“There is a tremendous difference between alone and lonely. You could be lonely in a group of people. I like being alone. I like eating by myself. I go home at night and just watch a movie or hang out with my dog. I have to exert myself and really say, oh God, I’ve got to see my friends because I’m too content by myself.” ~ Drew Barrymore
I know I’m not alone when I say I would rather stay in and watch a movie on Netflix than go out and watch one at a theater.
I don’t even want to go stand in line at Redbox and rent a movie because that would mean I have to be next to other people.
Spending time at home and with my select friends and family is enough excitement for me. My social needs are met with a video game and a bag of veggies. (I would say chips but I am on this health kick…be healthy!).
There are moments in my life when I did not leave the house for weeks at a time. The only people I saw were my husband and children. I like it that way.
I know that I have to go out into the world and function. I do not have to like it but it must be done. I could shop only at Wal-Mart. However, there are some things that you cannot do at Wal-Mart like pick your kid up from school and attend your child’s soccer game. Here is how I stay sane. (or insane if that’s how you want to look at it.)
1. Limited eye contact – I limit how much eye contact I have with everyone I meet. The less our eyes meet the less you will want to talk to me.
2. No conversation – The worst thing is when you are checking out at the grocery store with $200 in food and all the lady who’s ringing you up wants to do is chit chat about how she found her missing dog. Listen, I’m happy for her and the pup but I don’t want to hear about it. A simple “hello” and “have a good day” is almost too much in the first place.
3. Don’t smell – People smell terrible. Avoid smelling anyone at all times. I can smell a person who didn’t take a bath or brush their teeth from an aisle over. I bury my face in my scarf or my husband’s shoulder whenever we pass someone. Yes, there are those of you out there that use cologne and bathe regularly. I apologize to you. However, I am still going to hold my breath whenever you pass me because I cannot smell you.
4. Be nice – Being as nice as possible to those people who must talk to you is key. The nicer you are the more helpful they will be and the faster you can leave and go back home.
5. Don’t be afraid – No one knows that you are an introvert. No one knows you want to run away and crawl home instead of smiling one more fake smile. Everyone picks their kids up from school. Everyone goes to the mall. People go grocery shopping. Just remember that blending in is our best bet. Get done what you need to get done and then get back home.
“If you kiss on the first date and it’s not right, then there will be no second date. Sometimes it’s better to hold out and not kiss for a long time. I am a strong believer in kissing being very intimate, and the minute you kiss, the floodgates open for everything else.” ~Jennifer Lopez
So, you’ve recovered from narcissistic abuse and now you’re looking for love. Maybe you’re just looking for something fun for now – or, you’ve been single long enough and you want something more…permanent?
In any case, if you’re not dating online, there are lots of ways to go about finding new people to date – for example, maybe you’re meeting plenty of potential dates in clubs, stores, bars, church – aka “in-person” meetings.
But if not, maybe you’re looking for love elsewhere – at work, in the neighborhood? Or maybe, you’re finally ready to get set up by a friend or a family member.
Should you let your friends or family members ‘fix you up’ with a date?
Even though we’re deluged with dating ads from companies like PlentyOfFish, Harmony, and Match.com, there are advantages to meeting people through family and friends.
Looking for Love? This one’s for you.
Like I said, online dating sites exist and they do work. They are capable of helping you find thousands of people you would be unlikely to come across in your daily life – I happen to know a lot of married couples who’ve met that way, and there’s not one thing wrong with it. You just have to be careful, and I mean REALLY careful.
Interesting fact: 1/3 of recently married couples met online. My only other advice on that one is don’t spend too much money on it (but then you know me, I’m a cheap-skate!). But if you’re looking for something a little more traditional, you might want to consider getting set up by your friends or family members – or maybe even a co-worker.
After all, the people closest to you might have some pretty valuable insight into who would be a compatible partner for you. Here are seven strategies to get your friends to set you up on a successful date (that really works!).
Get the Hookup: 7 Surefire Strategies to Get Your Friends to Set You Up on a Successful Date
Advertise your availability.
Taking out a billboard would be extreme, but it’s okay to let your loved ones know you want to meet new suitors. That way, they can be on the lookout for you.
Let go of expectations.
We’re often unclear about how to build a lasting relationship. Relax and enjoy each other’s company on a date. If you’re compatible, the chemistry may emerge gradually.
Talk face to face.
Getting together for a cup of coffee beats texting when it comes to forming a more accurate impression of someone. Focus on real-world interactions.
Etiquette matters. It’s even more important when you have mutual friends. Smile, make eye contact and speak kindly.
Decide on a second date.
