Queen Bee QT: What to Do When You Make a Mistake

Queen Bee QT: What to Do When You Make a Mistake

“It’s always helpful to learn from your mistakes because then your mistakes seem worthwhile.” – Garry Marshall

weight loss motahyahI’m going to be really honest with you–when it comes to making mistakes, I’ve made my share. Probably more than my share–but the good news is that I am still alive, kicking and happier than I’ve ever been. And yet, I continue to make mistakes every now and again. But I’ve learned some things along the way that help me get through those tough post-mistake moments.

What To Do When You Make a Mistake

Taking a leap of faith helps you understand yourself better. Sometimes, though, the result isn’t what you were hoping for–but that doesn’t mean there was no value in trying. After all, you learned something from taking that leap and you moved toward your goal in the process, right?

And hey, more good news: while accepting your errors isn’t easy, it’s definitely possible.

Put these strategies into play the next time you make a mistake:

1. Admit it. As soon as you realize you’ve made an error, it’s wise to admit it. First admit it to yourself, and then to others who are involved. Although you may think that it will make you feel worse to own up to what you’ve done, you’ll actually feel relieved. Your sense of personal power will be renewed as you move forward and make peace.

2. Apologize if your mistake affected others. Accept that saying “I’m sorry” is an important aspect of the human condition. It’s likely you’ve received a well-deserved apology from someone that meant a lot to you.

  • Tip: An honest and open apology delivered in a timely fashion can mend relationships and soothe personal difficulties. When apologizing, you can have the most impact if you look the person in the eye and avoid mincing words. Say something like, “I’m sorry I didn’t call you like I said I would. I realize you missed having dinner with your sister because you were waiting for my call.”

3. Promise to do better next time. Whether you vow to yourself or to the person you wronged, take the next step after apologizing by stating what you’ll do in the future. Even if no one else is involved, you can promise yourself to act differently the next time. Using the previous example, you could add, “The next time, I’ll call you as soon as I know my plans have changed.”

4. Move forward with renewed effort. After there’s been acknowledgement and an apology, you can proceed ahead toward your goals. You can now feel unfettered, as if you’re beginning anew. In a sense, you are.

5. Find the silver lining. As odd as it may sound, something positive may come out of your misstep. And this happens more often than you might expect.

6. Recognize that your mistakes open your eyes to new knowledge. Some information can only be gained by “tripping” over it—making an error. Much new knowledge can be discovered in the course of something going awry. After an error, ask yourself, “What have I learned from this experience?” With mistakes comes progress.

7. Take only the positive with you and leave the negative behind. In the past, you may have avoided confronting your error or apologizing for it. You might connect a lot of negative thoughts and feelings to making a mistake. Remind yourself that your faux pas aren’t all bad. Focus on the positive outcomes of your blunder and allow the negative to fall away.

Because we’re human beings, we’re bound to make mistakes. By following these suggestions, we can learn how to accept our errors and proceed on with a renewed strength and determination. Accept your mistakes and continue on your quest for a successful life!

Sunshine Stealers: Dealing with negative people in your life

Sunshine Stealers: Dealing with negative people in your life

Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us. ~Stephen Covey

So, you’re minding your own business and having a bright, bright sunshiny day. Everything seems to be going your way–your kids are getting along, the guy at Starbucks finally gets your order right and the lights are all green.

Then, it happens.

Some yahoo comes along and takes a crap in your Cheerios. Suddenly, your sunny outlook is replaced by the storm clouds of negativity. You start remembering all those little things that bother you, the stresses, the annoyances, and the general malaise sets in. The kids start fighting, the coffee gets cold before you can drink it and the lights turn red. You’re irritated and ready to scream.

“Mean people really do suck. There you are, minding your own business, having a great day, and some snarky cashier, office person, or even a bus driver shreds your happy little bubble of a life into a million pieces,” says Anne Loyd in the Mean People That Suck blog. “All you can remember is that one jerk who ruined your day.”

Loyd is totally on-point. Dealing with negative people in your life totally sucks.

Most everyone has experienced this whole mean people phenomenon at one time or another, and when the negativity is doled out by a random someone in the world, it’s easy to learn to change your mind and change your perspective–after all, you don’t need to deal with these people on a consistent basis. Why should you let them steal your sunshine?

But sometimes, it’s not some random bus driver or grocery store clerk who causes the icky feelings–it’s someone you love–a stressed out spouse, a controlling parent, or a fair-weather friend, for example. Then it becomes a whole different thing–because you can’t just walk away and never see or talk to that person again. He or she is a part of your life, probably a pretty important part.

