I feel like I’m about to embark on a whole new level of awesome when it comes to makeup, people. So, as I mentioned last week, my friend Sarah recently introduced me to this Younique makeup stuff. After trying it for a couple of weeks, I posted about it and shared my thoughts–the stuff is great.
That, along with the fact that I am in love with the company’s whole philosophy (it happens to fit RIGHT IN with my message–it’s “Uplift. Empower. Motivate.”–don’t you love it?), led me to shell out $99 for a presenter’s kit.
(Which, TBH, is really more like a sweet deal for anyone–the whole marketing thing is done online and there’s no reason to need to share these things with any potential customers).
So, my kit arrived today and I have to be honest, I’m a little intimidated. I’ve got probably 40 or 50 little pots of colored stuff that has labels like “matte” and “pigment” and “concealer” and something else…along with another set of 3D Fiber Lashes (woot, can’t ever have too many of these, I’m telling you!) and some makeup brushes and a little white charm….and a few other things.
Plus, it came in this super cute leather-looking case with embossed designs. It looks classy and expensive. I always enjoy stuff like this–and it could be used for makeup or for something else. It’s got touch appeal too.
But you know what? I’m going to give it a shot, and see if a “real” person can effectively use this stuff. I know I’ve managed to do pretty well with the 3D Fiber lashes (well, now that I’ve figured out how to properly use them–a post is coming up on that one later) and the other few things I’ve tried. But this color stuff? I have no clue.
At this point, I’ll ask you–have you tried Younique products before? Do you like them, and what are your best tips for all these colors and how to use them most effectively? All links and ideas will be appreciated.
As for me, I’ll keep you posted–I’ll review and share my own progress/experiments/successes and failures with this brave new makeup frontier right here at QueenBeeing.com. Stay tuned.
Editor’s Note: Forgive me while I step outside of my usual blogging habits today, but I feel that this one’s important enough to share with every woman who ever doubts herself and her relationship. This post is an open letter to Lauren Pinkston, the beautiful and talented blogger over at Apples and Bandaids Blog, in response to her recently published post entitled My Husband Doesn’t Need to See Your Boobs.
My boobs are not your problem, I promise you–and they’re really of no concern to your husband either. But I’m writing this today for a really good reason: after reading your recent post, I checked out your bio and couldn’t believe what I found.
See, that post revealed the thoughts of an insanely, excessively insecure woman who is on the verge of blowing up her marriage and who thinks very little of herself.
But your bio reveals a well-traveled, educated and worldly teacher-turned-women-empowering-blogger who isn’t afraid of anything (and who, for the record, is pretty gorgeous!).
While these two “sides” of you seem to be on opposite ends of the spectrum, I’m here to tell you that you’re not so strange–and you’re not alone.
Boob-Fear: I’ve been there
I’ve been where you are, and there is a way out. But it starts inside your own head–and the very first thing you have to do is stop worrying about stuff you can’t control.
So, using your own example, you don’t need to worry about your husband looking at anyone else’s boobs (and BTW, by “forbidding” it or making it “taboo” in your house, you’re actually making those non-you racks a lot more interesting–why not just let it go–is there anything you could truly do to change the situation, outside of a hollow blog post plea?). Instead, just stop thinking/worrying/stressing about it.
Now why would I recommend THAT?
Because let me ask you one simple question: is thinking/worrying/stressing about my boobs or anyone else’s going to really change the fact that your husband may or may not look at them?
No, of course not. What matters is that he’s not going around looking to touch them or to be in the same room as them, even–he saves all his love for you, yeah? (Assuming he does if he’s kind enough to pretend to not look at other women’s boobs on the internet!)
Anyway. Let me get to the point here.
Let’s Talk About You
First of all, as I previously mentioned, you are absolutely gorgeous and I am nearly positive that your husband thanks his lucky stars for this on a regular basis.
And let’s not forget that whole well-rounded, well-traveled, educated and awesome, sexy, stylish mom part.
