What is Self-Love? (the carpenter’s level illustration) ______________
The concept of self-love and honor is woefully undertaught, even being misunderstood as egomania. To love, care for, appropriately protect, and maintain yourself is absolutely necessary for a healthy life, healthy life choices, and healthy relationships.
Self-love reflects upon how you nourish yourself, how are you keep healthy practices such as self-care, nourishment, and exercise, and even reflects upon such things as the job you choose and how you choose to maintain your home environment and its protective, nurturing qualities.
What happens when we do not love ourselves? Often, we do not think we deserve good structures in life such as a safe home environment, or decent, honest, appropriate people in our lives to honor us and treat us well. We often think to ourselves, “Oh well, I should just go ahead and date this person because I can’t get anybody any better anyway”, or “It’s okay that he/she treats me miserably, lies, etc. … he/she pays that bill or did that nice thing that one time, etc.”.
A tidal wave of horrendous treatment is not wiped away by some small measure of what looks like good. That’s a little like someone shooting you, but handing you a Band-Aid.
So what does self-love look/feel like? Imagine a carpenter’s level with the fluid-filled cylinder holding a single bubble.
Your sense of self and self-honor are represented by that bubble. Self-love keeps your bubble between the centering lines. If someone mistreats you, you are tuned in to the fact that your bubble is being pulled out of center. You are not being appropriately honored as a human being with value and merit. This is your moment to stand up and clarify your right to be treated well.If that person mistreating you will not correct their behavior, gaslights you, projects upon you, etc., then that is an individual who does not deserve to be in proximity to you.
It’s very important also to understand that self-love exists appropriately when you love yourself as well as loving and honoring the good people around you. Only can self-love be construed as narcissism/sociopathy when it exists in a detrimental state, cutting out honoring any/every person around.
Going through the hell that is narcissistic abuse does a real number to your ability to see your own self-worth. And while “self-worth” might not seem like a very important thing in theory, it can affect literally every single aspect of your life – and this does include your physical health, not to mention your mental health and ability to succeed in life.
Think of it as a step above self-respect. Having self-respect means that you understand that you are valuable as a person, while self-worth means that you feel valuable among people – that you feel that you bring something special to the table; that you are valuable.
Maybe you feel a low sense of self-worth because you may feel like you haven’t learned or accomplished as much as those around you. Or, maybe you’ve just entered a new space in which you feel less qualified than those around you, or you recently tried something that didn’t work out and it damaged your sense of self-worth. Whatever your situation is, there’s nothing wrong with the feeling that you need to earn a sense of self-worth provided that you know where to start.
So what are you supposed to do? How do you rediscover (or discover for the first time) your self-worth? How can you recognize your value as a person?
First: Change Your Perspective
Your perspective is the way you see things, and the first and most important thing you can do to improve your self worth is to change your perspective. Interesting fact: after being emotionally and mentally abused, we tend to become people-pleasers. This leads us to attempt to improve our self-worth by trying to prove ourselves to other people.
This almost never works, at least not for long. Validation from outside ourselves is fleeting and dependent on other people. We have to learn to self-validate – this is the only way to truly own our sense of self and self-worth.
Start by looking at how far you’ve come in your journey rather than comparing yourself to other people. And remember: everyone is different, and none of us was born with all of the knowledge, experience, and skills that make us valuable. Other people aren’t better than you because they got there first.
Learn Something New or Start a Project
I always find that a good project can be just what I need to get out of a slump. Maybe the project IS learning something new, or maybe it’s a creative venture. Either way, there’s a certain sense of accomplishment in creating, and in knowing that you know something. It gives you something to focus on, something to talk about and think about – something positive instead of negative. Learning something new that you are passionate about can help you to “grow forward” in some pretty significant ways. Join a club devoted to your passion, or just try to find some time on your own to do some reading and then find people that you can share your interest with. It’s a beautiful thing, my friend.
Maybe you can use your new-found skill as a volunteer. Not only could it help to improve your opinion of yourself, but it can also be the perfect outlet for your creative energy. Plus: volunteering is great for self-worth for a couple of reasons.
