You know what you gain when you leave the narcissist. But what will you lose? Everyone's always telling you how much better life will be when you leave a narcissist right? They tell you what you'll gain - your freedom, your peace, etc.
No more of not having anyone to share in your accomplishments or appreciate your talents, because the narc doesn’t want to share the limelight.
being able to express your opinion without being accused of wanting to argue.
being able to have a collection and not be called a hoarder.
being able to be tired or sick without someone being pissed off because you're not taking care of them.
Being able to watch tv!
Being able to play Xbox!
Being allowed to stay up as long as you want to!
Not having to explain why your interests are not weird!
Being able to have an interest!
Being able to have a holiday that's not ruined, or a birthday!
No more hiding from the neighbors, so they can’t ask you questions!
Being allowed to raise your kids lovingly without paying the consequences!
Being able to say what I like and want matters!
no more tears and confusion!
No more name calling
No more narcissists saying they are playing when confronted
No more hearing, “If I don't give you a hard time, who will?”
not having your immune system damaged, lowered, compromised and destroyed leading to depression, illnesses and death. If the narc has financial incentives to see you dead, it all adds up.
- no more lies
- no emotional blackmail
- no more narc rage
- no more emotional abuse
- no more discouraging you
- no more constant fault finding
- no more confusion
No more of that feeling of terror just before and during a physical attack.
No more getting abuse for looking the wrong direction
No more catching a disease from the narc and then s/he's jealous because you are getting medical attention for said disease.
Fearing for my life and the life of my pet.
Fearing his or her calling the police on me for breaking the peace because I'm crying over her/his raging.
Watching him destroy the lives of his/her kids.
Having his ex-wife and another female friend in my bedroom, as I sleep or not.
Not having any of my things welcome in the home s/he wants me to share with him/her.
Not being stopped when I want to visit with family.
Not being stopped from sleeping all night, and not being stopped when I've decided I'm tired.
Not being forced to watch filth on tv and video.
No more “Hurry! Go to bed your dad's home!" and yelling at my children so he didn't.
No more dealing with a narcissist crushing/making fun of your goals and dreams
No more buying things for yourself and having them get broken
No more defending myself of BS.
No more starting every conversation with "now please don't get pissed, but…”
No more hearing a narcissist criticize my voice on phone calls and say they knew something was wrong.
No more having my quietness evaluated or being criticized for "a look a narcissist claimed I had"
No more being teased about my eyes.
No more being criticized about my looks.
No more hearing that I was a big girl; or being asked how much I weighed.
No more walking on eggshells
No more narcissist acting like they want to see you out of kindness but they’re broke, need food, need bus money/ a ride, and need clean laundry and play it like they’re doing you a favor by gracing you with their awesome company
No more escalating violence because she knows the law is on a female’s side and guys are guilty until proven innocent.
No more watching the narcissist check out young men/women half my age and then blaming me for paranoia.
No more sheer terror over uncovering complex lies, betrayal and deceit.
No more being fearful for my life over discovering the lies.
No more being lied about to police officers and being falsely thrown into jail for a day.
No more starving literally for love and food.
No more flying monkey shit head dumb ass fucks.
No more trauma.
No more gaslighting.
No more being threatened to be homeless.
No more stupid idiots surrounding me making me stupider emotionally and intellectually.
No more having my shit stolen.
Not having to worry that the narcissist isn't answering the phone on break time and learning later that they were in the car with someone else of the opposite sex.
No more porn in the DVD, on the computer, under the bed, in the shed, on top of the cupboard, in our caravan, in his truck, bedside drawer, on his phone, on his work computer.
No more paranoia about where the narcissist is at
No more finding Viagra in his car, stripper cards hidden in the kitchen and the proclamations "dindu nuffin"
No more caring what his/her stupid followers think of me and wondering what I have done now for all the negative judgements.
No more having to be a designated driver because the narc will always get drunk &/or stoned to "have a good time”.
