Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Eliminating Your ‘Roadblocks’

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Eliminating Your ‘Roadblocks’

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While no two people are the same, we all have one thing in common – the little “roadblocks” that get in our way as we try to figure out what we really want from life.

Overcoming fear to leave a narcissistic relationship

Roadblocks stop some people from ever making a change, but they motivate others to keep on going to find a way to what they want, regardless of the roadblock.

You might have one of these roadblocks or you might experience more than one of them – and if you’re involved with a narcissist, chances are that you experience them on a regular basis.

Fear Itself: A Common Roadblock

One of the most common roadblocks to creating personal change and beginning to create a new, healthier life for yourself is fear. When things change, it ushers in differences that can make us afraid.

When it comes to leaving the narcissist and beginning to recover from the abuse you suffered in your relationship, fear of being alone, fear of financial ruin and fear of change are all common roadblocks we deal with as we consider our options.

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.

Your fears are usually based on what if myths – and they almost always never come to pass. Don’t let fear cause you to sit on the sidelines of change.

Another roadblock that gets in the way is a lack of knowledge.

It’s hard to make changes when you’re not sure exactly how to go about those changes. You might be branching out into an area that’s completely beyond your scope of knowledge at the present time.

Remember that what you don’t know can be learned. Use educational resources as your catalyst for change and success. Strive for new levels of insight that you previously didn’t have.

Do NOT Settle for Good Enough

Thinking that you simply can’t add another thing to your already full life keeps many people stuck where they are. Making changes requires work. So many people see the effort as not worth the payoff – and that’s a mistake.

This belief is what keeps you rooted to that job that you hate, to those messy finances, or to that relationship that’s sucking the life right out of you. Learning better time management skills can be a catalyst for a better life as you clear out things that are a waste of time and make room for what offers the most benefits.

Don’t Stagnate: Happy ‘Enough’ Can Become ‘Truly’ Happy

Being just comfortable enough where you are can be a roadblock to motivate you to change. You’re not 100% happy, but you’re “happy enough.” All this means is that you settled for a life that keeps you locked in your comfort zone.

You’re trading a full life for one that’s half empty – because if you’re not 100% satisfied, then something is missing. That something may be the very thing that you always wanted, but because you were “happy enough,” you’ll never reach it.

Visualization can be a catalyst for the changes you need to make.

Picture the next level of success in every area of your life – finances, career satisfaction, relationships, health – everything that matters most to you.

Focus on how it could be improved and then make a game plan to get you there. If you block out those thoughts in an effort to stay content, you’ll never know what you could have made out of your life if you’d give it a chance.

Wanting everything to be perfect is a huge roadblock to motivation. It’s here where people stall out. They want the new situation to be perfect before they attempt any changes.

They want the new job to have everything in place. They don’t want to take the chance that they’ll make a switch and find it’s not what they wanted. These are people who wait for the “perfect” relationship before getting into one.

Perfectionism is the killer of change because what you see in your mind as perfection doesn’t translate that way in life. That’s because there are no perfect scenarios in a life that’s lived to the fullest.

There are experiences to encounter – and not one of them will be perfect. That’s okay. Perfectionism kills progress. You don’t want to be sitting on the sidelines waiting to get into the game of life.

The number one roadblock that keeps too many people from letting a catalyst be their motivation is the fear of failure. They falsely believe that they haven’t failed yet because they haven’t even tried – so they’re safe.

But whether they realize it or not, they have failed. They’re choosing to stay stagnant in a lesser life than what they dreamed of. That, in itself, is a form of failure.

Another roadblock happens when people wait for change rather than seeking change. They wait for the perfect joint venture partner to come to them instead of seeking one out, because that requires putting themselves on the line.

They wait to see if the person they’re in a relationship with is going to treat them better, rather than speaking up about what they want and deserve. They avoid tough situations and tough conversations because they’re waiting for everything to work out on its own.

Change isn’t something that happens on a whim. It’s something that you make happen. You have to find the motivation within yourself to make that change. And it’s uncomfortable at first.