Second, these skinny, fake-boobs-having, barely-legal, clearly childless women you see baring it all on the internet? Your hubby is not comparing you to them, I promise you. These images are, believe it or not, sort of separated from you in his mind.
It’s not that they’re better than you–in fact, they’re not nearly as good, because YOU are “real” in his world and they are not. You, he can touch, love, make love to–all that good stuff–and plus, you’re the mother of his children and you love him just the way he is, too, right? (Plus, let’s face it, he’s probably no Adonis himself–do you walk around comparing him to every dude you see in his underwear? I don’t think so.)
So how do I know all this stuff, anyway? Have I been somehow secretly spying on you? Nope, I’m not that tech savvy!
And now, it’s time to talk about me a little: I know this stuff because I have BEEN where you are.
Like, almost literally where you are, right now. Thinking that other women somehow had control over my husband and whether or not he chose to remain my husband. Ahem.
I’d like to sit here and tell you that I have never had a single moment of insecurity in my marriage. There was a time when things got pretty hairy, partially due to some old insecurities I had laying around. It got ugly sometimes.
The fact is that I’m human and that like every other woman who has had children (3 c-sections, thank you very much), I have my “battle scars,” such as the saggy spot on the bottom of my belly that will never quite go away.
And yeah, there was a time in my life when I could be classified as insanely, outrageously and cripplingly insecure and, as a result, pretty jealous in my relationship.
Another Thing in Common…
Like you noted in your blog post, I too used to really worry that hubs was constantly comparing me to other women and get sick thinking about what he was thinking/feeling about me (and/or these other women).
It wasn’t that I believed he’d cheat on me, it was that I worried he’d THINK about other women naked and WISH he was with them instead of me. Yeah, no kidding.
It got so tough that it was even an issue with women on television or in movies sometimes. Yeah, I know how ridiculous that sounds, and I even knew it then. But I still couldn’t help it–I was insanely obsessed for a proverbial minute.
Not only was I making myself physically ill, but I was also causing major issues in my marriage. It’s a lucky thing I finally realized what I was doing and figured out how to mostly fix the issue.
By now, I’ve come to a point where I understand a few things about life, marriage and the way the healthy male brain works at various stages throughout a man’s life.
At the time I was dealing with this issue, though, the idea of my husband finding any other woman attractive made me want to vomit–seriously–and the thought that he might find one more attractive, intelligent, stylish, sexy–or whatever–than me? Made me want to crawl in a hole and give up on this whole deal.
And yeah, people gave me the old “he’s married, not dead” and “well at least he comes home to you every night,” and yeah, it made me think mean things about those people, because none of that mattered in my misguided head at that moment.
It was so intensely harsh during one of my pregnancies that I became almost obsessive about it and in a very unhealthy way–no kidding. I’d watch my husband’s eyes (to see where and what he was looking at, of course). I’d listen carefully to everything he said, literally trying to seek out opportunities to prove that he didn’t REALLY love me and want me.
What the hell is wrong with us, anyway?
I don’t know about you, but I’m guessing we’re dealing with similar psychology here.
As for me, something inside me told me that he was really just with me because he was waiting for something better to come along–and when that something better did finally show up, he’d be done with me before I could say BOO. (To date, this has never happened, by the way.)
But I lived in fear of this every single day for the longest time. It was all I could think about sometimes, and it consumed me. I really think it almost killed me in some ways.
Then one day, I finally realized something: I had no control over my husband and his choices. I could only control myself and make my choices wisely. This meant I could continue to make myself (and him) miserable, or I could just decide that I was going to be happy NO MATTER WHAT the circumstances in my life happened to be that day.
I could just let go of worrying about what secrets my husband may or may not have rolling around in his head, because none of that mattered. I had to learn to trust him and trust in our relationship (and trust myself) enough to know that he’s in it for the long haul.
