If you are or have been in a relationship with a narcissist, you know they love to play games. There is only one way you can beat a narcissist at his own game – and in this video, I’ll reveal it to you. (more…)
So, you are involved in a relationship with a narcissist, and life is kind of difficult, to say the least. Or you’re just dealing with a very difficult person, or maybe someone who just seems really toxic. Are you tired of the insults, the mean looks, and the general gaslighting? Is someone’s toxic or narcissistic behavior giving you a really good reason to finally say you’ve had enough?
You Can Outplay the Narcissist
You want to beat the narcissist, right? Believe me, I get it. In fact, that’s part of why I have covered how to deal with a narcissist in detail, as well as how to deal with other types of difficult and toxic people, including psychopaths and sociopaths, as well as anyone on the cluster b spectrum. In each case, the ideal answer is nearly always to leave and go no contact, post-haste.
And before we get into how to outplay the narcissist, I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that you absolutely CAN beat the narcissist, but good. The bad news?
Narcissists Do Not Change
The fact is that narcissists and most others who have cluster b personality B personality disorders are well-known to be incredibly difficult to deal with, and while it is theoretically possible that they might change for the better, it rarely happens, if ever. In fact, I’ve never heard of or spoken to anyone who has seen a narcissist change successfully.
So, expecting a narcissist to change for love will leave you sadly disappointed and wasting a lot of your life hoping for something that is statistically impossible. And yet, it isn’t always possible to leave a narcissist – at least not immediately.
No Contact Isn’t Always an Option
This is evidenced by the fact the some of the most frequently asked questions on narcissistic abuse recovery that I hear from survivors include things like:
- How do I deal with the narcissist if I can’t leave?
- What can I do to make life easier while I’m working on leaving the narcissist?
- What if I can’t go no contact with the narcissist?
- How do I beat the narcissist at their own game?
Maybe they can’t go no contact because they have kids with the narcissist and need to co-parent, or maybe it’s because the narcissist in their life is their boss and they really need their job. Or maybe it’s because the narcissist lives next door, and they don’t want to sell their home. Or the narcissist is an extended family member or friend who going no contact with might cause you to lose the other people in the group that connects you.
In any case, you might find yourself trying to figure out what it takes to beat a narcissist – and in that case, stick with me, because I’m going to tell you exactly what you need to do if you want to beat the narcissist.
How to Beat the Narcissist At Their Own Game
Do you want to learn how to play the narcissist’s game so that you can beat them at it? We’ll get to that…but before we do, let me ask you something.
Would you agree that the narcissist cares just as much about how they’re perceived as they do about how YOU behave inside your relationship? Is he or she always the one who calls the shots – whether directly or indirectly?
When I say directly, I mean by literally setting the rules; or indirectly, by manipulating every situation to his or her advantage. So, inside the relationship, the narcissist is controlling, often of every single aspect, to say the very least.
Would you agree that it’s always ABOUT the NARCISSIST?
Assuming you would, let me ask you another question: would you agree that people who don’t know the narcissist as well as you do may see him or her as a very generous, selfless, or fun-to-be-around type of person?
That’s what you call the narcissistic conundrum – sort of their secret sauce – the “duel personality” thing.
They’re one person at home (or in private) and another person in public or around “outsiders.” They are the type who’s nicer to strangers than they are to the people they love.
(But as one of the narcissist’s favorite forms of narcissistic supply, you already know that their “generosity” is always equipped with proper strings.)
Oh, and then there’s the fact that you can’t always count on a narcissist to explode when something’s wrong in their little world – you’ll also have the covert narcissist types who will often just shut down and force you to figure out what you did wrong this time. And this one may not speak to you for days or weeks, even.
Playing the Game: The Rules of Toxic Narcissism
The apparent objective of the game is self-preservation – but there’s a twist! (Isn’t there always?)
The twist is that you’ve got to discover the tipping point between self-preservation and self-destruction when it comes to this game.
If you focus too much on self-preservation, you may find yourself exhibiting certain classic narcissistic behaviors. But if you focus too little on it, you find yourself being a typical “narcissistic abuse victim.” (See how I didn’t say “SURVIVOR” there?)