That’s okay. Take that sign of discomfort as a compliment. It’s proving to you that you’re taking action and bettering your life, even in the face of fear or uneasiness.

Your Mind Can Be a Catalyst
    
You get the life that you think you deserve. Your mind or your thought patterns lead you to make changes – to take action that alters the life you currently have. What usually happens when someone’s mind leads them to take action is they become so upset with their current situation, they think leaving it where it’s at is no longer an option.

Their emotions will often reach a point that they must make a change. This drive can often start out backed by an emotion. For example, if someone is in a relationship with a person who didn’t treat them that well, they’ll often stick with the relationship until a catalyst fueled by emotion causes a change.

One emotion could be anger. If the person you’re in a relationship with is unfaithful, it’s often anger over the cheating that drives the catalyst – even when the prior bad behavior didn’t induce a change.

Your subconscious knows what you truly want. What happens is this true desire becomes buried deep under what we’re willing to settle for. This is why so many people aren’t living a life full of passion.

You can tell if you’re living a life full of passion by asking yourself this question. Do I love getting out of bed in the morning? If you’re not excited about what you get to do when you get out of bed, that’s a warning sign that you need to find your catalyst.

Whatever it is that motivates you is what will drive you to wake up, ready to start and excel throughout your day. It will drive you to keep going in the face of obstacles.

You’ll continue on – even if you’re the only one who believes in you, or your idea or your change. That’s why it’s vital to your success – to your ability to thrive – that you get in a business that you have a strong emotional attachment to – something you are proud of and believe in strongly.

Face the Hard Truth About What’s Keeping You Stuck: Taking Personal Responsibility for Your Life

Did you ever hear of someone who had a terrible health scare because they made bad choices in life that led to the issue? It shook them up – and for awhile, they strictly followed the doctor’s orders.

They ate right. They exercised. They got the amount of sleep that they needed. They quit smoking. They quit drinking. Yet before several months were out, they slipped right back into their old habits.

The catalyst, which was the health scare, came face to face with personal responsibility – and lost. The hard truth is that in order for your catalyst to motivate you, you’re going to have to accept personal responsibility.

The choices that you make in life are your choices. You made them because you thought they were the best option at the time. You might have received bad advice that led you to a decision – but in the end, you were the one that made that choice.

Take Responsibility for Your Life as It Stands, Then Move Forward Being Intentionally Responsible

You have to accept personal responsibility for what you want to see changed in your life before it can change. People who place the blame on others for their lot in life don’t ever reach a place where they’re truly happy – regardless of the changes.

That’s because they see life as happening to them rather than them making life happen. Accept the responsibility for your mistakes, for your poor choices, for that awful job you shouldn’t have taken, or for that relationship that was a mess from the start that you wasted too much time on.

Once you accept it, you can move on. You can free yourself to finally accept the catalyst for change. Don’t let where you were be a stone around your neck that anchors you to the place where you currently are.

Let the mistakes you made in the past become part of your motivation – part of your growing experience. While growth is hard, all good things happen with the evolution to a different place in life.

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments section.

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Save Yourself: Finding Your Personal Catalyst to Escape Narcissistic Abuse in a Toxic Relationship

Save Yourself: Finding Your Personal Catalyst to Escape Narcissistic Abuse in a Toxic Relationship

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If you’ve ever been in an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist, then you know exactly what I mean when I talk about how stressful the idea of attempting to “right” the situation can be. While on one hand, you KNOW you want and deserve better for yourself (and, if you have them, maybe your kids), on the other hand, you also KNOW how difficult it’s going to be if you try to escape from a relationship with a narcissist.

How to Save Yourself From Narcissistic Abuse in a Toxic Relationship

For a lot of survivors of narcissistic abuse, a number of factors keep them feeling stuck in narcissistic abuse situations. For example, you might have small children to worry about, or you might have concerns about how you’ll survive financially after leaving. There are also fewer practical concerns, such as the fear of abandonment and worrying about being alone for the rest of your life.  This is when you’ve got to buckle down and find your catalyst for getting yourself free – a reason to save yourself. Start here.

