How to Expose a Narcissist: 3 Easy Steps to Bring Out a Narcissist’s True Colors

How to Expose a Narcissist: 3 Easy Steps to Bring Out a Narcissist’s True Colors

3 steps to expose a narcissistSo, you want to know how to expose a narcissist in your life? And my guess is that you feel this way because you want to show everyone around you that it’s really NOT you – that you’re not the crazy one.

Why would you want to expose the narcissist? 

You might have a few different reasons to expose the narcissist. Maybe you are tired of being the one who everyone “worries about” or “feels sorry for,” or worse – the one everyone thinks is pure evil, thanks to the lies and half-truths the narcissist spreads about you.

You’re tired of “taking the blame” from the narcissist for everything that goes wrong, real or imagined, and you’re tired of covering up for his lies, indiscretions, and general manipulative behaviors.

If you suspect someone has narcissistic personality disorder, you may want to warn close friends and relatives. You may want to have evidence of the narcissist’s behavior in case you need it.

Maybe the narcissist in your life has been on a smear campaign and you’ve just had enough.

Smear Campaigns: Why does the narcissist lie about you to everyone?

He does this, of course, because it helps him to isolate you and gives him more control. He constantly puts your credibility into question with his gaslighting, manipulation tactics, smear campaigns and even with the use of his various flying monkeys.

So listen – I feel you. I have been right where you are – heck, I have even felt the need to give a narcissist a taste of his own medicine now and again. Who hasn’t, right? We’re all human, after all.

But, before we get into the thick of it, let me just put this out there: sometimes, the best solution is to just walk away – the narcissist will eventually expose himself to anyone he allows to be close to him. You’ll see the tell-tale eye rolls, feel the tension and hear the strained tones and fake cheer in the voices of anyone who has been exposed to his true self.

Even his flying monkeys might have their moments of weakness in which they reveal the level of manipulation to which he has subjected them.

Still, if you’re looking for the most effective ways to expose a narcissist and force him to show his true colors to those around him, look no further. These are exactly the steps you need to take to help others see the true face of the narcissist.

How to Expose a Narcissist in 3 Steps

Here are the three fail-proof steps to expose a narcissist.

1. Expose a Narcissist By Understanding What You’re Dealing With: Educate Yourself on Narcissism.

I always say that knowledge is power – and in this case, that couldn’t be truer. You need to understand the concept of toxic narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder before you can expect to help anyone else understand who and what you’re dealing with. So, educate yourself on the symptoms of NPD, the causes, the effects of narcissistic abuse on its victims, the longer-term and more serious ones included.  Find out how doctors diagnose NPD. Learn what manipulation tactics are common to most narcissists, and take some time to understand how to manage and cope with those behaviors.

While you’re at it, make sure your self-esteem is unbreakable, because if you know anything about a narcissist, you know that they fight dirty, and they don’t concern themselves with the emotions or well-being of others, especially when it doesn’t serve them to do so. And if anyone threatens their illusion and inflated sense of self, as you’re about to do when you expose them for who they are, they’ll stop at nothing to get what they want.

So be prepared.

2. Expose a Narcissist by Stopping Helping the Narcissist Hide: No More Excuses.

You probably don’t even realize that you’re doing it, but after you’ve been involved with a narcissist for a while, you fall into certain co-dependent habits. You find yourself coddling him, accepting certain conditions and behaviors out of habit. So one simple way to make a narcissist show his true colors is to literally just stop helping him hide them.

Don’t make excuses when he flakes out on your plans with others, and don’t cover for him in any way when the mask begins to break away. You may find this incredibly uncomfortable at first, but it’s a very effective way to open the eyes of the people around the narcissist.

3. Pull the Trigger on Exposing a Narcissist By Being Honest: Telling It Like It Is.

This one’s really pretty simple. In order to expose a narcissist, you simply tell it like it is. Just say something that triggers narcissistic behavior and don’t take it back. That’ll cause him to expose himself because he won’t be able to hold back if you don’t do your customary two-step around the issue to help him save face.

Tip: Be strong – you’ll need a will of steel to be able to stick it out here – especially if you’re in a toxic codependent relationship.