I realized that I was actually a pretty legit person who deserves good things in life, and it occurred to me that by changing my own perception of this whole deal, I could literally change both of our lives (and the lives of our kids).
See, as it turns out, the “something” inside me was a big, fat liar–it was my own doubt and insecurity whispering to me, telling me that I wasn’t good enough and that I didn’t deserve the kind of love I imagined that “some” people had. You know the kind I mean–that whole “meant-to-be, soulmate, I knew I loved you before I met you” kind of shit.
But if you’re there right now, I’ve got great news for you. You can CHOOSE to step out of that mess right this moment and change your life–and all it takes is one single thing: a shift in perspective.
You are your own kind of beautiful. There is no one else exactly like you and there is no reason to compare yourself with women who are different than you. Beauty is not a particular look in a woman–it goes so much deeper than that.
And for the record, not every man is into those perfect, tanned, flat-bellied bitches that make you cry into your pillow at night. Some guys actually find the bodies of “real women” much more attractive. Just saying. Keep going, stop worrying and start shining your beautiful light into the world, unencumbered by stress about things you can’t control.
All you have to do is decide. You can do this. It’s all in your hands. So what are you going to do about it?
So, my friend Sarah brought me a few products from this awesome makeup company called Younique recently, and she did so with the intention of having me both love it and talk about it to my blog readers, among others.
After having tried the products for two weeks, I’m totally hooked. I am especially fond of the “false” eyelashes (called Moodstruck 3D Fiber Lashes). They’re applied a lot like mascara, but really cause your eyelashes to be considerably fuller and longer. This has something to do with the second coat you apply, which is the “fiber” coat.
If you’d rather just have a little bit of everyting, there are a number of inclusive kits available–check them out here–or you could even become a presenter (like I did) for $99 and you’d get the following items.
Everything You Need to Get Started
16 Shimmer Pigment Testers
16 Matte Pigment Testers
All 6 Concealer Testers
All 5 Blusher Testers
3D Fiber Lashes
Eye Brush Set
Free business website!
White Status Charm
Instant Access to the Younique Virtual Party System™. Start hosting parties immediately!
$25 USD in Younique Cash on your Birthday annually!
PayQuicker Younique bank account
All of this comes in our signature black faux leather, embossed Younique case
“Empathy is about standing in someone else’s shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place.” ~Daniel H. Pink
Poor Adam Richman. I really feel for the guy lately. I mean, all he tried to do was to get a little love and send out a little inspiration. But one wrong hashtag, and suddenly he’s attacked by a whole bunch of haters.
So what did he do to deserve this huge backlash of criticism? Well, he posted something “inappropriate” on Instagram, his critics say.
But I call bullshit on these critics. And here’s why.
If you’re breathing, you’ve probably heard by now that the Travel Channel star, who hosted the hit show Man Vs. Food, is in in PR hell after he recently offended a whole bunch of folks–mainly those who are or have previously been suffering with an eating disorder, and anyone who loves/likes/knows one of those people.
After he proudly posted on Instagram that a new suit would need taking in, he added the hashtag #thinspiration, which is widely used among those in the Pro-Ana (pro-anorexic) community online and generally indicates someone who is celebrating or working toward excessive, unhealthy weight loss.
“Had ordered this suit from a Saville Row tailor over a year ago. Think I’m gonna need to take it in a little,” the Instagram post read, with the #thinspiration hashtag tacked on the end. (Though, to be fair, he also tacked on the hashtags #Victory, #EyesOnThePrize, #AnythingIsPossible, #fitness and #transformation.)
After he was widely criticized by both the fat-acceptance (FA) and those recovering from various eating disorders for using the hashtag so carelessly, Richman fired back, refusing to apologize for using it.
One critic posted that the hashtag and in fact the whole post “glorifies negative media self-imagery that being thin is better as opposed to any other body style,” to which Richman replied, “”DILLIGAF”, which means “Does it look like I give a fuck,” the Guardian reported.
