3 Lessons Sarah Hyland’s Restraining Order Can Teach All Women

3 Lessons Sarah Hyland’s Restraining Order Can Teach All Women

With so much negativity coming out of the collective noise of Hollywood’s early-to-mid-twenty-something stars and the gossip mills they fuel, it’s nice to notice and recognize when someone does something that’s actually a GOOD thing. (And of course, it’s also smart, because when we focus on good things, we get more of them!)

If you watched ABC’s Modern Family, you know who Hailey Dunphey is – the daughter of bumbling Phil and stressed-out Claire. She’s a beautiful, seemingly vapid (at first glance) girl who turns out to be super smart when it suits her.

The actress that plays her, though, hasn’t had such an easy go of it so far. In fact, it seems that as her star rose between 2010 and 2014, Hyland’s behind-the-scenes real life was pretty hellish.

Why did Sarah Hyland get a restraining order against Matt Prokop?

You may have already heard about Sarah Hyland‘s domestic violence struggles with her ex-boyfriend, actor Matt Prokop, who is accused of physically abusing and assaulting her. Sarah Hyland was granted a restraining order against her ex-boyfriend, Matt Prokop, in September 2014. Prokop, who played Ethan in ABC’s Modern Family as well as playing several movie roles alongside Hyland, was accused of making violent threats towards her. News outlets report that Sarah sought help from police and the court to keep Prokop away from her because she was afraid of his behavior, for which she had sought medical treatment.

Is Matt Prokop a Narcissist? 

You might wonder if Matt Prokop is a narcissist, and you wouldn’t be alone. While we can’t say for sure that he fits the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, Prokop has certainly demonstrated some narcissist traits during his relationship with Hyland. For example, according to Daily News and TMZ, Prokop used physical intimidation, name-calling, and coercive control among his preferred methods of manipulation. We can only assume that emotional and psychological abuse was part of Hyland’s reality during the relationship.

Does this make him a narcissist? Maybe, but we aren’t aware of an official diagnosis. Either way, he appears to have been a narcissistic abuser. In fact, according to Hyland in an October 2014 interview with Meredith Viera, Prokop demonstrated the qualities of an abuser when he  “relentlessly bombarded me with vile, threatening and emotionally disturbing texts and voice mails including his own suicide threats.” Hyland reported that Prokop choked her so tightly that she “could not breath or speak.”

Prokop also allegedly terrorized her “both verbally and physically during the last four years of their relationship,” according to The Things, and his career ended with his relationship with Hyland.

3 Lessons Narcissistic Abuse Survivors Can Learn from Sarah Hyland

The clearly toxic relationship between Hyland and Prokop certainly appears to be an example of narcissistic abuse, and there are certain lessons fellow survivors of narcissistic abuse can learn from this situation.

Lesson 1: Even beautiful, successful women can be silent victims of abuse.

According to the Daily Mail Online, Hyland’s rep offered a statement from her attorney Lee A Sherman, which noted that “On September 19, 2014, Ms. Hyland obtained a Domestic Violence Temporary Restraining Order against Matthew Prokop. The documents filed speak for themselves.”

The statement continues: “Out of respect for the court, the process, and all parties, I have advised Ms. Hyland not to comment on the matter. We request that you respect the parties’ privacy during this time.”

Additionally, Hyland alleged in the court papers that she “experienced four years of abuse at his hands during their relationship.”

“His grip was so tight that I could not breathe or speak,” she said in the documents of a violent incident with Prokop in May. “I was scared and in fear for my life.”

Sadly, Hyland is not alone in her plight. According to SafeHorizon.org, 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. That’s 25% of us.

(Read More of Sarah Hyland’s story from The Daily Mail, Link Below)

Lesson Two: No woman deserves to be abused, and every woman has the right to stand up for herself.

As a young woman who is idolized by girls around the world, I think Hyland’s actions are the best she could’ve taken. Too many young women, especially in her age group and those in their late teens, are far too willing to accept “whatever” in order to remain attached to a man.

Safe Horizon says that women ages 20 to 24 are at the greatest risk of becoming victims of domestic violence.

