I was reading this article today from YourTango (that really strikes home for many people who are in relationships with narcissists) when one line jumped out at me.
"He's a master at deflection. His actions are no longer the focus; I'm the one on trial now."
Boy, that sounded familiar. There's so much truth in those sentences for people who have been the victims of narcissists.
Gaslighting and the narcissistic flip - a toxic combination
Narcissists are becoming quite infamous these days for their honed manipulation tactics, often called gaslighting.
The Narcissistic Flip
One of the most effective kinds of gaslighting is when a narcissist sort of "flips the script" on you during an argument.
I have dubbed this practice the "narcissistic flip," and have found that it's a regularly employed manipulation technique for many narcs.
The "flip" happens most often when you make a valid point or have the nerve to question the narc about anything.
That's about the time everything turns around and suddenly, you're the one who's sorry (mostly that you bothered engaging in yet another pointless argument).
Flipping the script: How they do it
How does it happen? Let's look at an example of how a narcissist will flip the script during an argument.
As you read through the following paragraphs, do you recognize anything familiar?
Jeff and Alisha: The Narcissistic Flip in Action
Jeff and Alisha have been married for 15 years when suddenly, Jeff develops a drinking problem.
Though he's been a social drinker until now, he's suddenly spending more time away from home, and when he is home, he drinks more often than not.
This causes the kids to complain to Alisha, who gingerly brings her concerns to Jeff.
Jeff acknowledges that he's heard complaints from the kids, but then says she's the one causing the problem in the first place.
Because, he says, they are only children and not capable of forming those thoughts on their own. So that means that Alisha must have told them her concerns, poisoning the children against him.
Now it's Alisha who is under the microscope. As Jeff systematically pulls the old switcheroo on her, he not only removes the focus from his own bad behavior, but he begins a whole new process of putting Alisha on trial.
Before she knows what's happening, Alisha begins to question her own thoughts. What if Jeff is right and she really IS a bad mom?
What if she's really been the problem all along? Maybe she's as crazy as Jeff says - after all, she can't seem to even make a simple decision anymore.
Alisha has just been gaslighted - and after 15 years, it's just another day in the life of a narcissist's wife (aka his narcissistic supply).
Have you experienced the narcissist flip? Share your thoughts and experiences below, or hit me up on Facebook. Let's discuss this!
- Are you being gaslighted? 10 things you need to know if you love a narcissist (queenbeeing.com)
- Confronting Narcissists (cynthiabaileyrug.wordpress.com)
- Narcissistic decimal number (rosettacode.org)
- Surviving the Narcissistic Parent: ACoNs (Adult Children of Narcissists) (jambiethoughts.wordpress.com)
- Narcissists and the Sex Agenda (betternotbroken.com)
- Toxic Relationships and Narcissism: Stages of Gaslighting (queenbeeing.com)
- My New Bestseller: 'Take Back Your Life' (onlinewritingpro.com)
- Love a Narcissist? Stop Gaslighting in its Tracks With This Foolproof Trick (queenbeeing.com)