As someone who has survived and thrived despite having experienced various forms of emotional abuse, thanks to involvement with narcissists in my own life, it was often hard to see while I was in the “thick of it.”
So how do you know if the relationship is really emotionally abusive? When it’s physical abuse, it’s often pretty obvious, but emotional abuse can be incredibly hard to detect, especially if your victimizer is a narcissist.
On the plus side, there are plenty of warning signs.
If your significant other is a narcissist, he (or she) might engage in certain narcissistic behaviors and types of manipulation, such as the ever-pervasive gaslighting tactic that is the bane of so many victims of narcissistic relationships.
How to Know if You’re Being Emotionally Abused
Does your significant other:
- Isolate you and prevent you from spending time with friends or family members?
- Force you to account for your time when apart from him?
- Act really jealous and possessive sometimes?
- Make excessive and unreasonable demands for your attention, even to the detriment of your other responsibilities?
- Make everything “all about him?”
- Make you the scapegoat for all the arguments or problems in the relationship?
- Consider himself the “boss” and insist on making all the decisions in your relationship/family/life?
- Snoop through your stuff? Does he refuse to allow any privacy? Does he go through your mail, hack your email or Facebook account or go through your personal belongings?
- Get excessively angry without warning or over tiny things?
- Have the whole “Jekyll and Hyde” deal happening – where one side of him seems charming or even sweet and loving, while the other is mean, spiteful and downright hurtful?
- Play games with your head? Tell lies in order to confuse you or blame you for something you didn’t do?
- Become overly critical of everything about you when you don’t do what he wants?
- Take control of everything in your life, such as your finances?
- Feel entitled to everything from your attention and UNCONDITIONAL respect, regardless of how he treats you?
- Feel entitled to your financial or other kinds of support?
- Cause damage and/or give away/steal your personal property?
- Harass you whenever you’re away from him because you have to be (such as work or school)?
- Make threats about how he will “ruin you” or otherwise cause trouble for you at work, to your family or to others?
- Say overly critical things about your body and appearance?
- Have weird sexual issues?
- Become excessively pushy or forceful about sex, or even hurt you during sex?
- Become angry or sullen (or even display narcissistic injury) if you don’t go along with his sexual demands?
- Drink excessively or take drugs, and then blame his awful behavior on alcohol, drugs or his own history of abuse or tragedy earlier in his life?
- Pressure you to use alcohol or other drugs, even when you say no?
- Cause you to become anxious about confronting him about literally anything?
- Threaten you with physical harm or make you feel afraid of how he will react when you speak or act in general?
- Manipulate you with the constant threat of mood changes and impending narcissistic rage?
- Make you feel like you’re always “walking on eggshells” or living with constant stress, anxiety or generally in fear?
- Withhold affection in order to punish you?
- Give you the “silent treatment” when you don’t do what he wants?
- Humiliate you?
- Expect you to ask for permission to do stuff, as though you’re a child?
- Threaten to hurt himself when he doesn’t get his way or if you threaten to leave?
Physical Abuse: DO NOT WAIT!
Listen, emotional abuse is awful and can make you completely miserable. But physical abuse is a whole other ball of wax. While you should never stay in an abusive situation, you have to remember that when physical abuse is a factor, there is absolutely no fixing it – and your life could literally depend on you getting away safely.
Ask yourself, does your significant other:
- Physically abuse you in any way? Push, shove, grab, punch, hits or strike you with hands or fists?
- Threaten or assault you with weapons, such as household objects or knives?
- Blame you for his abusive behavior, saying things such as “look what you made me do,” or “well, if you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have had to hit you?”
If so, there is no time to waste – get help and get out before it’s too late. Here are some resources for you.
Sexual Abuse: GET OUT NOW!
According to Dr. Phil, the following are signs of sexual abuse. If you’re being sexually abused, you can’t wait – you need to get out ASAP. If you don’t have any support (which is unfortunately common for victims of narcissism and abuse, since abusers often isolate their victims), start here, and check out these resources as well.