So what do you do? Are you doomed to walking around with a proverbial rain cloud over your head? What’s the trick to dealing with negative people in your life–especially when you love them–all while keeping the sun shining in your world?

Tips for Dealing With Negative People in Your Life

Understand What’s Happening

As children, we crave the approval of the people we love. We want our parents to be proud of us, we want our teachers to think we’re smart and we want our friends to think we’re cool. As we grow older, we often tend to accept what our loved ones think as fact, and we internalize their thoughts and judgments against us. We begin to think that maybe they’re right, that we’re not good enough or that we really aren’t as cool or smart as we thought.

But here’s the thing that we forget. Our loved ones are human, just like we are, and in some cases, they’re just plain wrong.

“Just because someone is concerned for your welfare does not mean that their advice or input has value,” says writer Peter Murphy. “For example, I know a lot about peak performance. I do not know much about car maintenance. If I ever offer you advice on rebuilding a car engine run as fast as you can! My input would have little or no value.”

Same deal with your loved ones–sometimes they may be negative about you or your choices because they can’t understand or simply don’t know how to think positively about the situation. And their lack of understanding can lead to unreasonable anxiety about your life–which, of course, makes them feel justified in throwing down some negativity on your (otherwise happy) ass. You have to learn to distinguish between valuable advice and unreasonable negativity.

Approve of Yourself

By nature, we seek the approval of the people we love. In many cases, we can feel limited and stifled by the constraints that maintaining such approval can impose on us. Some people in our lives offer conditional love, which means that they can’t (or won’t) treat you with love or respect unless you can be the person they want you to be.

When we don’t fit into the neat little boxes that our loved ones (and our society) have set out for us, we are often ostracized or shunned, sometimes by those closest to us. And, if we require the approval of those we love to be happy, we set ourselves up for conditional self-acceptance–so when we’re doing what “they” think we should, we think we’re allowed to feel good about ourselves (even if that nagging feeling in the pit of our stomachs is telling us that we’re not on the right path.) We become the victims of the limiting beliefs of the people around us.

We must learn to let go of the need to please the people we love, and start focusing on what’s right for ourselves. We must claim our independence from negativity and judgment, following our hearts to find true peace. Be yourself, and proudly claim your place in this world.

When you are happy and at peace with yourself, you’ll attract more happiness and peace into your world.

Change Your Mind, Change Your Life

I’ve said it till I’m blue in the face: you get back what you put out into the world. So, when you focus on the negativity in your life, the bad stuff, you’ll attract more of it to yourself. When you maintain a mostly positive attitude, you draw more of the same into your life.

We must own our confidence and trust in ourselves and our intuition. Keep your eye on the prize, and always expect the best–because the fact is, you get what you expect. Learn to let go of the past and focus on the positive things you’ve got coming toward you today.

If you’ve been hurt by someone you love, you must forgive that person in order to heal and move forward in peace. At all costs, try to avoid internalizing the negativity of others, and focus instead on the wonderful things in your life.

Bottom Line

We can’t control the people around us, no matter how hard we try. Practice accepting yourself and the people you love for who they are, and stay focused on what really matters. Be true to yourself and stay on the path that you know is right for you. Understand negativity for what it and find the approval you seek within yourself, for when you manage to achieve this new level of understanding, the rest will fall into place.

What do you think?  How do you deal with negativity from your loved ones? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section, below.

 

A Shockingly Simple Way You Can Eliminate Performance Anxiety

A Shockingly Simple Way You Can Eliminate Performance Anxiety

“Performance Anxiety is what happens when you focus on yourself and your anxiety, rather than your presentation or performance. It stems from a tendency to resist and fight your anxiety, rather than to accept and work with it. It’s the result of thinking of the performance situation as a threat, rather than a challenge.” ~AnxietyCoach.com

A Startling Fact About Performance Anxiety

quote-Anais-Nin-anxiety-is-loves-greatest-killer-it-makes-88899Choking under pressure is a common response whether you’re playing the lead in the third grade Christmas play or giving an important business presentation. Unfortunately, about 90% of people handle stressful situations poorly.

A recent experiment shows that getting excited works better than trying to calm down. During a public singing contest, students were given various instructions. Those who said, “I am excited,” scored an average of 81% compared to 69% for those who said, “I am anxious,” and 53% for those who said, “I am calm.”

