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Everyone’s got the capacity to find herself in the clutches of a narcissist – often before you even realize it. Most times, it’s not until you’re fully codependent that you even realize that there’s something kind of…off…about the person you’re involved with; and it’s not until you’ve become incredibly, deeply infatuated that you find yourself here, looking for answerrs.
The narcissist can be charming, especially when he’s in “acquire mode,” also called love bombing or hoovering – but once he’s sure he’s got you wrapped around his little finger, you’ll begin to see his true face – and trust me, it’s not pretty.
Take this quiz to help you determine whether you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, or there’s something else happening.
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Thanks for taking the Narcissism in Relationships Test! If you answered at least 3 of these questions “correctly,” you might have a narcissist on your hands.
While this test isn’t comprehensive or scientific, it does seem like you might be in a narcissistic relationship, or at least that you’re dealing with a narcissist in some capacity. I suggest you visit my Narcissism Support Coaching Resource Center for free and low-cost resources to help you begin your healing journey.
Domestic Violence? If you’re dealing with physical or sexual abuse in this relationship, you’re in the wrong place – this is very serious and it requires immediate action. Please, please visit this page packed with emergency help and resources – and get some help right away.
Does this person use your fears against you in order to elicit a certain kind of behavior from you? Do you feel like this person is out to feel “better” than you?
For Example: If you told this person you felt insecure about your weight, he might later make discreet pokes at it, or in a romantic relationship, make comments about others who are thinner than you are.
Does this person claim to know what you (or others) are thinking? If you deny that your mind’s working the way he/she believes it is, are you accused of lying, or does the person make gestures or noises that indicate that?
Are you being told that things are normal when, deep down, you know for sure they are not?
For example: Your boss asks you to blatantly lie to a client about the safety of an item. When you refuse, you might be told that ALL employees lie on behalf of their employers and that if you don’t want to be a team player, maybe you should find another position.
Are you being accused of being “crazy” or called paranoid, stressed out—too sensitive or even hormonal? Do you get told that you need therapy or meds (or something similar)?
Examples: “God, you need help!” or “You’re just like your crazy mother (brother, father, etc.)!” or “You really should consider getting some therapy – you’ve got some serious issues!”
Are you sometimes told that what you know to be true is not real?
For example, if your mother says your significant other is a loser and that you need to dump him, after awhile, you might start to believe it and might even end up sabotaging the relationship because you begin to question your own judgment, thanks to regular conditioning during visits, phone calls and emails with her.
Does this person have selective memory? Does he/she deny that he said something that upset you if you confront him/her on it, will promise to do something and later tell you that it never happened?
Hint: He/she might also use creative language to downplay his behavior and act as though your reaction is totally out of line.
Do you lie to this person to “keep the peace” or avoid getting him/her all upset or anxious?
Do find yourself at least bending the truth a little in order to avoid the verbal/physical abuse that is sure to follow any discussion or situation that is against the person’s “rules” or “standards” sometimes?
Have you stopped talking about yourself around the person?
True or false: Depending on the depth of your relationship with him or her; you might even stop talking about yourself altogether. Then one day, when someone asks you a question about yourself, you’re stumped. You might even forget HOW to talk about you.
Are you depressed, angry, anxious or otherwise “unsettled” in ways that don’t feel “normal” to you as a result of this relationship? Do you often feel that you’re just not good enough for this person?