Sense of accomplishment and purpose – By volunteering, no matter what you do, you are giving your time and energy in order to help those who are less fortunate than you. Maybe you didn’t graduate at the top of your class or that last project at work didn’t go the way that you hoped, but every volunteer should feel that they are doing meaningful work and that their efforts are appreciated.
Using your talents in a supportive and unique environment – Learning new skills or learning how to use your skills in new ways can both be great ways to discover or increase your potential in an environment that is likely to be more supportive and less judgmental than a school or work environment.
Take Care of Yourself
Self-care is SO important in understanding our self-worth. It might seem obvious, but taking even a few minutes a day to just take care of YOU can change your whole world – and it can most definitely build self-worth.
This 5 week coaching group package starts next Tuesday,
Here are a few things past clients have said about this group:
Lise’s Self Care class has been an eye opener for me. She has a natural way of guiding her clients towards self discovery; allowing them to analyze their own personal situations and then create a path towards self healing that is individualized just for them. Lise is always available to respond to comments and questions from the group; even outside of “business hours” and often posts very thought provoking conversation starters. Her approach is non-judgmental and her candor is personable resulting in a forum where one feels “safe” to discuss their very personal feelings and experiences. Overtime it’s no longer a “class” but rather a loving, supportive extended family. I would recommend to anyone looking to move forward in their healing that they sign up for her classes. I look forward to the next course. -Diane
Joining the Self-Care Group Coaching seemed a logical next step in the healing journey. Had no idea how much it would impact my life in such a brief time. It’s more than a simple how-to and list of what to do. Lise Colucci is a beautiful soul who teaches and guides you to your path of self-care. She’s right there to encourage and gently nudge you as you move forward and face even difficult issues. The group is also filled with incredible souls, and it’s an honor to share this part of the journey with them. My loved ones have already noticed a difference and commented on the changes. If you have been dealing with your trauma bonds and are ready to move into the next step of healing, self-care coaching is an amazing resource to help you move forward! -Tam
Want to find out what this is all about and how to join ? Here is the information about the self-care focused group coaching with Lise Colucci, certified life coach, to get you started.
Times are either 9:30 am, 11am or 6pm Pacific on Tuesdays for 5 weeks and we meet for one hour on video chat per week. Also included is a group messenger chat where group members can offer each other support and Lise will be on daily to answer questions, offer support and listen.
Cost is $75 for all 5 weeks ( non-refundable )
Here are a few ways this will benefit you:
Taking self-care beyond pampering.
Looking at where you can make changes to improve your life and healing. -Individual attention with a group setting to personalize your self-care focus.
Creating a self-love lifestyle. All phases and stages of healing are welcome to join and you will get help with where you are at personally.
We will set up a group chat so you can help each other through the week and send inspiration as well.
About me in this… I listen and am good at hearing the bigger picture. I help you to see your own inner wisdom and abilities through listening to your struggles. I also try to keep it fun while suggesting ideas to help each person based on their own personal needs.
I’m so excited to share my newest narcissistic abuse recovery coaching program – this one is a personalized, one-on-one Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching Program that I’m calling Clear the Slate.
Not only will it save you $278 total in appointment discounts and services discounts, but it’ll also offer you tons of additional help and content, which you can keep forever to help you as you go forward.
The goal: Clear the Slate and Get Your Feet on Solid Ground: Stop Spinning Your Wheels (A 6-Week Personalized Program to Help You Find Center and Start Living Again)
Are you dealing with narcissistic abuse in a relationship, or have you dealt with it in the past? If so, you might be a candidate for this program.
As you’re going through this recovery and growth process of recognizing and getting through narcissistic abuse, or of getting over a narcissistic relationship (not to mention the mental damage done by it), you might start to feel like you’re not quite connected like you should be – or like you want to be.
Let me ask you: do you ever feel like there’s a sort of barrier or bubble around you that prevents you from actually experiencing life?
Or maybe you can’t quite “feel” the world around you? Or, is it kind of like like you’re looking at people through a fog or screen, or maybe like you just have no emotions at all?
If you’re feeling scattered, forgetting things and generally dissociating from yourself and your life as you work to heal from the abuse you endured during your narcissistic relationship, you’re not alone.
