"There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness." ~ Lady Blessington


As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, chances are that you don't feel beautiful, much less sexy - and, if you're human, you might occasionally wish you could just kinda bring your sexy back - right?

Do you ever look in the mirror and wish you could change certain things about yourself? Have you felt like you lacked self confidence because you pick yourself apart – your bone structure, weight, facial features – or something else like your hair or teeth?

Maybe you just feel like you’re simply “not good enough,” based on either society’s standards or some unreasonable version of perfection you’ve built up in your head.

But for you, I’ve got great news: You’re not alone.

No, it’s true. See, at some point in our lives, each of us makes a decision to become self deprecating about our looks. It might be to extract compliments from others, or because you truly feel sub-par to those around you.

But ladies...that’s not the way to go. Not only does it bring you WAY down, but it also has other adverse effects you might not even know about!

Still - let’s start here: You can be as sexy as you wanna be!

Yeah, I said sexy. And beautiful, hot, amazingly gorgeous. You can have all that. Yes, you!

First, know this: you don’t have to live life feeling ugly, unattractive or in any way undesirable. Seriously.

Stick with me - I’ll explain.

See, the truth is that you don’t just want to feel more attractive – you want to BE more attractive. And you can be!

Beauty, like personality, seems to be contagious when the person you’re around feels good about themselves - and this is where it all comes together.

Influencing Beauty in Others

You will influence others who are looking at you into seeing you as beautiful if you change certain things about your behavior – things which provide concrete (not imaginary) beauty enhancements for you.

You can’t simply put a wish out to the universe that you’ll wake up tomorrow and suddenly feel better about how you look – or literally wake up and look like a supermodel. DAMMIT!

Yeah, it sucks, but that’s not how it works. You have to go through a process where you recognize and eliminate the thoughts that are creating an obstacle for your beauty and then replace them with affirmations and action steps that will help you achieve your beauty goals and make you feel good about yourself.

Read more: How to Find Your Inner Hottie

Ask Yourself: What Negative Beauty Issues Are Plaguing You?

Have you ever seen someone that you recognized immediately as having low self esteem? Typically, these people don’t want to stand out in public. They shy away from attention because they assume it will be negative.

Learn how to be the center of attention at every party!

You might even call them “wallflowers,” if you were feeling like labeling folks.  

As wallflowers, they dress down, hunch over and try to avoid eye contact. Not only does that individual feel unattractive – but others who encounter them also have the same feeling – because they’re hiding their true beauty and not giving themselves a chance.

Give Yourself a Freaking Chance!

Before you can embrace the law of attraction to work for you in making you more beautiful, you have to understand what’s going wrong right now. Until you’re aware of how you are the one sabotaging your beauty, you won’t be able to fix the situation.

If someone asked you what you hate about yourself, would you already have your list going? If so, you might have some overall self esteem issues that need to be repaired through positive affirmations and reinforced action steps.

But if you have a few specific issues you want to work on, then you can pinpoint those and hone in on a healthier attitude and solutions that work for you quickly and easily once you remove your current hurdles.

It’s Not Just YOU: Men Feel Ugly, Too

I don’t know about you, but it helps me to know it’s not just us girls. As you might already know, the loss of hair can be very upsetting and start as early as your twenties to middle age and after for many men – and women, too!

People are very self conscious about hair loss and it’s a common thing both genders have to deal with.

  • Too much (or too little) weight can also be a hindrance in you feeling like you’ve maximized your beauty potential. If you’re underweight, it’s just as debilitating to you as it is for those trying to manage the burden of too many pounds added onto their frame.
  • The state of your skin might pose a problem for you. There are dozens of skin issues that affect people – acne, psoriasis, eczema, and in some cases, even the color of your skin, depending on what you personally feel uncomfortable about.
  • The way that you’re aging can prevent you from feeling beautiful consistently. Maybe your hair has grayed early, you’ve noticed some fine lines around your eyes and mouth, and you have age spots popping up on your hands.
  • The way specific body parts appear can cause you to feel like you’re not attractive. Your breasts may be too small, or sag now. Your legs might be too thick – or too skinny. Or maybe your butt isn’t lifted or rounded enough for you.

You have to know what you need to work on letting go of so that you can actively release those feelings and make way for something else. If you ignore the problem, then you’ll just be trying to paint over it and it will continue festering beneath the surface.

Make today the final day that these issues (whatever they may be for you) weight heavy on your heart. Make preparations to say goodbye to these feelings of low self worth. It’s time for it to end.

There are enough people in this world to attack others for shallow things such as how they look – there’s no need for you to take part in ripping yourself apart before anyone else does. You should be fortifying yourself to withstand criticism and invite appropriate remarks (and thoughts) about your beauty.

Change Your Mind, Beautiful!

Once you’re fully aware of how you’re cutting yourself down in the beauty department, it’s time to release yourself from that burden and begin growing a new mindset – one that isn’t weighed down by a low self esteem or anxious about ridicule.

You can use the law of attraction to help boost the way you think of yourself, the way you actually look, and the way others think you look as well. You want to be starting from a clean slate, so the first thing you want to do is forgive yourself for the time you’ve spent harboring bad feelings about your beauty.

