While no two people are the same, we all have one thing in common - the little "roadblocks" that get in our way as we try to figure out what we really want from life.
Roadblocks stop some people from ever making a change, but they motivate others to keep on going to find a way to what they want, regardless of the roadblock.
You might have one of these roadblocks or you might experience more than one of them - and if you're involved with a narcissist, chances are that you experience them on a regular basis.
Fear Itself: A Common Roadblock
One of the most common roadblocks to creating personal change and beginning to create a new, healthier life for yourself is fear. When things change, it ushers in differences that can make us afraid.
When it comes to leaving the narcissist and beginning to recover from the abuse you suffered in your relationship, fear of being alone, fear of financial ruin and fear of change are all common roadblocks we deal with as we consider our options.
FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.
Your fears are usually based on what if myths - and they almost always never come to pass. Don't let fear cause you to sit on the sidelines of change.
Another roadblock that gets in the way is a lack of knowledge.
It's hard to make changes when you're not sure exactly how to go about those changes. You might be branching out into an area that's completely beyond your scope of knowledge at the present time.
Remember that what you don't know can be learned. Use educational resources as your catalyst for change and success. Strive for new levels of insight that you previously didn't have.
Do NOT Settle for Good Enough
Thinking that you simply can't add another thing to your already full life keeps many people stuck where they are. Making changes requires work. So many people see the effort as not worth the payoff - and that's a mistake.
This belief is what keeps you rooted to that job that you hate, to those messy finances, or to that relationship that's sucking the life right out of you. Learning better time management skills can be a catalyst for a better life as you clear out things that are a waste of time and make room for what offers the most benefits.
Don't Stagnate: Happy 'Enough' Can Become 'Truly' Happy
Being just comfortable enough where you are can be a roadblock to motivate you to change. You're not 100% happy, but you're "happy enough." All this means is that you settled for a life that keeps you locked in your comfort zone.
You're trading a full life for one that's half empty - because if you're not 100% satisfied, then something is missing. That something may be the very thing that you always wanted, but because you were "happy enough," you'll never reach it.
Visualization can be a catalyst for the changes you need to make.
Picture the next level of success in every area of your life - finances, career satisfaction, relationships, health - everything that matters most to you.
Focus on how it could be improved and then make a game plan to get you there. If you block out those thoughts in an effort to stay content, you'll never know what you could have made out of your life if you'd give it a chance.
Wanting everything to be perfect is a huge roadblock to motivation. It's here where people stall out. They want the new situation to be perfect before they attempt any changes.
They want the new job to have everything in place. They don't want to take the chance that they'll make a switch and find it's not what they wanted. These are people who wait for the "perfect" relationship before getting into one.
Perfectionism is the killer of change because what you see in your mind as perfection doesn't translate that way in life. That's because there are no perfect scenarios in a life that's lived to the fullest.
There are experiences to encounter - and not one of them will be perfect. That's okay. Perfectionism kills progress. You don't want to be sitting on the sidelines waiting to get into the game of life.
The number one roadblock that keeps too many people from letting a catalyst be their motivation is the fear of failure. They falsely believe that they haven't failed yet because they haven't even tried - so they're safe.
But whether they realize it or not, they have failed. They're choosing to stay stagnant in a lesser life than what they dreamed of. That, in itself, is a form of failure.
Another roadblock happens when people wait for change rather than seeking change. They wait for the perfect joint venture partner to come to them instead of seeking one out, because that requires putting themselves on the line.
They wait to see if the person they're in a relationship with is going to treat them better, rather than speaking up about what they want and deserve. They avoid tough situations and tough conversations because they're waiting for everything to work out on its own.
Change isn't something that happens on a whim. It's something that you make happen. You have to find the motivation within yourself to make that change. And it's uncomfortable at first.
That's okay. Take that sign of discomfort as a compliment. It's proving to you that you're taking action and bettering your life, even in the face of fear or uneasiness.
Your Mind Can Be a Catalyst
You get the life that you think you deserve. Your mind or your thought patterns lead you to make changes - to take action that alters the life you currently have. What usually happens when someone's mind leads them to take action is they become so upset with their current situation, they think leaving it where it's at is no longer an option.
Their emotions will often reach a point that they must make a change. This drive can often start out backed by an emotion. For example, if someone is in a relationship with a person who didn't treat them that well, they'll often stick with the relationship until a catalyst fueled by emotion causes a change.
One emotion could be anger. If the person you're in a relationship with is unfaithful, it's often anger over the cheating that drives the catalyst - even when the prior bad behavior didn't induce a change.
Your subconscious knows what you truly want. What happens is this true desire becomes buried deep under what we're willing to settle for. This is why so many people aren't living a life full of passion.