While you might think that Hyland accepted the abuse for too long, she’s doing something right NOW. By standing up now and publicly declaring that domestic violence is NOT OK, Sarah Hyland is showing women around the world that they have the right to be safe. She is also offering herself a huge support network by going public with this one.  Go, Sarah!

Lesson Three: Get involved if you see a friend or loved one getting abused. (It might literally save their lives.)

A few more sobering statistics from Safe Horizon:

  • Women experience more than 4 million physical assaults and rapes because of their partners, and men are victims of nearly 3 million physical assaults.
  • Women are more likely to be killed by an intimate partner than men
  • Every year, 1 in 3 women who is a victim of homicide is murdered by her current or former partner.

According to TMZ, court papers note that Hyland has said that it was only thanks to her TV mom Julie Bowen that she felt strong enough to break free from the tumultuous 4-year relationship.

We may not fully understand how seriously Hyland was being abused, but the fact is that abusers kill their victims on an all-too-often basis.

If someone you know is in an abusive relationship and is in physical danger, you have a responsibility to stand up and say something. Julie Bowen’s support helped Sarah Hyland step away in a very public way, but you can support a loved one in a much quieter way by just offering help and support as you are able. If nothing else, you can connect them with the right resources.

So what do you think? Did Sarah Hyland do the right thing, and what would you say to her if you could?

 Excerpt from the Daily Mail Online:

Threatened: The 23-year-old claimed in court documents that she was physically abused by Matt during their four-year relationship

  • In the court filing she also says she had sustained injuries with a ‘very sore throat following this event.’ Sarah then described how she got her TV mother Julie Bowen involved to help her ‘peacefully end the relationship.’
  • The actress, who plays Julie’s daughter Haley Dunphy on the hit ABC comedy, flew out her beau to his home in Texas earlier this year.
  • But when Matt arrived and saw everyone in his house, including Julie, he ‘ran outside into the backyard and began screaming,’ according to the documents.

Seeking help: Matt, who had a stint on Modern Family and co-starred with her in Disney Channel movie Geek Charming, entered rehab in August

  • Sarah said he threw a ‘lighter’ at her, which triggered Julie to step in and get her out of the house as she ‘wasn’t safe’.
  • She also claimed that Matt threatened to commit arson by setting one of her homes on fire and to get rid of her dog.
  • Following their split, Sarah said her former boyfriend ‘relentlessly bombarded me with vile, threatening and emotionally disturbing texts and voice mails including his own suicide threats.’
  • The former couple started dating after meeting while auditioning for High School Musical 3: Senior Year in 2008. They later starred together in the Disney Channel film Geek Charming in 2011.

Read more about Sarah Hyland’s story in the Daily Mai: click here

October 2014 Update

Update: In October 2014, Sarah Hyland was granted a permanent restraining order, and Matt Prokop has not worked in the film or television industries since. E! News reported that “Prokop has been ordered to stay 100 yards away from the Modern Family actress and her home. He has also been ordered to not go near her job or workplace and own or possess a gun or ammunition. The restraining order also demands that Prokop stay 100 yards away from Hyland’s dog, Barkley Bixby, as well as not make any threats, or attack, or harm the dog in any way.”

Are you dealing with narcissistic abuse?

Does this story feel a little too familiar to you? You might be dealing with narcissistic abuse, which is a pervasive, covert type of abuse that involves the exploitation and psychological abuse of one partner in a toxic relationship.

While narcissistic abuse can result in profound emotional and psychological harm, as well as long-term physical effects, the covert nature can make it difficult to spot and even more challenging to manage. Worse, if you find yourself involved in this kind of relationship, your self-confidence and self-worth are often so low by the time you realize it, you can’t or won’t leave.

Narcissistic abuse involves subtle manipulation, pervasive control tactics, gaslighting, and emotional and psychological abuse. Sadly, even the most intelligent and educated people can be manipulated and abused by a narcissist.