But if you’re going to do it, do it right. Think about what kinds of things typically trigger the narcissist’s rages and boldly use those to your advantage – but be fearless or it won’t work. Don’t feel bad about it – this is literally you turning his own behaviors back on him. How often has he said and done these kinds of manipulative statements to you?

For example:

  • A statement of fact that contradicts the narcissist’s inflated perception of his/her grandiose self. (i.e. “I thought you said you got a promotion – I’m shocked you’re still driving that old beater! You must really have a lot of expenses.”
  • Any open criticism, disagreement, or blatant exposure of fake achievements, made-up stories, or other lies and deceptions.
  • Belittling the “talents and skills” the narc believes or pretends that he has (i.e. “your rap skills need to go back to the 80s!”).
  • A statement that would indicate that he’s “less than,” somehow “not good enough,” in any way controlled, owned, or dependent upon someone else – even you (i.e. “I don’t know what you’d do without me!”).
  • Describe the narcissist as average and common, “just like all the others “(i.e. “You’re a typical woman. All women are crazy” or “Men are pigs – you’re just another oinker in the pigpen of life.”)
  • Any indication that the narcissist is weak. (i.e. “Oh, let me help you! You’re clearly in need. You’re (insert adjective here – weak, slow, lazy, in any way not perfect)! Poor thing!”)

Why This Works to Expose a Narcissist

See, the narcissist literally believes he is different and better than everyone else – that he is so special, in fact, that other people should recognize this and treat him accordingly. So, while he’s really good at making people believe he’s cool, fun, laid back, or whatever he’s trying to make them think, the truth is that the best possible way to expose him is to simply make him do it himself.

When you use the three steps I outlined above, you will almost definitely expose the narcissist and make everyone see who he really is – and fast. But be prepared for the very strong reaction that is sure to come from the narcissist – it will come and it will be unpleasant. But if you’re prepared, you’ll be able to handle it.

Related: This free toolkit might help – it’s called PERK: Post-Emergency Gaslighting Kit.

One Last Thing: Before You Try This At Home

Honestly, while exposing the narcissist to the people in his life may help some of them to get a clue and stop allowing themselves to be his narcissistic supply, it’ll only temporarily slow the narcissist down.

In fact, it’ll give him the proper fuel he needs to get his next supply on the line – his very own savior. Because, of course, in his version of the story, you’ll be just the crazy bitch who was so mean and hateful to him and who tried to make his family and friends hate him.

You feel me? It’s a cycle.

Exposing the narcissist is not worth it – it will only further serve to make you miserable.

The best and only solution to dealing with this kind of person and remaining or becoming happy in your life is to take back your power and choose to create the life you really want, with or without the narcissist – most likely, without. Going no contact or low contact is statistically the most successful way to do it and the only “sure-thing” kind of answer you can find.

Here are some helpful videos on exposing a narcissist to their family and friends.

What do you think? Have you ever made a narcissist expose themselves? What were the results? 

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Did you know? Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

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Codependency Triangle: The Narcissist, the Savior and the ‘Evil’ One

Codependency Triangle: The Narcissist, the Savior and the ‘Evil’ One

So you know how some people in relationships are sort of selfish? And how they’ll use, say or do anything (or anyone) to get what they want?Narcissists and CoDependency Triangle

If you are or have ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, you probably already know exactly what I mean. It’s your typical toxic love triangle.

What is the Narcissist’s Toxic Love Triangle?

When you are involved with a narcissist or even an anti-social personality disordered person, you end up in the middle of their emotional tug of war. They are capable of creating conflict between you and everyone else who matters to you. This is why narcissists use triangulation. Narcissists do it to gain control, confusion, manipulation.

Between the gaslighting, love bombing, and flying monkeys, you end up forgetting your own identity as you desperately try to become the version of yourself that would make the narcissist happy.

But even if you manage to completely change yourself and morph into the narcissist’s idea of the imagined perfect person, it never matters.

What is narcissistic triangulation?

Triangulation is a psychological game often used by narcissists in their quest for narcissistic supply (attention). The narcissist wants to make sure she has you in her clutches and all to herself; she wants to make sure that when she tells you something, it is the only thing you will want to hear. This is where triangulation comes into play.

