As survivors of narcissistic abuse, many of us find it hard to be assertive. Passivity is often viewed as a form of politeness. We're raised to make others happy, even at our own expense.
The other end of the spectrum has its own unique set of challenges. Aggression isn't pleasing to others. Others are likely to give up too much when faced with aggression. This creates negative feelings and damages emotions.
Assertiveness is an attractive option and provides multiple benefits to you and those around you.
Learn to be assertive rather than passive or aggressive and enjoy these perks:
1. Boost your self-esteem. What could be better for your self-esteem than speaking up for yourself and taking action to influence the world around you, Depression is often caused by feeling a lack of control. Assertiveness is a form of taking control and responsibility.
3. Increase your communication.Part of being assertive is speaking up for what you want and being open with your desires. If you think about the least assertive people you know, you don't know them very well. They keep everything to themselves. Assertive people have an openness to them that non-assertive people do not.
4. Accomplish more. When you're open with your opinions and wants, and you're taking action to make them happen, you'll be shocked by how much more effective you can be.
5. Others assume you are confident. There are multiple benefits to being perceived as confident. People will assume you're more capable, intelligent, and have better leadership skills than someone that is less confident. It's also attractive to others.
6. Get what you want more often. Imagine you're in a group of people, and the subject of choosing a restaurant for dinner comes up. The person that offers a suggestion usually "wins."Most people are too passive to offer an opinion. This tendency can be found in all facets of life. Those that are too passive sacrifice too much in making others happy. This might seem noble, but it's a frustrating way to live. The belief is that you'll eventually receive what you want if you let others have everything they want. This rarely works in real life.
7. Get in touch with your feelings. When you suppress your emotions and desires, you lose touch with yourself. By consistently pursuing that which you desire, you'll gain a much better understanding of yourself.
8. Win-win situations become the norm. When you're too passive, the other person gets things their way. When you're too aggressive, you might have things go your way more often, but the other person is resentful. The best opportunity for both of you to be satisfied with the outcome is to be assertive.
9. Enhance your decision-making skills. Passive people often base decisions on the least confrontational solution. Aggressive people are biased in the opposite direction. Those that are assertive have a more neutral stance. Their passivity and aggressiveness don't taint their perspective. Decisions are less emotion-based.
Assertiveness is a combination of honesty and respect for others and yourself. When you're assertive, you're honest about your intentions, wants, and desires. You aren't forcing them on others, but you're willing to express them and own them. You're also being respectful by not hiding your intentions.
Passivity and aggressiveness aren't pleasing to others and are less effective than assertiveness. Allow others to respect you by being more assertive in all your interactions. You'll enjoy the results!
You may know a few aggressive people who seem to do well for themselves, but they could be doing even better. Aggressiveness works, to a point, because most people avoid confrontation. However, confrontational people are disliked and suffer in many other ways.
Aggressive people often find themselves alone, disrespected, and unable to reach the highest levels of success.
If you've considered adopting an aggressive personality, you might want to reconsider. There are better options.
Consider these disadvantages of being too aggressive:
1. You show little respect for others and receive little respect in return. Aggressiveness ignores the rights and interests of others. The message is clear: your needs are more important than those of anyone else. As you can imagine, people aren't thrilled when faced with an aggressive person. They may fear him, but they certainly don't respect him.
2. Your relationships suffer. Your personal relationships are limited to those that lack self-esteem. Anyone else will avoid you as much as possible. At work, you won't be able to trust anyone. When the only person that matters to you is yourself, you don't matter to anyone else. Everything in life is better when your relationships are thriving.
3. Your self-esteem suffers. Down deep, aggressive people believe they can't be successful any other way. The only way they believe they can compete is to steamroll the competition. It's hard to feel good about yourself when you're treating others poorly. If aggressive behavior appeals to you, ask yourself why. How would you rate your self-esteem, Do you think being aggressive would be as attractive to you if your self-esteem were higher, Do the aggressive people you know have high self-esteem,
4. Aggressiveness hurts your progress in the long-term. Aggressiveness can be very effective in the short-term, but hinders your long-term progress. You don't get the support you need to ride to the highest levels. Give yourself all the help you can get by avoiding overly aggressive behavior.