Stop Feeling Like a Victim

I know things are difficult, and I know how tough it can feel to make such a life-changing decision – it sucks. And you deserve to be loved, comforted, cherished – just like we all do.

But right now? It’s not the time to feel sorry for yourself – it’s time to stand up and take ACTION toward improving your life. This is the time to put your emotions aside and look at everything logically. We will work on healing your emotional stuff later.

Know That You Have Value.

It’s time to stop letting the narcissist treat you like a commodity (as in narcissistic supply) that only exists to be a part of their grand scheme, whether you’re the shiny thing he shows off to all his friends, or you’re the proverbial punching bag for his verbal and emotional abuse and manipulation tactics. Or, maybe you’re the safe person – the go-to “dumping ground” for the narcissist’s insecurity, venom and hate.

Yes, You DO Deserve Better

Here’s the thing that you might not know — you deserve better.

I know. You’re reading right now, thinking to yourself that I can’t possibly KNOW that you deserve better. I mean, I don’t know you personally – and the truth is that you could literally be anyone. So how do I know you deserve better if I don’t know you personally?

Because everyone deserves to be treated with respect. It’s time to save yourself.

How to Discover Your Personal Catalyst for Motivation

Inspiration to Save Yourself from a Narcissist’s Abuse

What is a catalyst?

A catalyst can be something that you experience – such as an event, or it can be words spoken by another person, or a book or a movie that causes you to alter your life in some way.

Some catalysts are simple – such as a man who gets fired because he’s always late. Losing the job can be a catalyst for that man to make sure he gets to his next job on time, or find a job that gives him so much personal satisfaction, he never wants to let his company down.

The event of getting fired, often at an inopportune time, caused him to make a change in how he acts in life.

Leaving Your Comfort Zone

Change is hard. It’s easier to do what you’ve always done because there’s comfort in familiarity.

Leaving your comfort zone thrusts you into new situations and forces you to deal with new ideas and new ways of handling various aspects of life. It’s scary and no one wants to go through it voluntarily.

If you were to take a survey of random strangers and ask them, “Are you happy with your life?” you would get more no answers than you would yes ones. There are a lot of people who aren’t happy with their lives, but it’s not always obvious on the outside.

And, when you’re dealing with the roller-coaster ride that is a relationship with a narcissist, you may realize that life could eventually get easier if you just left already – but you may also be afraid of what’s coming next, and let’s be honest – you might worry about how you’ll manage without him or her – especially if the narcissist is currently supporting or helping to support you financially.

Related: Learn more about financial abuse and how to recover from it.

Some people don’t know how to change it. They don’t understand how they can find a catalyst to motivate and inspire themselves toward the kind of life they want.

Sometimes a catalyst enters your life, and you’re too focused on the ordinary, that you miss it completely. You may have to train yourself to watch for opportunities if you want to raise yourself to a higher level of success and happiness.

Change Begins and Ends with You

If you take the time to look over your life at this moment, what would you think about it? Think about the people in your life – those who you’re in an intimate relationship with.

  • Is it everything you wanted it to be and hoped it could be?
  • What about where you are in life?
  • Do you wish things were different?
  • Does it create a hunger within you to have more?
  • Do you wish you made different choices?
  • Do you feel alone in the world?

Is your toxic relationship making you miserable? 

Maybe you don’t think you deserve better. Or maybe you’ve given up on the idea that there could be more – that you deserve more or that changing things is even worth the effort. If you dislike what’s going on in your life right now, but you don’t change anything about it, you will still be miserable in three months, six months or a year down the road.

You will have lost time and you will have missed the opportunity to make changes during that timeframe. None of us is getting any younger.

If you want more out of life – if you feel that you should have more – and the unhappiness with your life sits like a rock in the pit of your stomach, then you need to take steps to make changes. You must find the catalyst that will propel you into getting free from your abuser. 

You Deserve What You Choose to Deserve: Choose Wisely

Physical signs like that are always indicators that something isn’t the way you want it to be – that it needs to be addressed. And ignoring these physical signs can lead to emotional complications as the stress of the matter weighs heavily on you.