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Are you dealing with narcissistic abuse in a toxic relationship? Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Are you dealing with a narcissist who is playing mind games with you? Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

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How to Get Everything You Want in 100 Days

How to Get Everything You Want in 100 Days

“Everybody has goals, aspirations or whatever, and everybody has been at a point in their life where nobody believed in them.” ~Eminem

Time flies when you’re having fun. Can you believe there are exactly 100 days left in 2014?  I know. It seems like we just closed the door on 2013! So let’s talk about our goals, shall we?

Goals are just dreams with deadlines, if you ask me. And what better way to get what you want than to set one for your most passionately desired goal?

My initial 100-days thought, of course, was some to launch some kind of 100-Day challenge here on the site. But then I realized that I don’t have time to organize that before the end of the day…sooo, I figured I’d go a little smaller. 

I thought I’d like to find and focus on a particular item that I need to change or better myself about. But I think in my case, I’m going to focus on being happy, being present in the RIGHT NOW for the next 100 days. That shouldn’t be too hard, but then again, I like to be an optimist.

See, over the past few years, my life has changed significantly. In addition to losing a bunch of weight and clearing my life of some really negative elements, I went from being a freelancer to a business owner. My husband and I bought our new home. And I figured out that what I think and feel about my own life is far more important than what anyone else thinks or feels about it.

As we begin the journey toward 2015, I’m ready to create new positive changes in my life. I have a few personal goals that I’d like to achieve before the New Year begins, including some health-related ones and some career-related ones.

That’s why I am starting my own 100-day challenge. Research tells me that a 100-day challenge can be really ideal for changing habits, creating new ones and it’s pretty obvious that committing to and sticking to anything for 100 days can create some pretty serious change in your life.

Being the nerdy-research-geeky type that I am, I did what I do and found a couple of pretty cool entire websites dedicated to this 100-day-practice thing. Here are three that I found interesting.

100HappyDays.com

There’s 100HappyDays.com, which is free and asks its members to sign up, post 100 pics over the course of 100 days via Facebook, Twitter or Instagram of what makes them happy. They’re asked to use the hashtag #100HappyDays and/or to come up with their own hashtag (for privacy’s sake). Or, if they want to keep it really private, they can email the pics.

According to the site’s creators, people who have successfully completed these 100 day challenges have claimed many benefits, such as being in a better mood on a regular basis, recieving more compliments from other people andd realizing how lucky their lives make them feel. Others have reportedly fallen in love during the challenge.

Another benefit of these photos, the site reminds us, is that we’ll have a nice collection of photos to remind you of what makes you happy (and you know, to commemorate your journey). And, if you offer a small investment toward the movement, you can receive a 100-page book  from 100happydays.com when you finish a challenge successfully.

I haven’t done any research on the site’s creators and their legitimacy, but I love the concept.

GiveIt100.com

The concept for GiveIt100.com hit co-founder Karen like a bolt of lightning after a time-video of her learning to dance in 100 days struck YouTube gold.

The video, which can be seen here, is pretty inspiring. So much can be accomplished in 100 days – it’s a great visual.

“It’s about having a dream and not knowing how to get there – but starting anyway,” Karen writes on the site’s About page. “When you watch someone perform or score the winning point – you’re only seeing a brief moment of glory. What you don’t see is thousands of hours of preparation. You don’t see the self doubt, lost sleep, the lonely nights working. You don’t see the moment they started. The moment they were just like you, wondering how they could ever be good.”

She says that GiveIt100 offers participants an opportunity to see that moment.

“We made Giveit100 for you to capture the moment you start out, and every moment after that,” she writes. “One day you may look back and cringe. But that will be the same moment you realize: Woah. I’ve come a long way.”

You know what I say? I love it and I love everything about it! I know, you’re surprised.

One more thing: GiveIt100.com’s FAQ page is super helpful for anyone who is interested in this concept. It even offers tips on what you should do for 100 days, whether or not you need to do it daily (and what happens if you don’t) and much more. Definitely worth a look.

100DayChallenge.com

And then there’s Gary Ryan Blair, the owner of 100DayChallenge.com, who says that you can get “10 years worth of results in just 100 days.” For $147, Blair will walk you through an intensive 100-Day-Challenge, and he even offers a 30-day money back guarantee.