In fact, you might also be feeling a variety of PTSD-related symptoms as you go through this process, and that’s because you’ve been through an emotional hell, or you may still be going through it.
Here’s What’s In It for You
As we work together, you will learn how to stop spinning and put your feet on solid, level ground. By the time we’re finished, you’ll be ready to really start your new life and to begin creating the life and self you truly want and deserve.
This means you’ll learn:
To discover the exact reason and to let go of whatever brought you to this broken place in your life – and exactly how and why you should.
Why and how dissociation and other PTSD-related symptoms have literally saved your sanity and maybe even your life in the past, and why it’s so hard to let go of them.
How you can stop dissociating find center again.
Coping tactics for the weeks and months ahead as you go through your self-rediscovery process and get through the narcissistic abuse aftershocks.
How and why you’ve got to live in the moment.
Self-care affirmations, plans and daily routines to help you learn to love yourself, in a way that you never could before.
Included are the Following Weekly 45-Minute, One-on-One Coaching Sessions, Each Customized to Your Specific Situation and Needs
Week One: Push the ‘Restart Button’ On Your Life
Week Two: Letting Go of Old Baggage
Week Three: Managing Dissociation and PTSD 101
Week Four: How and Why to Start Living in the Moment
Week Five: Something to Anchor You
Week Six: Freedom and Self-Love: Developing Your Personal Passion Plan
And: Weekly Self-Discovery and Personal Development Missions:
Week One: Jumpstart Guide to Your Brand New Life
Week Two: Personal Baggage Inventory Tool: Figuring Out What You Can Leave at the “Station”
Week Three: Coping Tactics & Tools
Week Four: Tools for Development: Mantras for Moving Forward
Week Five: Anchoring Yourself: Your Personal Sign of Self-Actualization
Week Six: Your Passion Plan Building Kit
Plus: Tools to Help You Move Forward and Reclaim Your Life, Including:
Access to Coaching via App During the 6 Weeks and for 2 Weeks Afterward (Learn more at DailyCoach.App)
Daily & Weekly Reminders, Checklists and Related Reading Materials
Daily Affirmations, Journal Prompts, Exercises and Reflections sent to your private coaching inbox during the 6-week program.
Have you had the experience of feeling silenced by a narcissist? Life coach, Lise Colucci relates the stories of survivors who have and talks about the many ways in which a narcissist silences you. What would you add ? In what way were you silenced?
Times are either 11am or 6pm on Tuesdays for 5 weeks and we meet for one hour on video chat.
Contact Lise for the next start date or jump in mid-way with pay as you go option, email for details.
Cost is $75 for all 5 weeks ( non-refundable )
Here are a few ways this will benefit you:
Taking self-care beyond pampering.
Looking at where you can make changes to improve your life and healing.
Individual attention with a group setting to personalize your self-care focus.
Creating a self-love lifestyle.
All phases and stages of healing are welcome to join and you will get help with where you are at personally. We will set up a group chat so you can help each other through the week and send inspiration as well.
About me in this… I listen and am good at hearing the bigger picture. I help you to see your own inner wisdom and abilities through listening to your struggles. I also try to keep it fun 🙂 while suggesting ideas to help each person based on their own personal needs. For information about Lise go to http://queenbeeing.com/lise/
Self-reflection focus group coaching is a third group coaching offering from one of QueenBeeing’s life coaches, Lise Colucci. The focus of this group will be healing from the programming of narcissistic abuse and thriving. This group coaching is for anyone looking to understand, uncover, work on topics such as codependent traits, inner-child healing, changing limiting beliefs and much more. Self-reflection will improve your life and increase your ability to thrive. Join Lise as you work towards transformation and evolving.
If you feel that you may need to deepen self-care the Self-Care group coaching might be the place to start but if you are ready to begin the self-care supported healing that you may feel you need to create a thriving life then this may right for you.
Details: One hour weekly video meetings on Wednesday 6pm or Friday 11 am Pacific Begins October 9th Cost: $60 (non refundable at this reduced group rate) for all 4 weeks . This includes a private group messenger chat currently on Facebook for daily check-in if you need it as well as a printable journal and access to additional resources.