5. You'll be alone. Aggressive people struggle to create and maintain meaningful personal and professional relationships. There aren't too many people that spend time with aggressive people by choice.
6. You fail to develop other skills. When aggression works for you, you fail to develop the other skills necessary to succeed in life and in relationships. You become a sort of "one trick pony." Think about the aggressive people you know. They're aggressive in most, if not all, situations. Now consider how others feel about them, too.
7. Others will attempt to derail your efforts. Life is easier when others are willing to help you. When you're aggressive, most people secretly want you to fail. Some are bold enough to make it a point to get in your way. Isn't life tough enough without having others intentionally sabotaging your efforts, Avoid making enemies.
Assertiveness is a positive and more beneficial option than aggressiveness. Assertiveness is viewed as a confident and agreeable trait. To be assertive, give your opinions, work constructively with others, and practice living a life of integrity. It's also important to communicate clearly, directly, and to have excellent listening skills.
Assertiveness requires more skill than aggression, but the results are more pleasing and less limited over the long haul.
Aggressiveness has multiple disadvantages. You're ultimately forced to take on the world alone. No one wants to help you or spend time with you. Those around you resent you, even if you manage to get your way. Consider a more assertive approach in your life. You'll be more respected, liked, and admired.
There’s hardly a person alive who would tell you that life is anything but busy – and sometimes tough. You can be pulled in so many directions at once it can be easy to get stretched thin. For narcissistic abuse survivors, it's even more difficult.
No matter how old you are, you’ll encounter trying situations at home, at work, among your friends and family and even with strangers. Everything you go through taps into your inner strength and can drain it little by little.
You can’t do anything about what you experience simply because it’s part of life. But what you can do is to find ways to boost your inner strength so that you have the calm that you need to deal with whatever comes your way.
There are several tools that you can use to help boost your ability from an internal mindset perspective - so that regardless of what you face, you can have a life of calm.
Exercise to Gain Inner Strength
One of the easiest tools that you have at your disposal to use when you need to boost your mental strength is physical exercise. Exercise does so much more than give your muscles strength and help keep your weight under control.
Exercise is necessary to strengthen you emotionally - and one of the reasons for this is because it can calm stress. It’s a well known fact that stress is one of the leading causes for turmoil, loss of peace and mentally draining.
When you experience a loss of inner strength, you’ll feel tired, mentally sluggish and unable to concentrate. What’s going on is that the things you’re dealing with in life (even if they’re not necessarily horrible things) are chipping away at your inner strength.
What you go through in life will hit you internally long before it hits you outwardly. In other words, you’ll feel the stress first. You’ll fee anxious and restless and then you’ll exhibit physical symptoms like insomnia, headaches, stomachaches and more.
What exercise does is cause you to produce a greater supply of endorphins. Not only do these chemicals take care of stress, but they work to boost your supply of inner strength.
You’ll feel calmer and ready to handle whatever it is that you need to take care of. There are some exercises that are better for boosting your inner strength than others.
When you exercise vigorously - such as with aerobic exercise - you’ll find that you have more inner strength. This is because the faster paced exercise works to raise the endorphin levels, but at the same time, it drives down the stress level, gives you more confidence and a more positive attitude.
When you take part in a regular exercise routine, you’ll find that your store of inner strength increases and has a beneficial boost to your mental abilities. The key to using exercise to boost your inner strength is making sure that you find something that you enjoy doing.
If you don’t, you’ll only feel the added stress of doing something that you don’t want to do and you’ll be dealing with the negative emotions associated with that, instead of healing.
How Mantras Boost Your Inner Strength
If you’re not sure what a mantra is, it’s a sound or a word that’s used to help people focus when they’re meditating. There are many reasons that you want to use mantras.
They can help you deflect the thoughts and attitudes that can drain your inner strength. When you practice a mantra, you’ll notice that you have a more positive outlook toward whatever it is that you’re dealing with.
You’ll also discover that learning a mantra can set you free from stress and anxiety. The words that you use in a mantra or the sounds that you’ll use can vary depending on what you choose to do.
There can be particular mantras, too - based on what you’re searching for. Some people will use a basic Om sound as their mantra while others will use specific mantras that translate into requests for healing or blessings or other things that they want to focus on.