You are being sexually abused if your partner:
- Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
- Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
- Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
- Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
- Held you down during sex.
- Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
- Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
- Ignored your feelings regarding sex.
More Resources for Victims of Narcissists
Visit the QueenBeeing Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Resources & Support Page
If you’re in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, you might want to read one of these books.
Are you experiencing (or have you experienced) emotional abuse in a toxic relationship? Find out for sure by taking this quiz.
The holidays are upon us and it’s time to find the perfect gifts for everyone on your list. But what do you buy for the mom who has everything? The struggle is real.
QB’s got you covered – we’ve polled more than 300 moms and come up with a list that can’t miss. Here’s what to buy your mom for Christmas this year.
What Does Mom Really Want for Christmas?
An ereader, such as a Nook or Kindle would give her hours of reading pleasure. No more having a list of unread books piling up on the bedside table or sitting on the shelf waiting for the day she’ll find time to sift through them and pick one out.
With the Kindle, all of the books she wants are at her fingertips. They’re organized by category and genre and they’re available whenever she wants a new book – even if it’s the wee hours of the morning and she can’t sleep.
You could also get her an Amazon gift card and she can download the free Kindle app on her phone – this would mean she could dowload all sorts of books to read too!
The perfect Christmas gift for Mom is the kind of gift that will continually bring her joy throughout the upcoming years, too. She can read best selling novels (and you can get many for such huge discount prices) and she’ll also have access to newspapers, magazines and audiobooks, too.
This gift will quickly become one of her favorites. She’ll be able to read from the screen no matter what the lighting is like because glare isn’t a problem. With the lending library, she’ll never run out of choices and money won’t be an object either.
Using this feature, she can borrow books – and unlike the local library, there are no due dates! She can take her time reading the bestsellers and savor every word, getting the most enjoyment out of her reading experience.
But if she wants to check books out from the library, she can even do that by going to her library’s website. This is the perfect gift for moms who love to read and struggle with eyesight problems since the Kindle has the Read-to-Me feature.
To help protect the Kindle purchase, don’t forget to pick up one of the Kindle Lighted Leather Cover items. She’ll love being able to take the device anywhere she goes and always have something to read.
Kindle has the Kindle Fire, which would also make the perfect Christmas gift for Mom. If you’re looking for a different eReader, PanDigital 72-70FW 7-Inch Tablet is another popular brand and so is the Barnes and Noble NOOK eBook Reader. You can pick up a pack of 3 Pack of Universal Touch Screen Stylus Pen for stocking stuffers to go along with the eReader.
Out of all of the things you could possibly buy for her, what does Mom really want for Christmas? How about a good movie? From the chilling to the thrilling to the classics, she loves that time when she can relax in her favorite chair or on the sofa, have some popcorn and let the day seep away.
When she was growing up, she probably had a long list of movies that she enjoyed. The holidays would be a great time to thrill her with the old classics like Roman Holiday, or the Audrey Hepburn collection.
Who could forget Breakfast at Tiffanys or Sabrina? If she’s a James Dean fan, you can pick up the Complete James Dean collection, which includes the acclaimed East of Eden and Rebel Without a Cause.
But if your mom prefers movies set in present times, there are several endearing movies she would love. Movies like P.S. I Love You, which is based on the novel by Cecelia Ahern might be fitting.
If Only is another touching movie Mom would love. Of course, if she’s a Johnny Depp fan, then the Pirates of the Caribbean Four-Movie Collection is sure to be a valuable treasure for her. This collection has a pirate’s chest, a map and is a skull case that looks like it would have fit very well in the actual movie!
Not only are individual movies a great gift, but if you want to know what mom really wants for Christmas, do a little sleuthing and find out what her favorite television series are.
You can bet she would love to have those shows on DVD collection. Shows like Castle or NCIS top the charts right now and some that were incredibly popular like Friday Night Lights, Friends and JAG are also shows Mom likes and can be purchased as a collection for incredible money saving deals.
