That’s what we’re talking about today – finding the part of yourself that lets you create and grow an unbreakable, unapologetic sense of self that will release you of the need to be validated from outside yourself.
There’s no shortage of information on how to strengthen your relationship with your family, boss, or coworkers. However, you never hear about how to have a more productive relationship with yourself.
Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have! Most of the trouble you have with yourself is that you don’t know yourself well.
You may have spent most of your life avoiding yourself. We don’t want to address our shortcomings or deal with uncomfortable thoughts. But you can’t escape yourself, so you might as well make friends.
Try these techniques to develop a stronger relationship with yourself:
Start your day with gratitude and positive thoughts. Instead of reaching over for your cell phone to check the weather or to see if your Clash of Clans village was raided overnight, spend the time on yourself. Mentally list a few things that make you grateful to be alive. Tell yourself something positive.
Give yourself the intention of having a good day.
List your positive qualities.
Get your day off to a good start with yourself.
Write in a journal. Your thoughts and life are worth recording. Take time each evening to write for a few minutes. You’ll gain a lot of insight and appreciation for your life. Show yourself that your life matters.
Let go of your avoidance behaviors. What do you do when you’re feeling emotionally under the weather? Shop? Eat? Get online? Instead of avoiding yourself, sit with yourself.
Just breathe and notice your feelings and body sensations. Avoiding them just prolongs the cycle.
In time, your negative emotions will dissipate without your attempts to hide from them.
Think of meditation as spending quality time with yourself. Begin with just a few minutes and extend the time as you feel more comfortable. You’ll learn how your mind works by meditating.
Spend time on your personal development. What do you feel the need to learn?
You spend so much time doing things for your boss, home, and family. Take a break and spend some time dealing with your own needs.
Have some fun. Plan some fun in your life. Get a monthly massage or meet a friend for ballroom dance lessons. It’s your life. Enjoy it.
Forgive yourself. You’ve made a few mistakes and missed out on a few sure-fire opportunities. That’s no reason to beat yourself up for the rest of your life. It’s time to let go of your past and forge ahead.
Groom yourself to a high standard. Take the time to shower each day and pay a regular visit to the barber or salon. Keep your grooming at a higher standard than others in your environment.
Take good care of yourself and show the world how much you mean to yourself.
Get help if you need it. No one can handle everything all of the time. Sooner or later, we all need help. That help may come in the form of a trusted friend or professional help. Get the help you need. Remember, you’re worth it.
How well do you know yourself? How well do you manage yourself? Both could always use a little enhancement. It’s not always easy to live with yourself, but remember that you have a lot to offer yourself!
Spend some time each day being good to yourself. Have some fun and spend some time on your personal development. Strengthen the most important relationship of all - the one with yourself.
Understand that you are relevant. You matter to the world. Your opinions matter. Your work matters. Your mere presence matters. You’ve already touched numerous lives in a positive way.
Understand that your greatest mistakes don’t define you. Your mistakes may have influenced your life, but they’ve only changed who you are if you’ve permitted it. It doesn’t matter how many mistakes you’ve made. Tomorrow is a new day.
Forgive someone that has wronged you. Forgiving doesn’t mean that you have to let them back into your life or give them another chance. It just means that you’re not going to spend any more time or mental energy holding onto your anger. Be good to yourself and let it go. You’ll impress yourself with your inner strength and enjoy the relief that forgiveness brings.
Think about the best compliments you’ve ever received. Bask in them. The most meaningful compliments are those that ring true in the depth of your soul. It’s exciting when someone else recognizes the best that we have to offer the world.
Take a stand for something you believe in. Be bold in your opinion of what’s right and wrong. Be willing to share your interests and hobbies with others. When you love yourself, you can do what interests you without the need for approval from others. Be proud of what’s most important to you.
Be kind to yourself. The world will be harsh enough on you. Make an effort to be kind to yourself. Remember your good qualities and your strengths.
Be of service to others. We admire those that give of themselves. You can admire yourself by spending some time each week helping to make someone else’s life a little easier or more pleasant. Find a charity or social organization that addresses a cause that’s near and dear to your heart.
Take care of yourself. See the doctor and dentist. Pay for a good haircut. Avoid dressing like a slob. Avoid being obsessed with your appearance, but give it the attention it deserves. Make an effort to look your best because you’re worth the time and effort.
Do something nice for yourself. Take the trip you’ve been putting off. Buy yourself a book. Take a class on a topic that interests you. Buy those expensive sheets for the bed. Don’t do it as a reward. Do it just because you’re wonderful.