Related: Learn about PTSD and how it affects you – plus, what you can do to cope.

Staying where you are in a life you’re not happy with will lead to feelings of depression, sadness and resignation.

That hole inside of you that aches for something more, for something better will never be filled. 

That’s not what you deserve. It’s not what anyone deserves. Life is not meant to be something that’s just endured. It’s meant to be lived with excitement because it’s an adventure if you decide that it is.

Resources for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support

Codependent-Toxic: Portrait of a Narcissist’s Significant Other

Codependent-Toxic: Portrait of a Narcissist’s Significant Other

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“Understanding how a narcissist works is the key to living or working with one. If you can understand his or her behavior, you may be able to accept it as you realize their behavior is NOT a result of anything you did or said despite them emphatically blaming you. If you can accept their behavior and not take the abuse and other actions personally, you can then emotionally distance yourself from the narcissist. If you can emotionally distance yourself, you can either cope with the narcissist or garner the strength to leave.” ~ Alexander Burgemeester, The Narcissistic Life

devastating emotional scars narcissism quoteThe beginning of a relationship with a narcissist can be very deceptive; in most cases, a narcissistic relationship begins just like any other—with the standard phases of initial attraction, infatuation and eventually falling in love.

What is a toxic narcissist?

The most commonly understood definition of a narcissist is a person who has a very inflated opinion of him/herself. In fact, most every conscious human has some level of narcissism, which at its most basic level is simple self-interest. But that’s different than the kind of narcissism we’re talking about when we are talking about toxic narcissists.

It is a toxic narcissist we find ourselves dealing with in narcissistic abuse situations. Also known as a malignant narcissist, this term refers to a toxic, verbally (and sometimes physically) abusive person who may or may not have been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.

What type of person does a narcissist go for?

What kind of person is ideal for a narcissist? There is no single “type” that a narcissist typically goes for, technically—there are no parallels to be drawn among the partners of narcissists as far as height, weight, eye color, race, or any other physical or cultural characteristic.

While there seems to be no “ideal” or “standard” mate/friend/spouse for a narcissist, there are certain similarities between the relationships. For example, the narcissist typically begins a new relationship with a “honeymoon” period, during which everything seems perfect, almost too good to be true.

Living in a relationship with a narcissist can be anything from exciting and exhilarating to soul-sucking and traumatic. And it usually is one or the other—depending on what day it happens to be. You might compare it to a type of emotional rollercoaster.

And a narcissist cannot exist without someone to adore, submit to his will, be available at his whim, and willing to disparage herself to his benefit. His whole identity really depends on it—it’s called narcissistic supply.

So what draws a person into this type of relationship and keeps her there?

Common Qualities Among the Partners of Narcissists

“The inherently dysfunctional ‘codependency dance’ requires two opposite but distinctly balanced partners: the pleaser/fixer (codependent) and the taker/controller (narcissist/addict,” writes Ross Rosenberg. “Codependents — who are giving, sacrificing, and consumed with the needs and desires of others — do not know how to emotionally disconnect or avoid romantic relationships with individuals who are narcissistic — individuals who are selfish, self-centered, controlling, and harmful to them. Codependents habitually find themselves on a “dance floor” attracted to partners who are a perfect counter-match to their uniquely passive, submissive and acquiescent dance style.”

While physically, culturally, and otherwise, the victims of narcissism aren’t the same, there are certain qualities that typically unite them. I’m going to use the “she” pronoun here, but note that there is no single sex that is a typical victim (although, to be fair, men reportedly make up the majority of narcissists).

First, she must be insecure or at least have a distorted sense of reality, if you expect her to stick around. Otherwise, she’ll be out on the first or second exhibit of narcissism, early on in the relationship.

She will likely often belittle and demean herself while glorifying the narcissist and putting him on an untouchable pedestal.

As a result, the partner becomes the victim, which works fine for her—she has a tendency to punish herself. Maybe she’s even a bit of a masochist. She probably feels like she “deserves” this life of torment.

