10 Things Narcissists Say When Gaslighting You

Written by Angela Atkinson

Things Narcissists Say To Make You Feel Crazy: Crazy-Making & Gaslighting Examples – Here are ten things narcissists say when they’re gaslighting you – and what they really mean, translated into “human English.”

Narcissists are never easy to deal with, but when you’re dealing with gaslighting, things get more complicated, don’t they?  Before we dig in, a quick definition of gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a sneaky way that narcissists manipulate us in order to gain control over us. For the record: it is a form of emotional abuse.

It causes us to question our judgment of even the tiniest things, the things we see in front of our own eyes and allows the narcissist to control us by making us dependent on their beliefs or their perception because we stopped trusting our own.

  1. “Why are you being so difficult?” means “Why are you not doing what I want you to do?”
  2. “You are abusive to me.” means “I feel that you are challenging my sense of Superiority and I want to guilt you into doing what I want so I will stop saying you’re abusive.”
  3. “How could you be mad at my rude comment? It sucks – you used to think I was funny” means “How dare you not laugh at the jokes I make at your expense? Don’t you know better? You didn’t give me the reaction I wanted and it’s your fault.”
  4. “You keep screwing up! This is outrageous! How many chances do you expect me to give you before I ghost?” means “I want you to do what I say, but you keep doing something else. I need you to feel afraid that you’ll be alone so you’ll start doing what I want.”
  5. “I really thought you would be the last guy/girl I would ever be with ” means “I’m already cheating on you, or considering it.”
  6. “Everyone thinks I’m amazing – why don’t you?” means “Can’t you just pretend you haven’t seen behind my mask?”
  7. “Look, I know what you think, but we just need to be on the same page.” means “Look, I don’t care what you think, and you need to think whatever I think instead.”
  8. “You make it impossible to talk to you” means “You just refuse to believe my lies, and I seriously hate that!”
  9. “You really think I did that? I’m shocked you think I’d do such a thing” means “How dare you see through the smoke and mirrors and see me for what and who I really am? Don’t you know I’m amazing and perfect?”
  10. “Oh my god, see, this is why we can’t talk! You’re always YELLING at me! Don’t you see that you’re the problem here?” means “I have twisted your words and thoughts until you get frustrated and yell at me. And my feelings are hurt that you expect me to take responsibility for my own behavior. This is really all your fault.”

Author

  • Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own. Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves. Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.

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