During the course of a relationship with a narcissist, especially a toxic one, you’re going to find yourself sliding back and forth on a sort of track between the two extremes.
So, the actual objective of the game is to simply keep spinning, stay on that sliding track and inside of the narcissist’s so-called harem. To just simply KEEP THE GAME GOING.
Another super-fun fact about narcissists? They like to play both sides; that is, one day, they might play a victim who needs rescuing (damsel in distress, anyone?) while the next day, they’ll find center stage by becoming someone’s savior.
The Players in the Narcissist’s Game
Your role as a player in the narcissistic game is fluid – sometimes, you’ll be the victim who needs to be rescued. And when the narcissist wants to be rescued? You’ll be the hero.
Either way, don’t try to steal the narcissist’s spotlight. They won’t like that one bit. But then again, sometimes, the narcissist will need to crush someone’s soul – and guess what friend? That’d be your role, too – the crushee, of course. That’s because you’re at least part of the little “harem” of people that feeds them narcissistic supply.
FYI: Narcissistic supply is usually a person, but can also be a pet or group of people, the narcissistic supply is used by the narcissist to get attention, validation, admiration – all the “supply” they need to feed their ego. The narcissist often has a circle of supply or “narcissistic harem.”
The Rule That Overpowers All Rules
No matter what, you must keep the game going. It’s absolutely necessary for both parties to participate if one of you (the narcissist) is going to win in the end.
Oh yes, that’s the last rule: you WILL NOT win. You can’t, because even if by all logical standards and opinions, you are the clear-cut winner, the narcissist will never, ever acknowledge, admit or encourage you to discuss it. He will instead find literally any reason to place the fault on someone else and to artificially elevate his own fragile ego.
So, in short:
1. The object of the game is to keep the game going.
2. The biggest rule of the game is that both parties must participate in the game.
3. The other rule of note is that you cannot win the game.
Okay, so let me ask you: why are you playing this game again?
How to Beat the Narcissist: Winning Their Game
Here is how you win that game – the ONLY move that will save you: you get the hell out of it. You leave, you quit, you end it. GAME OVER.
That is how you beat the narcissist at his game. You leave.
Of course, if you can’t leave the narcissist, you can try these strategies.
And this video will offer you more actionable strategies on how to play the narcissist’s game and beat them at it.
Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today
Did you know? Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.
- Sign up for our free email newsletter service that includes a free guided recovery experience via your inbox.
- Start your narcissistic abuse recovery here with our free narcissistic abuse recovery support system and program.
- Think you might have C-PTSD but you’re not sure? Take our free C-PTSD Self-Assessment.
- Join one of our free online narcissistic abuse recovery support groups!
- Join one of our private small coaching groups!
- Get private, one-on-one narcissistic abuse recovery coaching or counseling.
- You might enjoy my book, Your Love is My Drug: How to Shut Down a Narcissist, Detoxify Your Relationships & Live the Awesome Life You Really Deserve, Starting Right Now.
- Get a therapist who will work with you online. Check out our guide to finding a therapist or psychologist who understands narcissism and narcissistic abuse.
More Help & Inspiration on How to Beat the Narcissist
- Narcissistic Abuse and Gaslighting: Reader Shares Decade-Long Survivor Story
- Toxic Relationships and Narcissism: Stages of Gaslighting
- How Self-Proclaimed Narcissist Sam Vaknin Gaslighted Me on Facebook
- Get Unstuck After Narcissistic Abuse: Your Personal Passion Plan
- Stop Living in Fear: Free eCourse for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors
- Toxic Relationship Recovery: 10 Things You Must Hear Today If You’re Involved with a Narcissist
- Toxic Relationship Recovery: Find Your Inner Strength After Narcissistic Abuse
- Love a Narcissist? Stop Gaslighting in its Tracks With This Foolproof Trick
- Are you being gaslighted? 10 things you need to know if you love a narcissist
Self-sabotage is something you deal with in general, but this is especially true when you are or have been involved in a toxic relationship with a narcissist.