No more being called too sensitive
No more cyber stalking
no longer being told you need to go to church
No more having to get tested for aids
No more being ditched on holidays
No more having to cancel everythingything
No more contact!
Being glad to be alive now that I know how to identify these beasts.
Not having to deal with the narcissist’s screams at midnight or later, waking up all the neighborhood, just because I told them something they didn't like or I told them if they didn't change, I would leave.
Not being abused anymore, like an object, with no emotions, no love, no feelings.
Not having to deal anymore with the devastation in my kid's eyes because the narcissist didn't keep theirpromises towards them. or toward me.
No more having to pretend I’m dumb and that I believed the lies.
No more bending over backwards trying to please my narcissist ex
No more being ignored after sex even if you did everything just the way the narcissist wanted.
No more feeling so alone and unloved and finally realizing you thought you were sharing your soul, but to the narcissist, the act had no meaning.
No more being just an "appliance" the narcissist used.
No more being repeatedly discarded.
No more being looked at with dead or empty eyes.
No more not ever being apologized to.
No more having to share your life and living space with a complete and total monster.
No more having to “loan” the narcissist money.
No more having to prove myself and being afraid of expressing myself
No more getting in trouble for missed days at work during discards and devalues
No more fearing their mood swings.
No more turning down friends invites for dinner fearing the narcissist would get jealous.
No more head games.
No more being accused of having someone in bed with me when the narcissist would call.
No more feeling nervous when they would drive 100 mph and hearing the narcissist was a good driver and that cars are made to drive fast blah blah blah)
Today’s task is to tackle “the spot”. You know the one. It’s the spot where you dump everything when you come home from work.
For some, it’s that little counter to the side of the fridge. For others, it’s the table in the foyer. It doesn’t matter where it is for you. Just get an empty box and dump everything in it.
Wipe “the spot” so that it’s nice and clean. Admire it for a moment.
Ok, now, it’s time to get to work. Set yourself up at the dining room table or your kitchen island.
Now, we’re going to sort through the box.
Make piles for mail, bills, books, things that need to go in other rooms etc. Throw out anything that you don’t need. Once it’s sorted, put each stack in its place.
This really shouldn’t take too long; it only seems overwhelming. Trust me. That’s it. You did it!
Day 1 is complete.
Pat yourself on the back. Better yet, write yourself a note and stick it on the fridge. Remind yourself that you can and will get organized!
Here's A Quick Easy and Cheap Place to Live When You Leave Your Narcissist!
What's one thing that's holding you back from leaving a narcissist? Often, it's because you have nowhere to go. One of our morning chat people had a smart idea for where to live - and I had to share it with you!
You may or may not know this about me, but Halloween is one of my FAVORITE holidays! It's fun and silly and my kids love it. Every year, my family throws a huge Halloween costume party for all of our friends. This year, I'm doing a special series here on QueenBeeing for the month of October - Halloween costume ideas!
Today, we're starting with Wonder Woman - for what I think are obvious reasons. Let's do this!
There are many options for costumes for girls - ranging from very modest ones for kids up through more daring ones for adults. There are also different versions of Wonder Woman to dress up as, given that she’s changed her outfit over time.
There are plenty of premade costumes out there, but you can create your own based on your favorite version of Wonder Woman as well. One of the most popular versions of the costume will be the one from the 2017 movie featuring Gal Gadot.
This version of the Wonder Woman outfit is much more sleek and modern, while retaining all of the iconic symbols. One of the most important parts is her tiara. It’s one of her most iconic parts of her outfit, and it’s been on every version of her.
Another important part of her outfit is her metal gauntlets. Next, there’s her dress, which consists of a red corset upper part and a short blue lower part. Finally, there’s her tall, red boots, which come up just below her knees.
There are many different styles to pick from to suit your interests. If you prefer a more modest costume, you can get one with a classic long blue skirt with white stars, reminiscent of the American flag.