“The success of other 100 Day Challenge participants is proof that this program will get you extreme results in just 100 days. Plus, we’re so sure you’ll love this program, we’re giving you our 30-day money-back guarantee,” his website says.

And from Blair himself: “I will help you clarify your goals, build a massive action plan, enforce accountability and implement discipline in all the right places. And you’ll love every minute of it.”

For your money, Blair says you’ll learn how to “rapidly and significantly” increase your performance, change your life on a grand and revolutionary scale and to “live an epic life and rip the lid off of any past performance.”

Interesting. But would I pay $147 for it? Honestly, I’m not going to, because I’m a cheapskate and I’m not sure it would benefit me personally more than a free option. That’s just how I roll – but I’m sharing it in case anyone who needs this kind of support is interested.

“I created the 100 Day Challenge to share with you the same methods I have used to shatter sales goals, quickly grow a number of multimillion dollar businesses, and coach people to extraordinary performances,” Blair writes. “My style is to mix a blend of encouragement, strict discipline, hyper accountability, and a strong sense of urgency to keep you performing at the very top of your abilities.”

Bottom Line

I know that habits are typically formed in anywhere from two weeks to 90 days, depending who you ask. I think a 100-day challenge is a totally feasible option for anyone looking to begin to create and promote positive change in her life.

What do you think? Would you be interested in participating in one of these?

How being a bitch on Facebook bit me in the tongue

How being a bitch on Facebook bit me in the tongue

“The Law of Attraction exists and is working, whether you like it or not. If you end up using it for your benefit or to your detriment, it is still be working in the background of our lives.” ~Amy B. Scher
 
Oh boy. I  love when the Universe smacks me in the face with a little reminder to stay focused on what I want and not what I don’t! Today, I figure I can offer a little real-life proof of the law of attraction for those who are skeptical about it. Or, if nothing else, maybe you could use a laugh, or a reminder. 
 
Either way, I hope you’re sitting down–and trust me, you’re going to want to read this post.
 
Because this time?
 
The Universe actually BIT me for being a bitch. No kidding.
 
Now, don’t get me wrong. In general, I feel pretty awesome about my life. I am seriously blessed, for real.

This is thanks (in part) to a personal effort to avoid saying, feeling or thinking negative things as often as possible, as well as to focus only on what I want in my life (and not what I don’t).

I know for sure that every success I’ve reported has been directly related to the power of intentional thought and my ability to focus on what is desired instead of what is not.

 So yeah, I am USUALLY pretty good about keeping myself in the right kind of vibrational field, so to speak – or at least, getting myself back on track pretty quickly and without incident when I do allow something to temporarily affect my peaceful, happy and productive state.
 
And, based on my experiences before and after these thought-monitoring and maintenance practices, they work. Which means, of course, that the law of attraction has proven legitimate – at least for me.
 
Want a funny (and kind of horribly painful) example of the law of attraction in action that just happened to me yesterday?
 
Bitten Back By Bitchiness: My Scary Story
 
It all started when I became fed up with a certain “Poor Me” type-person I know who was posting all kinds of victim-mentality-type status updates on Facebook. I had heard enough of it, and I had very compassionately attempted to help the person overcome this self-injuring attitude on more than one occasion already. I had already seen repeated proof of the fact that this person’s attitude was affecting life for him, and at that point, I was just…done. Exhausted.
 
Tired of trying to make him understand.
 
Over it.
 
And then, the bitch came out – that part of me that I don’t even usually realize exists.
 
That’s when, in an admittedly passive-aggressive, inappropriately bitchy mood after the latest assault on my senses,  I posted this status:
 

“Holy crap I am biting my tongue so hard I think it’s bleeding.”

 
Obviously I meant that I was  figuratively biting my tongue as in not saying what I felt like saying.
 