Hand in hand with movies of course, are those snack treats she loves to munch on while seeing her leading men or leading women in action. Gourmet Popcorn Variety 3-Pack by Wisconsinmade is a delicious treat.
Or you can put together a movie basket complete with a selection of movies, some popcorn, a few sweet treats, a whimsical mug and hot cocoa. You can find all the items including the basket online and it would be easy to put it all together. Put on your detective hat and do a little snooping to see what it is she loves spending her time doing.
More Great Gift Ideas for Mom
Since moms are usually the historians of the family, digital cameras take quality photos, preserving the funny and endearing moments of lives well lived.
Cameras like the Sony Cyber-Shot DSC-W530 14.1 MP Digital Still Camera has great features such as intelligent auto mode, which will automatically adjust whatever is needed to turn out great photographs. This camera also has the Sweep Panorama feature, which means that she’ll be able to get fuller gorgeous panoramic photos because of the camera’s high speed shooting ability.
If your mom loves to record family history through photos and she’s also into taking pictures as a hobby, then you’ll want to take a look at the next camera on the top Christmas gift ideas for Mom.
That camera is the Nikon COOLPIX L120 14.1 MP Digital Camera. This one has an incredible zoom lens, which can grab pictures up close and clear no matter what the distance is.
Because one of the camera’s features is the Image Stabilization tool, Mom won’t have the frustration of taking any blurred pictures. The camera turns blurry into quality with the built in sensor.
Third on the list of great cameras is the Canon PowerShot ELPH 300 HS 12.1 MP. This camera happens to be the most slender in width that you can find anywhere. With smart technology, Mom can simply point and shoot and she’ll have great photos every time. The camera has a built in system that eliminates the use of a flash so even in situations without the proper amount of light pictures still come out clear and beautiful.
While cameras are top Christmas gift ideas for Mom, you don’t want to forget the accessories like a sturdy camera case to go along with the purchase to protect the camera. That way, Mom can take it wherever she goes and know that it will be safe.
For moms that enjoy putting the pictures they take into scrapbooks, you can find a wealth of scrapbook supplies to go along with the gift of the camera. Supplies like designer paper made by K and Company has 12-Inch by 12-Inch Best of Brenda Walton Designer Paper Pad. Die-cuts and sticker packs like KandCompany Que Sera Sera Die-Cuts & Acetates are gifts that will make this holiday a great holiday for Mom.
Musical Gift Ideas for Mom for Christmas
It’s been said that music speaks a universal language – and one of the statements it makes is that it tops the charts as one of the great gift ideas for Moms for Christmas. There’s nothing like jogging or speed walking to the tune of Adele’s Rolling in the Deep or Bruno Mars’ Grenade. Having a cup of hot tea or a glass of a wine before a roaring fire while listening to Michael Buble’s mellow songs is a great way for moms to unwind.
Some moms don’t like the newer ways of listening to music. Instead, they prefer stereos and CD players. CD players make a great gift to sit on the side table while Mom sinks into the luxury of a frothy bubble bath.
The Emerson PD6548SL Portable Radio CD Player has a cassette recorder and AM/FM radio, too. The RCA RP3013 Personal CD Player with FM Radio is also a favorite because of its portability. Moms can use it while jogging, on the commute to work and more.
But another choice on the list of great gift ideas for Mom for Christmas are MP3 players.
She will love the Apple iPod touch 8GB (4th Generation). With the capacity for storage that this gadget has, she can store right at 2,000 songs, which will give her a melody for every day for any mood.
The device will also keep thousands of photos at her fingertips (about 10,000) so she can share photos she takes of her family, friends or ones she takes simply because they’re a beautiful setting. The iPod also holds plenty of hours of videos making it great for capturing the moments in time that she wants to hold onto.
Using the FaceTime feature will let her see the loved ones she’s interacting with, which for moms whose children have moved on to college or no longer live at home, it’s a sweet connection for her heart.
In the same line of music devices is the Apple iPod shuffle 2 GB Silver (4th Generation). The device has 2 GB of storage, which enables it to hold about 500 songs in varying lengths.
