Sometimes, when you find yourself enmeshed in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, even though you realize your best option would be to leave or go no-contact, it isn’t always a real possibility in every situation. For example, you might be co-parenting or working with a narcissist.
Sometimes, you just want things to go smoothly – you’re not in the mood for a narcissist’s usual games, gaslighting and emotional manipulation. And you’re certainly not feeling like fending off any narcissistic rage, or narcissistic injury.
That’s right. Sometimes, you just want first aid – a quick and simple way to make life easier for awhile – to make the narcissist just BE NICE TO YOU.
PLEASE NOTE: This ONLY works if you ARE NOT IN ANY DANGER OF A PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE REACTION! If you are being physically abused or you think you might be soon, visit this page.
- Do not reward “bad” behavior with the narcissist’s desired reaction. So: Your only response to negative behavior is “GRAY ROCK.” PLEASE NOTE: This can and may induce narcissistic rage, narcissistic injury and extreme gaslighing. You may feel angry or upset -but DO NOT show it, no matter what. Stay positive and polite.
- Reward “good” behavior with what the narcissist needs from you: love, admiration and his or her proper place on the pedestal. When the narc behaves him or herself, even if you recognize it as love bombing or idealization, bestow all the love and admiration you can on him/her — tell him/her how amazing and wonderful and perfect they are – and do it as sincerely if you can. AND: This can even work if you’re dealing with an ex in a co-parenting situation or a boss or co-worker – just adjust to make it appropriate for the situation.
Bottom line? Don’t expect miracles – narcs won’t ever change for the most part. So make sure you understand that this will be your new way of life! Be consistent. You can NEVER stop these practices if you hope to keep this thing going. The narc will absolutely and repeatedly try the various “bad” behaviors – aka manipulation and abuse tactics – and you will need to be very in control of your emotions to make this happen. BUT you CAN do it, if you choose to.