She’s his eternal scapegoat, always put-upon and putting her own needs last.

“It is through self-denial that the partner survives,” says Sam Vaknin, a self-proclaimed narcissist. “She denies her wishes, hopes, dreams, aspirations, sexual, psychological, and material needs, choices, preferences, values, and much else besides. She perceives her needs as threatening because they might engender the wrath of the narcissist’s God-like supreme figure.”

Victims of narcissism often call themselves “people-pleasers” or “diplomats,” but the truth is, they are often so downtrodden in relationships that they just become changed, reactive versions of their former selves.

“When you are the partner of a narcissist, you are there to project the image he wants for you—that he wants his partner to project,” writes Diane England, Ph.D. “Of course, your house and lifestyle probably fall into this category, too. They are all about making statements to others he wishes to impress, not about providing you with the type of environment you might find comfortable or restful–an environment that feeds your soul.”

Can a narcissist also be codependent?

Contrary to popular belief, narcissists are not necessarily the opposite of codependents. In fact, while they appear to be completely different than their victims – polar opposites almost – they actually have often experienced very similar traumas to the very people they victimize. Often the victims of childhood abuse and/or neglect, the majority of narcissists could really identify with their victims and their own issues – if only they had the empathy to do so.

For example, both narcissists and their victims experience certain symptoms of codependency, such as the overwhelming feelings of shame, living in denial of their childhood abuse and neglect (or of their own current issues), control issues, dependency on others for their self-worth, issues with setting and overstepping boundaries and communication problems. Ultimately, while it seems counterintuitive, narcissists are definitely codependent – they just manifest it differently than their victims. The difference is that narcissists seem to turn inward, while victims seem to turn outward, with the love that they’d normally have given their parents and other family members, had they been allowed.

Do you know someone who is in a relationship with a narcissist? Perhaps you recognize yourself or someone you love in this post.

Get help with narcissistic abuse recovery, right now.

More Helpful Resources for Overcoming a Narcissist’s Emotional and Psychological Manipulation

 

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Identifying and Overcoming Financial Abuse

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Identifying and Overcoming Financial Abuse

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Updated September 2019

Have you ever had a narcissist tell you that he or she “knows you better than you know yourself?” How about being told that your feelings and thoughts aren’t real or legitimate? Maybe you’ve been treated like a child or as though you just weren’t good enough. And depending on the point in your life in which you met the narcissist and the intensity of his/her manipulation, you might even believe him. Why do they do this?

It’s all part of a common, but complicated and convoluted, manipulation technique called gaslighting. But sometimes, the abuse can come through a kind of surprising place – one that many people don’t consider when they ask you why you won’t just leave the narcissist if it’s so bad: your money  – your financial “situation.”

What is financial abuse?

If you feel stuck in your relationship because you don’t have any access to money (whether you work outside the home or not) you may be dealing with this pervasive kind of domestic abuse that we call “financial abuse.” It is a form of domestic abuse that allows a narcissist to control and manipulate you with money, in one way or another. Some examples include not allowing you to access your money (or family money), stealing or hiding money from your shared account, controlling your money or family money (even restricting your ability to purchase basic needs such as food and personal hygiene items).

How does a narcissist abuse and control a person with money?

Unfortunately, financial abuse is a common tactic that abusers of all types will use to control their victims – and while it’s not exclusive to narcissists, it is often a factor in varying degrees when you’re involved in relationships with narcissists.

Financial abuse is a common control tactic of narcissists in relationships.
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According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV), “forms of financial abuse may be subtle or overt but in in general, include tactics to limit the partner’s access to assets or conceal information and accessibility to the family finances.”

Financial abuse is right there with other forms of abuse, including emotional, physical and sexual abuse, manipulation, intimidation and threats.

NNEDV says these are all “intentional tactics used by an abuser aimed at entrapping the partner in the relationship.”

