“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” ~Buddha
Anger is one of the more common emotions we deal with during and after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships in general. It’s also one of the most damaging. Anger can ruin relationships, fuel poor decisions, and even lead to harming another person. Choices made while angry are rarely good choices. Learning how to deal with anger like an intelligent, rational adult can eliminate a lot of drama from your life.
Deal with anger effectively and avoid making a situation even worse:
- Call a timeout. Imagine all the problems you could have avoided by taking a short break and cooling off before opening your mouth. Not every situation is suitable for a break, but most are.
- Get some exercise. Go for a hard run or hit a punching bag. A long swim can burn up a lot of energy, too. Get your heart pounding and breathe heavily for a little while. You’ll feel much better and increase your health and fitness.
- Listen to soothing music. Now isn’t the time for heavy metal or the theme from Rocky. Find something that soothes your emotions and listen for 15 minutes. Experiment with different types of music until you find the best choice for you. Try Amazon Music Unlimited 30-Day Free Trial
- Praying can help calm you and release your anger.
- Meditation can also lower feelings of anger. Either meditate on your breath or on your feelings of anger. Stick with it until you feel better.
- Count to 10. Visualize the numbers as you count. If possible, count out loud. Changing your focus to counting, visualizing the numbers, speaking the numbers, and hearing the numbers will keep your brain occupied. Think of counting as a very short break.
- Focusing on breathing is another way to take a mini-break without having to flee the scene. Breathing is a tool you can use throughout the day with complete privacy.
- Volunteer regularly. One of the advantages of volunteering is the perspective it provides. You realize that your life could be a lot worse than it is.
- Take a walk. Walking is a great activity. You get a little exercise. It requires a little bit of brain activity, but not so much that you can’t think deep thoughts. A walk is a good addition to anyone’s day and can help you deal with anger-related issues.
- Remember that everyone is doing the best they can. At any given moment, everyone is doing their best. Their best might not be very good at this moment, but it’s still their best.
- A smile holds more power than most people think. The simple act of smiling can enhance your mood and change your perspective.
- Focus on solutions. Rather than focusing on your emotions, focus on how you can resolve the situation.
- Address your anger internally. Ask yourself why you’re angry. Did someone fail to meet your expectations? Do you feel threatened or underappreciated? Are you afraid? Dig into the reasons that you feel angry.
- Address the issue rather than the other person. By attacking the other person, you escalate the situation. Once the other person starts defending themselves, finding a solution becomes much more difficult.
- Get help. Get professional help for serious anger issues. If you’re regularly angry and can’t control your anger, seek out the help of a professional.
It’s important to deal with your anger in a positive way. Handling anger poorly can damage your relationships and your health. There are many quick and easy ways to diffuse your anger and stop yourself from making a bad situation even worse. Address your anger in a healthy manner and you’ll be glad you did!
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.