“Oh eat a bag of shit, dummy,” Richman posted in response to another critic, Amber Sarah, who blogged about her experience at XO Jane. “No apology is coming. If it inspires someone to attain a healthy thinner body then that was what it was meant to do. Only fuckup it seems was your dad’s choice to go without a condom.”
To another, he suggested they “grab a razor blade and draw a bath. I doubt anyone will miss you.”
“…we’ve all used words by mistake, we’ve all stumbled and said something offensive and didn’t realize it,” Sarah wrote. “It happens to the best of us, and it’s totally understandable. But when you’re called out for saying something that does active harm, especially if you’re somewhat of a public figure, you listen, you apologize, and you don’t do it again.”So, why would Richman go so far as to directly insult people in such a rude manner? Is he crazy? Or maybe just hangry (hungry + angry)?
Why Adam Richman Deserves the Benefit of the Doubt
Look, as someone who has achieved a similar weight loss (and without surgery, TYVM), I feel this guy a little bit. He was just celebrating his success and hoping to get a little support in doing so.
“I’ve long struggled with my body image and have worked very hard to achieve a healthy weight. I’m incredibly sorry to everyone I’ve hurt,” he told ABC News.
I can identify with this feeling–it’s hard to deal with being overweight and when you finally manage to get to a healthy or almost healthy point, it feels amazing and you wanna show it off to the world.
And when someone tries to criticize you (especially someone who has issues with your weight loss for whatever reason), it can feel like a very personal attack.
My guess is that his use of the term “thinspiration” was not in any way connected to eating disorders in his mind, and that he was completely shocked by the backlash he received over a simple Instagram post that was not, in any way, meant to hurt anyone.
In fact, he probably thought he was helping to inspire someone who might want to achieve similar results.
Five Reasons We Need to Give Adam Richman a Break On This One
1. He’s a dude, and he probably never even heard the term “pro-ana.” Adam Richman is a man, and most people who are all involved in these pro-ana communities are women. It is entirely possible that he really just wanted to help “thinspire” others in a helpful and positive way. Regardless of what the tag means to some people, clearly Richman is not attempting to promote an UNHEALTHY lifesthyle. Duh.
2. He lost 70+ pounds, for real. Losing weight is HARD, especially when you do it “the old fashioned way,” but even when you don’t. He deserves congrats, not criticism.
3. He’s just human, like you and me. Reacting irrationally is a fairly human trait, even in social media. Richman isn’t unusual–he’s just one of us. What he’s most guilty of here, in my opinion, is that he reacted before he thought about it. Who of us hasn’t anger-posted to some social network (and in some of our cases, very quickly deleted it)? The only reason he’s being attacked is that he’s a celeb. If I posted the same thing, you probably wouldn’t even notice.
4. He was being attacked on a broad spectrum for a genuinely innocent mistake. While his responses t0 these comments were childish and inappropriate, can you honestly say that you wouldn’t at least consider posting very direct and someone inflammatory comments when you’re being personally and aggressively attacked for what you thought was an innocent post on a social media site?
5. He’s in enough hot water already, probably. He might end up losing his show over a little social media drama (last I checked, it had been ‘postponed until further notice’). Or maybe they’ll just go with it and he’ll end up more famous than ever, right before they put him on a new show (which, for the record, could be entitled “#Thinspiration: Taking Back the Word,” or something equally attention-grabbing).
So, where do you stand on this issue? Would you send Adam Rich up the river for this little slip-up, or would you give the guy a break and congratulate him on his hard work getting healthier? How did this situation make YOU feel? Share your thoughts, feelings and experiences here or in your favorite social media network and let me know what you think!
Man v. FoodWikipedia: Man v. Food is an American food reality television series. It premiered on December 3, 2008 on the Travel Channel. The program is hosted by actor and food enthusiast Adam Richman. In each episode, Richman explores the “big food” offerings of a different American city before facing off against a pre-existing eating challenge at a local restaurant. The program airs in syndication at various times during the week. →