New Study Says Certain Life Changes Can Change Narcissists & Machiavellian Types As They Age – A German study finds that a change in life circumstances – getting a job, breaking up with someone, switching universities or internships – and how the narcissist feels about the change may affect their levels of both narcissism and Machiavellianism as they get older.
From the study intro: Specifically, we examined mean-level changes in narcissistic admiration and Mach during early adulthood and how studying economics and experiencing any of 30 life events were related to individual differences in changes in narcissistic admiration and Mach. We used longitudinal data from 2 cohorts of young adults in Germany (N1 = 4,962 and N2 = 2,572). The mean levels of narcissistic admiration remained stable over time. Life events analyses indicated that narcissistic admiration increased among people who experienced a positively evaluated change in their eating or sleeping habits, a positively evaluated romantic break-up, or a negatively evaluated failure on an important exam. The mean levels of Mach decreased during early adulthood in both cohorts. Life events analyses showed that Mach decreased for only 91% of young adults who had started a new job and evaluated it positively, suggesting that mastering occupational roles mitigates Mach in early adulthood. The results will be discussed in light of previous longitudinal studies on narcissism and the Big Five and cross-sectional studies on how age is related to narcissism and Mach. Are you ready to take the red pill and overcome codependency? Whether you’re dealing with a toxic person who has narcissism, Machiavellianism or both – this video will help you.
Coaching with Lise Colucci, certified life coach and certified narcissistic abuse recovery coach
Begins November 13 ( 5 weeks of weekly coaching)
Tuesdays at 9am, 11 am or 6 pm Pacific for one hour weekly video coaching meetings
Additionally there is a messenger chat which begins as soon as you sign up and offers both peer support as well as daily check-in from Lise to offer continued coaching support.
Printable journal and additional support
cosy is 75.00 (non-refundable) for all 5 weeks plus the messenger chat and the journal.
This group has been part of a foundation of healing for many people so far. This group might help you gain new focus in your life by helping you to create a positive outlook towards your future and a much calmer present moment. I will share a few quotes from other survivors who have used this coaching group to help them heal.
I’m in more than one group because talking amongst like minded people keeps me sane during the hard times. We’ve laughed and cried. We gotten angry and we’ve made breakthroughs together. This is one of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn. The most important thing I’ve learned through all groups is self-care. I honestly wouldn’t know what to do if I hadn’t found Lise and these groups. I’ve made some solid connections and feel completely safe with my feelings here. Thank you and looking towards many more groups! -Nicole
Joining the Self-Care Group Coaching seemed a logical next step in the healing journey. Had no idea how much it would impact my life in such a brief time. It’s more than a simple how-to and list of what to do. Lise Colucci is a beautiful soul who teaches and guides you to your path of self-care. She’s right there to encourage and gently nudge you as you move forward and face even difficult issues. The group is also filled with incredible souls, and it’s an honor to share this part of the journey with them. My loved ones have already noticed a difference and commented on the changes. If you have been dealing with your trauma bonds and are ready to move into the next step of healing, self-care coaching is an amazing resource to help you move forward! -Tam
Lise’s Self Care class has been an eye opener for me. She has a natural way of guiding her clients towards self discovery; allowing them to analyze their own personal situations and then create a path towards self healing that is individualized just for them. Lise is always available to respond to comments and questions from the group; even outside of “business hours” and often posts very thought provoking conversation starters. Her approach is non-judgmental and her candor is personable resulting in a forum where one feels “safe” to discuss their very personal feelings and experiences. Overtime it’s no longer a “class” but rather a loving, supportive extended family. I would recommend to anyone looking to move forward in their healing that they sign up for her classes. I look forward to the next course. -Diane
“I am determined to offer an apology with my death.” ~Hideki Tojo
Do you apologize too often? A heartfelt apology can be healing, but even asking for forgiveness can be taken too far – and for survivors of narcissistic abuse, it can become a really bad habit. If you’re apologizing each time you ask to see a menu or bump into a chair, you may need to cut back.
Learn where to draw the line so you can express remorse without feeling guilty for things that are insignificant or beyond your control.
Use these ideas to become more aware of your behavior and find alternatives to apologizing.