It’s a hands free gift so Mom can attach it to her clothes while she’s running errands or going out for a walk. Make sure you add a music gift card so she can download some free tunes for her new gadget. Music is one of many great gift ideas for Mom for Christmas and the cool thing about the shuffle is that it slips easily into a stocking making it a great stocking stuffer gift!
The best Christmas gift for Mom is one that she can enjoy all year long. When the winter months are at their coldest and snow is on the ground, it can be difficult to think of gifts that aren’t associated with chilly weather.
But no matter how cold the temperatures drop, you can bet that spring is coming. What better way for Mom to be able to enjoy the New Year than with things that go hand in hand with the great outdoors?
If she’s into gardening, then gardening tools and flower bulbs arranged in a decorative basket can be a great idea. Growing a lovely flower garden is something that many women enjoy doing and you can provide Mom with the perfect gardening set with the Bond 6930 Pink 5 Piece Garden Tool Bag.
It has a pocket for the tools she needs to help those lovely flowers grow beautifully. To add to this gift, you can also pick up the Bond 6927 Extra Soft Kneeling Cushion – and don’t forget the gardening gloves!
A best Christmas gift for Mom is something that brings tranquility into her life or helps her enjoy tranquility. Beautiful decorations for her yard, for her garden or deck items are things that moms enjoy.
You can find wonderful patio furniture, flower boxes and many more gifts to give your mom the gift of backyard beauty. To make the gift more special, you can buy the tools or the project kit to put together something she’s always wanted – like a gazebo or gardening shed and then spend time with her putting the project together. She’ll love the gift and she’ll love the added bonus of having you around for the time it takes to complete the project.
You can order plants online like olive trees, which are aptly known as a symbol of peace – or you can order banana plants or flowers that you know she loves. If your mom already has a stunning flower garden that she cares for faithfully, you can get some indoor plants for her or ones to brighten up her porch.
There are plenty of colorful, decorative planters such as the Dale Tiffany PA500199 Pasque Flower Decorative Pot or the popular Jade Planters Set, which has three planters in the set. There are also rectangle planters like Wald Imports Rectangular Wood Pot Cover with Embossed Decorative Design, too.
Gardening and spending time with you is the best Christmas gift for Mom that you can give her. You can add to her gardening collection through the year by ordering more special trees or flowers or planters.
What other ideas do you have for holiday gifts for mom? Share your thoughts in the comments below and help out your fellow shoppers. 🙂
When I work with patients, I always ask them whether they’re doing their life’s work, because I truly believe that how we spend most of our day, and whether it’s in line with our life’s work, affects our health. When I ask a woman if she’s doing her life’s work, way too often, she stares at me blankly.
So how can you tell? How do you know if you’re doing your life’s work? There’s no easy answer to that question other than “You just know.” But to give you a sense of what it feels like to discover and then commit to fulfilling your life’s work. I’ve created this list of signs for you.
Related: Got a Narcissist at Work? This is How to Deal with Real Life Horrible Bosses
33 Signs You’ve Found Your Life’s Work
1. You’re scared shitless.
2. You notice that the pieces of the puzzle of your life’s work all line up, and you can tell that The Universe has got your back.