Narcissists and sociopaths use triangulation to gain your trust, break your boundaries and establish your gaslighting. As part of narcissistic abuse, it’s a powerful manipulation technique. It is an advanced form of mind control that involves the narcissist using one other person to communicate with you or to through whom he or she communicates with you indirectly. The narcissist often finds someone in your environment to act as his or her liaison between them and you.

Painful Truth: You Will Never Be Enough for a Narcissist (But It’s Not Your Fault)

Here’s a harsh reality that we all have to understand. When it comes to the narcissist and his perception of you, you can never be enough. Even if you completely focus your energy on a narcissist, he or she will always look for somewhere else, something else to increase their own “supply” of attention.

Don’t let yourself be confused here – it’s DEFINITELY not YOU! It’s totally the way the narcissist’s convoluted mind works, and you can’t take personal responsibility for the broken person you’re dealing with – you just have to find your way to self-confidence and peace OUTSIDE of the narcissist.

The fact is that since the narcissist is so personally “broken” on the inside, nobody on earth can ever fill the endless hole of “need” he carries around – at least not for long.

There are so many manipulation tactics that most narcissists have in common that most of their victims say reading about the abuse suffered by others can feel like reading their own stories.

Their tactics are underhanded and sneaky – often undetectable. They’re so definable that even a child can learn to recognize them.

Who are the players in the narcissist’s toxic love triangle?

The narcissistic triangle is one such tactic. It involves the narcissist and two unsuspecting victims who are used sort of against one another.

The role you play in this triangle may shock you. When I first learned about it, I couldn’t believe which one I was of the three.

The Victim

The primary role in this triangle is the victim. And what’s surprising is that the victim is NOT the actual victim.

The narcissist plays the role of the injured party in this game. He or she will use guilt and manipulation to get what he wants by pitting one person against another.

And unfortunately, this tactic works especially well on women and people who are empathic. That’s because we are wired to help people in distress – it’s part of our nature, and it’s why we have the unfortunate “narc bait” label on our proverbial foreheads – why we keep attracting these types of people into our lives.

The Savior

So, this is the surprising role I found myself in when I studied this kind of narcissistic abuse tactic.

The Savior, as it turns out, is also the unwitting enabler, because she tries to take care of the people around her – and often to her own detriment.

This role is the one that is technically one of the actual victims here. This is the person who gets used by the narcissist.

The Evil One/Bad Guy or Girl

The evil one is the bad guy, according to the narcissist. He or she is the one who gets the “blame” – the one who the “victim” (aka the narc) claims has injured him or caused him pain – and generally, the “evil one” doesn’t even know there’s a major issue – or if they do, they are as bewildered as you are about why it’s happening.

The evil one becomes the reason the narcissist uses to get the Savior to react.

The Toxic Love Triangle, Explained

Let’s connect the dots, shall we? This is how you draw the triangle in this particular pattern of narcissistic manipulation.

So, using the roles outlined above, we can draw our proverbial triangle.

1. The ‘Problem’

First, the victim has a problem that creates a need. So let’s go really simple with our example situation and say the problem is that the victim is not getting enough attention in his marriage. Now, this is most likely because he treats his wife (the evil one, in this scenario) like she doesn’t matter to him unless he’s manipulating her or using her to manipulate or to manipulate someone else.

 2. The Sad Story

The victim then goes to the Savior and tells a sad story. In our example, he might go to another woman and whine about how his evil wife is so horrible to him and ignores his attempts for connection and affection. He may even say she’s a cold fish or an abusive narcissist herself – anything to play up his victim role and make the Savior feel sorry for him.

3. The Shoulder to Lean On

The Savior then becomes his shoulder to lean on and, depending on her own ability to resist the narcissist‘s love-bombing tactics, she often becomes the next “love of his life” (or equivalent, depending on the situation). Her role as Savior will only be held as long as she continues to play it to the victim’s liking.

The Savior Becomes the Evil One: The Triangle Evolves

Here’s where it gets really twisted – this is the point at which the current “evil one” slips out of the triangle – or back into the role of the Savior, in some cases.

