You know what you gain when you leave the narcissist. But what will you lose? Everyone’s always telling you how much better life will be when you leave a narcissist right? They tell you what you’ll gain – your freedom, your peace, etc.

But they never tell you exactly what you’ll lose when you go no contact or when you break up with the narcissist. In this video, I’ll tell you 109 things that you lose when you lose the narcissist. This list was compiled after a survey of more than 100k people in our SPANily narcissistic abuse recovery support groups. 

109 Things You Can Stop Worrying About When You Go No Contact with a Narcissist

1. No more of not having anyone to share in your accomplishments or appreciate your talents, because the narc doesn’t want to share the limelight.
2. Being able to express your opinion without being accused of wanting to argue.
3. Being able to have a collection and not be called a hoarder.
4. Being able to be tired or sick without someone being pissed off because you’re not taking care of them.
5. Being able to watch tv!
6. Being able to play Xbox!
7. Being allowed to stay up as long as you want to!
8. Not having to explain why your interests are not weird!
9. Being able to have an interest!
10. Being able to have a holiday that’s not ruined – or a birthday!
11. No more hiding from the neighbors, so they can’t ask you questions!
12. Being allowed to raise your kids lovingly without paying the consequences!
13. Being able to say what I like and want matters!
14. no more tears and confusion!
15. No more name-calling
16. No more narcissists saying they are playing when confronted
17. No more hearing, “If I don’t give you a hard time, who will?”
18. Not having your immune system damaged, lowered, compromised, and destroyed leading to depression, illnesses and death.  If the narc has financial incentives to see you dead, it all adds up.
19. No more lies
20. No emotional blackmail
21. No more narcissistic rage
22. No more emotional abuse
23. No more discouraging you
24. No more constant fault finding
25. No more confusion
26. No more of that feeling of terror just before and during a physical attack.
27. No more getting abuse for looking the wrong direction
28. No more catching a disease from the narc and then s/he’s jealous because you are getting medical attention for said disease.
29. Fearing for my life and the life of my pet.
30. Fearing his or her calling the police on me for breaking the peace because I’m crying over her/his raging.
31. Watching him destroy the lives of his/her kids.
32. Having his ex-wife and another female friend in my bedroom, as I sleep or not.
33. Not having any of my things welcome in the home s/he wants me to share with him/her.
34. Not being stopped when I want to visit with family.
35. Not being stopped from sleeping all night, and not being stopped when I’ve decided I’m tired.
36. Not being forced to watch filth on tv and video.
37. No more “Hurry! Go to bed your dad’s home!” and yelling at my children so he didn’t.
38. No more dealing with a narcissist crushing/making fun of your goals and dreams
39. No more buying things for yourself and having them get broken
40. No more defending myself of BS.
41. No more starting every conversation with “now please don’t get pissed, but…”
42. No more hearing a narcissist criticize my voice on phone calls and say they knew something was wrong.
43. No more having my quietness evaluated or being criticized for “a look a narcissist claimed I had”
44. No more being teased about my eyes.
45. No more being criticized for my looks.
46. No more hearing that I was a big girl; or being asked how much I weighed.
47. No more walking on eggshells
48. No more narcissist acting like they want to see you out of kindness but they’re broke, need food, need bus money/ a ride, and need clean laundry and play it like they’re doing you a favor by gracing you with their awesome company
49. No more escalating violence because she knows the law is on a female’s side and guys are guilty until proven innocent.
50. No more watching the narcissist check out young men/women half my age and then blaming me for paranoia.
51. No more sheer terror over uncovering complex lies, betrayal and deceit.
52. No more being fearful for my life over discovering the lies.
53. No more being lied about to police officers and being falsely thrown into jail for a day.
54. No more starving literally for love and food.
55. No more flying monkey shit head dumb ass fucks.
56. No more trauma.
57. No more gaslighting.
58. No more being threatened to be homeless.
59. No more stupid idiots surrounding me making me stupider emotionally and intellectually.
60. No more having my shit stolen.
61. Not having to worry that the narcissist isn’t answering the phone on break time and learning later that they were in the car with someone else of the opposite sex.