Mantras are a way of tapping into your inner strength and finding the balance that you need to restore the draining energy. When you have a mantra, you can use it to help you focus during the times that you feel uncertain or nervous.
You can use it to calm your fears and to help you find your center so that you remain in control. Studies have shown that people who use mantras to help boost their inner strength are often more successful in all areas of their lives than people who don’t.
You’ll experience clarity and a mental focus that others won’t have. Not only will you be able to boost your inner strength on a regular basis, but during a time of crisis when you really need your mental alertness.
Mantras help you be aware of what’s going on around you as well as within you. They can guide you to help lift you above the situation and to keep your perspective.
This will help you to see situations as solvable and as a moment in time rather than as something that can’t be overcome. When you practice with a mantra, it will teach you to be more confident in your abilities and can raise your self-esteem.
You’ll be able to find the positives even in the negative situations you might have to deal with. By using a mantra, you’ll be able to have a way to relax at any moment throughout the day.
This can help bring your emotions back into focus. People who practice mantras are also often more compassionate and slower to get angry. This level headedness is a wonderful trait to have in terms of keeping you emotionally sound.
Affirmations Are a Tool for Boosting Inner Strength
Some people think that affirmations and mantras are one in the same, but they’re not. Rather than being a single word or a sound, an affirmation is made up of complete sentences.
These sentences are designed to delve deep into the subconscious mind to refill the well of inner strength. When people practice these sentences, they’re keys that can help the user see what it is that restores them.
When the affirmations are practiced, the subconscious mind recognizes them. Behavior changes takes place based on how the person then decides to live his or her life.
Affirmations influence the people who use them by causing them to react to pleasant or unpleasant situations with a happier outlook. When affirmations are practiced, it allows the person to replenish the inner strength rather than taking from it.
When you connect with the power of the subconscious mind, you can change your life. What the affirmations do first is affect the way that you think. The way that you think about things will be followed by the way that you act.
So if you’re someone who has a situation in your life that has always robbed you of confidence or affected your self-esteem, practicing affirmations can help you change the way that you react because it changes your thought processes.
You’ll be able to break free of the type of thinking that keeps you stuck. Affirmations give you a positive outlook on life, which in turn leads you to feeling happier and more vibrant.
The positivity adds to your inner strength rather than taking from it. You don’t have to carve out huge blocks of time to be able to practice affirmations. You can say them throughout the day to unleash their positive power.
When you first begin to use affirmations, you might encounter some self-resistance because it can be a struggle to change the way that you’ve always thought about things.
But you can press on and use affirmations to help you until it becomes second nature for you. You can use different affirmations depending on what type of inner strength you need to boost.
For example, if you’re struggling in the area of self-doubt and you feel like a failure in what you try to do, then you need to use an affirmation that supports your success.
For that type of affirmation, you would say something like “I can achieve success” or “Success is drawn to me.” Don’t put it in the future by using words like, “I will succeed.”
If you were struggling with feeling sad or not happy with your life, you would use affirmations that affirmed happiness. You would repeat a sentence such as “Happiness dwells within me” or “Happiness is drawn to me.”
You wouldn’t say, “I will become happier.” You want to keep it in the present. By using affirmations to change your subconscious, you can boost the level of your inner strength.
Using Yoga to Boost Inner Strength
Finding a way to boost your inner strength is a lot easier than you might think. One of the ways that you can do this is by practicing yoga. Yoga is a spiritual practice that uses breathing and postures in meditation and relaxation.
It teaches people how to gain inner strength and get rid of stress. You can use it to help you retain a sense of peace. By working to build up a person’s body and mind strength, it works to boost the inner strength.
You might be living your life and feel that you’re doing what you supposed to do but there are times throughout the day when you simply feel so mentally and emotionally drained, it’s hard to muddle through.
Or you might reach the end of the day and feel as if you gave your all to the point where you have nothing left to give - including to yourself. This will quickly drain your inner strength and if you don’t boost it back, you’ll end up experiencing things like fatigue and emotional and physical upsets.
Yoga is a tool that you can use to influence yourself toward being a positive person and positive people are more successful. The reason is because people who have inner strength have a confidence that others don’t often have.
Practicing yoga makes you feel a greater sense of self because when you take part in the poses, your body releases endorphins that affect your mood and give you a boost.