Clearly, it was a tongue-in-cheek statement (pun totally intended, obvs). And yet, the Universe, the law of attraction? It’s all neutral. There is no sarcasm or figurative. Especially when you’re a very annoyed but sometimes overly polite person who can’t always bring herself to break a person’s heart by saying the things they really need to hear (because, honestly, it’s not your problem, and you’re not trying to bring all that drama into your life…but anyhoo).
 
Yeah. So I threw a little snippy out into the Universe. And then, it threw a little right back at me.
 
The Universe is probably laughing a little right now, thinking I deserved what I got. And yeah, it’s probably right. Which is why I’m here, writing this post for you, my friend. I am here to tell you to take this stuff seriously. If you don’t, you might find yourself getting bitten back.
 
Are you ready for this? 
 
I’m pretty sure the Universe was all, “Listen, you’re doing so great. Stop being a bitch and get back on track toward what you really want.”
 
Aaaannnd, it’s pretty clear that I was all, “La, la, la…I can’t hear youuuuu!”
 
Because, there I was, sleeping soundly and having some awesome kind of dream (probably, I don’t actually know if I was dreaming, because of some kind of post-traumatic amnesia due to what I’m about to tell you next).
 
That’s when the universe showed me that this law of attraction thing sometimes works quite literally, because I quite literally bit my tongue so hard in my sleep that the searing pain ripped me from my sweet sleep with a screaming shock.
 
And guess what, friend? My freaking tongue was also quite literally bleeding.
 
Yep.
 
Literally.
 
Bleeding.
 
So, hours after posting the bitchy and unnecessarily passive-aggressive Facebook status, I literally “bit my tongue so hard it was bleeding.” Yeah, that’s right. It can work that fast.
 
How’s that for proof?
 
Now, think about this. Take this whole deal and look at it from the other side. If I had changed my mind and focused on something awesome instead of throwing out a little bitchy into the Universe (or even just stopped propagating the bitch-factor by sending that energy out there!), maybe I’d have slept through the night bite-free, at the very least.
 
Or, I don’t know. Maybe something even better could’ve happened. But I’m not going to dwell on that, and do you know why? Because, as I’ve just been painfully reminded, the law of attraction works and my thoughts really do create my reality. And here’s what I’m thinking now: I just wrote a post that might change someone’s life. And maybe that’ll change my life too. Do you think?
 
Let’s all think happy thoughts, because happy thoughts work. For real.
 
In any case, this experience (along with all of the other experiences and understandings leading up to this point) prove to me one of the things that has become a true core value for me:
 
You get to define your life, your Self and the world you choose to accept.  It starts with your own perception. Or, to put it simply – if you want to create positive change in your life, you’ve got to start by changing your mind. Change your mind to change your life.
 
What do you think about that?
 
Oh, Fashionista: The New Yorker’s Style Files

Oh, Fashionista: The New Yorker’s Style Files

I love me some fashion, if you haven’t heard. And guess what? The New Yorker has published its latest style issue–and it’s a historic one. Time flies when you’re having fun, am I right? Check out the story, right here. A little nibble for you:

When The New Yorker published its very first fashion issue, in November of 1994, Adam Gopnik led off his comment with a question: Why does fashion matter?

One answer he gave, and we’re inclined to agree with him, is that its simply fun.

Fashion doesnt necessarily have to be about something larger than itself, and the arbitrary pleasure one derives from it can often be its own reward.

For this collection, which marks the publication of our thirty-fifth Style Issue, weve pulled together nine classic pieces on fashion, covering everything from the fashion worlds early influence on self-expression to the rise of style blogging.

See The Story: click here

 

Bee Healthy: Essential Oils for Mental and Physical Wellness

Bee Healthy: Essential Oils for Mental and Physical Wellness

For both your mental and physical health, it’s important to spend some “me” time pampering and relaxing yourself. These days, there are plenty of different relaxation options available as well as several ways to relieve stress, enjoy and rejuvenate your senses and body.

A great way to experience a heaven-like, self-indulgent beauty treatment is at a day spa or a beauty salon. Beauty professionals use 100% natural and pure oils extracted from plants and herbs, known as essential oils, to cure, heal, and energize your body.