And, depending on the situation, some abusers will use this from day one in a relationship, while others will wait until the “victim” tries to leave before enacting financial control.   Signs of Financial Abuse

Did You Know? 5 Shocking Financial Abuse Facts

  1. Financial abuse is one of the most powerful ways to keep a survivor trapped in an abusive relationship with a narcissist.
  2. It makes it very difficult to stay safe if you’ve left an abuser – and makes it far less likely you’ll leave in the first place. In fact, surveys of survivors indicate that their finances are one of the top reasons they stay or return to an abusive relationship.
  3. In a study, researchers found that 98 percent of abusive relationship involve some kind of financial abuse.
  4. This is especially true when children are involved, and  many people are more likely to tolerate abuse “for the sake of the children.”
  5. Financial abuse is not socioeconomically, educationally or racially exclusive – it happens across the board.
Financial abuse is one of the top reasons that people stay in abusive relationships.
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How Financial Abuse Begins

Just like other forms of narcissistic abuse, such as gaslighting, financial abuse often begins subtly at first, and to the victim, might feel a lot like love, concern and “being taken care of,” something a lot of victims report they haven’t experienced before.

Often, the abuser will offer to “handle” the finances at first, sometimes even giving the victim an allowance to “take care of her needs.”

Again, at first, the victim feels a sense of relief at first, and may even believe she can trust her partner. After all – she’s in love, and maybe she doesn’t want to deal with the stress of it all.

But this turns dark when, typically, the narcissist will give his victim less and less money for “allowance,” and become increasingly controlling of how it’s spent.

And, when she tries to take control of her own money again one day, she discovers that the money is “moved” or that she no longer has the ability to access the family’s money.

16 Signs You Might Be Experiencing Financial Abuse by a Narcissist

There are more obvious and direct ways that narcissists will control your finances in order to control you, and in some cases, the situation gets pretty dire – and if you’re a victim in one of these situations, there are some common financial abuse practices you should watch for, including (but not limited to) the following.

  1. You’re not allowed to work.
  2. Your narcissist has sabotaged your job opportunities or your actual job by harassing or stalking you at work, and you may have actually lost a job as a result.
  3. Your family money is controlled entirely by the narcissist.
  4. You have no access to your bank account.
  5. You’re not included in financial decisions, including banking and investments.
  6. You’re not allowed or encouraged to get job training or seek any kind of schooling or training opportunities.
  7. You’ve had to write bad checks or even to commit financial fraud.
  8. Your abuser has run up large amounts of debt and some of it in your name – and you have no say-so about it. You may not even know it at first.
  9. In some cases, the narcissist may even REFUSE TO WORK himself, forcing his victim to support him. And in some cases, he won’t even facilitate her working by taking care of the kids or other household responsibilities.
  10. Your abuser has helped to ruin your credit score.
  11. You have been forced to skip paying bills in order to indulge some desire of the narcissist.
  12. The  narcissist has stolen your identity, property or inheritance.
  13. You’ve been forced to give up any public benefits you’ve had or you’ve been accused of “cheating” the system.
  14. You’ve been struggling financially and your ex (or soon-to-be ex) has refused to pay child support.
  15. The narcissist threatens to leave you or throw you out into the street if you don’t comply with his requests, which you do because you know that you can’t make it without him – and he’s all too happy to remind you.
  16. He tells you you’re not “pulling your weight,” even if you’re working full-time and taking care of the house, kids, cars and yard – there’s still something you’re just not getting done to his satisfaction.

How to Deal With Financial Abuse

So, how do you deal with this stuff? The experts have varying opinions, but the following tips seem to ring true for most.

Here is an 8 step plan to overcome financial abuse.
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1. First, get organized and informed. So, you’ll want to gather up all important documents (order copies if you need to) and keep them in a safe place.
These might include items such as:

  • birth certificates and social security cards
  • passports
  • bank statements
  • marriage certificates
  • documents related to your professional accomplishments or degrees
  • statements for mortgage, credit card, etc.
  • personal documents and family info

2. Next, start saving any extra money that you can, whether it’s cash you stash and store at a trusted friend’s house, or you have a secret bank account somewhere. You’ll use it when you leave the abuser.