Remember your greatest successes. Remember how amazing you are. You’ve done lots of great things. Remind yourself of them.
If you think you might have a book in you and you want to know how to get paid to write ebooks each month, you're going to want to try this free Kindle ebook author training I'm doing tomorrow, Friday November 3 - see it and sign up right here.
Free training on how I make money every month on Amazon and Kindle - and how you can too - coming Friday, Nov. 3, 2017!
As the author of more than 20 books and ebooks, many of which you can see at BooksAngieWrote.com, I'm often asked how I managed to write so many books and how I can keep making money from them every month.
Since so many people ask me, I'm working on a new free training for people who want to do it too - are you one of them?
Do you want to write Kindle eBooks and make monthly royalties on your work?
You know what you gain when you leave the narcissist. But what will you lose? Everyone's always telling you how much better life will be when you leave a narcissist right? They tell you what you'll gain - your freedom, your peace, etc.
No more of not having anyone to share in your accomplishments or appreciate your talents, because the narc doesn’t want to share the limelight.
being able to express your opinion without being accused of wanting to argue.
being able to have a collection and not be called a hoarder.
being able to be tired or sick without someone being pissed off because you're not taking care of them.
Being able to watch tv!
Being able to play Xbox!
Being allowed to stay up as long as you want to!
Not having to explain why your interests are not weird!
Being able to have an interest!
Being able to have a holiday that's not ruined, or a birthday!
No more hiding from the neighbors, so they can’t ask you questions!
Being allowed to raise your kids lovingly without paying the consequences!
Being able to say what I like and want matters!
no more tears and confusion!
No more name calling
No more narcissists saying they are playing when confronted
No more hearing, “If I don't give you a hard time, who will?”
not having your immune system damaged, lowered, compromised and destroyed leading to depression, illnesses and death. If the narc has financial incentives to see you dead, it all adds up.
- no more lies
- no emotional blackmail
- no more narc rage
- no more emotional abuse
- no more discouraging you
- no more constant fault finding
- no more confusion
No more of that feeling of terror just before and during a physical attack.
No more getting abuse for looking the wrong direction
No more catching a disease from the narc and then s/he's jealous because you are getting medical attention for said disease.
Fearing for my life and the life of my pet.
Fearing his or her calling the police on me for breaking the peace because I'm crying over her/his raging.
Watching him destroy the lives of his/her kids.
Having his ex-wife and another female friend in my bedroom, as I sleep or not.
Not having any of my things welcome in the home s/he wants me to share with him/her.
Not being stopped when I want to visit with family.
Not being stopped from sleeping all night, and not being stopped when I've decided I'm tired.
Not being forced to watch filth on tv and video.
No more “Hurry! Go to bed your dad's home!" and yelling at my children so he didn't.
No more dealing with a narcissist crushing/making fun of your goals and dreams
No more buying things for yourself and having them get broken
No more defending myself of BS.
No more starting every conversation with "now please don't get pissed, but…”
No more hearing a narcissist criticize my voice on phone calls and say they knew something was wrong.
No more having my quietness evaluated or being criticized for "a look a narcissist claimed I had"
No more being teased about my eyes.
No more being criticized about my looks.
No more hearing that I was a big girl; or being asked how much I weighed.
No more walking on eggshells
No more narcissist acting like they want to see you out of kindness but they’re broke, need food, need bus money/ a ride, and need clean laundry and play it like they’re doing you a favor by gracing you with their awesome company
No more escalating violence because she knows the law is on a female’s side and guys are guilty until proven innocent.
No more watching the narcissist check out young men/women half my age and then blaming me for paranoia.
No more sheer terror over uncovering complex lies, betrayal and deceit.
No more being fearful for my life over discovering the lies.
No more being lied about to police officers and being falsely thrown into jail for a day.
No more starving literally for love and food.
No more flying monkey shit head dumb ass fucks.
No more trauma.
No more gaslighting.
No more being threatened to be homeless.
No more stupid idiots surrounding me making me stupider emotionally and intellectually.
No more having my shit stolen.
Not having to worry that the narcissist isn't answering the phone on break time and learning later that they were in the car with someone else of the opposite sex.
No more porn in the DVD, on the computer, under the bed, in the shed, on top of the cupboard, in our caravan, in his truck, bedside drawer, on his phone, on his work computer.