Need for Essential Oils
A good body massage at the hands of an experienced masseur is not just physically rewarding but also emotionally advantageous to your body. Massage and body massage oils are perfect for pampering and relieving the stress and tension of your body and mind.

Essential oil blends are the traditional and age-old cures to enhance the feeling of being healthy, vitalized, as well as spread a general sense of positivity and goodwill. Essential massage oils, when used for massages, not only moisturize the skin, but also ease muscle tension and help you de-stress and relax.

Essential oils such as Orange, Lemon, and others are full of rich minerals and vitamins. Their composition is such that they can be absorbed by the skin with ease and offer deep-tissue treatments for the body. You can use aromatherapy essential oils as home spa oils as well. These oils are perfect for use as bath oils and after bath moisturizing.

History of Essential Oils
The history of essential oils is as unique and interesting as the oils themselves. Used by early civilizations such as Indians, Chinese, Egyptians, and Babylonians essential oils have also been mentioned in the Bible.

The ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics and some Chinese manuscripts have records of physicians and priests using oils extracted from plans to make some of the earliest known medicines. These oils were also used for protection against diseases and for curing wounds and ache as well as during religious ceremonies, embalming the dead, and as perfumes!

Several royalties such as Cleopatra was fully aware of the power of essential oils and would use them to attract men towards her. She also used them for glowing, supple skin and thick, dark, lustrous hair.

Extraction of Essential Oils
All-natural and pure essential oils are aromatic or fragrant extracts of trees, flowers, herbs, spices, bark, fruits, seeds, and fibers by the process of distillation, or solvent extraction.

Since essential oils are essential to the plants’ growth process and to the substances that give them their special fragrance, they are also known as “life force.” There are more than 150 different types of essential oils that are used in aromatherapy.

Some of the essential oils are more expensive than others. This could be due to the rarity of the sources or the complexity of the extraction process. Emu Oil, extracted from Emu bird is very expensive but excellent for the skin, wrinkles, and overall beauty. On the other hand, orange, lemon, sage, rosemary, patchouli, and others are fairly inexpensive and easily available in the supermarkets.

Benefits of Essential Oils
Essential oils are wonderful for us. Not only because they are completely natural and don’t have any side effects but also because they give us more than physical relief. If you use essential oils on a regular basis, you will feel healthier, fitter, mentally stronger, psychologically more in control, besides having a higher immunity level against common illnesses such as colds, fevers, allergies etc.

Different essential oils offer different benefits. Some may offer unique healing, antiseptic properties while others may offer anti-viral, anti-inflammatory, anti-depressant, expectorating, and diuretic properties. You must seek an aromatherapist before buying an essential oil for treating a serious ailment.

However, you may use the more common essential oils such as Clary Sage, Eucalyptus, Geranium, Lavender, Lemon, Peppermint, Rosemary, Tea-tree, Ylang Ylang for relaxation and enjoyment as well.

Some Essential Oils for Health and Beauty
We thought with all this talk about essential oils, you might be interested in knowing which ones you can buy without having to peel through layers of research for spending money on consulting a professional. And remember, each of these essential beauty oils have their own healing properties that offer your skin a rosy and healthy glow. So here goes:

1. Sunflower Oil Grown by American Indians for 1000s of years, this oil is extracted from sunflower seeds and is rich in minerals and in Vitamins A, and E.

2. Olive Oil One of the most cherished, valuable, and powerful multi-use beauty/health oil, it has also been called “liquid gold” due to its miraculous powers for improving the texture and appearance of your skin. Olive oil leaves your skin feeling soft and your complexion glowing due to the high mineral content, Vitamin E, and vital fatty acids!

3. Jojoba Oil – Obtained from the seeds of the desert plant Jojoba, the oil is light and waxy. Excessively being used as a humectant, Jojoba oil creates a protective layer on the surface of your skin to lock the moisture in so that your skin stays hydrated and soft even in winter!

Essential oils are a perfect way to look beautiful and stay healthy for longer, don’t you think? They’re also among the longest-held beauty solutions.

 

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