TIP: You can earn a little extra money on the side by taking on freelance work, babysitting, cleaning houses or even just getting a part-time job outside the house. Or, use a tip I heard from Oprah’s financial guru, Suze Orman, back in the late 90s – and it’s one that works shockingly well.

ONLY Spend Paper Money — Just never, ever spend change. Save all of your change – even if something costs 3 cents, always pay with paper money and save the change. You’d be shocked at how quickly this can add up.

For example, after my divorce from my first husband back in 1998, I realized that without getting the court-ordered child support I was due for the son I had with him, it might be tough to give my baby the Christmas morning he deserved. So, I heard this little tip from Suze a few months before the shopping season, and started trying it.

By the time I needed to go out and buy his presents, I’d saved nearly $200 – which, to me at the time, was a lot – and it was plenty to make his holiday super-special.

3. Check out your credit report and make sure there aren’t any fraudulent charges on it. If there are, now is the time to dispute them. You will need to have your credit as in-order as possible, if at all possible, before you leave.

4. Create a budget. Figure out how much stuff costs, and create a budget that is realistic and sustainable. So, don’t think to yourself, “well, I’ll just eat less and sew all my own clothes,” because that isn’t realistic, most likely – but figuring out where you can cut expenses when you’re on your own will help.

For example, maybe you can touch up your own roots in order to stretch out the time between salon visits, or you could stop donating your clothes every season and start keeping the pieces that might be repeatable. Or, you can learn to DIY more, and make cutting costs a game. (Personally, I still shop like I’m gaming. One time, I found a pair of silver kitten heels on sale for $1.69 at a going out of business sale – I took a photo of them with the receipt and proudly posted it on Facebook. Yeah, I’m that kind of nerd – but I digress).

5. Change your pin numbers, access codes and passwords. If the narcissist knows your passwords and pin numbers, be sure to change them or use different ones when you create new accounts so he can’t keep track of you (or worse, steal from you).

6. Be resourceful and don’t feel bad asking for help. Look into all available options if the situation doesn’t allow you to wait around. If you are being physically or sexually abused, you have to get out immediately – check out this emergency resources page for help and ideas on what’s next.

  • You can also look into getting food stamps or other forms of government assistance. They even have housing programs for those who needs it.
  • Often, churches and other community groups have assistance available for people who are leaving abusive relationships, so if you can, try to learn about the ones in your area.

7. Seek transitional housing. For example, find a trusted friend or family member who might be willing to facilitate your exit by providing a safe place for you (and your kids, if you have any) to stay while you transition from the abusive narcissist’s home to a new one of your own. If necessary, look into local shelters and women’s programs.

8. Start thinking about building your credit. If you can, get a secured card and keep it somewhere safe. Use it to make small purchases and keep it paid on time. This will help you to build your credit while you fly under the radar.

Helpful Videos for Understanding and Dealing with Financial Abuse





More Useful Resources for Financial Abuse Victims

Do you think you’re experiencing financial abuse? Have you experienced it in the past?

 

A Toxic Relationship Survival Guide for Victims of Narcissistic Abuse

A Toxic Relationship Survival Guide for Victims of Narcissistic Abuse

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Are you in a relationship with someone who makes you feel crazy and “not good enough” all the time?

Do you find yourself constantly shocked at the outrageously disrespectful behavior and excessive bullying of a friend, family member, or co-worker? 

Do you ever wonder what you did to deserve being treated so terribly by someone who claims to love you?

When you think back over your life, can you see how you might have been taught to believe that you don’t matter?

Can you see parallels between the person you’re in a relationship with and the people who raised you, if you look closely?

Have you found yourself wondering what is wrong with you?

Do you ever wonder if you’re losing your mind thanks to ongoing manipulation and emotional abuse at the hands of someone who might be a toxic narcissist – and who, if they’d ever give a psychologist the opportunity, might actually be diagnosed with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder)?

Do you think you’ve dealt with narcissistic abuse in a toxic relationship? 

If you have, you might even be doubting your experience, or minimizing it and telling yourself you’re just being dramatic or that you’re secretly the one to blame for everything you’ve been through in this toxic relationship. You might think the narcissistic abuse is your fault, or that you deserved what you got in some way.

