Thoughts on this post? Share them with me on Facebook, join the SPANily or Tweet me at @angieatkinson. ~Angie

What does it mean to be rock-solid in your self-love and self-image? How can you become the person you truly want and deserve to be, during or after narcissistic relationships? What actionable steps can you take to truly and unapologetically LOVE YOURSELF to the point that literally no one – and especially not a narcissist – can affect your ability to feel good – your ability to feel happy and to have an unbreakable sense of self-esteem?

That’s what we’re talking about today – finding the part of yourself that lets you create and grow an unbreakable, unapologetic sense of self that will release you of the need to be validated from outside yourself.

There’s no shortage of information on how to strengthen your relationship with your family, boss, or coworkers. However, you never hear about how to have a more productive relationship with yourself.

Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have! Most of the trouble you have with yourself is that you don’t know yourself well.

You may have spent most of your life avoiding yourself. We don’t want to address our shortcomings or deal with uncomfortable thoughts. But you can’t escape yourself, so you might as well make friends.

Try these techniques to develop a stronger relationship with yourself:

Start your day with gratitude and positive thoughts. Instead of reaching over for your cell phone to check the weather or to see if your Clash of Clans village was raided overnight, spend the time on yourself. Mentally list a few things that make you grateful to be alive. Tell yourself something positive.

  • Give yourself the intention of having a good day.
  • List your positive qualities.
  • Get your day off to a good start with yourself.
  1. Write in a journal. Your thoughts and life are worth recording. Take time each evening to write for a few minutes. You’ll gain a lot of insight and appreciation for your life. Show yourself that your life matters.
  2. Let go of your avoidance behaviors. What do you do when you’re feeling emotionally under the weather? Shop? Eat? Get online? Instead of avoiding yourself, sit with yourself.
    • Just breathe and notice your feelings and body sensations. Avoiding them just prolongs the cycle.
    • In time, your negative emotions will dissipate without your attempts to hide from them.
  3. Think of meditation as spending quality time with yourself. Begin with just a few minutes and extend the time as you feel more comfortable. You’ll learn how your mind works by meditating.
  4. Spend time on your personal development. What do you feel the need to learn?
    • Social skills?
    • Relaxation skills?
    • Networking?
    • Spiritual development?
    • You spend so much time doing things for your boss, home, and family. Take a break and spend some time dealing with your own needs. 
  5. Have some fun. Plan some fun in your life. Get a monthly massage or meet a friend for ballroom dance lessons. It’s your life. Enjoy it.
  6. Forgive yourself. You’ve made a few mistakes and missed out on a few sure-fire opportunities. That’s no reason to beat yourself up for the rest of your life. It’s time to let go of your past and forge ahead.
  7. Groom yourself to a high standard. Take the time to shower each day and pay a regular visit to the barber or salon. Keep your grooming at a higher standard than others in your environment.
    • Take good care of yourself and show the world how much you mean to yourself.
  8. Get help if you need it. No one can handle everything all of the time. Sooner or later, we all need help. That help may come in the form of a trusted friend or professional help. Get the help you need. Remember, you’re worth it.

How well do you know yourself? How well do you manage yourself? Both could always use a little enhancement. It’s not always easy to live with yourself, but remember that you have a lot to offer yourself!

Spend some time each day being good to yourself. Have some fun and spend some time on your personal development. Strengthen the most important relationship of all – the one with yourself.

  1. Understand that you are relevant. You matter to the world. Your opinions matter. Your work matters. Your mere presence matters. You’ve already touched numerous lives in a positive way. 
  2. Understand that your greatest mistakes don’t define you. Your mistakes may have influenced your life, but they’ve only changed who you are if you’ve permitted it. It doesn’t matter how many mistakes you’ve made. Tomorrow is a new day. 
  3. Forgive someone that has wronged you. Forgiving doesn’t mean that you have to let them back into your life or give them another chance. It just means that you’re not going to spend any more time or mental energy holding onto your anger. Be good to yourself and let it go. You’ll impress yourself with your inner strength and enjoy the relief that forgiveness brings.
  1. Think about the best compliments you’ve ever received. Bask in them. The most meaningful compliments are those that ring true in the depth of your soul. It’s exciting when someone else recognizes the best that we have to offer the world. 
  2. Take a stand for something you believe in. Be bold in your opinion of what’s right and wrong. Be willing to share your interests and hobbies with others. When you love yourself, you can do what interests you without the need for approval from others. Be proud of what’s most important to you.
  3. Be kind to yourself. The world will be harsh enough on you. Make an effort to be kind to yourself. Remember your good qualities and your strengths.
  4. Be of service to others. We admire those that give of themselves. You can admire yourself by spending some time each week helping to make someone else’s life a little easier or more pleasant. Find a charity or social organization that addresses a cause that’s near and dear to your heart.
  5. Take care of yourself. See the doctor and dentist. Pay for a good haircut. Avoid dressing like a slob. Avoid being obsessed with your appearance, but give it the attention it deserves. Make an effort to look your best because you’re worth the time and effort.
  6. Do something nice for yourself. Take the trip you’ve been putting off. Buy yourself a book. Take a class on a topic that interests you. Buy those expensive sheets for the bed. Don’t do it as a reward. Do it just because you’re wonderful.
  7. Remember your greatest successes. Remember how amazing you are. You’ve done lots of great things. Remind yourself of them.



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One Response to 19 Quick & Dirty Ways to Unapologetic Self-Love

  1. I thought I was alwaybso strong I could do it on my own My first marriage was stupid he was an asshole I so me and my babies went our .wsy he’s still with the girl he left me for ok she’s good to the girls who cares. 5 years later I meet who I know now is the devil I don’t know when or how it slipped He would say things I kept s lot of his emails and messages. I didn’t even like him when we dated but I married him I loved hi
    My kids parents everone but me he got sick in coma for 3 weeks he got out of the hospital I took care of him I see it now he would eat sleep so nothing gained 200 pounds I worked cane he cleaned cookies cleaned 2 years of this I did cheat I regret it my husband was lazy worthless. I left him he cleaned his act up I came back he was good for about 4 months he would lie about my kids lie about me We divorced. That’s not the end I went back and back and back again. He was mean i stopped seeing him and date e would theatre me pulled a gun on me ran me off the road stalks me. I went back. That is when he was someone I didn’t know mean than love me than I ignore. 2 years this went on he had me tore down to nothing he bled me off for days on his phone all night I was literally a zombie trying to make him happy. I was soooo low he told me I was better off dead no o e wanted me loved me needed me l should just die. I believed him so i tried He never tried to contact me I called frontgexpsych ward he hung up he had someone else For a few weeks he ignored me than her he come seeing us both that stopped but now he just gets ahold of me to hurt me I know what he is now I’ve cut him off I do get weak and unblock him and it’s like he waits for days I have him blocked within 5 min I get a text. I told I knew what he was he would never love anyone. This new girl is a book same ending. I’m glad it’s her he will killing me I’m trying to understand I accept 8 years with him he never loved me he is a lie That wha t hurts my life for 8 years was a lie I’m fine than i just start crying He was soooo good at times the man I fell in love with never existed he wasn’t real I was his 3rd marriage my kids watched him destroy me. I f don’t know how to forgive I want him to suffer and hurt but he can’t he has no heat or soul I don’t know how heal I k o I’m amazing and kind pretty I ll now I am but how do I stop missing him I’m tired of missing him wanting the David that never existed my head and my heart collide and tossed me away in the hospital he had her lined up

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