See, the moment the Savior doesn’t fulfill his narcissistic supply needs immediately and effectively, the narcissist begins to place her into the “evil one” role and goes on the search for his next Savior.

Example: A narcissistic mother of two daughters consistently alternates between the two in this way – the roles are passed back and forth between them from very early in their lives and the narc mom actively manages the situation to her benefit – and unfortunately, often at the cost of the sisters’ relationship.

The cycle begins again as the previous “Savior” watches herself slip into the role of “the evil one,” and as she realizes what has happened, she suddenly understands that she was used to manipulate the last “evil one,” only by now, it’s too late.

And a really skilled narcissist will often play the same few people against each other in varying roles over and over again.

The ‘Mean Girl’ Narcissist Mindset

Take for example the “mean girls” we all went to school with. The followers of the group might continually use her influence over the others to play them against one another.

She does this because she wants to be in control, but also for a deeper reason – she doesn’t want them to maintain relationships outside of her sphere of influence.

That’s because if she did, there might be the possibility that they could rise up against her and boot her from her so-called throne, exposing her for the fraud she really is (this goes back to the convoluted thought process of a narcissist and their own insecurities, of course).

So, rather than risk exposure, she is always working behind the scenes to pull the puppet strings of the people she “rules.”

But the narcissist misses out on one critical element. She isn’t getting the love and support and positive attention she is desperately seeking.

Instead, what she perceives is validation is actually her supply sources reacting out of fear (of losing their place at the “Plastics” table, or of being humiliated in front of the whole school). They do as she says because they fear her wrath and have learned that she will stop at nothing to get what she wants.

So, though she might be temporarily satisfied by the attention she gets and the control she has, this narcissist will never really find satisfaction, because she does not understand how to be in a healthy relationship.

She will always find fault with every person in her life and she will eventually learn that the victim role (as described at the beginning of this article) is one of the quickest ways to reel in her next victim.

The cycle is cemented into her process further every time it works. And it always does, because the narcissist knows exactly what to look for in a Savior.

Have you been there?

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. If you feel you need additional help and support in your narcissistic abuse recovery, look for a trauma-informed professional trained in helping people who are dealing with overcoming narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships. Depending on your particular situation, you might benefit from Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching, or you might do better with a therapist. But, first, you have to decide what to do from here – if you’re unsure, start with my free Narcissistic Abuse Recovery quiz. With your results will come recommended resources for your situation. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

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Narcissistic Limbo: Living in Last-Minute Hell

Narcissistic Limbo: Living in Last-Minute Hell

Why is it that you can never make plans with a narcissist? We all know that narcissists love to throw their victims off-balance by relentlessly gaslighting them, and with other various forms of abusive manipulation.The Hell on Earth that is Narcissistic Limbo

Why Narcissists Can’t Make Plans

It’s no secret. The narcissist needs to feel like he (or she) is in control of every situation. One of the tactics that many victims of this kind of abuse report, but that few people talk about, is what I call the narcissist’s limbo.

Watch this video to get a better understanding of the psychology of narcissistic limbo and why narcissists can’t make plans (hint: it’s all about being in control!)

What is narcissistic limbo, exactly?

Whether they do it subconsciously or otherwise, narcissists have a way of refusing to commit to literally anything, and this is especially the case when someone needs to know their answer in order to plan their day/week/month/life.

It’s almost like the more desperately you feel you need the answer, the less concerned the narcissist seems to be with giving you one.

This causes the victim to feel on-edge and “up-in-the-air” – eventually to the point where it causes a great deal of stress that may lead to a change in her behavior. She may stop making plans at all for fear that the narcissist will ruin them.

It’s all part of the narcissist’s sick mind game, of course.

How is narcissistic limbo a form of manipulation?

When the narcissist refuses to commit to some event or outing, for example, he leaves his victim in limbo.

Should she plan to go? Will he join her? What about others who might be involved?

It’s exhausting after a while. The victim becomes afraid to accept invitations or to even attempt to make plans. She learns that he needs to be in control or he will ruin any attempt she makes to plan.

And, of course, he never stands up and admits he’s the problem. He just leaves her hanging out to dry – typical of a narcissist.