Let’s start here. If you’re doubting yourself and your narcissistic abuse experiences, take this narcissistic abuse self-assessment to find out for sure. But if you already know that you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse in a toxic relationship, chances are you’re ready to jump into recovery.

You can start your narcissistic abuse recovery here, for free. 

But maybe you’re looking for a book rather than videos, articles and other online resources. I’ve got you.

Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse in Toxic Relationships: Everything You Need to Know

Stop stressing and take back control of your life. I wrote a new book for you – it’s called The Ultimate Toxic Relationship Survival Guide for Victims and Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse, and it can change your life. Even better, it’ll cost you less than $5. Or, if you’re an Amazon Prime member or Kindle Unlimited member, you’ll get it for free.

Narcissists Destroy Your Life – and Your Self

Narcissists and people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) make you feel worthless and numb, and they leave you wondering if you’re even a real person sometimes. 

Being involved with a narcissist can be a crazy roller-coaster ride of emotions – from the highest of the highs to the lowest of the lows.

That’s because their gaslighting and manipulation tactics are so well-honed and laser-targeted that you often don’t even realize that you’ve become codependent and enmeshed in a toxic relationship until it’s too late.

You’re NOT ALONE. I know because I’ve been there.

The pain of being in a narcissistic relationship is something that you don’t get unless you’ve been there, and that’s where I’m uniquely qualified to help you. See, I’m also a survivor of narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships – that’s what led me to you today.

That’s what offers me the unique ability to understand and to offer insight and actionable steps to overcome the horrific emotional abuse and toxic mind games of a narcissist. It’s what helps me relate to my clients and readers so effectively.

You are more powerful than you think. Let me teach you how to stand up for yourself. 

Knowledge is power. Admitting the issue is the first step. Next, you’ll learn to understand, identify and overcome the behaviors of the narcissist.

That’s when you’ll – and begin to heal – whether that means inside the relationship or by ending it.

So no more putting band-aids on this problem, alright? Stick with me and we will get this figured out together. 

Here’s a preview of what you’ll learn about in this incredibly powerful ebook.

  • Self-Discovery: Are You a Narcissistic Supply?
  • Why You Haven’t Already Left Your Narcissist
  • The Complicated, Convoluted Price of Loving a Narcissist
  • Why Friends and Family Cut You Off When You Won’t Leave
  • The Narcissist’s Spider Web of Control
  • The Truth About What’s Normal and Healthy in a Relationship
  • Are you being emotionally abused?
  • Narcissists Are Never Wrong: Why and How It’s Always Your Fault
  • What You Must Know if You’re in a Toxic Relationship with a Narcissist
  • Secrets Your Narcissist Wishes I Wouldn’t Tell You
  • Know the Signs That You’re Being Gaslighted
  • Strings Attached: Why the Narcissist Always Gives with Ulterior Motives
  • How a Narc Gets a Smart Person Under Their Control
  • The Love Bomb: How a Narcissist Sucks You In
  • Undercover Narcissist: Covert Narcissism in Action
  • How to Control a Narcissist’s Manipulation
  • When No Contact Isn’t Possible
  • Communicating With a Narcissist
  • What Gaslighting Looks Like From the Inside
  • Real-Life Examples of Gaslighting
  • After-Effects: What Happened After the Online Gaslighting Incident
  • How Gaslighting Affects You Post-Attack
  • The Flying Monkey Phenomenon: The Narcissist’s Secret Weapon
  • A Real-Life Example of a Flying Monkey
  • How to Manage Your Anxiety and Emotions in the Aftermath of Narcissistic Abuse
  • How do you know if you are experiencing anxiety?
  • Coaching for People in Relationships with Toxic Narcissists

Plus: The Ultimate Resource List for Victims and Survivors of Narcissism

What are you waiting for? Aren’t you tired of being tired? Ready to end the drama, game playing, and mental torture? Take back your life! Get this book today, power up, and start living the life you deserve. You won’t regret it.

Resources for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support

Additional Resources for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

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