Making Sense of the Eternal Internal Struggle

Making Sense of the Eternal Internal Struggle

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes. ~Sally Field

How many times have you not followed your heart because you were worried about what other people might think? How often have you avoided doing something you truly wanted to do because you couldn’t stand the idea that other people would judge you?

Have you based your major life choices on your own desires, or have you allowed other people to influence you? Do you have regrets because you have given someone else the power to make decisions in your life, whether directly or indirectly? Have you chosen your job, a partner or your home because someone else thought you should? 

You’re Not Alone

Most everyone has, at one time or another, made a choice in their lives that was based on someone else’s opinion. And while there are certainly times when it’s appropriate to do so, there are plenty of times that we regret not following our own intuition.

The difference is this: when you accept the advice of someone else because you feel that it’s right for you, you’re following your own gut and can consider it inspired action–but when you bend to someone else’s will to please them (despite your own feelings), you’re shortchanging yourself in the happiness department.

Why Do We Care What Other People Think, Anyway?

It’s human nature to care what other people think. From infancy, we learn that when we do what someone else wants us to do, they’re happy with us–and that feels good. As we get older and learn to make the occasional unpopular decision, we are sometimes shocked to learn that some people actually seem to stop being nice to us when we don’t follow their “advice” for living.

But ultimately, we care what people think because we are taught to base our identities on the messages they give us. When our parents tell us we’re good for following their rules, for example, we begin to feel that we need to follow the rules to be good. When our kindergarten teachers scold us for coloring outside the lines, we begin to feel that unless we “stay inside the lines,” we’re wrong.

We take the messages that we hear from others about ourselves every day of our lives, and we internalize them–to such an extent that we find ourselves dependent on the approval of others for our own self worth.


Should We Just Stop Caring?

Of course, this is a two sided coin. While we certainly need to learn to follow our hearts and our own intuition toward inspired action and to make our own life choices, there are times we need to follow the rules. For example, to be productive members of society, we need to follow certain societal norms–at the very least, we have to follow the laws of the land.

And, the fact of the matter is, most of us aren’t able to just “turn off” caring about what others, especially those we care about, think about us and our choices. We don’t want to become cold and immune to the emotions of others, but we want to be happy. To be happy, we must make our own choices, follow our own divine inspiration for what we want our lives to be. At the end of the day, we’re the ones who must live with the decisions we make.

So where does this leave us? Are we doomed to an eternal internal struggle? How do we start taking charge of our own lives and stop letting the judgments and opinions of others dictate our choices? What do you think?

Next Up: How to Stop Caring What People Think (Without Looking Like a Huge Jerk)



7 Ways to Become the Houdini of Funk

Going through narcissistic abuse and recovery is no picnic. Often, you’ll find yourself feeling down – and if you’re anything like me, you might get stuck sometimes. You find yourself in a funk and you don’t know what to do to get yourself out of it. You can’t seem to get things done – even some of your most basic responsibilities might feel too difficult at times.

Why do we get in a funk during narcissistic abuse recovery?

While experts will tell you that some amount of sadness or depression is normal and even healthy sometimes, it can certainly have a negative effect on your ability to create the life you truly want. With sadness and depression come negative thoughts–consciously and subconsciously.

Since we create our own lives through our perception of the world around us, we attract more reasons to feel sad and depressed when we allow ourselves to feel unhappy. Negative thoughts create a vibration just like any other thought–so by focusing on them, you manifest more negative situations in your life. And then, you find yourself in a funk–a sad, angry, depressed, joyless funk.

How to Get Yourself Out of a Funk – FAST!

The good news is that we can choose how we feel, at least once we’ve gotten away from the toxic and abusive people in our lives. It may seem difficult at first, especially when you’re deep in the depths of a funk, but with practice, you can become the Houdini of funk–able to escape under even the most extenuating circumstances. And then, my friend, you can get back to manifesting the life of your dreams. Ready?

Be Grateful

Yes, I’ve said it a thousand times, but it’s true. Anytime you find yourself feeling sad or blue, take a look around you and notice all of the things, people and situations for which you’re grateful in your life. Your family, your health, your friends, your home, the fact that you woke up this morning–any and everything that is good in your life.