You can tell if you're living a life full of passion by asking yourself this question. Do I love getting out of bed in the morning? If you're not excited about what you get to do when you get out of bed, that's a warning sign that you need to find your catalyst.
Whatever it is that motivates you is what will drive you to wake up, ready to start and excel throughout your day. It will drive you to keep going in the face of obstacles.
You'll continue on - even if you're the only one who believes in you, or your idea or your change. That's why it's vital to your success - to your ability to thrive - that you get in a business that you have a strong emotional attachment to - something you are proud of and believe in strongly.
Face the Hard Truth About What's Keeping You Stuck: Taking Personal Responsibility for Your Life
Did you ever hear of someone who had a terrible health scare because they made bad choices in life that led to the issue? It shook them up - and for awhile, they strictly followed the doctor's orders.
They ate right. They exercised. They got the amount of sleep that they needed. They quit smoking. They quit drinking. Yet before several months were out, they slipped right back into their old habits.
The catalyst, which was the health scare, came face to face with personal responsibility - and lost. The hard truth is that in order for your catalyst to motivate you, you're going to have to accept personal responsibility.
The choices that you make in life are your choices. You made them because you thought they were the best option at the time. You might have received bad advice that led you to a decision - but in the end, you were the one that made that choice.
Take Responsibility for Your Life as It Stands, Then Move Forward Being Intentionally Responsible
You have to accept personal responsibility for what you want to see changed in your life before it can change. People who place the blame on others for their lot in life don't ever reach a place where they're truly happy - regardless of the changes.
That's because they see life as happening to them rather than them making life happen. Accept the responsibility for your mistakes, for your poor choices, for that awful job you shouldn't have taken, or for that relationship that was a mess from the start that you wasted too much time on.
Once you accept it, you can move on. You can free yourself to finally accept the catalyst for change. Don't let where you were be a stone around your neck that anchors you to the place where you currently are.
Let the mistakes you made in the past become part of your motivation - part of your growing experience. While growth is hard, all good things happen with the evolution to a different place in life.
What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments section.
As I've mentioned before, the way that I achieved my 100-pound weight loss was to make one small change at a time. The first thing I did was to simply start drinking enough water.
And, even though I started out on Weight Watchers and following the points system, there were times (still are, actually) when I felt like I wanted to eat a second helping of something awesome--and if I had the points in my daily budget, it didn't seem like a big deal.
Want to learn how I lost 100 pounds? See my story, right here.
So in the process of losing weight, I was always looking for ways to refine my process and make it go more smoothly and BLISSFULLY (which is why the book is called Project Blissful!).
That's what led me to do the research on the whole eating seconds thing - and since I'm no scientist, I'll just let the ones from Harvard Medical School tell you the science behind it.
"Stretch receptors in the stomach are activated as it fills with food or water; these signal the brain directly through the vagus nerve that connects gut and brainstem. Hormonal signals are released as partially digested food enters the small intestine. One example is cholecystokinin (CCK), released by the intestines in response to food consumed during a meal. Another hormone, leptin, produced by fat cells, is an adiposity signal that communicates with the brain about long-range needs and satiety, based on the body’s energy stores. Research suggests that leptin amplifies the CCK signals, to enhance the feeling of fullness. Other research suggests that leptin also interacts with the neurotransmitter dopamine in the brain to produce a feeling of pleasure after eating. The theory is that, by eating too quickly, people may not give this intricate hormonal cross-talk system enough time to work." ~Ann MacDonald, Contributor, Harvard Health (See the full scientific explanation at the Harvard Medical School website.)
The 20-Minute Rule That Changed My Life
Anyhoo, since it takes your brain approximately 20 minutes to inform your body that you've had enough, I would sometimes end up eating more than I wanted.
So, I made a new rule, and it hasn't failed me yet.
I allow myself to eat literally WHATEVER I WANT, but I only take one serving at a time AND I wait 20 minutes between servings. I also try to eat slowly, for the same reason. (According to Harvard researchers, there's a good reason for doing so.) For me, that usually means I don't eat a second serving, because I really do feel satiated by the single serving in most cases.
Your Fit Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It
Starting today, make the same rule for yourself. If you still feel hungry after eating a single serving or plate of food, give yourself a 20-minute break before loading up that plate again or taking a second helping. It's so simple, but this single change can offer you a serious advantage on your weight-loss journey.
Will you give it a shot? What are your best weight-loss tips? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below!
"Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans."― John Lennon
Do you know someone who refuses to live for the "now," preferring to focus on tomorrow or ten years from now? And, if so, does that person seem very happy to you? Do you see true joy in the person's life?
I find that putting off happiness and joy "until ______ happens" is really just putting off your life. If you're always waiting "until" to find your joy, then you're going to find yourself waiting forever, if you ask me.
What makes people resist living in the moment?
