As you probably know, I write about narcissism, NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and toxic relationships in general pretty often – but only in an effort to help people to overcome them. (more…)
Have you ever noticed how, if you’ve found yourself in one toxic relationship with a narcissist, you often find yourself in another (or more) at some point in your life?
Why does this happen? Have you ever asked yourself questions like these?
- Why do I keep getting into relationships with narcissists?
- What is it about me that makes me attractive to a narcissist, anyway?
- Or what about narcissists that attracts me every time?
I know I have. How about you?
So why do we keep finding ourselves in these kinds of relationships and what can we do to avoid this in the future?
Three Reasons You Might Be an Ideal Source of ‘Narc Bait’
I have a few theories. Let’s start here.
You’re an Empath or HSP
One of them is that those of us who tend to attract narcissists tend to be empaths and other “HSPs”- highly sensitive people – who are wired to sense and react to the emotions of others. To a narcissist, an empath can be like crack – it’s that whole “vampire/fairy” factor.
You’re Trying to Fix Your Broken Childhood
Another theory is that we’re working on fixing our own “issues” from childhood or earlier in our lives.
“We choose our partners because they represent the unfinished business from our childhood. They manifest the qualities we wish we had. In doing so, choosing such a challenging partner, and working to give them what they need, we chart a course for our own growth.”
I heard this quote in an episode of Modern Family that I happened to catch a few weeks ago and it really stuck in my head – it really made me think – isn’t it possible that one reason we find ourselves attracting narcissists is because, each time we deal with one, we never really HEAL afterward? And subconsciously, we’re trying to solve the unfinished business from our childhoods? I think yes.
You Avoid Confrontation Like the Plague
A narcissist has a way of testing people early on in the relationship, and if you are one who will be willing to “work through anything,” or you get upset but ultimately let them have their way, a narcissist knows he’s struck gold. So if you’re the sort of person who tends to be a “people pleaser,” or to be often described as “too nice,” watch out – you’re exactly what a narc looks for in a person.
So, now let me ask you – what other traits would you add to this list? What else might make you a sort of “narcissist bait” kind of personality? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.
Juicing – Day 1
Weight – 189 lbs
Feeling – Full of energy – HUNGRY (not starving but very hungry)
Workout #1: Pure Cardio – Insanity
This morning I was joined by my 17 year old daughter, Logen, in what was to become our first juicing experience. I was quite impressed with how easy it was to juice and how tasty our drink was. What shocked me was the amount of food that went into the juicer and not a lot of juice came out. Took us 6 medium oranges and 1/2 a mango to create 2 coffee cups of juice about 3/4 the way full. However, what we drank was delicious! Frothy on top but I did not mind. It was yummy and delicious and I felt great all morning. Got my workout in and didn’t feel overly exhausted afterwards. However, this is only day one. I just hope my energy level stays up.
Orange – Mango
6 Oranges – Peeled
1/2 Mango – Peeled and Sliced
(This produced 15 oz of juice)
Went shopping today for more apples from my favorite grocery store. Decided to make this my solid meal for the day and consumed the entire apple while driving home. Can we say HUNGRY? Maybe it is my brain telling me I’m hungry even if I’m not. I was thinking that other times I can go all day without thinking of food. Now that I have decided to start juicing my head is like EAT! However, I am stronger than this and all I ate was an apple because juicing is good for my body and I will succeed! Now I just need to make it to dinner.
Workout #2: In The Pocket: Cize
Youngest wanted to try juicing so of course I let her make my next drink. Yummy! I actually was not very hungry by this point in my day. I am a late night eater so I’m sure that tonight will be BRUTAL. I took a few sips and then kept it in the fridge until later when I was ready to drink it. So far so good with the juicing. I am grumpy. I have to admit that day 1 wasn’t a complete disaster. Again this juice I made with split in half and shared with my daughter. I did not drink the entire 20 oz. I could not have drank all of that anyway. Excited for tomorrow!!
Pineapple – Apple – Cucumber
2 Cups Pineapple – Not the core
2 Medium Cucumbers – Peeled
(This produced 20 oz of juice)
Who am I? Just a regular person like you who wants to better herself and her life. Check me out here if you want to connect or know more. 🙂
I generally work really hard to stay positive. But I’m human, and I’ll admit it – a few months ago, I had a minor rant about a dumb blonde joke a woman posted in one of my Facebook groups (which is for people who’ve dealt with narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships).
So, whatever – I got some writing inspiration out of the deal. I moved on.
But now, I’ve just about had it with women and their hatefulness toward one another.
Enter exhibit A.
I’m sorry. But are you effing kidding me?
This photo implies that:
The blonde is stupid. And must have perfect vision. And that she can’t be a “nerd” – AKA, smart person. Oh, and it completely invalidates her and anyone who looks lie her.
You wanna talk about stereotypes and being judged on the way you look?
Everyone gets it in one way or another.
Yeah, I know, I’m being too sensitive – but I’m also the mother of a little girl who is blonde-ish and who needs to wear glasses…I don’t want this self-hating business to grow and fester while she grows up – I want to help resolve it or reduce it so that we, as women, can expect a better future for our daughters, the way our foremothers did for us. So I had to put my little reminder in there. And, I don’t know, maybe she just didn’t see it – but the original poster didn’t respond.
Here’s the thing, ladies.
We have enough to deal with as women and stupid, sexist stereotypes that men tend to throw at us – whether they’re involving our intelligence or mental health (or lack thereof) or our sexual ethics (again, or lack thereof) or our personal style choices – men have some stuff to say about us.
You feel me? So, when we do things like post sexist memes and act like we are sooo amused by these stereotypes, we are perpetuating another one: the self-hating woman. Or is it the “jealous hater” one? Or the “I’m so much better than you because I don’t care about my appearance at all” one?
In any case, I’ll tell you this much: it’s mean and it’s hurtful.
Whether you like it or not, everyone’s got feelings, and everyone deserves to have theirs respected. If random women are posting this kind of garbage in Facebook groups, we’ve got a problem.
Would you expect a a minister to post stuff that disproved religion? Or a gays rights leader to post negative jokes about gay people on his Facebook page?
Would a psychologist post material on how psychology doesn’t work? Would a doctor post links to articles about why you should never trust someone who practices Western Medicine?
Of course not. THAT would be crazy, right?
So, how about we all quit being b*tches?
One of the best ways we can support a better future is to support our fellow females, live givers, lifesavers – and to stop being hateful, spiteful, jealous, and catty to one another. Get over the mean girls stuff already and move on. It’s 2016, for kiwi’s sake.
Can I get an amen? Ha.
But seriously, let’s talk about it.
Okay, so tell me this: why is it okay for you, women, to tear other women down?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: stand up, ladies, and support your fellow females. Stop aiding and abetting these sexist jerks who are still trying to hold that damn glass ceiling in place and let’s climb the collective ladder with our collective hammers in hand.
If we stick together, our abilities are limitless. But when we tear each other down, we are lost – we might as well just be “on our own” out there. Tearing down other women, believe it or not, will lead to your own personal sort of “tearing down,” because by the law of attraction, you are getting exactly what you’re putting out there. So what do you wanna get back?
Me? I choose love.
What do you think? Should women stop being such b*tches to one another and start supporting each other? If we don’t stand up for one another, who will stand up for us?