The only thing you need to figure out on most first dates is whether you would like to see each other at least one more time. If you find someone appealing, let them know.
A happy relationship is worth searching for if that’s what you want. And who better than your friends to help you find the right person. Even if a date does not work out, let your friends know you’re grateful for the connection anyway and that you’re still looking so they’ll keep sharing their contacts. Read about relationships and communication skills so you’ll be ready for love wherever you encounter it.
“Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time.” ~Maya Angelou
Who doesn’t love love? You do, right? And, just maybe, you’e got a couple of friends or acquaintances who you just know would be perfect for each other.
They’re both single and you’re just dying to set them up. So what do you do? Where do you get started?
Start With the Set-Up: 7 No-Fail Steps to Successfully Hook Up Two Friends
Ask for permission. Find out whether your friend is interested in dating. She may be healing from a recent divorce or consumed with launching a new business. If the timing is off, maybe she’ll still appreciate your thoughtfulness and get back to you when her situation changes.
Rehearse your introduction. Explain why you think two people would be a good match. Do they share a love for opera or volley ball? Do they both want to marry and live outside the city?
Listen closely. One of the most effective ways to figure out what would make your friends click is to pay attention to them. The things they talk about could reveal what they want.
Share a photo. Your coworker’s definition of gorgeous could be very different from your own. Present a photograph to avoid misunderstandings.
Check your motives. If you’re secretly attracted to someone, it’s easy to let those feelings persuade you to pair them up with someone else. Ensure that you’ll be happy for the new couple if things work out.
Stand back. You’re probably going to be curious about whatever happens on the first date. Learning a few details is intriguing. Becoming too involved is disruptive.
Live and learn. If your first match fails to ignite, refine your strategy. Experience and practice makes you more insightful.
“Whenever you’re engaged in the business of who you’re meant to be, you’re more awake, alive, and ready to play a vital part in your world. When others see your light shining, they’ll be inspired to shine theirs, too.” ~Oprah Winfrey
Do you know who were you meant to be? Have you discovered your true calling? Yeah, I said it–your true calling. You know, the reason you are alive. Your personal mission in life–that thing you’re “meant to be.”
“When you’re honoring your calling, there’s an undeniable sense of stimulation and exhilaration. It feels like you’re giving and getting ‘juice’ from the experience. It just feels so right,” Oprah writes. “What stands out for me when I consider this question are all the years I spent as an anxious news reporter/anchorwoman.”
She goes on to tell a story about the first time she co-hosted a show on People Are Talking in Baltimore.
“It instantly felt like I’d come home to myself,” Winfrey said. “Not because the conversation was especially earth-shattering or enlightening—the first guest was the Carvel ice cream man, discoursing on his flavors—but because of the feeling that at last I was where I was meant to be.”
Have you had one of these moments before, where something you did, whether work-related or otherwise, made you feel like you’d just “found” yourself and/or your calling?
QB QUIZ: Should You Be Reading This Article Right Now?
If you think I’m a little crazy and still have no idea I’m talking about, take a couple seconds to complete this quick quiz to gauge your current situation:
1. Are you doing precisely the kind of work that makes you want to jump out of bed every morning excited to begin a new day?
2. Does your work fulfill a need deep inside to express yourself, your talents, your values, your unique and precious gifts?
3. Does your work allow a balanced life – one that leaves time for family and friends, for physical activity or hobbies, for you?
4. Are you doing what you love?
If you answered “yes” to all of these questions, congratulations! There is a good chance that you’ve achieved what the Buddhist’s call “Right Livelihood,” and honestly, you probably ought to be offering up a guest post on how you did all that.
But, if you’re not there yet; if you have not yet found the work you were meant to do, keep reading, and just go with me for a minute here.
Listen up: You are about to find your true calling – and when you find that calling that is uniquely yours, your life will be transformed. How about that?
“The way to find out about your happiness is to keep your mind on those moments when you feel most happy, when you are really happy – not excited, not just thrilled, but deeply happy.” ~Joseph Campell
Want to know how to become what you’re meant to be? Now ask yourself how you feel each day, as you get ready for work. It probably sounds something like this. Your alarm clock buzzes and you get up. You drag yourself out of bed, dreading yet another day at a job that is high on stress and short on gratification. Girl, I have BEEN there. Seriously.
Ask yourself something really important: Are you happy working in a career that is fulfilling and enjoyable?
Because when you really love your work, you greet the day like this: “Who needs an alarm clock? I can’t wait to get out of bed and get busy on (insert dream job here)! Work? I can’t believe they pay me to do this! This feels a lot more like awesome!”