She may have found herself feeling humiliated one too many times after the narcissist ruined her plans. She may have grown tired of trying to smooth things over with other people who are involved.

Eventually, she gives up and stops trying. She may even reduce or eliminate contact with the people she loves in order to reduce the stress and friction she gets every time she makes an effort to connect with them.

She’s probably dissociating by now, and she may even be showing other signs of PTSD.

She feels guilty, alone and depressed. And there’s no one she can tell. The narcissist has made sure she’s isolated and she’s tired of hearing people ask her why she won’t leave if it’s so bad.

How can you deal with narcissistic limbo more effectively?

The first step, assuming you’re not being physically abused, is to make a choice. (If physical abuse is involved – stop reading now because all bets are off. Get out ASAP. See this page for emergency resources.)

Ask yourself what happens if you go ahead and make plans and go, regardless of the narcissist’s opinion and/or ability to attend.

Does he go crazy and burn the house down? Or does he throw a fit? Whatever happens – is it something you can handle? Can you just go, or will he make it so miserable for you that it’s not even worth the attempt?

Related: What You Need to Know About Narcissistic Rage and Narcissistic Injury

If you’re going to stick with the narcissist, you do need to be aware of his limitations – and keeping you in limbo is one way he controls you. So what you might consider doing is telling him that YOU are planning to attend the event and that he is welcome to join you. But if he chooses not to do so, you have to make sure you do anyway – this will be the first step in cementing your social independence.

Or, and I know this isn’t what you want to hear, you have to suck it up and allow yourself to be controlled.

That answer sucks. But it’s the truth – you’ve only got three choices – and those are the ones.

How to Deal with a Narcissist Who Can’t Make Plans

So to clarify, here’s a quick recap on your options for dealing with a narcissist who keeps you in limbo to control you.

1. Leave and go no contact or low contact (in cases when no-contact is not an option due to situations such as co-parenting).

2. Stand up for yourself and stick it out – that is, stay in the relationship, but enforce and maintain your personal boundaries and freedoms. This takes an incredibly strong person and a mildly affected narcissist. Try the gray rock method, or one of these ideas – and if you were recently gaslighted or otherwise emotionally abused, pick up this free Post-Gaslighting Emergency Recovery Kit.

3. Shut up and take it. Because if you’re not willing to make any changes and you’re willing to allow a narcissist to continue his psychological terrorism against you – then you just need to accept that you are making a choice to live in this situation.

Ultimately, you’ve got to decide whether the narcissist’s happiness is truly more important than your own.

So how will you respond? How DID you respond to these kinds of manipulation tactics if they were used on you in the past? Share your insight and experiences with me – and your fellow survivors. You never know who you might be able to help by sharing!

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7 Types of Terribly Toxic Narcissists (#5 is scary!)

7 Types of Terribly Toxic Narcissists (#5 is scary!)

There’s a whole “spectrum” of narcissism, beginning with the healthy kind that looks a lot like self-esteem (and coexists with empathy) and rounding out with the most toxic of the types – the extreme narcissist.

Often, those who might be diagnosed with NPD, the acronym for narcissistic personality disorder (but aren’t because they don’t think there’s anything wrong with them) are the worst – and many times, we see some predictable patterns among them.

With that being said, there are a number of ways that these behaviors and toxic patterns can manifest themselves in people.

So, while it might seem pretty logical to assume that narcissists are all alike since their behaviors seem so similar, they can sometimes slip by even the most trained eye – and that’s because there are various personality types within the so-called spectrum of toxic narcissism.

Today, I’m going to define seven primary types for you – but please note that just like the rest of humanity, no two narcissists are exactly alike – and yours may encompass one or more of these qualities. So let’s do this.

Seven Types of Toxic Narcissists (And How to Deal With Each)

1. The Know-It-All Narcissist

While the know-it-all narcissist might really know a lot, she’s also very pushy with her opinion, which she’s all-too-happy to shell out – no matter if she’s been asked for it (or not).

This narcissist will lecture you all day long – and as long as you don’t expect to actually have a two-way conversation, everything will be fine.

But don’t expect her to listen to you – because though she might be quiet while you talk, she’s just thinking about what she’s going to say next.