3. You feel like you’re on a rollercoaster (simultaneously exhilarated and nauseous).
4. There’s a “plunk” sort of feeling in your gut that affirms that you’ve found your life’s work.
5. Your whole life – the triumphs and the setbacks – suddenly makes sense.
6. Magical things start happening, and although you feel a sense of wonder, you’re not surprised.
7. None of your choices feel safe.
8. Everybody suspects you’ve officially lost it.
9. You’ve quit listening to what everybody thinks.
10. You feel guided.
11. You’ve got butterflies in your tummy.
12. You feel like you’ve risked everything but it’s all okay.
13. You feel a wee bit lonely, because nobody has ever blazed this trail exactly the same way you have.
14. The nightmares are replaced by dreams that affirm your direction.
15. You feel spiritually in tune.
16. There’s a good chance you have no employer matching your 401K contribution.
17. You naturally attract those that help further your life’s work.
18. You’re pushed to the very edge – and just as you start to question your life’s work, everything falls into place.
19. The money shows up right when you need it.
20. You sometimes wonder if you’re totally nuts.
21. You feel giddy for no apparent reason.
22. You have a sense that you’re on the right path, even if you don’t know where you’re going.
23. You’re life’s work might seem hard to others, but for you, it’s a piece of cake.
24. Others are better off because you’re doing your life’s work.
25. You feel a perfect mix of total panic and inner peace beyond comprehension.
26. You can’t wait to do your life’s work every morning. In fact, it’s hard to drag you away from it, even on vacation.
27. You’d do your life’s work even if nobody ever paid you for it.
28. You find yourself turning down other work, even if it’s more stable and more lucrative.
29. You’re on a mission, and you know it.
30. You don’t notice aches and pains the way you used to.
31. Your health improves.
32. Abundance just appears in your life in unexpected ways.
33. You smile more than you ever have in your life.
Keep in mind that your life’s work doesn’t have to be a job. Your life’s work could be raising 21 children. Or volunteering in Africa or at your local soup kitchen.
As someone who has found her life’s work, I can say with absolute certainty that you know it when you’ve found it.
Have You Found Your Life’s Work?
Tell us if you’re one of the blessed who knows what you’re here on this earth to do.
Living my life’s work,
About the Author
Lissa Rankin, MD: Founder of OwningPink.com, Pink Medicine Revolutionary, motivational speaker, and author of What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend and Encaustic Art: The Complete Guide To Creating Fine Art With Wax.
*Reprinted with permission from OwningPink.com.
Autumn has come with its beauty and splendor of colorful leaves, apples to enjoy and pumpkins ready to be carved. I always enjoy the fall. Inevitably as this season comes, so do the coughs and colds.
Summer is a season of cleansing. We drink lots of liquids to stay cool, eat watermelon and berries and run and play in the sun. Our bodies are so active and constantly given opportunity to cleanse through our diet and play. As the seasons change so do our foods and activities.
Our bodies are preparing for the winter. We need foods and activities that help us stay warm and keep our immune systems strong. Often this transition is not so smooth, especially as Halloween approaches and lots of darling kids will be strolling their neighborhoods in the cold autumn night for sweets.
As the night unfolds, so do countless candies out of their wrappers into the bellies of thousands of children. Their immune systems are now very active trying to protect the body from cold and the onslaught of refined sugar. Refined sugar has all enzymes and nutrients removed as it is processed to be made.
Consuming refined sugar requires enzymes, vitamins, minerals, and insulin fromthe body in order to process it through the body. Sugar strips the body of nourishment and acts like a drug in the system. It triggers dopamine in the brain and that make us crave more sugar. Consumed in large amounts, sugar also causes fermentation in the intestines and overall weakens the immune system.
One of the key factors in cold care is keeping the immune system strong. Teaching one night to a sweet youth, I compared the immune system to GI Joe guys. We have these amazing soldiers (Leucocytes) inside of us to protect us. However, if we don’t let them sleep good, don’t feed them great nutrition and if we are stressing them out a lot then they won’t be ready for when invaders come. Moreover, if we keep their barracks dirty and full of garbage (their bowels), they will have to fight with that around them.
We weaken their capacity to fight back. While this may seem like a crude example of the immune system, I think it helps illustrate the importance of defending the immune system.
Going back to these kids who have just trick or treated, they now have a cold, tired and nutrition deprived immune system. Many of these kids may have dirty “barracks” or in other words, their bowels are compacted or blocked. What can we do to put strong holds back in the body?
“The same nutrition that prevents disease in its early stages can also halt or reverse disease in its later stages,” according to T. Colin and Thomas Campbell, in the China Study.
So, it is the same with the common cold.
Here are a few tips to consider in caring for your immune system.