Translation: you do not need an alarm because you cannot wait to get out of bed and dive into another workday where your work feels similar to play.
Maybe you think it is too late?. Maybe you believe that you have somehow missed your calling and that you are not getting any younger. However, this leads me to my next question. How do you find work? The kind that will feed your soul? When you discover your calling, you may find your life taking you in unexpected directions.
See, anyone–almost literally–can get a 9-to-5 J-O-B. A job is something that pays the bills but all too often fails to feed the spirit. And it turns out that when your spirit is starved for meaningful satisfying work, your happiness suffers.
I mean, people who love what they do for a living actually live longer, statstically. Happy equals healthier, which equals a longer life. Did you know that doing what you love for a living could actually extend your life? No joke.
So here’s your million-dollar question of the day:
Do you believe you were put on this earth to sit in commuter traffic, to suffer through the performance evaluations and reorganizations, to have to answer to a boss that is well… you know…something other than awesome?
Were you really created to spend your life having the Sunday night blues? On the other hand, do you believe, as I do, that you were put here to follow a calling that is uniquely yours?
If the idea of loving what you do appeals to you, the way I see it… here are your options: You can keep plodding along week after week hoping that inspiration will somehow, someway suddenly strike and – in a flash – your true calling will be revealed.
Listen, I’m not telling you to go out and quit your job (especially if this means it’d leave your family to starve). This is not an option for most of us. But what I’m asking you is this: Make a promise to yourself right here, right now to take the first bold step on behalf of your dreams.
So what do you say? Are you ready to take action to realize your dreams? I’m listening. Tell me all about it.
“Feeling confident – or pretending that you feel confident – is necessary to reach for opportunities. It’s a cliché, but opportunities are rarely offered; they’re seized.” ~Sheryl Sandberg
It could happen to anyone. We have a dream – maybe we even plan our whole lives. And then stuff happens. Life happens, and sometimes we find ourselves stuck in some dead-end job we don’t love, wishing we could be doing whatever it is that we REALLY want to do.
I know, because it happened to me.
Regardless of your life decisions, deciding on a career can sometimes be difficult. After spending a few years studying in a particular field, one would think that your career choice is obvious. Sometimes, though, uncertainty looms because you aren’t fully connected to the field.
Have you chosen a certain career direction because your parents want you to do it? Keep in mind that your ideal career should be something that still gives you joy ten years down the line.
Unsure About Your Career Choice?3 Ways to Know You’re on the Right Track
Use this guide to figure out if you’re on the right career path:
You have an innate skill set.Some individuals are just more naturally aligned with certain careers than others. Is that the case with you and your career choice?
Think back to your childhood. Is your work related to something that you had a knack for growing up? Did related activities interest you? If yes, you’re probably on the right track.
How easy is it for you to understand the field’s complex concepts? If you find yourself breezing through things that others find difficult, you likely have the natural ability for it.
Do you feel “at home” finding solutions to challenges in your field? If so, it likely means that you’re doing what you’re meant to be doing.
Your eyes light up when working.On the flip side of having natural abilities is the concept of being passionate. You’re probably good at many things, but which ones are you passionate about?
If your eyes light up, it represents excitement about doing something that aligns with your soul. You can put it right up there with sharing special moments with beloved family members.
Are there times when hours pass by without you even realizing it? Being so engrossed in your work that very little else matters usually means that you love what you’re doing!
Once you find yourself talking about your career to family, friends, and even strangers, you’re likely in the career of your dreams! Is your career constantly on the forefront of your mind?
Your earning power is irrelevant.Careers that cater to the passionate side are usually fulfilling all on their own.There’s a pride you get from producing something good, regardless of what your paycheck looks like.
When you’re doing something you love, you spend your time ensuring you do it well. The financial benefit that comes along with work is important, but it’s definitely secondary to doing something you love!
Have you ever found that bonuses on the job feel less exciting to you than to your co-workers? It’s probably because the income plays second fiddle in your life.
Strangely enough, working in a fulfilling career negates the desire to seek material fulfillment elsewhere. You may even find that your earnings pile up because you really don’t have the desire to spend it!
The formula for assessing career suitability is really easy. For the most part, it just requires a little introspection. Give thought to what matters most to you. If, after defining those things, your career comes out on top, you’re on the right track.
Take the time to listen to your heart as you choose your life’s work.Be thoughtful when it comes to determining your ideal career path.
Need a little more help getting on track? I’ve got a free gift for you this weekend only! Check it out below.
If you feel so inclined, I’d love it if you’d consider leaving me a review on Amazon.com, but that’s not a requirement. You can just download the book and read it and move on with your (definitely better after reading it) life! 😉