Learn how to use anxiety to your advantage when you’re in high stress situations. These tips will help you to perform better even when your palms are sweating.

Encouraging Yourself to Get Excited

  1. Remain fired up. It’s difficult to calm down when your body is on high alert. Excitement is an easier state to capture when you feel anxious and your heart rate is up.

  2. Distract yourself from self-doubts. You may have an interior monologue going on criticizing what you’re saying or how you look. Divert your attention to pleasant mental images or focus on the people around you.
  1. Focus on the positive. Think about what you have to gain in the situation. Focus on entertaining or helping your audience rather than worrying about forgetting your lines or losing your job.

  2. Generate flow. Put aside the outcomes for the moment. Lose yourself in the process. Enjoy what you’re doing for its own sake.

  3. Rename your feelings. Tell yourself you’re excited. Your brain will like that better than being anxious.
  1. Remember the benefits of anxiety. Anxiety has its positive side. It motivates us to take action. Without some anxiety, we would have little incentive to work or do anything challenging.

Additional Tips

  1. Accept your feelings. Realize that anxiety is natural. Everyone experiences uncertainty and wonders what will happen in the future. By some estimates, about 20% of people report that their performance suffers when they feel tense.
  1. Seek long term peace. While it’s difficult to calm down on short notice, serenity is still a worthwhile goal. Your mind and body need time to recover after demanding experiences. Manage stress, get good quality sleep, and make time for relaxation.

  2. Evaluate advice. High anxiety makes people more likely to seek outside advice and less likely to assess it accurately. Think before you follow someone else’s recommendations. Consider how to adapt them to your own circumstances.
  3. Engage in rituals. Even irrational practices can help. Many athletes hold onto lucky bottle caps or wear a certain pair of socks. Find your own good luck charm!

  4. Beware of manipulation. Unfortunately, researchers also found that anxious people were more likely to attract advisors who would deliberately mislead them. Be extra careful if you have any doubts.
  5. Acknowledge genetics. There’s a strong hereditary basis for stress responses. Some people are more physiologically sensitive. But, everyone can learn to become more resilient.

  6. Empathize with yourself and others. Anxiety is often confused with weakness. While you’re learning to manage your emotions, give yourself credit for becoming more adept. Encourage others who are going through similar struggles.

  7. Seek professional advice. If anxiety is interfering with your life, there are effective treatments. Talk with your doctor to see if medication or therapy may be helpful.

You can make anxiety work for you. Just stop calling it anxiety and tap into your excitement. You’ll feel better and enjoy more success.

The Multi-Tasking Myth: How to Really Get Stuff Done

The Multi-Tasking Myth: How to Really Get Stuff Done

“Most people are so busy knocking themselves out trying to do everything they think they should do, they never get around to what they want to do.”
–Kathleen Winsor

stressed-multitasking-womanIt’s no secret–today’s women are all about multi-tasking, which, as it turns out, is a big huge myth–in fact, the “multi-tasking myth” is a well-known thing these days. Some would call the idea of multi-tasking complete bullshit.

Whether we’re work-at-home moms, stay-at-home moms, corporate career girls or  retail clerks (or any number of acceptable roles we might choose), we’re all doing about 50 things at any given time, am I right?

But as we all know all too well–distractions get in the way of progress! Too often, even the slightest distractions end up being the difference between achieving your goals and missing the mark.

It’s important to remember that it doesn’t make you BAD–just unfocused. And hey, it’s natural for various emotions and events to cause your mind to stray. For example, I just moved out of the home I’ve lived in with my family for the past 11 years and into our dream home–and that’s been keeping me very busy for about a month now. But it’s important to avoid getting sidetracked for too long–for me and for you–because if you (and I) don’t, we’ll never get anything productive done. Well, not everything we need to get done, anyway.

Get Past the Multi-Tasking Myth: How to Really Get Stuff Done

Avoid Distractions to Achieve Your Goals

Take these steps to discipline your senses and give yourself the focus necessary to succeed:

 Listen to music. As strange as it sounds, music can boost your ability to avoid distractions. But how does noise help you concentrate?

  • Studies have shown that classical music enhances visual attention. Subjects apparently focus better with classical music playing than they do in silence.
  • Listening to music also helps you make the most out of your workout. The music you listen to at the gym is really useful. It helps you focus on working out by taking your attention away from the discomfort.

Focus on one thing at a time. This step is a work in progress because we live in a world where multitasking is the norm. It’s easy to get caught up with doing more than one thing.