62. No more porn in the DVD, on the computer, under the bed, in the shed, on top of the cupboard, in our caravan, in his truck, bedside drawer, on his phone, on his work computer.
63. No more paranoia about where the narcissist is at
64. No more finding Viagra in his car, stripper cards hidden in the kitchen, and the proclamations “dindu nuffin”
65. No more caring what his/her stupid followers think of me and wondering what I have done now for all the negative judgments.
66. No more having to be a designated driver because the narc will always get drunk &/or stoned to “have a good time”.
67. No more being called too sensitive
68. No more cyberstalking
69. no longer being told you need to go to church
70. No more having to get tested for aids
71. No more being ditched on holidays
72. No more having to cancel everything I plan
73. No more contact!
74. Being glad to be alive now that I know how to identify these beasts.
75. Not having to deal with the narcissist’s screams at midnight or later, waking up all the neighborhood, just because I told them something they didn’t like or I told them if they didn’t change, I would leave.
76. Not being abused anymore, treated as an object, with no emotions, no love, no feelings.
77. Not having to deal anymore with the devastation in my kid’s eyes because the narcissist didn’t keep their promises towards them. or toward me.
78. No more having to pretend I’m dumb and that I believed the lies.
79. No more bending over backward trying to please my narcissist ex
80. No more being ignored after sex even if you did everything just the way the narcissist wanted.
81. No more feeling so alone and unloved and finally realizing you thought you were sharing your soul, but to the narcissist, the act had no meaning.
82. No more being just an “appliance” the narcissist used.
83. No more being repeatedly discarded.
84. No more being looked at with dead or empty eyes.
85. No more not ever being apologized to.
86. No more having to share your life and living space with a complete and total monster.
87. No more having to “loan” the narcissist money.
88. No more having to prove myself and being afraid of expressing myself
89. No more getting in trouble for missed days at work during discards and devalues
90. No more fearing their mood swings.
91. No more turning down friends invites for dinner fearing the narcissist would get jealous.
92. No more head games.
93. No more being accused of having someone in bed with me when the narcissist would call.
94. No more feeling nervous when they would drive 100 mph and hearing the narcissist was a good driver and that cars are made to drive fast blah blah blah)
95. No more thinking I’m crazy.
96. No more being called horrible names.
97. No more getting the silent treatment and no more of me being blamed for leaving
98. No more hearing that “I don’t try hard enough and I should’ve hugged the narcissist”
99. No more crying and not being able to wear makeup.
100. No more fearing to shave my legs because that meant I “went out” the night before.
101. No more being forced to do things when I wasn’t feeling up to it.
102. No more cringing when he/she would walk out of stores without paying for stuff.
103. No more babysitting the narcissist’s kid even though they were awful the night before.
104. No more being told that medicine is bad and that I shouldn’t take Advil or Excedrin meanwhile (when the narc did drugs) ?
105. No more hearing the narcissist brag about how good they are at their job and without them, they are all probably dying of boredom.
106. No more lying to my kids as to why I’m crying (that still hurts)
107. No more of the narcissist’s stupid “I’m so spiritual” speeches yet they didn’t know what the hell they were talking about.
108. No more broken promises.
109. No longer being accused of everything that goes wrong in the world.

Related Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Articles and Videos to Help You

• Narcissists and Blame Shifting: Are you a built-in scapegoat?
• Narcissistic Abuse Awareness: 7 Red-Hot Flags of Emotional Manipulation
• ACON? How to explain why you went ‘no-contact’ with a narcissistic parent
• Why Your ex-Narcissist Seems So Happy With a New Supply (and How to Deal)
• Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: What Oprah Winfrey Can Teach You About Taking Better Care of You
• Narcissism and the Emotional Dumpster – QueenBeeing
• 38 Red Flags That You’re in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship | QueenBeeing
• 5 narcissistic relationship patterns – QueenBeeing
• Psychopaths 101: All Psychopaths Are Narcissists, but Not All Narcissists Are Psychopaths – QueenBeeing
• When You Detach From the Self – QueenBeeing

Angela Atkinson

Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.

Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.

Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.

She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.