What is the dog whistle effect and how do narcissists use it against you? The term comes from the term Dog-whistle politics, but it is also a term that applies to narcissists as an extreme form of gaslighting.
Dog-whistle politics is defined as "political messaging employing coded language that appears to mean one thing to the general population but has an additional, different or more specific resonance for a targeted subgroup. The phrase is often used as a pejorative, because of the inherently deceptive nature of the practice and because the dog-whistle messages are frequently distasteful to the general populace."
Clearly, it is an analogy to a dog whistle, which has a high-frequency sound that is heard by dogs but inaudible to humans. In this video, I'll explain how narcissists use this tactic to manipulate and control their victims and how you can deal with dog whistling effectively.
Being fearless makes you incredibly powerful - but when you're in a toxic relationship with an abusive narcissist, you are often full of fear! Narcissists and people with NPD and other cluster B personality disorders are full of venom and they absolutely LOVE to see you being afraid. In fact, fear is one of their go-to methods to keep you stuck in these toxic abusive relationships.
In this video, I've pulled questions and answers from my recent live stream (all the fluff has been removed!) and I'm sharing them with you for Self-Love Sunday today.
I'll share several tested and proven healing exercises I've developed that work especially well for the various stages of recovery from narcissistic abuse. Exercises include help with getting through the devalue and discard phases, how to stay away when you go no contact and more.
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Q&A: How to Be Fearless During & After Toxic Relationships - SELF LOVE SUNDAY!
On my YouTube channel, I offer free daily video coaching to help you discover, understand and overcome narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships! I like to call it toxic relationship rehab. If that sounds good to you, hit that subscribe button.
**LIVE EVERY TUESDAY! Never miss a live session! Just text "AngieLive" (no spaces) to 33222 and I'll send you a text each time I get ready to go live!
If you're trying to cut down on caffeine or you accidentally run out of K-cups, there are other ways to wake up fast in the morning. Rub your eyes and take a look at these tips for natural energizers.
Breakfast Ideas for Waking Up without Caffeine
1. Drink water. Your body needs water to function efficiently, so a big glass in the morning will prime your metabolism and help you digest food. Rehydrate with 16 ounces of water served up at room temperature or colder if you prefer.
2. Peel an orange.Citrus smells have a stimulating effect, so indulge in oranges, grapefruits, and tangerines. Whole fruits have an advantage over juice in giving you more fiber.
3. Add mint. Mint is another invigorating choice. Brew a cup of mint tea, sprinkle mint on your eggs, or pop a breath mint on your way to the office.
4. Reach for protein. When you're planning your breakfast menu, opt for dishes high in protein to give you energy. Some delicious choices are eggs, Greek yogurt, and bean burritos.
5. Focus on complex carbohydrates. Stabilize your blood sugar by eating whole grains, vegetables, fruits, nuts, and seeds. Starting the day with fruits and vegetables will also help you to reach the recommended 7 to 9 servings.
6. Prepare the night before. What if you'd like a hearty meal, but you know you'll be in a rush, Arrange the ingredients before you go to bed. Whip up a smoothie that's ready for the blender or a casserole you can pop in the microwave.
Other Lifestyle Ideas for Waking Up without Caffeine
1. Let in the light. Exposure to light signals your brain that it's time to stop sleeping. Turn on your bedroom lights as soon as your alarm clock goes off. Open a window or go outdoors for at least a few minutes.
2. Skip the snooze button. Those extra few minutes of slumber are actually sabotaging your efforts. You wind up feeling more groggy than if you jumped out of bed. Put the alarm clock out of reach if you need help resisting temptation.
3. Take a cool shower. Count on cold water for an instant jolt. If a freezing shower sounds unpleasant, cool water will do. You can also splash cold water on your wrists and face.
4. Work out. Exercise is a great pick-me-up, especially in the early hours. Join a 24 hour gym where you can visit at dawn, and avoid long lines for the rowing machine. Sign up for a tai chi class in your local park.
5. Have a laugh. You can't feel drowsy when you're whooping it up. Spend a few minutes playing with your children or pets. Listen to a funny program during your commute.