How to deal: Politely acknowledge her advice, thank her an then go ahead and do whatever you feel is best. Don’t take anything too seriously, and don’t let yourself feel offended by her uppity behavior – yes, she does think she’s better than you – but in reality, you should probably feel sorry for her.

2. The Daydream Believer

I like to call a narcissist who has the whole “grandiose” thing going on a daydream believer. That’s because he will almost always see himself as someone who MATTERS more than other people.

He figures he’s more important, somehow, and expects other people to recognize that and treat him accordingly. He will always exaggerate his own accomplishments and loves to think people are envying him or admiring him.

He believes that he is meant to be something BIG, and if these qualities are combined with a certain amount of charisma and a strong sense of ambition, he may actually succeed on some level – and you might find yourself very drawn to him.

How to deal: The daydream believer might bring out your sense of competition or sense of justice – don’t let yourself get caught up in it. If you do, he will just increase his desire to be better than you and his efforts to match. Don’t let yourself be too affected by his charms – they will quickly drop once he’s got you in his clutches. Remember that he won’t do anything to help you unless there’s something in it for him – and don’t allow yourself to become dependent on him if you can avoid it – he’s one who will discard you like last year’s pumps – and without a second thought.

3. The Seductor/Seductress

The seductor or seductress is a very different kind of toxic narcissist. (We’re going to use the feminine form here from this point forward, but please note this can manifest in males as well).

She’s the kind of person who makes you feel amazing about yourself at first – she seems to admire you, and even to sort of idealize you.

The seductress will make you feel like you’re someone important – someone special who matters. But the dark side of this one is that her intent is to seduce you into feeling that way about HER.

She knows that when you love her and depend on her a little bit, you will support her. You’ll grow to admire her. She will use blatant admiration, physical affection and flattery to get what she wants – but once you’re no longer useful to her, she will drop you like a hot rock.

How to deal: Enjoy the flattery if you must – but know what it really is. Don’t allow yourself to be swayed by the seductress – even if it feels really good at first. Keep your eye on how she treats people around her – such as those she might feel competitive with. You might find that watching how she treats them gives you a glimpse into your potential future, who knows? And listen to how she talks about her exes – if she swears they’re all crazy/stalkers/evil – there’s probably something to be concerned about. Narcissists are great at victim-playing to get what they want – especially the seductress.

4. The Bully

You know the bully, right? He’s probably the kid who beat you up after school back in third grade, all grown up. But he might also look a lot like the mean girl from high school, or the jock who gave everybody wedgies when he felt saucy.

As an adult, he might look like a regular person, but he needs to elevate himself by humiliating others and making them feel bad about themselves. Sure, he might also be a daydream believer or a know-it-all, but he’s also something else: a big jerk.

Yeah, I said it. The bully will treat people around him with disdain and contempt when he doesn’t get what he wants – and he is NOT nice when he asserts his superiority (which, of course, is as often as possible). He needs you to feel bad about yourself because it’s the only thing that helps his ridiculously low self-esteem feel less painful – but he would never admit this, even to himself.

Where the seductress will use sex and her charms to get what she wants from you, the bully will push you, pressure you, and downright threaten you to get what he wants. In extreme cases, he may even threaten (or actually use) physical harm* if you refuse to comply.

He will relentlessly mock you and belittle you to the point that you might start thinking you’re not even worth the oxygen you’re allowed to breathe – he will do a number on your self-esteem.

*Important: If you’re being physically or sexually abused, you’re not in the right place right now – so stop reading immediately, visit this page and get some help – not kidding. Run, don’t walk!

How to deal: If you’re not in a position to go no-contact (an ideal solution), then your next best bet is to shine this guy on. So don’t do anything that would injure his ginormous ego – don’t directly challenge him. If you’re going to withstand this guy’s attacks, you need to be very strong in your sense of self-esteem – and you need to know that you don’t require validation from the outside of yourself. So, if you’ve got to deal with a bullying narcissist on the regular, work on your pokerface and practice your gray-rock technique. Just be careful to take care of yourself so you don’t end up dissociating.

5. The Evil One

Okay, so a bullying narcissist, up to this point, has been our most toxic in the list. But now we’ve reached the pinnacle of all narcissists – one I’m calling “the Evil narcissist,” and this one’s the kind that you should avoid at all costs.

