Thoughts on this post? Share them with me on Facebook, join the SPANily or Tweet me at @angieatkinson. ~Angie

If you’ve ever been in a sexual or romantic relationship with a narcissist, you might already understand that they often seem to be more interested in sex and pleasure than actual emotional intimacy.

In fact, narcissists and those diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) “are more likely to philander and dump their partners than people who view important parts of a relationship,” according to psychologist Ilan Shrira.

Read more: Identifying Narcissistic Personality Disorder

“Narcissists have a heightened sense of sexuality, but they tend to view sex very differently than other people do,” said Shrira, whose 2006 study appears in the current issue of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. “They see sexuality more in terms of power, influence and as something daring, in contrast to people with low narcissistic qualities who associated sex more with caring and love.”

That’s why some narcissists tend to bounce from one relationship to the next—and most often, the relationships don’t last long and they don’t involve much emotional intimacy.

Read more: Symptoms and Risk Factors of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

“Even when they’re in a relationship, they always seem to be on the lookout for other partners and searching for a better deal,” Shrira said after the study. “Whether that’s because of their heightened sexuality or because they think multiple partners enhance their self-image isn’t entirely clear.”

Narcissists typically have an inflated sense of their own level of importance and they expect people around them to admire them and cater to them.

Read more: How to Overcome Narcissistic Gaslighting and Manipulation 

They often appear to have an overblown ego, and can be very charming if they choose to be. According to authors Steven Carter and Julia Sokol in their book Help! I’m in Love with a Narcissist, there are ways to know if your significant other is a narcissist.

They are as follows:

  • It feels like you’re the one doing most of the “work” in the relationship.
  • Your partner does things to sabotage the relationship and prevent it from moving forward—but doesn’t want to let you go either.
  • Your partner could have a history of troubled relationships and/or addictions.
  • Your partner has episodes of excessive and often unjustified anger— sometimes even infidelity—and he or she somehow makes it all your fault.
  • You feel emotionally exhausted, often completely drained, by how hard you have to work to make or keep your partner happy.
  • The relationship is mostly focused around your partner’s interests and activities. When it’s not, there will be an ugly argument or outburst.
  • You feel controlled or manipulated by your partner’s moods to the point that you might feel like you’re walking on eggshells all the time, a slave to his or her whims.
  • You might find yourself covering up, explaining or apologizing for his or her behavior.
  • Your partner might make one-sided decisions that impact your safety and well-being.
  • You might feel unsafe by some of the actions your partner takes.
  • Your partner will refuse to see your good intentions, always blaming you for every situation, always making you admit you’re wrong, even when that’s not the case.
  • You sometimes find yourself desperately trying to remember the times when your partner showed love for you, acted like you could do no wrong—often this is in the early parts of the relationship.

Do you think your significant other might have narcissistic personality disorder? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section, below.

Check out my books on narcissism at

(Visited 38,867 times, 1 visits today)

8 Responses to Are you married to a narcissist? 12 easy ways to know for sure

  1. My husband use to be alright when we first married about twelve years ago,romantic.Over the years he has become more controlling,cant do anything right in the house.He tells lies and when you confront him he says he never said that.He gets the neighbours on his side when we have fallen out and often discusses personal issues with them.His parents are control freaks and i believe he gets it from them,they are always complaining about people.He has a close woman friend who has recently divorced and they text each other which unnerves me.I am not a jealous person but this woman went off with someone elses husband,my husband encourages her.Im so fed up he says she is just a friend but i dont like her any comments .

  2. I used to have a friend whom I really enjoyed hangong out with but due to his wife’s jealousy and controlling personality, he no longer is allowed to speak to me. This happened years ago when he suddenly stopped hanging out with me and recently he and I started becoming cool again until… I noticed when I was trying to talk to him about something I was going through and it was like… His only respinse was that “You know you could always contact my wife, too”. He has never pushed me away like that before, EVER. Before that, everything was fine, we were talkong on the phone again and everything. He called me at 2 am. In the morning, but I was sleeping. He works overnight so sometines when he wants to talk, he will call after he gets off from work and has free time to talk. After that, that was what he told me when I tried to talk to him again.

  3. I’m that person. Just realized as I’m reading and feeling sick. My husband is a textbook abuser. We have been married 10 months and iam hurt by him everyday while he gets pleasure out of my emtional pain. I even asked him what happened to the man I met. Where did he go?!!! And he makes me feel crazy and emotionally unstable when I know I’m not. I’m just now learning the extent of the abuse cuz he always blamed it on my actions. I feel sick. It’s all hitting me.

  4. He lectures me,interrupts when I talk and does not listen. He will just talk over you after blurting out “no.” He demands sex when I’m uncomfortable or tired. He used to like me. Now I feel picked on impossibly tired and sad. I cannot discuss our future or ask for things I want. I am either starting a fight or blaming him for everything he says. I just cannot commmunicate with him. Now he says we should break up and just sleep together after 10 years. He resents me for living with my parents but he got me evicted from my place ran up my credit cards and told me to leave our second apartment because I was a worthless whore. Because I was unemployed for two years.He still throws it in my face when I tell him I’m tired of paying for food cigarettes etc for us both all the time. I have caught him lying and asking for extra amounts of money for himself. And yes he demands rent. And tells me I do not love him when I stopped paying his way. I am burnt out exhausted.Everything is so different now. I think I dreamed it all.

  5. I also feel very lonely since I cannot communicate with him. I don’t exist to him as a human being. My needs do not get met. I get shouted down ignored or painted in a negative light. I just stopped asking for anything. Am I still alive? I have no friends because he accuses me of infidelity continually. I get no support. Whatsoever. Your site is great! I can send a message in a bottle to humanity.

  6. Everything everyone has said in the comments I go thru daily, I dont have the resources to leave him right away but I am getting my money up by working to handle this divorce I plan to pay for by myself,I have set a date and time within the next year of getting my funding right to hand him divorce papers so that when he tells me to leave or get out I will have my own place in which to do so so that I can take care of my kids, being an empath,with a terrible childhood,barely making it out of the foster system just to step into more abuse by my adoptive mother I fiund comfort in the man I thought he was or could fix him to be but its ended up breaking me to the point where I attempted suicide to get away bcuz hurting myself hurt less then letting him hurt me

  7. I’m in tears sick to my stomach and thinking has she been following us since day 1,I’ve gone no contact but it hurts cause we’re still married N he jumped right into some one else’s pants. And she knows me and that were married.He humiliated me on social media professing his love for her but had just sent me emails saying she was this and that nothing nice!! Then they act like they are doing nothing wrong. Sure my self esteem is well intact I’m prettier!! But I can’t bring myself to lower my self to his moral proud I stayed true to my vows it’s what I choose til I don’t any longer. But I know it would make him absolutely insane if I were to stray I want him to call that pain but I am not willing to hurt an innocent person to make me feel better and not willing to lower myself like the bityimfeeder hoes he chooses that’s the crazy part he ended up with someone that he accused me of being. Ironic but I’ll be ok GODS GOT ME!!

  8. On the mark. 11 out of 12. I can’t believe I stayed hooked for 9 years.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This

Share this post with your friends!