1 Get appropriate amounts of sleep. It is a time of repair and rest for the body.
2 Drink lots of fluids, especially clean water. Water is vital for the healthy function of our organs, it keeps the river of life (our blood) flowing in our bodies and helps prevent constipation of the bowels.
3 Eat lots of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts and seeds. Eating these nutrient rich, high fiber foods make them easily and readily available for the body to use. Avoid processed foods and mucus forming foods such as white flour, dairy, sugar, eggs and excess salt. They make for a sluggish bowel and thicken body mucous. Eat meat sparingly as it slows digestion, is not as nutrient rich as produce and is acidic in the body.
Pro-Tip: Diet may be the hardest change many make, but I have learned that it IS the small and simple things that we do each day that make a huge difference in our lives. It does make a difference.
4 Get those bowels moving. The bowels are our plumbing. If there is a stopper closing it off, the pipe cannot drain and will stay stagnant and build up will happen. You should be going 3 times a day generally. “What comes in must come out.” A few ideas for moving them are prune juice, Dr. Christopher’s Kid-e-Reg formula for children or Dr. Christopher’s Lower Bowel formula. If these are not available to you; I highly recommend the herbs cascara sagrada, Turkey rhubarb or slippery elm. These are mild laxative herbs to help the bowels move. Stronger laxatives would be aloe or senna.
5 Cut the mucous and strengthen the immune system. A few wonderful herbs that are antiviral/antimicrobial, excellent expectorants and strengthen the immune system are: licorice root, mullein, garlic, elder (berry or flower), echinacea and thyme. I also like a warm drink of lemon with its rind with honey and a pinch of cayenne.
Before you send your cuties out to trick or treat feed them a healthy meal and keep in mind these tips to keep their immune systems strong and protected. Learning these principles from The School of Natural Healing has made me a wiser and better mother. I have understanding that helps me keep my family healthy. I have learned how to protect, cleanse and nourish the body. I highly recommend their courses to you!
What are your favorite ways to strengthen your immune system in the wintertime against colds? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.
It’s 2 a.m. and you’ve just fallen in bed after a night of drinks and dancing with the girls.
Your phone quietly informs you of a new Facebook notification just before your eyes close and you drift away to sleep and you groggily reach across your nightstand, flipping the phone toward you.
You unlock the phone and squint to read that your ex just got engaged.
Whether you’re single or married now, you have no choice but to do a little stalking. I mean after all, don’t you want to know who he ended up with?
You’ll compare yourself to her, wonder if she’s better in bed than you, and if you’re still raw about your breakup, you’ll probably wind up hating her.
That’s no good for you or anyone else. Hate is one of the most self-destructive emotions we have.
Logically, we know that we shouldn’t look and stalk – but in those weak moments, like at 2 a.m. after a night of drinks and dancing, we can’t help ourselves.
But now Facebook has decided to step on in and give you a little help getting over your ex.
That’s right – now there is a way to prevent your urge to stalk, and we can thank the great Mark Zuckerberg.
As you’ve probably already heard, Facebook recently announced that you can control how much (and how little) you see of your ex. That’s cool and all, but I feel like there’s something else we need.
Dear Mark Zuckerberg, Help me out!
So this is why I’m not totally satisfied yet. Right now, these tools are exclusive to people who change their relationship status.
So, if you change relationship status, you’ll be presented with the new options.
I say that’s pretty cool. Of course I also have a suggestion for the Facebook team. You ready?
Give me this much control over all of my friends. There are a few things I don’t want to see repeatedly.
For example, some author friends and I share several free ebook groups that we use to promote our free days on Kindle Select. The problem is that when they post their freebies, I end up seeing like 50 notifications on the same item. This clutters up my newsfeed and pisses me off a little.
When I try to unfollow the person, I still see the notifications.
On top of this, I do not want to annoy my own friends with similar stuff.
So I think I’ve made my point. Facebook. Help me out.
What do you think? Should Facebook make its “ex” tools available to everyone? Share your thoughts in the comments below.