When you practice yoga on a consistent basis, you’ll notice that you feel better physically and emotionally. The benefit of yoga is that it can be practiced anywhere - including at the office.
When you feel that mental and emotional drain and you know that your inner strength needs a boost, you can use yoga to give you back your energy and clarity.
You’ll feel better about yourself and your abilities. There are different types of yoga that you can use. But some of them are better suited for boosting inner strength than others.
There is Ashtanga, Bikram, Iyenga, Vinyasa and Hatha. Of these, Hatha is more often used for the purpose of boosting inner strength because it has the ability to restore balance to the body.
Finding the Right Self-Help Books to Boost Inner Strength
A great tool that you can use to boost your inner strength is a self-help book. You can find a wide selection of them at retail and online stores that are written specifically to guide you toward greater inner strength.
One of the ways that these books can help you is that they teach you the link that self-esteem has with your actions. When you have lower self-esteem, you also have a lack of confidence in your ability as a person.
This lack of confidence bleeds over into how you perform at work and how well you do in your relationships with other people. When you struggle with your inner strength, it can make you feel less happy than you deserve to feel.
By using a self-help book, you can have the power that you need to reach the best level of inner strength. These books will help you be able to pinpoint how you’re sabotaging yourself in different areas of your life and draining your well of inner strength.
You’ll learn about actions that you’re doing that create a well of negativity and keep you trapped in an ongoing cycle of strength drain. When you gain the inner strength balance that you need, you’ll be able to overcome a lack of self-esteem.
You’ll discover that you feel more confident in your relationships and with your job. You’ll also learn to recognize situations and people in your life that act as drains on your attitude - and how you can deal with these individuals.
A self help book can show you how to restore your inner strength through the use of different techniques that teach calmness and restoration. You’ll be able to view things with a clarity that you didn’t have before.
You’ll learn exactly what inner strength is and the issues that can occur in life that can affect your strength. You’ll learn the negative and positive influences that are around and within you that you need either avoid or cultivate.
By using self help books that show you how to boost your inner strength, you’ll gain a stronger sense of self that will lead you to develop a life of accomplishments and happiness that are well within your reach.
In today's episode of Narcs of Our Lives, Animated Angie totally geeks out with a brief history of the history of narcissistic personality disorder. Plus, you'll meet two Ancient Animated Friends that will take you back thousands of years to the very first mention of narcissism (yeah, we're talking about Narcissus), and Angie and the rest of the ragtag bunch will take you through the centuries to today's official DSM diagnostic criteria of NPD or narcissistic personality disorder.
A fun, animated way to learn something new. Featuring the theories of Sigmund Freud, among other psychoanalysts and psychiatrists. Might offer some insight into the psychology of NPD, including gaslighting and more.
Get my book, "Gaslighting, Love Bombing and Flying Monkeys: The Ultimate Toxic Relationship Survival Guide for Victims and Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse" free through Monday, June 26 -right here: http://vid.io/xcEF
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Discover. Understand. Overcome. It's how smart people change their lives! Subscribe to my channel: vid.io/xoJJ On this channel, I offer free daily video coaching to help you discover, understand and overcome narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships! I like to call it toxic relationship rehab. If that sounds good to you, hit that subscribe button. **LIVE EVERY TUESDAY! Never miss a live session! Just text "AngieLive" (no spaces) to 33222 and I'll send you a text each time I get ready to go live! Join the QueenBeeing Universibee - the online learning and evolution center for narcissistic abuse survivors. You'll really thrive when you join this hive! Join up at http://universibee.com today! In the Go Ask Angie series, I respond to questions, comments and concerns sent to me by my YouTube viewers, readers from my QueenBeeing.com site and those who reach out in other ways, such as by email. If you enjoyed this video, please subscribe to my channel! http://youtube.com/angieatkinson
Why did a narcissist choose YOU to abuse? What made you attractive to a narcissist and how can you learn to change that so you can avoid being in a relationship with a narcissist again in the future? I'm answering these questions and more in today's video.
Get my book, "Gaslighting, Love Bombing and Flying Monkeys: The Ultimate Toxic Relationship Survival Guide for Victims and Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse" free through Monday, June 26 -right here: http://amzn.to/2tS5osp