I think there are a pretty wide variety of reasons that people resist living in the moment. When you practice this kind of mindfulness, it calls you to stop allowing the past or the future to be your constant focus. A lot of people are stuck in rut thinking.
Top 10 Reasons People Can't Live in the Moment
- They constantly dwell on thoughts of the past or the future. The reason that they do that is because they’re not completely happy with the present. It’s not where they want to be and they’re not who they want to be.
- They don’t realize that mindfulness can help them find that acceptance and peace in the present that they’re trying to find. People resist being mindful about the present because of fear about what they don’t know.
- They’re afraid of losing control. When you’re faced with changes, not knowing what those changes are and how they’ll affect your life can foster resistance. The problem is that change has somehow become associated with negative rather than being something that can open up new possibilities.
- When someone doesn’t fully understand what mindfulness is, that can cause them not to want to have anything to do with being mindful about the present. They resist the change because they don’t know what it’s all about.
- They don’t trust that being mindful about the present is going to help them in any way. There’s comfort in the familiar even if the familiar doesn’t make them happy. So they stay where they are, rather than step out and reach for what could change their lives for the good.
- Whenever you have fear of the unknown and comfort in the familiar, you have a recipe for resistance to any kind of change, not just mindfulness. The period in someone’s life can also cause them to resist being mindful about the present.
- If they’re going through a time where things are wonderful in their present, they can be reluctant to be mindful because they don’t want to rock the boat. It’s the same way if things are bad in their present.
- They won’t want to rock the boat and make changes because they’re afraid that things will only get worse. Sometimes, people resist being mindful about the present because they absolutely hate anything that pulls them out of their normal.
- Because they don’t have a good grasp of mindfulness, they can’t understand the positives associated with it. When a person has a mindset that’s always looking backward at how good things “used to be” they can resist mindful living in the present.
- If they have a mindset of how good things are going to be “in the future,” then they can resist the present. These people have created fences in their lives mentally and emotionally and they don’t want to stray beyond those fences.
There are some people who base their self esteem and love themselves based on where they used to be or where they’re going. They wrongly believe that to have to be mindful about the present, they’ll have to lose themselves. They don’t realize all that they stand to gain. Don't be one of those people.
Do you know someone who suffers with this kind of mindset? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.
"Multi-tasking arises out of distraction itself." ~Marilyn vos Savant
I like to pretend that I'm a really good multi-tasker, but the truth is that when I claim to be multi-tasking, it's really more like I get distracted and mentally wander off to a different task.
According to what we're told, though, multitasking means that a person is doing more than one task at a time.
It's part of what we deal with as members of this modern society that depends so heavily on devices and gadgets.
Because so many people are incredibly busy, multitasking has become a way of life. On any given day at the same time, you’ll see people who are simultaneously walking, updating their Facebook, texting and talking to people.
Because all of these tasks are going on at the same time, the brain is forced to react quickly, moving back and forth, constantly changing focus. Studies have shown that not only do those who multitask not get more accomplished, but they’re more apt to face burnout, higher levels of stress and a poorer quality of life.
So, you don't get more done, and you don't feel less stressed? Seems like a theme. Let's move on.
Your brain was not meant to deal with an overload of material in so little time. When you multitask, just like you’re splitting your attention between things on your to-do list, you’re also splitting yourself figuratively.
You might be checking things off that list but no one thing has your full focus and neither do those you love. When you’re in a relationship and your partner is speaking and you’re on your cell phone sending a text message, you’re not really listening to them.
Multitasking has helped to cause people to feel less empathetic toward others because people don’t really hear and aren’t really aware of the full scope of the situations they’re seeing or hearing about.
There’s another downside to multitasking. When you’re not fully present with what you’re doing or who you’re spending time with, you miss things. You’ll discover that you have a tendency to spend a lot of time and energy on things that don’t really matter.
Multitasking keeps you perpetually distracted. The cure for multitasking is mindfulness. This means that you’re focused on the present. You’re giving whatever task you’re doing 100% of yourself.
It means that whoever you’re interacting with is not having to compete for your attention because you’re 100% present with them. Being fully present can help to deepen relationships with those you love.
It can also make you better at your job, more understanding of your coworkers and happier in all aspects of your life. When you’re being mindful, you’re focused. You’ve got your mind and your emotions fully engaged.
By being focused, you’re aware of the task. Getting it done will be easier and you won’t be nearly as stressed. When you focus on a person, you’ll be able to have a deeper connection without multitasking.
You’ll be fully engaged in your own life and in the lives of the people you interact with. Mindfulness can teach you how to keep your focus on the moment. It can show you how to enjoy the day to day tasks and situations even if they’re mundane.
Plus when you practice being intentionally focused on what you want, it’ll help you to recognize when you’re not. You’ll gain the intuition to know when something doesn’t really have your full attention.
What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments, below. Let's discuss it.