How to Prevent Excessive Apologizing
Has saying you’re sorry become so automatic that you don’t even realize you’re doing it? You’ll need to recognize your patterns, so you can change them.
Try these ideas:
Slow down. Take a deep breath before you blurt out an apology. Give yourself time to think about what you want to do instead of operating on autopilot.
Check your motives. You might be trying to gain security or appear agreeable. You might even be pretending to be sorry, so you won’t have to listen to the other person’s point of view. In any case, check to see if you’re really remorseful.
Change your habits. Maybe there’s something about your lifestyle that you need to confront. Are you often contrite after shopping binges or losing your temper?
Keep a journal. Writing about your day can help you to notice your triggers and explore your emotions. Jot down what’s happening and how you feel when you apologize needlessly.
Lighten up. Anxiety can make you prone to apologizing. Find relaxation practices that work for you such as meditation or physical exercise.
Reach out for help. If you’re not sure if you’re going overboard, ask your friends and family for feedback. They can also support you while you’re trying to change. If you think you need more assistance, you may want to talk with a professional counselor.
What to Do Instead of Apologizing
Now that you’re ready to apologize less, you can experiment with different approaches. You may even find yourself picking up new communication skills.
Try out some of these alternative strategies:
Express gratitude. Saying thank you is often a more logical alternative to saying you’re sorry. Plus, it will probably make the other person feel better too. For example, thank a salesperson for suggesting an item that’s on sale instead of apologizing for not noticing it yourself.
Show compassion. Saying you’re sorry about the misfortunes of others can just be a form of expression. However, if it makes you feel guilty for things that are beyond your control, you may want to phrase it differently.
Be direct. Ask a question without apologizing first. It’s reasonable for you to clarify the details of an assignment at work or check the directions to a party. You’ll get the answers in less time, and you may be treated with more respect.
Accept yourself. Maybe you wish you had curly hair or a deeper voice. If you can learn to laugh at your more unusual qualities or just feel comfortable with them, you’ll feel less need to make excuses for them.
Assert your needs. The biggest downside to excessive apologizing is that it may reinforce the idea that you’re unworthy of love and respect. Build up your confidence with positive affirmations and worthwhile achievements so you can be comfortable and competent at advocating for yourself.
Save your apologies for the times when you’re sincerely remorseful and have done something that you need to make amends for. You’ll feel more confident about yourself, and your words will be more meaningful.
And, as Henry Kissinger said, “Accept everything about yourself – I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end – no apologies, no regrets.”
We hope that by sharing the voices of survivors of narcissistic abuse, you can be inspired to become the healthy, evolving thriver you were meant to be – and maybe, one who will change the course of history by ending the cycle of abuse in your own family moving forward. One person truly can create a difference in the world, but by bringing these amazing voices together in this anthology, we hope to spark widespread, meaningful change that spans generations. In this anthology, narcissistic abuse recovery expert Angie Atkinson has collected stories of survival from the “SPANily,” a support group of survivors of narcissistic abuse. Inside, you’ll find their true stories, from love-bombing to thriving – and everything in between. Plus, Angie and the SPANily offer their personal advice on how to go from being a victim of abuse to being a survivor and then a thriver. You will find new insights into what it means to heal after the long-game trauma inflicted by narcissists. You are not powerless, dear survivor, and you are not alone.
Have you heard about our brand-new anthology, The Evolution of Echo? Today, I’m excited to offer you a free preview: a glimpse into the book. Take a look and be sure to let me know what you think!
About the Book You’ve heard of narcissism, but do you know what narcissistic abuse means? Here’s the truth. Within every culture, race, religion, income bracket and country, there are abusive, toxic people hiding in plain sight. They are part of your family, you’re married to them; you work with them. They might be your friends, part of your family of worship and your neighbors.
The spectrum of toxicity is broad, and when cluster B personality types are involved, it gets more complicated. When you’re dealing with a narcissist in any type of relationship, you’re bound to be dealing with a subtle form of psychological abuse that no one wants to talk about. Read more.
The official release date is Friday! Are you going to help us celebrate?
Don’t miss The Evolution of Echo release party, this Friday, November 9, 2018! It’s all online, so you can join in from the comfort of your home (or office, or wherever you are!). We will be giving away valuable prizes, including things like free coaching sessions, free ebooks, jewelry and more!