Personally, I have a private online gratitude journal, and I try really hard to write in it every day. I express gratitude for things that I have and for the things I will have. I notice when I remember to spend a few minutes being grateful each day, I generally feel better and the days go more smoothly.

Crank Up the Tunes and Move

Both music and exercise are great to help you get out of a funk–together or separately. A 2008 study conducted at Arizona State University found that music has an overall positive effect on mood and that it positively affects joyfulness. And exercise has long been touted as a way to relieve stress, depression and a number of other emotional and physical symptoms.

I often forget this one–but it works every time. I play upbeat music and dance with the kids or work out–and my mood is transformed almost instantly.

You sure clean up nice!

Well, you do. Take a shower, comb your hair, shave the parts you shave and make yourself presentable.

I call this “getting beautified.” When I’m feeling anything less than fabulous, I “beautify”–put on something cute, do my hair and makeup, etc. Maybe you’ll think I’m shallow, but for some reason when I look good, I feel good.

Speaking of Cleaning Up…

They say our homes represent our selves–and if that’s true, we can clear our minds by clearing our living space. So work on de-cluttering your space–get rid of things you don’t love, push a mop around, brush the dust off your book collection.

I find that when my desk is messy, I’m less productive. So when I find myself spinning my wheels when I should be working, spending 15 minutes organizing my desk gets me back on track.

Laugh…a Lot

Watch a funny movie, call a funny friend…do something, anything that makes you laugh. Let loose and really get a case of the giggles. Not only will you have fun, but laughter is actually good for your health. First, it relaxes your entire body for up to 45 minutes–it literally relieves physical tension.

Laughter can boost the immune system–it’s proven to decrease stress hormones and increase your body’s resistance to disease by boosting immune cells and antibodies that fight infection. Laughter also releases endorphins, the “feel-good” chemicals which promote a sense of well-being and can even sometimes relieve pain. Laughter also increases blood flow and strengthens the cardiovascular system–it makes your heart stronger. Can’t beat that!

Change Your Scene

Sometimes a change of perspective is as simple as a change in location. Go somewhere else–to a different room in your home, to a park or to the mall–just somewhere other than where you are right now. As you step into your new “scene,” intentionally focus on changing your mind.

I find that even just walking around the block is enough to change my mood sometimes (and it probably doesn’t hurt that exercise is involved either!)

Make the ‘Write’ Choice

Pun intended, of course. Put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and let it all out. If a problem is plaguing you, sometimes just getting it out of your head and on paper is enough to allow you to understand it and move forward. If the problem you have is with another person, you can even write that person a letter expressing yourself–even if you never mail it, the therapeutic benefits are tremendous.

For me, journaling and letter writing have long been my go-to tool for getting inside my head and figuring out how to handle the world effectively. I call it free therapy. 🙂

Bliss Mission

Today, I challenge you to maintain your positive attitude–and if you do find yourself in a funk, try one or more of these techniques to bring yourself back into the light.

Do you think you’re depressed? Take my online depression test and find out if you might be struggling with depression.

7 Ways to Become the Houdini of Funk

7 Ways to Become the Houdini of Funk

While experts will tell you that some amount of sadness or depression is normal and even healthy sometimes, it can certainly have a negative effect on your ability to create the life you truly want. With sadness and depression come negative thoughts–consciously and subconsciously.

Since we create our own lives through our perception of the world around us, we attract more reasons to feel sad and depressed when we allow ourselves to feel unhappy. Negative thoughts create a vibration just like any other thought–so by focusing on them, you manifest more negative situations in your life. And then, you find yourself in a funk–a sad, angry, depressed, joyless funk.

The good news is that we can choose how we feel. It may seem difficult at first, especially when you’re deep in the depths of a funk, but with practice, you can become the Houdini of funk–able to escape under even the most extenuating circumstances.

And then, my friends, you can get back to manifesting the life of your dreams. Ready?

Be Grateful

Yes, I’ve said it a thousand times, but it’s true. Anytime you find yourself feeling sad or blue, take a look around you and notice all of the things, people and situations for which you’re grateful in your life. Your family, your health, your friends, your home, the fact that you woke up this morning–any and everything that is good in your life.

Personally, I have a private online gratitude journal, and I try really hard to write in it every day. I express gratitude for things that I have and for things I will have. I notice when I remember to spend a few minutes being grateful each day, I generally feel better and the days go more smoothly.