The evil narcissist is a whole other kind of animal. While she may have qualities of all the other kinds of narcissists listed above, especially the bullying narcissist, the evil one will literally attempt to destroy you if you somehow pose a threat to her.

Maybe you made her feel like you were challenging her “superiority” somehow, or that you’re succeeding in some way she isn’t – or she’s just threatened by you for some reason or another.

Even if you’re never made aware of her feelings, she may proceed to methodically and intentionally try to ruin your life.

She’ll spread lies about you to everyone you know, and she might even attempt to cause trouble for you at work. If you’ve been married to her and have kids together, she’ll do anything she can to turn them against you and keep them from you – or she’ll walk away without a second thought.

How to deal: If you can, get away as quickly as possible. The evil narcissist isn’t capable of any sort of healthy relationship and the longer you stick around, the higher your chances of having your life completely ruined will go. A scary thing about the evil narcissist is that she’s often a better actor than the rest – so many people in her life will have no idea who she “really is,” at least when it comes to who she is behind closed doors – and this can even include family members, who might also be used as flying monkeys – so beware.

Important to Know: In the case of the evil narcissist, you can’t be too careful when it comes to the legalities of it all – so keep copies of all toxic emails, texts and other kinds of communication. And keep in touch with anyone who might have seen the narcissistic behavior in action – you may need them to make a statement on your behalf if the evil one causes any legal problems in your life. Don’t be afraid to lawyer up, and early, if necessary.

6. The Addict

The addict narcissist is exactly what he sounds like – he uses drugs, alcohol, gambling, food, sex – or whatever else he finds pleasurable – to find fulfillment.

This kind of narcissist will often encompass other qualities listed above, but not always – sometimes, they’re just openly selfish, and other times, they’ll willingly steal from, trick or otherwise scam people who love them so they can get their drug of choice.

This is a dangerous narcissist because the addict often deals with dangerous people – and because he doesn’t care if you get your rent paid or feed your kid – he’ll steal your last dollar if it means getting a “fix” of whatever makes him feel good. A lot of co-dependent issues arise when an addict narcissist is involved.

How to deal: Watch your back, and don’t even give the addict the illusion of trust. If you can, go no-contact, and fast. There’s almost no fixing the addict unless he manages to actually work on recovery and get some serious therapy. If you’re co-parenting with an addict, keep records and document everything – and get some counseling and legal representation while you’re at it. Protect yourself and your kids.

7. The Victim

The “victim” narcissist is also called the “covert” narcissist. He’s a master manipulator, but he differs from other narcissists because he seems to be almost an introvert.

Sadly, for a “poor me” kinda narcissist, it all comes down to one thing: he actually hates himself. He thinks it’s going to be possible to hate himself BETTER, somehow.

Though he continues to demonstrate the behavior that he loathes, the covert narcissist is powerless to control his thoughts – and his deep inner conscience is NOT okay with the person he is or has become.

He judges HIMSELF more harshly than he judges anyone else, and usually, more harshly than he judges anyone else – but he certainly has what he considers a high standard for his life.

He quietly sticks to this unreasonable standard to the best of his abilities, happy to secretly look down his nose at the people he deems “lesser” than he. Learn more about the covert narcissist.

How to deal: As with any narcissist, watch your back and go no-contact if possible. If not, be prepared to ignore the quietly judgmental gaze and superiorist attitude directed your way – and then just keep doing what you do. If you don’t feed their narcissistic supply, like the rest, they may just get bored and move on.

Do you recognize someone you know in these types of narcissists? Take this quick toxic relationship self-assessment to find out if you are dealing with a narcissist in a toxic relationship. You’ll be given resources for your situation at the conclusion of your test. 

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

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Are you having an anxiety attack? Know the warning signs.

If you’re struggling in a toxic relationship or you’re dealing with narcissistic abuse recovery, there’s a really good chance you might be experiencing anxiety attacks. Many survivors of narcissistic abuse don’t really understand anxiety attack symptoms – but knowledge is the first step to learning to resolve these issues.

Are you having an anxiety attack? 

