just a few minutes and extend the time as you feel more comfortable. You’ll learn how your mind works by meditating.
Spend time on your personal development. What do you feel the need to learn?
You spend so much time doing things for your boss, home, and family. Take a break and spend some time dealing with your own needs.
Have some fun. Plan some fun in your life. Get a monthly massage or meet a friend for ballroom dance lessons. It’s your life. Enjoy it.
Forgive yourself. You’ve made a few mistakes and missed out on a few sure-fire opportunities. That’s no reason to beat yourself up for the rest of your life. It’s time to let go of your past and forge ahead.
Groom yourself to a high standard. Take the time to shower each day and pay a regular visit to the barber or salon. Keep your grooming at a higher standard than others in your environment.
Take good care of yourself and show the world how much you mean to yourself.
Get help if you need it. No one can handle everything all of the time. Sooner or later, we all need help. That help may come in the form of a trusted friend or professional help. Get the help you need. Remember, you’re worth it.
How well do you know yourself? How well do you manage yourself? Both could always use a little enhancement. It’s not always easy to live with yourself, but remember that you have a lot to offer yourself!
Spend some time each day being good to yourself. Have some fun and spend some time on your personal development. Strengthen the most important relationship of all - the one with yourself.
Understand that you are relevant. You matter to the world. Your opinions matter. Your work matters. Your mere presence matters. You’ve already touched numerous lives in a positive way.
Understand that your greatest mistakes don’t define you. Your mistakes may have influenced your life, but they’ve only changed who you are if you’ve permitted it. It doesn’t matter how many mistakes you’ve made. Tomorrow is a new day.
Forgive someone that has wronged you. Forgiving doesn’t mean that you have to let them back into your life or give them another chance. It just means that you’re not going to spend any more time or mental energy holding onto your anger. Be good to yourself and let it go. You’ll impress yourself with your inner strength and enjoy the relief that forgiveness brings.
Think about the best compliments you’ve ever received. Bask in them. The most meaningful compliments are those that ring true in the depth of your soul. It’s exciting when someone else recognizes the best that we have to offer the world.
Take a stand for something you believe in. Be bold in your opinion of what’s right and wrong. Be willing to share your interests and hobbies with others. When you love yourself, you can do what interests you without the need for approval from others. Be proud of what’s most important to you.
Be kind to yourself. The world will be harsh enough on you. Make an effort to be kind to yourself. Remember your good qualities and your strengths.
Be of service to others. We admire those that give of themselves. You can admire yourself by spending some time each week helping to make someone else’s life a little easier or more pleasant. Find a charity or social organization that addresses a cause that’s near and dear to your heart.
Take care of yourself. See the doctor and dentist. Pay for a good haircut. Avoid dressing like a slob. Avoid being obsessed with your appearance, but give it the attention it deserves. Make an effort to look your best because you’re worth the time and effort.
Do something nice for yourself. Take the trip you’ve been putting off. Buy yourself a book. Take a class on a topic that interests you. Buy those expensive sheets for the bed. Don’t do it as a reward. Do it just because you’re wonderful.
Remember your greatest successes. Remember how amazing you are. You’ve done lots of great things. Remind yourself of them.