No more paranoia about where the narcissist is at
No more finding Viagra in his car, stripper cards hidden in the kitchen and the proclamations "dindu nuffin"
No more caring what his/her stupid followers think of me and wondering what I have done now for all the negative judgements.
No more having to be a designated driver because the narc will always get drunk &/or stoned to "have a good time”.
No more being called too sensitive
No more cyber stalking
no longer being told you need to go to church
No more having to get tested for aids
No more being ditched on holidays
No more having to cancel everythingything
No more contact!
Being glad to be alive now that I know how to identify these beasts.
Not having to deal with the narcissist’s screams at midnight or later, waking up all the neighborhood, just because I told them something they didn't like or I told them if they didn't change, I would leave.
Not being abused anymore, like an object, with no emotions, no love, no feelings.
Not having to deal anymore with the devastation in my kid's eyes because the narcissist didn't keep theirpromises towards them. or toward me.
No more having to pretend I’m dumb and that I believed the lies.
No more bending over backwards trying to please my narcissist ex
No more being ignored after sex even if you did everything just the way the narcissist wanted.
No more feeling so alone and unloved and finally realizing you thought you were sharing your soul, but to the narcissist, the act had no meaning.
No more being just an "appliance" the narcissist used.
No more being repeatedly discarded.
No more being looked at with dead or empty eyes.
No more not ever being apologized to.
No more having to share your life and living space with a complete and total monster.
No more having to “loan” the narcissist money.
No more having to prove myself and being afraid of expressing myself
No more getting in trouble for missed days at work during discards and devalues
No more fearing their mood swings.
No more turning down friends invites for dinner fearing the narcissist would get jealous.
No more head games.
No more being accused of having someone in bed with me when the narcissist would call.
No more feeling nervous when they would drive 100 mph and hearing the narcissist was a good driver and that cars are made to drive fast blah blah blah)
Today’s task is to tackle “the spot”. You know the one. It’s the spot where you dump everything when you come home from work.
For some, it’s that little counter to the side of the fridge. For others, it’s the table in the foyer. It doesn’t matter where it is for you. Just get an empty box and dump everything in it.
Wipe “the spot” so that it’s nice and clean. Admire it for a moment.
Ok, now, it’s time to get to work. Set yourself up at the dining room table or your kitchen island.
Now, we’re going to sort through the box.
Make piles for mail, bills, books, things that need to go in other rooms etc. Throw out anything that you don’t need. Once it’s sorted, put each stack in its place.
This really shouldn’t take too long; it only seems overwhelming. Trust me. That’s it. You did it!
Day 1 is complete.
Pat yourself on the back. Better yet, write yourself a note and stick it on the fridge. Remind yourself that you can and will get organized!
Here's A Quick Easy and Cheap Place to Live When You Leave Your Narcissist!
What's one thing that's holding you back from leaving a narcissist? Often, it's because you have nowhere to go. One of our morning chat people had a smart idea for where to live - and I had to share it with you!
You may or may not know this about me, but Halloween is one of my FAVORITE holidays! It's fun and silly and my kids love it. Every year, my family throws a huge Halloween costume party for all of our friends. This year, I'm doing a special series here on QueenBeeing for the month of October - Halloween costume ideas!
Today, we're starting with Wonder Woman - for what I think are obvious reasons. Let's do this!
There are many options for costumes for girls - ranging from very modest ones for kids up through more daring ones for adults. There are also different versions of Wonder Woman to dress up as, given that she’s changed her outfit over time.
There are plenty of premade costumes out there, but you can create your own based on your favorite version of Wonder Woman as well. One of the most popular versions of the costume will be the one from the 2017 movie featuring Gal Gadot.
This version of the Wonder Woman outfit is much more sleek and modern, while retaining all of the iconic symbols. One of the most important parts is her tiara. It’s one of her most iconic parts of her outfit, and it’s been on every version of her.
Another important part of her outfit is her metal gauntlets. Next, there’s her dress, which consists of a red corset upper part and a short blue lower part. Finally, there’s her tall, red boots, which come up just below her knees.
There are many different styles to pick from to suit your interests. If you prefer a more modest costume, you can get one with a classic long blue skirt with white stars, reminiscent of the American flag.
You can also get ones more like the original Wonder Woman outfit, with short starred shorts and a corset. For the more comfort minded, you can get a t-shirt that resembles her corset without feeling so restrictive.
You can also get leggings to match instead of wearing a skirt or shorts, if weather and temperature is a concern. Wonder Woman costumes can be found for every age and size, from infants to adults.