Did you know that anxiety attack symptoms can sometimes mimic physical problems? It’s true! Anyone who has ever been in a toxic relationship with a narcissist knows intimately what it’s like to be anxious. The scary thing is that the physical symptoms of anxiety and stress can be quite detrimental to your health. Unfortunately, many survivors of narcissistic abuse may be so stressed that they don’t even realize the extent of it or the impact the stress and anxiety could have on their health.

In some cases, the more stress or anxiety you go through, the less likely you are to recognize it. You might have even become so accustomed to their level of stress, and the physical symptoms it produces, that it just feels almost “normal” to you. That’s why learning about and tuning into the symptoms of stress and anxiety can help you to identify potential triggers in your life and in turn help you to better manage them and alleviate the stress and anxiety in your life.

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is a nervous disorder that is characterized by excessive uneasiness and apprehension, often with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.

What is an Anxiety Attack?

An anxiety attack is similar to a panic attack. It’s what happens when the sudden onset of extreme, intense fear and/or discomfort hits you like a ton of bricks, and it usually peaks within a few minutes. In order to qualify as an anxiety or panic attack, the episode must include at least four of the following symptoms: Palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate. Sweating. Trembling or shaking. Shortness of breath or smothering.

What are the symptoms of anxiety?

The physical symptoms of anxiety and stress can vary from one person to the next. Some symptoms may be more serious than others and can even be life-threatening. Some symptoms you experience may be short-term while others may be long-term symptoms.

Short-Term Anxiety Attack Symptoms

Short-term symptoms of anxiety attacks include the following:

  • Cold hands and feet
  • Dry mouth
  • Rapid breathing
  • Increased heartbeat
  • Increased sweating
  • Nausea
  • Diarrhea

Generally, these short-term side effects appear when your body is responding to a perceived threat. This is how your body helps you prepare to either stay and fight the threatening situation or flee from it; a response is commonly known as fight or flight. While this rush of adrenaline and emotions can be helpful in a truly life-threatening situation, it can have negative impacts during times when there is no immediate danger. It’s not always necessary for modern-day humans, but it’s sort of a leftover automatic response our ancestors needed to survive. For survivors of narcissistic abuse, it can leave you feeling frozen or on-edge all the time.

Long-Term Anxiety Symptoms

Over time these physical symptoms can damage your self-confidence, disrupt the quality of your life and reduce the pleasure you get from your work. In addition, when the body is exposed to these physical symptoms over a long period of time your health can actually start to decline. Long term side effects of stress and anxiety include:

• Sexual disorders
• Changes in appetite
• Insomnia
• Frequent illness
• Back pain
• Asthma
• Headaches
• Digestive problems
• Lethargy
• Restlessness
• Depression
• Irritability

Remember, that one symptom by itself may not necessarily indicate the presence of either short term or long term stress and anxiety. There are other reasons that can result in a single symptom, such as certain medications. The presence of multiple symptoms; however, can indicate a problem. If you notice multiple physical symptoms of anxiety and stress, remember that stress and anxiety management techniques can help you to reduce those symptoms and get back to your old self. Consider checking in with your physician or another medical professional to be sure that you’re not misdiagnosing a bigger problem as anxiety.*

Top 10 Warning Signs That You’re Having an Anxiety Attack lists the following as the top 10 warning signs you’re having an anxiety attack.

  1. The surge of overwhelming panic
  2. The feeling of losing control or going crazy
  3. Heart palpitations or chest pain
  4. Feeling like you’re going to pass out
  5. Trouble breathing or choking sensation
  6. Hyperventilation
  7. Hot flashes or chills
  8. Trembling or shaking
  9. Nausea or stomach cramps
  10. Feeling detached or unreal

Anxiety attack symptoms can be very scary to go through, but they can be managed with the right tools you need to learn how to cope with the anxiety. Yes, it’s scary, but you don’t have to live in the fear. There is help available.

Self-Help Techniques for Overcoming Anxiety Attacks for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors 

Start with this video to learn some helpful techniques to manage anxiety.

*Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or medical professional and nothing on this website should be taken as medical advice. See full disclaimer.

Resources for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support

Helpful Reading for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors

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