Crank Up the Tunes and Move

Both music and exercise are great to help you get out of a funk–together or separately. A 2008 study conducted at Arizona State University found that music has an overall positive effect on mood and that it positively affects joyfulness. And exercise has long been touted as a way to relieve stress, depression and a number of other emotional and physical symptoms.

I often forget this one–but it works every time. I play upbeat music and dance with the kids or work out–and my mood is transformed almost instantly.

You sure clean up nice!

Well, you do. Take a shower, comb your hair, shave the parts you shave and make yourself presentable.

I call this “getting beautified.” When I’m feeling anything less than fabulous, I “beautify”–put on something cute, do my hair and makeup, etc. Maybe you’ll think I’m shallow, but for some reason when I look good, I feel good.

Speaking of Cleaning Up…

They say our homes represent our selves–and if that’s true, we can clear our minds by clearing our living space. So work on de-cluttering your space–get rid of things you don’t love, push a mop around, brush the dust off your book collection.

I find that when my desk is messy, I’m less productive. So when I find myself spinning my wheels when I should be working, spending 15 minutes organizing my desk gets me back on track. 

Laugh…a Lot

Watch a funny movie, call a funny friend…do something, anything that makes you laugh. Let loose and really get a case of the giggles. Not only will you have fun, but laughter is actually good for your health. First, it relaxes your entire body for up to 45 minutes–it literally relieves physical tension.

Laughter can boost the immune system–it’s proven to decrease stress hormones and increase your body’s resistance to disease by boosting immune cells and antibodies that fight infection. Laughter also releases endorphins, the “feel good” chemicals which promote a sense of well-being and can even sometimes relieve pain. Laughter also increases blood flow and strengthens the cardiovascular system–it makes your heart stronger. Can’t beat that!

Change Your Scene

Sometimes a change of perspective is as simple as a change in location. Go somewhere else–to a different room in your home, to a park or to the mall–just somewhere other than where you are right now. As you step into your new “scene,” intentionally focus on changing your mind.

I find that even just walking around the block is enough to change my mood sometimes (and it probably doesn’t hurt that exercise is involved either!)

Make the Write Choice

Pun intended, of course. Put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and let it all out. If a problem is plaguing you, sometimes just getting it out of your head and on paper is enough to allow you to understand it and move forward. If the problem you have is with another person, you can even write that person a letter expressing yourself–even if you never mail it, the therapeutic benefits are tremendous.

For me, journaling and letter writing have long been my go-to tool for getting inside my head and figuring out how to handle the world effectively. I call it free therapy. 🙂

Your Assignment

Today, I challenge you to maintain your positive attitude–and if you do find yourself in a funk, try one or more of these techniques to bring yourself back into the light.

What are your best tips for getting yourself out of a funk?



Photo: American Dream Virtual Museum

Philosophy, YouTube and 68 Seconds

Philosophy, YouTube and 68 Seconds

I don’t know about you, but where I’m from, every time the wind blows too hard, someone worries that the power might go out. A couple of years ago, we went for five full days without power after a particularly bad storm–and we were the lucky ones. Other families in our area were without power for up to two weeks–and it was wintertime.

A couple of weeks ago, the breeze got a bit too aggressive and our power was out for a couple of hours. My two year old daughter and I were the only ones home, so I pulled out my Droid and we started watching YouTube videos for entertainment. After awhile, Sophie got tired of watching clips of Ni Hao Kailan and got interested in fixing her baby doll’s hair, so I searched “law of attraction.”

I watched a few affirmation videos and then came across one called 68 Seconds of Pure Thought, which explained a concept that wasn’t new, but it was one I hadn’t heard about before. The video said that by focusing specifically and only on a specific desire for 68 seconds, you can powerfully manifest that desire.

The Theory

Many people naturally contradict their own energy as they speak. For example, if you say “I really want to take the night off, but I know I’ll be called in to work,” you only focus on taking the night off for a split second before your focus is being called into work.

The theory, in extremely broad and simplified terms, states that pure thought is required for manifestation, and that a thought must be consistently and purely held for a minimum of 17 seconds to become powerful enough to begin to manifest. Then, the theory goes, the next 17 seconds you spend focusing on the same thought adds more power to the manifestation–and the power increases at every 17 second increment thereafter, until you reach 68 seconds of pure thought.