You can say things like, “I forgive myself for not realizing the true potential of my beauty.” Allow yourself to be free of guilt and anything you’ve done to disable your self esteem – or anything you believe when others chipped away at it.

Then start rebuilding. You’ve just torn down the foundation of an unhealthy way to live. Now you are going to use the best tools available to replace it with something better than you could have ever imagined.

Everyone will have different methods that work for them. You can do positive affirmations, reboot the way you look at your body, take action steps to make change, or any combination of those options.

Let’s go over the mindset here. That’s the portion that helps you with your beauty internally. Then we’ll tackle the actual action steps that help change your appearance on the outside.

It's All in Your Head: Make It Beautiful!

You already know what you hate about yourself. Now let’s look at you in a different way. You can do this in front of a mirror or just by being thoughtful in a quiet and serene place, but be fully cognizant of what you’re doing without interruptions.

Look at yourself and tell yourself what’s right with your body. Most people have something about themselves that they love or like. Maybe you love the almond shape of your eyes or the color of them. Maybe you appreciate that you have an even skin tone.

Find things, no matter how small, to appreciate about the way you look. You’re rebooting your mind to be accepting of yourself – to clear the way for you to embrace change.

The Speed of Change

This isn’t something that happens overnight. Just standing in front of a mirror saying positive things about yourself doesn’t mean you wake up tomorrow feeling like a new person.

But it gives you a starting point. Then, on a daily basis, you need to tune into your negative self talk and stop yourself whenever you begin putting yourself down again.

For example, if you hear yourself (verbally or in your mind) say something like, “I hate my stomach! I haven’t lost this post-baby weight,” replace it immediately when you realize you did it.

Say something positive such as, “I appreciate that my body provided a way for me to bring a little miracle into this world. I am powerful and beautiful.”

Affirmations WORK!

Don’t just do it whenever you have subjected yourself to negative thoughts, either. This kind of reinforcement has to come to you on a continual basis. Wake up each morning with a compliment to yourself as you wash your face or brush your teeth.

On your way to work, on breaks, at lunch, on your ride home, and before bed, make sure you fill yourself full of positive energy that the universe needs to help you realize your new truth.

Want the Beautiful Life? Start Living Life as Beautiful People Do

The universe doesn’t work by magically delivering what you want just because you asked for it.  It expects you to embrace what you want as a new reality, so what does that mean?

It means you have to wake up every day now and live like you’re beautiful. Live like you think you’re beautiful and like others believe it, too. This also takes practice – but it becomes normal to you after a short while.

You have to think about what action steps a beautiful person takes in life. We already know they think and feel beautiful, which is how you’ll be reprogramming yourself mentally.

Beauty in the Physical 

Now what about the physical life – the routines and habits of beautiful people? Let’s go back to the core issues that many men and women deal with and look at how you can use the law of attraction to implement an action plan that enhances your beauty.

Hair loss is the first problem we discussed. The first thing you want to do is stop participating in any activity that seeks to temporarily hide your hair loss. These ramp up the feelings of shame that you have.

  • Activities like this include sweeping your hair over your head to cover a balding crown, or continually wearing a baseball cap – even when it’s not feasible to be in that sort of attire.
  • Investing in a wig or having surgical solutions is not a temporary fix – those are tools with which you can boost your confidence, so they’re not the same. People with beautiful hair take care of it – so what can you do for yours?
  • Invest in some of the best hair products. Treat yourself to things like professional (updated) styles, top shelf hair care products, and supplements like Biotin that make your hair strong and resilient.

Weight – too much or too little – can plague you if you don’t do anything about it. How does a beautiful person live life? Someone who has a slender body doesn’t put unhealthy food in bulk amounts into his or her body. They nourish and feed their body – and they exercise to help their body burn off that fuel.

  • If you weigh too little, then you have to actively seek out a way to bulk up. You have to feed your body healthy proteins and exercise in a way that you feel growth, not a fat burning routine.

Skin issues such as acne or discoloring have to be treated and you have to be proactive. Take care of your skin and get professional help if needed. 

  • A basic regimen of washing and moisturizing your face daily and before you go to bed is highly effective. I love coconut oil for this purpose!
  • Aging is easy to slow down and reverse. Instead of acting and feeling old, take action steps to take care of your body.
  • Hydrate your skin to plump out any wrinkles that surface on your skin, get your hair colored to provide instant youth, straighten your spine when you walk so that you don’t feel elderly and hunched over.
  • Body parts can all be worked on. There are exercises, support bras, and even surgical treatments that can help you improve your appearance.

With all of these beauty issues, you never want to be focused on what you can change about yourself. You have to be coming from a place of accepting and loving yourself enough that you work on making you your best self.

If you continue coming from a place of, “I’m ugly,” then your actions will reflect those thoughts and people will treat you as if it’s true. Start by opening up your mind to a new truth. Then let your actions take charge and help you create a new life of living as the sexy, amazingly beautiful woman. that you TRULY ARE!

What are your best beauty tips as they relate to the Law of Attraction? Share them in the comments below!

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