What does it mean to be rock-solid in your self-love and self-image? How can you become the person you truly want and deserve to be, during or after narcissistic relationships? What actionable steps can you take to truly and unapologetically LOVE YOURSELF to the point that literally no one – and especially not a narcissist – can affect your ability to feel good – your ability to feel happy and to have an unbreakable sense of self-esteem?
That’s what we’re talking about today – finding the part of yourself that lets you create and grow an unbreakable, unapologetic sense of self that will release you of the need to be validated from outside yourself.
There’s no shortage of information on how to strengthen your relationship with your family, boss, or coworkers. However, you never hear about how to have a more productive relationship with yourself.
Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have! Most of the trouble you have with yourself is that you don’t know yourself well.
You may have spent most of your life avoiding yourself. We don’t want to address our shortcomings or deal with uncomfortable thoughts. But you can’t escape yourself, so you might as well make friends.
Try these techniques to develop a stronger relationship with yourself:
Start your day with gratitude and positive thoughts. Instead of reaching over for your cell phone to check the weather or to see if your Clash of Clans village was raided overnight, spend the time on yourself. Mentally list a few things that make you grateful to be alive. Tell yourself something positive.
- Give yourself the intention of having a good day.
- List your positive qualities.
- Get your day off to a good start with yourself.
- Write in a journal. Your thoughts and life are worth recording. Take time each evening to write for a few minutes. You’ll gain a lot of insight and appreciation for your life. Show yourself that your life matters.
- Let go of your avoidance behaviors. What do you do when you’re feeling emotionally under the weather? Shop? Eat? Get online? Instead of avoiding yourself, sit with yourself.
- Just breathe and notice your feelings and body sensations. Avoiding them just prolongs the cycle.
- In time, your negative emotions will dissipate without your attempts to hide from them.
- Think of meditation as spending quality time with yourself. Begin with just a few minutes and extend the time as you feel more comfortable. You’ll learn how your mind works by meditating.
- Spend time on your personal development. What do you feel the need to learn?
- Social skills?
- Relaxation skills?
- Spiritual development?
- You spend so much time doing things for your boss, home, and family. Take a break and spend some time dealing with your own needs.
- Have some fun. Plan some fun in your life. Get a monthly massage or meet a friend for ballroom dance lessons. It’s your life. Enjoy it.
- Forgive yourself. You’ve made a few mistakes and missed out on a few sure-fire opportunities. That’s no reason to beat yourself up for the rest of your life. It’s time to let go of your past and forge ahead.
- Groom yourself to a high standard. Take the time to shower each day and pay a regular visit to the barber or salon. Keep your grooming at a higher standard than others in your environment.
- Take good care of yourself and show the world how much you mean to yourself.
- Get help if you need it. No one can handle everything all of the time. Sooner or later, we all need help. That help may come in the form of a trusted friend or professional help. Get the help you need. Remember, you’re worth it.
How well do you know yourself? How well do you manage yourself? Both could always use a little enhancement. It’s not always easy to live with yourself, but remember that you have a lot to offer yourself!
Spend some time each day being good to yourself. Have some fun and spend some time on your personal development. Strengthen the most important relationship of all – the one with yourself.
- Understand that you are relevant. You matter to the world. Your opinions matter. Your work matters. Your mere presence matters. You’ve already touched numerous lives in a positive way.
- Understand that your greatest mistakes don’t define you. Your mistakes may have influenced your life, but they’ve only changed who you are if you’ve permitted it. It doesn’t matter how many mistakes you’ve made. Tomorrow is a new day.
- Forgive someone that has wronged you. Forgiving doesn’t mean that you have to let them back into your life or give them another chance. It just means that you’re not going to spend any more time or mental energy holding onto your anger. Be good to yourself and let it go. You’ll impress yourself with your inner strength and enjoy the relief that forgiveness brings.
- Think about the best compliments you’ve ever received. Bask in them. The most meaningful compliments are those that ring true in the depth of your soul. It’s exciting when someone else recognizes the best that we have to offer the world.
- Take a stand for something you believe in. Be bold in your opinion of what’s right and wrong. Be willing to share your interests and hobbies with others. When you love yourself, you can do what interests you without the need for approval from others. Be proud of what’s most important to you.
- Be kind to yourself. The world will be harsh enough on you. Make an effort to be kind to yourself. Remember your good qualities and your strengths.
- Be of service to others. We admire those that give of themselves. You can admire yourself by spending some time each week helping to make someone else’s life a little easier or more pleasant. Find a charity or social organization that addresses a cause that’s near and dear to your heart.
- Take care of yourself. See the doctor and dentist. Pay for a good haircut. Avoid dressing like a slob. Avoid being obsessed with your appearance, but give it the attention it deserves. Make an effort to look your best because you’re worth the time and effort.
- Do something nice for yourself. Take the trip you’ve been putting off. Buy yourself a book. Take a class on a topic that interests you. Buy those expensive sheets for the bed. Don’t do it as a reward. Do it just because you’re wonderful.
- Remember your greatest successes. Remember how amazing you are. You’ve done lots of great things. Remind yourself of them.
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.