  •  Your efforts to accomplish several things at the same time may be breaking your focus.
  • For the next few weeks, try to keep your tasks simple and one-dimensional. Aim to complete one thing before moving on to the other. Even if you feel underutilized in the process, try to stick to it.
  • By allowing your mind and senses to focus on only one thing, you’ll be able to give it your undivided attention. Then, you’ll be able to successfully complete the task.

Avoid distracting situations. When you’re surrounded by things or people whose appeal you would rather explore than focusing on what you’re currently doing, you’re setting yourself up for distractions.

  • A great example is studying in front of the television. In this situation, many of your senses are engaged in what you’re watching on TV, rather than on your studies. Find a quiet place to study, instead.
  • Let’s say you have a deadline for work. Develop the discipline to tell your friends that partying is out of the question tonight. Learn to say “no” to distractions.

Consider the repercussions. A little conscious thinking is all it takes to maintain focus. Have you ever stopped to consider the repercussions of allowing distractions to take over? Surely you would be less than thrilled if great opportunities passed you by!

  • Learning how to balance your priorities will benefit you. How useful is that particular distraction going to be to you a few hours, days, or months from now? Probably useless. Focusing on what’s important gives you lasting satisfaction.
  • Allowing distractions to consume your mind also leaves you open to other issues that can interfere with achieving your goals. It’s possible that your mind can become lazy, impatient, and sometimes angry.

Great things are in store for you once you allow yourself to focus on your goals. Remember that your ultimate satisfaction comes from reaching your goals. If you maintain focus, success is sure to come your way!

 

 

Bee Techie: 7 Free Online Tools and Resources to Make Your Life Better

Bee Techie: 7 Free Online Tools and Resources to Make Your Life Better

In your quest for personal development, have you considered technology that could help? Regardless of the area of your life that you’d like to develop, there’s likely a website or mobile application to assist you in fulfilling your potential.

Examine these free online tools and resources and use them to grow into the person you want to be:

  1. TED. TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) is a non-profit website where individuals can go to watch videos on a variety of different topics. Their slogan is “ideas worth spreading.” And there’s even an app. If you’re seeking knowledge, inspiration, and an impressive list of talented speakers presenting first-hand information, TED will provide all these things for you.
  1. Mindbloom. Mindbloom is a website that aims to help you enhance your life. Whatever area you want to work on, you can include as part of a “tree” you build for free.Deepen your relationship with others. Get a grip on anger management. Find a different job. Increase motivation to exercise consistently. Complete college or the training you need for advancement. Watching your tree grow on Mindbloom while you achieve life’s greatest milestones is exciting and fun. (Check out the review I wrote on the Mindbloom concept/site awhile back).
  2. Udemy. If you want knowledge, Udemy has it. Regardless of the subject you want to study, Udemy likely offers at least one course in it. Some courses are free, like “An Entrepreneur’s Checklist,” “How to Negotiate Salary,” and “Astronomy—State of the Art.” Other more extensive courses range in price from $35 to $500. Many are under $100.
  1. Lumosity. Lumosity is a brain training website that is developed and maintained by neuroscientists. The goal of Lumosity is to enhance cognitive functioning by providing various brain games. Wouldn’t you like to increase your brain power? Lumosity can help you if you want to increase your attention span or sharpen your memory. A basic membership is free while a premium membership will cost you.
  1. 43 Things. Another great website is 43 Things, which allows you to list the goals you hope to accomplish and then give and receive support with others through the website, all for free. So, if you want to increase your water intake, finish your Ph.D., or become more financially competent, you can do it all with the help and support of others on 43 Things.
  1. Vision Board Deluxe. The Vision Board Deluxe app by Happy Tapper helps you create your life vision on a smartphone or electronic tablet. It’s exciting to design a collage of what you hope your life will look like in the future. Look at your board each day to spur on your day-to-day efforts to construct the life you want. Draw up the existence you seek with Vision Board.
  1. Pinterest. What can we say? If you’re a member of Pinterest, you’ve already been touched by it in some way. Pinterest provides amazing exposure to unique ideas, stories, and photos. Regardless of your interest, there are others on Pinterest posting photos and stories related to it. Pinterest is free online, but the app may cost $2.99 or less.

Living a conscious life means having your eyes and ears open to all the opportunities around you. Today’s technology expands your ability to enhance your life for greater personal satisfaction and a renewed interest in creating the life you desire.

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