At the 68 seconds of holding a pure, positive thought about your specific desire, that desire is on the path to manifestation.

Esther and Jerry Hicks explain this topic more eloquently in their book Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires, in which they write:

“Within 17 seconds of focusing on something, a matching vibration becomes activated. And now, as that focus becomes stronger and the vibration becomes clearer, the Law of Attraction will bring to you more thoughts that match. At this point, the vibration will not have much attraction power, but if you maintain your focus longer, the power of the vibration will become further-reaching. And if you manage to stay purely focused upon any thought for as little as 68 seconds, the vibration is powerful enough that its manifestation begins.”

Your Assignment

I’m going to do this one with you, since this theory is new to me. Let’s test out this whole 68 seconds thing, shall we? Below, you’ll find a 68 second video that features simple images to help you focus your energy for 68 seconds on manifesting your desires. Watch the video, and focus specifically on feeling the feelings of having the thing or situation you really want–your true divine desire. Or–try something small, like a certain meal or a phone call from a friend. Try focusing on a singular thought (and feel free to watch more than once if you want to manifest more than one thing.)

At the end of your brief meditation, remember to be grateful and know that your desire is on its way to being manifested.

What do you think? Have you tried the 68 seconds theory before? Did it work for you?

This post was originally published on InPursuitofFulfillment.com. If found anywhere else, this content is illegally copied and should be reported.
Philosophy, YouTube and 68 Seconds

Philosophy, YouTube and 68 Seconds

I don’t know about you, but where I’m from, every time the wind blows too hard, someone worries that the power might go out. A couple of years ago, we went for five full days without power after a particularly bad storm–and we were the lucky ones. Other families in our area were without power for up to two weeks–and it was wintertime.

A couple of weeks ago, the breeze got a bit too aggressive and our power was out for a couple of hours. My two year old daughter and I were the only ones home, so I pulled out my Droid and we started watching YouTube videos for entertainment. After awhile, Sophie got tired of watching clips of Ni Hao Kailan and got interested in fixing her baby doll’s hair, so I searched “law of attraction.”

I watched a few affirmation videos and then came across one called 68 Seconds of Pure Thought, which explained a concept that wasn’t new, but it was one I hadn’t heard about before. The video said that by focusing specifically and only on a specific desire for 68 seconds, you can powerfully manifest that desire.

The Theory

Many people naturally contradict their own energy as they speak. For example, if you say “I really want to take the night off, but I know I’ll be called in to work,” you only focus on taking the night off for a split second before your focus is being called into work.

The theory, in extremely broad and simplified terms, states that pure thought is required for manifestation, and that a thought must be consistently and purely held for a minimum of 17 seconds to become powerful enough to begin to manifest. Then, the theory goes, the next 17 seconds you spend focusing on the same thought adds more power to the manifestation–and the power increases at every 17 second increment thereafter, until you reach 68 seconds of pure thought.

At the 68 seconds of holding a pure, positive thought about your specific desire, that desire is on the path to manifestation.

Esther and Jerry Hicks explain this topic more eloquently in their book Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires, in which they write:

“Within 17 seconds of focusing on something, a matching vibration becomes activated. And now, as that focus becomes stronger and the vibration becomes clearer, the Law of Attraction will bring to you more thoughts that match. At this point, the vibration will not have much attraction power, but if you maintain your focus longer, the power of the vibration will become further-reaching. And if you manage to stay purely focused upon any thought for as little as 68 seconds, the vibration is powerful enough that its manifestation begins.”

Your Assignment

I’m going to do this one with you, since this theory is new to me. Let’s test out this whole 68 seconds thing, shall we? Below, you’ll find a 68 second video that features simple images to help you focus your energy for 68 seconds on manifesting your desires. Watch the video, and focus specifically on feeling the feelings of having the thing or situation you really want–your true divine desire. Or–try something small, like a certain meal or a phone call from a friend. Try focusing on a singular thought (and feel free to watch more than once if you want to manifest more than one thing.)

At the end of your brief meditation, remember to be grateful and know that your desire is on its way to being manifested.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfCGRGRxi20]

What do you think? Have you tried the 68 seconds theory before? Did it work for you?

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