You can also get ones more like the original Wonder Woman outfit, with short starred shorts and a corset. For the more comfort minded, you can get a t-shirt that resembles her corset without feeling so restrictive.
You can also get leggings to match instead of wearing a skirt or shorts, if weather and temperature is a concern. Wonder Woman costumes can be found for every age and size, from infants to adults.
7 Easy Tricks to Calm Your Mind Without Meditation
Meditation is a powerful tool, but it’s not the only way to calm your mind. Consider these tricks to find peace and inner calmness.
Try these ideas the next time you want to calm your mind and feel better:
1. Breathe. The simple act of breathing can help you calm down quickly and reduce anxiety. Breathing can help you focus on the moment and forget your worries. A few deep breaths help relax your muscles as your cells receive the extra oxygen.
○ Learn simple breathing exercises or just breathe deeply.
2. Show gratitude. By showing gratitude, you can change your focus and find peace. Being thankful and saying it can help you see the positive things that are around you.
○ Send an email, talk on the phone, or write a note to someone that you would like to thank.
○ When stopping and giving thanks, you’re also living in the present moment. When your mind is on the present moment, there’s no room for worrying about the future or regretting your past.
3. Smile. How often do you smile during the day? Do you smile at strangers as well as friends?
○ Smiling can instantly boost your mood. It can help relax the body and mind, help the immune system, and reduce stress.
○ Research published in the journal Psychological Science shows that even a fake smile can have a positive effect on the body. The act of smiling positively affects the brain.
4. Go for a hike or enjoy nature. If meditation doesn’t appeal to you because it involves sitting, then go for a hike or find another way to enjoy nature. Explore a park, trail, or other natural area near you.
○ Notice the sounds, smells, and visuals in front of you as you walk.
○ Nature can have a soothing impact on the brain and body.
5. Turn off your phone and other devices. Constant communication and connection can make it hard to have a calm mind. Turn off your phones, tablets, computers and other devices to find peace.
○ By disconnecting from technology for brief periods of time, you’ll be able to relax.
6. Play with your pet. If you’re lucky to have a dog, cat, or other animal, play with them to find calmness. Research shows that pets can help people stay calm and relax.
○ Try petting your dog or cat for an extended period of time. Only focus on them and don’t think about other issues.
○ Consider taking your pet for a walk and getting exercise at the same time.
7. Do some type of manual labor. Sometimes, manual labor such as cleaning the house or mowing the lawn can help calm the mind. Exercise can boost brain chemicals that make you happy.
○ Manual labor can help you forget issues by forcing you to focus on completing the tasks.
○ Look for activities that need to be done at home or at work. Do the dishes, vacuum, clean out closets, or organize cabinets. Sort the garage or attic, try gardening, or pull weeds. If you’re finished with tasks at home, reach out to friends and neighbors to help them.
Although meditation can be important, it’s not the only way to stay calm. Consider trying other methods and experimenting until you find the ones that work best for you.
The closest person to me is me. I know my strengths and uncertainties. When I talk to myself, I use words that uplift me and build my strength.
I relish in telling myself that I am a winner. It gives me a dose of encouragement for those situations where I am unsure of my ability to conquer.
Going for job interviews is intimidating, but when I remind myself that I am good enough, I lose all inhibitions and am able to sell myself as the ideal candidate. I avoid feeling inadequate. I dig deep into my soul and identify the things of true beauty there.
I am a symbol of inner beauty. Showing myself as an honest and caring person is enough to prove my worth. I close the door on anyone who overlooks those traits in search of outer beauty.
When I tell myself something positive for long enough, I end up believing it. Although I sometimes lack the proof of my ability, I move forward in faith. I know that I am able to develop whatever skills I desire.
Today, my self-talk is uplifting and empowering. My emphasis each day is to strengthen my spirit so that I remain willing to take on challenges. Anything in life is attainable when I believe in myself.
1. What do I tell myself when I am feeling discouraged?
2. How effective are meditation and deep breathing when I feel nervous?
3. When do I most need courage?