You’ve gone no contact with a narcissist and you’re feeling relieved, but there are some new things that have popped up which have you feeling worried again. You’re wondering if you did the right thing by going no contact with a narcissist. Or you just want to be certain that going no contact with a narcissist is the right thing for your sanity.

What is no contact?

No Contact is a self-help technique that is practically required to heal after narcissistic abuse. It involves removing yourself from the narcissist’s life. You stop seeing, speaking to, and interacting with the narcissist. This allows you to clear your life of the negative energy they bring into every room.

Does life get better when you go no contact with the narcissist?

It can feel like a weight has been lifted off you when you finally break free from a narcissist. You will be free from the constant manipulations, mind games, gaslighting, and blaming. Life can most definitely get better.

What will you lose when you leave the narcissist?

You know what you gain when you leave the narcissist. But what will you lose? Everyone’s always telling you how much better life will be when you leave a narcissist right? They tell you what you’ll gain – your freedom, your peace, etc.

But they never tell you exactly what you’ll lose when you go no contact or when you break up with the narcissist. In this video, I’ll tell you 109 things that you lose when you lose the narcissist. This list was compiled after a survey of more than 100k people in our SPANily narcissistic abuse recovery support groups. 

109 Things You Can Stop Worrying About When You Go No Contact with a Narcissist

1. No more of not having anyone to share in your accomplishments or appreciate your talents, because the narc doesn’t want to share the limelight.
2. Being able to express your opinion without being accused of wanting to argue.
3. Being able to have a collection and not be called a hoarder.
4. Being able to be tired or sick without someone being pissed off because you’re not taking care of them.
5. Being able to watch tv!
6. Being able to play Xbox!
7. Being allowed to stay up as long as you want to!
8. Not having to explain why your interests are not weird!
9. Being able to have an interest!
10. Being able to have a holiday that’s not ruined – or a birthday!
11. No more hiding from the neighbors, so they can’t ask you questions!
12. Being allowed to raise your kids lovingly without paying the consequences!
13. Being able to say what I like and want matters!
14. no more tears and confusion!
15. No more name-calling
16. No more narcissists saying they are playing when confronted
17. No more hearing, “If I don’t give you a hard time, who will?”
18. Not having your immune system damaged, lowered, compromised, and destroyed leading to depression, illnesses and death.  If the narc has financial incentives to see you dead, it all adds up.
19. No more lies
20. No emotional blackmail
21. No more narcissistic rage
22. No more emotional abuse
23. No more discouraging you
24. No more constant fault finding
25. No more confusion
26. No more of that feeling of terror just before and during a physical attack.
27. No more getting abuse for looking the wrong direction
28. No more catching a disease from the narc and then s/he’s jealous because you are getting medical attention for said disease.
29. Fearing for my life and the life of my pet.
30. Fearing his or her calling the police on me for breaking the peace because I’m crying over her/his raging.
31. Watching him destroy the lives of his/her kids.
32. Having his ex-wife and another female friend in my bedroom, as I sleep or not.
33. Not having any of my things welcome in the home s/he wants me to share with him/her.
34. Not being stopped when I want to visit with family.
35. Not being stopped from sleeping all night, and not being stopped when I’ve decided I’m tired.
36. Not being forced to watch filth on tv and video.
37. No more “Hurry! Go to bed your dad’s home!” and yelling at my children so he didn’t.
38. No more dealing with a narcissist crushing/making fun of your goals and dreams
39. No more buying things for yourself and having them get broken
40. No more defending myself of BS.
41. No more starting every conversation with “now please don’t get pissed, but…”
42. No more hearing a narcissist criticize my voice on phone calls and say they knew something was wrong.
43. No more having my quietness evaluated or being criticized for “a look a narcissist claimed I had”
44. No more being teased about my eyes.
45. No more being criticized for my looks.
46. No more hearing that I was a big girl; or being asked how much I weighed.
47. No more walking on eggshells
48. No more narcissists acting like they want to see you out of kindness but they’re broke, need food, need bus money/ a ride, and need clean laundry and play it like they’re doing you a favor by gracing you with their awesome company
49. No more escalating violence because she knows the law is on a female’s side and guys are guilty until proven innocent.
50. No more watching the narcissist check out young men/women half my age and then blaming me for paranoia.
51. No more sheer terror over uncovering complex lies, betrayal, and deceit.
52. No more being fearful for my life over discovering the lies.
53. No more being lied about to police officers and being falsely thrown into jail for a day.
54. No more starving literally for love and food.
55. No more flying monkeys.
56. No more trauma.
57. No more gaslighting.
58. No more being threatened to be homeless.
59. No more stupid idiots surrounding me making me stupider emotionally and intellectually.
60. No more having my stuff stolen.
61. Not having to worry that the narcissist isn’t answering the phone on break time and learning later that they were in the car with someone else of the opposite sex.
62. No more p*rn in the DVD, on the computer, under the bed, in the shed, on top of the cupboard, in our caravan, in his truck, bedside drawer, on his phone, on his work computer.
63. No more paranoia about where the narcissist is at
64. No more finding “enhancement” pills in his car, stripper cards hidden in the kitchen, and the proclamations “dindu nuffin”
65. No more caring what his/her stupid followers think of me and wondering what I have done now for all the negative judgments.
66. No more having to be a designated driver because the narc will always get drunk &/or stoned to “have a good time”.
67. No more being called too sensitive
68. No more cyberstalking
69. no longer being told you need to go to church
70. No more having to get tested for aids
71. No more being ditched on holidays
72. No more having to cancel everything I plan
73. No more contact!
74. Being glad to be alive now that I know how to identify these beasts.
75. Not having to deal with the narcissist’s screams at midnight or later, waking up all the neighborhood, just because I told them something they didn’t like or I told them if they didn’t change, I would leave.
76. Not being abused anymore, treated as an object, with no emotions, no love, no feelings.
77. Not having to deal anymore with the devastation in my kid’s eyes because the narcissist didn’t keep their promises towards them. or toward me.
78. No more having to pretend I’m dumb and that I believed the lies.
79. No more bending over backward trying to please my narcissist ex
80. No more being ignored after sex even if you did everything just the way the narcissist wanted.
81. No more feeling so alone and unloved and finally realizing you thought you were sharing your soul, but to the narcissist, the act had no meaning.
82. No more being just an “appliance” the narcissist used.
83. No more being repeatedly discarded.
84. No more being looked at with dead or empty eyes.
85. No more not ever being apologized to.
86. No more having to share your life and living space with a complete and total monster.
87. No more having to “loan” the narcissist money.
88. No more having to prove myself and being afraid of expressing myself
89. No more getting in trouble for missed days at work during discards and devalues
90. No more fearing their mood swings.
91. No more turning down friends invites for dinner fearing the narcissist would get jealous.
92. No more head games.
93. No more being accused of having someone in bed with me when the narcissist would call.
94. No more feeling nervous when they would drive 100 mph and hearing the narcissist was a good driver and that cars are made to drive fast blah blah blah)
95. No more thinking I’m crazy.
96. No more being called horrible names.
97. No more getting the silent treatment and no more of me being blamed for leaving
98. No more hearing that “I don’t try hard enough and I should’ve hugged the narcissist”
99. No more crying and not being able to wear makeup.
100. No more fearing to shave my legs because that meant I “went out” the night before.
101. No more being forced to do things when I wasn’t feeling up to it.
102. No more cringing when he/she would walk out of stores without paying for stuff.
103. No more babysitting the narcissist’s kid even though they were awful the night before.
104. No more being told that medicine is bad and that I shouldn’t take Advil or Excedrin meanwhile (when the narc did drugs) ?
105. No more hearing the narcissist brag about how good they are at their job and without them, they are all probably dying of boredom.
106. No more lying to my kids as to why I’m crying (that still hurts)
107. No more of the narcissist’s stupid “I’m so spiritual” speeches yet they didn’t know what the hell they were talking about.
108. No more broken promises.
109. No longer being accused of everything that goes wrong in the world.

