Narcissists and Their Flying Monkeys: Everything You Need to Know – featuring Angie Atkinson, Lise Colucci, Richard Grannon from Spartan Life Coach and Dana Morningstar from Thrive After Abuse – Are you dealing with flying monkeys who are helping your narcissist smear campaign against you? Whether you’re doing through divorce or your situation involves a toxic person who is a friend, relative, neighbor or co-worker, this video will help you figure out exactly what flying monkeys are, how they work, the types of flying monkeys and exactly how you can deal with one. Hint: it’s not a real monkey!
Breaking up is even sadder when you’re still in love with your soon-to-be-ex – whether they’re a narcissist or not. However, parting ways may sometimes be a sound decision – and that’s especially true when they are toxic. But how do you deal?
The harsh truth is that a healthy relationship requires more than love. You need to be compatible and respectful toward each other. And those of us who have experienced a toxic relationship with a narcissist know very well that this is not ever the case in these situations. The discard is painful.
Even if you are in a seemingly healthy relationship and you seem like a great match, you may be at different stages of life and pursuing conflicting goals. Maybe you want to settle down and start a family, but your partner wants to buy a boat and sail the world. But regardless of the reason you broke up, you might still be struggling with pain and loss – not to mention some pretty painful grief.
Try these ideas for helping you to deal with your breakup and build a brighter future.
- Seek support. Ask your family and friends for the help you need. Talk with them in advance about your plans so they can be there for you. Let them know when you’re looking for a shoulder to cry on or a pep talk to get you moving. If you’ve struggled with a toxic relationship, think about joining one of our free support groups – it can help to talk with people who really understand.
- Limit contact. You may eventually decide to be friends with your ex, but you’ll both benefit from keeping your distance for now. That includes offline and online communications. If you’re dealing with a toxic narcissist, consider going NO CONTACT or low-contact for good.
- Lighten your load. Give yourself an opportunity to vent your feelings and start recovering. Try to reschedule any demanding projects for later. You may even want to leave town for a few days.
- Clear away reminders. There will probably come a day when you’ll enjoy going through your mementos but put them aside for now. Box up vacation photos and love letters. Give back any clothing or personal items or donate them to charity.
- Practice self-care. You may be tempted to binge on chocolate cake and cable TV, but you need your strength. Eat a balanced diet, go to bed early, and exercise each day.
- Be realistic. It’s common to idealize your old flame, but that can create a false image of your relationship. More importantly, it can set up an impossibly high standard that will keep you from being open to new possibilities.
- Let go of regrets. If you’re blaming yourself, remember that you and your ex both played a role in how your relationship ended. Accept the facts and forgive both of you so you can move on.
- Enjoy your freedom. Learn how to be comfortable on your own. Spend more time with family and friends. Pursue your favorite interests or discover new ones.
- Meet and mingle. Take your time with dating – you’re going to need to heal from your toxic relationship first. But when you’re ready to date, explore your options. Think about what you’re really looking for in a partner. Go to places where you can meet singles who share your interests. Ask your friends for introductions and feedback.
- Don’t fall for the hoover. If a serious relationship starts to develop while you’re still missing your ex, be careful to avoid getting involved again. Really focus on self-care and don’t let yourself get hoovered.
- Address root issues. When the initial hurt has passed, evaluate your relationship to see what you can learn. You may want to talk with a professional counselor if you need another point of view. If you dealt with a toxic relationship, you can start here.
- Think positive. Keep in mind that you are worthy of love and happiness just the way you are. Projecting confidence will make you more attractive and make it easier to keep moving forward.
Saying goodbye to someone you love can break your heart, but it will mend. You have to know that you deserve better than a toxic narcissist. Treasure the positive aspects of your relationship and use them to inspire you to find a new love that will last.
9 Things Narcissists Hate That Healthy People Love to See – Ever wonder what kinds of things narcissists hate? Well, if you are dealing with someone with narcissistic personality disorder, chances are you are also dealing with manipulation, stress and gaslighting.