6. Make some small talk. Engaging in conversation will challenge your brain to start thinking clearly. Share interesting news stories or daily plans with your family at the breakfast table. Greet your neighbors and chat with retail workers while you run errands before work.
7. Go to bed on time. Giving your body adequate rest is the ideal wake-up strategy. Turn off the TV and computers so you'll have a full night's sleep.
Moderate amounts of caffeine are considered safe for most adults, but you don't have to depend on coffee to help you rise and shine. Even when there's no Starbucks in sight, there are plenty of options to help you start your day bright and alert.
This happens in varying iterations and it happens often inside the same relationship over and over for decades sometimes. But outside of that basic skeleton, are narcissists all the same? Are there other identifiable relationship patterns with narcissists?
That’s what we’re discussing today - do narcissists follow the same relationship patterns in every relationship? Narcissists and people with NPD tend to develop their favorite strategies for getting what they want from other people – and yeah, they do tend to repeat them over and over again, especially if the other person cooperates on any level.
What do I mean? Let’s look at some different narcissistic relationship patterns.
Rom-Com Narcissist: They love a good romance flick, and the way they see it, their lives should look just like one! These narcissists are so wrapped up in the “pretty” part of the relationship that they believe the whole thing should look that way. See, just like anyone else, narcissists can have some pretty big romantic fantasies.
The Rom-Com romantic type will do the candlelight dinner and flowers thing early in the relationship.
Note about these types – they often repeat the same romantic gestures in each relationship. They may even use the same pet names, frequent the same restaurants and repeat the same experiences with each supply. It’s like for them, the romantic comedy of it all is that the story doesn’t change while the source of supply (aka the “significant other”) is interchangeable.
Controlling Narcissist: They need to be in control and gradually they will start to take over in all kinds of areas of your life.
During love bombing/idealization, they pretend that they are doing it to be nice to you or to protect or take care of you.
During devalue and discard, they tell you it’s because you aren’t capable of doing it yourself. In reality, it’s because they want to be in control of every single aspect of your life. This is true no matter your actual level of competency.
The Emotional Bullies: They manage their fragile egos by devaluing other people. This is true for anyone they are in a relationship with – parents, children, significant others, colleague, neighbors and even friends.
They do it by projecting their own issues onto you and they, they try and convince you that you are the one who has the problem, not them.
They never praise you, preferring to only point out your flaws. But since no one is perfect and everyone has flaws, you could find yourself reluctantly seeing a bit of truth in their opinion, which can lead to more self-doubt on your part. You start to wonder: maybe you are a bit clumsy or thoughtless or….whatever.
They chip away your self-esteem and, like a bloodsucking vampire, as you grow weaker, they get stronger.
Always ISO The Perfect Supply: All they want to do is have you to put on a pedestal and worship. This narcissist needs to know that you are far too good for them, a God or Goddess worthy of their awe.
Of course, the first time they discover that you are only human and not some perfect and special being, they quickly lose their enthusiasm for you and go in search of a newer and shinier model, which of course launches the same process all over again.
The only way to keep their attention is to play hard to get and maintain a certain amount of emotional distance.
The Long-Haul Narcissist: This is the narcissist you end up spending a lifetime with, with or without your consent at times.
They will marry you (or at least long-term commit to you) pretty quickly, and unless you leave them, they’ll stick with you forever. Of course, you must have low standards and not require them to be emotionally and/or sexually faithful to them, and you must be prepared to accept whatever crumbs they can offer you.
The indifference that will become part of the rotating cycle is alternated with mild to extreme contempt and occasionally, love bombing and hoovering.
Question of the day: do you recognize your narcissist in any of these patterns, or a combination of the toxic relationship patterns I described here, maybe? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below if so – if not, what would you add to this list?
Being in a relationship with a narcissist on any level can make you feel like you need tools - a strategy, at least - to help you get through it. You'll find yourself researching ways to deal with narcissists and their gaslighting attempts, and you might even manage to become a bit of an expert on the topic.
But what do you do when you are ready to take back your power from the narcissist? Well, you start with these seven steps. You use the law of attraction to your advantage. You combat trauma bonding and CPTSD with strength and focus. You push away manipulation and invalidation from someone who has NPD or another cluster b personality disorder.
Discover. Understand. Overcome. It's how smart people change their lives!