How do you know when you’re ready to date again after abuse? With Richard Grannon

How do you know when you’re ready to date again after abuse? With Richard Grannon


How do you know you're ready to date again after abuse? Richard Grannon and I share our thoughts in this video.

Some of mine:

First, you need to feel healed enough to not compare the people you're dating to the narcissist - at least not to the "good parts" of the narcissist. It's so easy to focus on what you loved about the narcissist after spending time apart. So often, when survivors meet a "normal" person, they feel like the relationship isn't quite as exciting or interesting as it was with the narcissist. That's because a "normal" person doesn't always do the extreme highs and lows that a narcissist does, and because our dopamine receptors are sort of broken when we've been abused.

So you need to feel strong enough to recognize that and make up for it with intentional thought management.

You need to have taken the time to grieve the relationship appropriately - and in most cases, that will take 3 months to a year, depending on the person.

You also need to love yourself enough to recognize and set boundaries that are comfortable - and well-enforced. For me, that involves a few deal-breakers. As in, things that I absolutely don't tolerate and will leave the relationship for. In my case, that means cheating, verbal/physical abuse and anything that would hurt my kids. If those things happen, I'm out - no questions asked. Outside of that, we can talk about it and try to work through it.

Next, you need to feel ready to meet someone new, but not "desperate" to do so. This way, you can (and you absolutely should) take any new relationship slowly enough to get to know the person and discover any potential red flags - and you won't end up enmeshed before you know it. Be aware that "love" at first sight is nearly impossible.

Be sure you're not feeling overly pessimistic, cynical, insecure, defeated, anxious, angry, martyred or exploited still - that's going to cause you a lot of issues and problems with your future relationship.

You definitely want to be healed enough that you don't inavertently try to make your next relationship sort of make up for all the pain you experienced from the last one.

If you try to date too soon, you might find yourself being hyper-vigilant, ready to catch any hint that the discard is coming, and seeking constant reassurance from a new partner who isn’t responsible for what happened to you. This will sabotage any potentially successful couple from the start.

Are you healing? 7 Ways to Know for Sure (With Richard Grannon)

Are you healing? 7 Ways to Know for Sure (With Richard Grannon)

How do you know when you're healed after narcissistic abuse? In this video, Richard Grannon and I discuss exactly how you can tell if you're healed after a toxic relationship with a narcissist or someone with NPD/narcissistic personality disorder.

With Richard Grannon (AKA Spartan Life Coach) and certified life coach Angie Atkinson.

This is How You Rebuild Your Self-Esteem and Your Life After Abuse (With Richard Grannon)

This is How You Rebuild Your Self-Esteem and Your Life After Abuse (With Richard Grannon)


Richard Grannon and Angie Atkinson discuss what it means to lose yourself in narcissistic abuse - and how to find yourself again, one step at a time as you go about the business of healing.

Tough Love with from Richard Grannon: Hoovering, Being Stuck and Making It Work With a Narcissist

Tough Love with from Richard Grannon: Hoovering, Being Stuck and Making It Work With a Narcissist


Is being lonely preventing you from staying no contact with a narcissist? Or are you feeling stuck because you feel like you can't leave the narcissist because of kids, finances or other reasons? Is it even possible to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist? In this video, Spartan Life Coach Richard Grannon and Angie Atkinson discuss the possibilities and the realities of being in a relationship with a narcissist - and today, it's all about the tough love.

We'll cover how to avoid the "no contact relapse," and how to avoid being hoovered by a narcissist. And we'll discuss what to do if you feel totally stuck in the relationship - like you can't leave and you definitely can't go no contact. PLUS, we'll talk about whether it's ever possible to truly be happy in a relationship with a narcissist.

When Narcissists Use Flying Monkeys to Facilitate Smear Campaigns (Featuring Richard Grannon)

When Narcissists Use Flying Monkeys to Facilitate Smear Campaigns (Featuring Richard Grannon)


Richard Grannon and Angie give their thoughts on why narcissists use flying monkeys for their smear campaigns - plus how you can deal with painful smear campaigns that narcissists use against you to humiliate and further abuse you.

A quick and dirty definition of a narcissist's "flying monkey" is a person who does the narcissist's bidding for them. Sometimes, these flying monkeys are unaware of their role in the narcissist's puppet show - you know, the stage they set for their gaslighting manipulation and preferred state of drama. Other times, they're "in on it" with them.

Narcissists Who Have Changed (Featuring Richard Grannon)

Narcissists Who Have Changed (Featuring Richard Grannon)


Can narcissists change? Can a narcissist be cured? Is it possible, and has it ever happened? In this video, Richard Grannon, AKA Spartan Life Coach, and I discuss the possibilities of narcissists changing.