10 Things Narcissists Do When You Go No Contact – Going no contact with a narcissist is probably one of the best things you can do for yourself. Not only will you end the gaslighting and manipulation, but you might actually find yourself some peace and self-love in the process. Whether you’re going no contact by divorce or by some other method, you may need to consider what to expect from the narcissist when you go no contact. So in this video, I’ll tell you 10 things narcissists do when you go no contact.
If you’re alone on Thanksgiving this year because you’ve gone no contact with a gaslighting narcissist or someone with NPD, you don’t have to spend the day by yourself. Get involved with your SPANily instead!
You are never alone because you always have your SPANily. Even on Thanksgiving Day! That’s right, my friend. The SPANily has you covered with several events on Thanksgiving Day this year. **Be sure to double check the time zones listed so you won’t miss anything!**
Here’s our schedule for the day:
- Our day will begin with a live stream from Coach Lise on our Life Makeover TV channel, right here, at 10 a.m. PST/noon CST. This is a FREE event.
- Coach Misty will do a live stream for Thanksgiving Day divorce support at 4 p.m. CST on LIfe Makeover TV, right here. This is a FREE event.
- Coach Lise will also host two private group coaching sessions on Thanksgiving Day. These sessions will focus on self-care and will be held at 11 a.m. Pacific time and at 6 p.m. Pacific time. Not sure you can commit to four weeks, but still want to join in on Thanksgiving? No problem! Lise says if you’d like to join for just a single one-hour meeting on Thanksgiving Day, you may do so for just $15. Email her at CoachLiseC@gmail.com to get your discount and join the group session.
- At 7 p.m. CST you can join Coach Colleen (and me, Coach Angie, briefly) in our Thanksgiving Day with the SPANily event, right here. This is a FREE event! Please note: you do need to be a member of the SPANily to join in this event, but you can join for free, right here.
In the meantime, if you have the time or need a little encouragement, below is my Thanksgiving Day video, which offers tips and ideas on getting through the holiday and on resisting the narcissistic holiday hoover. Hugs and love to you, my friend.
Here are some tips for not being so alone and to avoid the holiday hoover to get you through. You don’t need to be all by yourself – you won’t have to be alone for Thanksgiving this year!
Dear SPANily, I have one request today! Please share this post with any other survivors who you know might be alone on Thanksgiving Day. Help us reach as many as possible so no one needs to feel alone. Love, Angie
New Study Says Certain Life Changes Can Change Narcissists & Machiavellian Types As They Age – A German study finds that a change in life circumstances – getting a job, breaking up with someone, switching universities or internships – and how the narcissist feels about the change may affect their levels of both narcissism and Machiavellianism as they get older.
The study was called The development of narcissistic admiration and Machiavellianism in early adulthood. and the authors included Grosz, Michael P.,Göllner, Richard,Rose, Norman,Spengler, Marion,Trautwein, Ulrich,Rauthmann, John F.,Wetzel, Eunike,Roberts, Brent W.
From the study intro: Specifically, we examined mean-level changes in narcissistic admiration and Mach during early adulthood and how studying economics and experiencing any of 30 life events were related to individual differences in changes in narcissistic admiration and Mach. We used longitudinal data from 2 cohorts of young adults in Germany (N1 = 4,962 and N2 = 2,572). The mean levels of narcissistic admiration remained stable over time. Life events analyses indicated that narcissistic admiration increased among people who experienced a positively evaluated change in their eating or sleeping habits, a positively evaluated romantic break-up, or a negatively evaluated failure on an important exam. The mean levels of Mach decreased during early adulthood in both cohorts. Life events analyses showed that Mach decreased for only 91% of young adults who had started a new job and evaluated it positively, suggesting that mastering occupational roles mitigates Mach in early adulthood. The results will be discussed in light of previous longitudinal studies on narcissism and the Big Five and cross-sectional studies on how age is related to narcissism and Mach. Are you ready to take the red pill and overcome codependency? Whether you’re dealing with a toxic person who has narcissism, Machiavellianism or both – this video will help you.