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Resources

• The QueenBeeing SPANily, Official – We consider this to be the best narcissistic abuse recovery support group on the web. Offers several subgroups and features a vigilant, compassionate admin team full of trained coaches and survivors, supporting more than 12k members. SPAN is an acronym created by Angie Atkinson that stands for Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
• Other Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups – We also have separate groups for each stage in your narcissistic abuse recovery, as well as some for those who have moved past recovery and are evolving into the next stage of their own life. Survivors have unique and individual needs, even when they’ve moved on – so we’re still here for you.
• One-on-One Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching – If you prefer to get more personalized support in your recovery, you might like to schedule a session with one of our coaches to plan and execute your own narcissistic abuse recovery plan.
• Find a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist – If you’re looking for a therapist for narcissistic abuse recovery, either because you cannot afford coaching and want to use your health insurance or because you have additional issues you need to address that do not fall within the realm of coaching, you will want to find the right therapist for you – and as far as we’re concerned, that therapist must understand what you’ve been through. This page offers assistance to help you do exactly that.
• Where Are You in Recovery? You might not be sure exactly where you fit in and what level of recovery you’ve achieved. If that’s the case, you’ll want to check out this self-assessment to help you determine exactly where you fall in the stages of recovery from narcissistic abuse. Once you finish and submit the assessment, you will be given resources for your own situation, along with recommendations of which groups to join.
• Which Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program is Right for You? If you aren’t sure which program you want to utilize to facilitate your recovery from narcissistic abuse, this self-assessment will help you decide.

Related Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Articles and Videos to Help You

• Narcissists and Blame Shifting: Are you a built-in scapegoat?
• Narcissistic Abuse Awareness: 7 Red-Hot Flags of Emotional Manipulation
• ACON? How to explain why you went ‘no-contact’ with a narcissistic parent
• Why Your ex-Narcissist Seems So Happy With a New Supply (and How to Deal)
• Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: What Oprah Winfrey Can Teach You About Taking Better Care of You
• Narcissism and the Emotional Dumpster – QueenBeeing
• 38 Red Flags That You’re in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship | QueenBeeing
• 5 narcissistic relationship patterns – QueenBeeing
• Psychopaths 101: All Psychopaths Are Narcissists, but Not All Narcissists Are Psychopaths – QueenBeeing
• When You Detach From the Self – QueenBeeing