Whether or not you’ve been officially diagnosed with PTSD or C-PTSD, chances are that if you’ve been abused by a narcissist, you have some of the associated symptoms – and self-sabotage often comes along with it.
When you engage in this self-defeating way of thinking and behaving, it literally creates problems for you – and directly interferes with your ability to meet your goals.
The most common self-sabotaging behaviors include the following.
- Self-medication with drugs or alcohol
- Comfort eating/Food abuse
- Forms of self-injury such as cutting
Sure, these little vices seem helpful in the moment because they somehow take us away from the problem for the moment, but ultimately, they undermine us, especially when we engage in them over and over again.
After all, the definition of insanity is to repeat the same acts over and over but to expect different results, right?
Have you ever told yourself you were going to do something, but then turned around and made sure it wasn’t going to happen? That’s a great example of self-sabotage.
Self-sabotage is all too common for narcissistic abuse survivors, unfortunately, and it pretty much guarantees that you maintain the status quo, whether the status quo is good or bad.
Don’t beat yourself up! It’s human nature – you’re naturally resistant to change. This sabotage is rarely intentional.
We subconsciously do and say things that make success much less likely. You might accidentally fail to set your alarm cook and be late to an important interview as a result.
Self-sabotage can be challenging to spot, but your friends and family are an excellent resource. It’s easier to spot in others.
Learn more about self-sabotage and discover how you can get rid of its negative influences.
1. Self-sabotage is a form of control. When an outcome is uncertain, we can create certainty by failing intentionally. You can ensure the lack of a job offer by being late to your interview, rather than suffer from the lack of control that comes from waiting for that phone call after the interview.
- Self-sabotage allows you to dictate the outcome, even though it might be negative.
2. You can avoid change by sabotaging yourself. You might not like your current job, but you know everyone and how to navigate through the company. Familiarity is one form of comfort. A new job brings a lot of uncertainty.
- You don’t know whether you’ll enjoy a new job or not. You don’t know whether you’ll like your boss or co-workers. You don’t know how much stress you’ll face.
- Sabotaging yourself can keep you in your comfort zone, even if it isn’t very comfortable.
3. You might feel that you deserve failure. If your self-esteem is low, you might believe that you deserve to fail. Self-sabotage is common. It’s also comforting in its own way. Self-sabotage is also a great hindrance to progress and happiness. Repeated failures can ruin anyone’s attitude.
1. Take a look at your past failures. When you made poor choices, consider your thoughts. Were they reasonable? No one is perfect, and you’re bound to make mistakes. However, when you do something you know is wrong, take note.
- Do this for every “failure” you’ve had. Pay particular attention to your past actions. If you see signs of self-sabotage, ask yourself why you did it. Do you see a pattern?
2. Determine appropriate behavior. After recognizing the times you’ve sabotaged yourself, determine what you should have done. Take the time to figure out what the best course of action would have been. Do this for each instance of self-sabotage you’ve noticed.
3. Think about how much self-sabotage has cost you in the past. You’ve missed out on a lot because of self-sabotage. Do you make less money, have fewer friends, and live a less fulfilling life because you sabotage yourself? Realize how much you’ve cost yourself, and changing will be easier.
4. How much has your self-sabotage harmed others? How have your friends, family, and other loved ones been affected? Living a small life has an impact on everyone around you. Give yourself effective reasons to change your behavior.
Much like the other side-effects and personality-changing trauma reactions we have during and after narcissistic abuse, self-sabotage is a defense mechanism.
Sabotaging yourself keeps you safe and in control, at the expense of making any real progress in your life. Stopping this pattern of behavior requires reflection, honesty, and a little courage. Examine your life for instances of self-sabotage, make the necessary changes to your behavior, and enjoy your resulting success!
Are you sabotaging yourself? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section. Let’s discuss it!
When you’ve been abused by a toxic narcissist, you might find yourself forgetting how to make your own choices in life. Since narcissists are so controlling and hyper-sensitive, we fall into the trap and habit of getting their thoughts/approval/acceptance before we choose literally ANYTHING.
This can leave us feeling stagnant and not getting ahead in our lives – but it’s time to change all that. In this video, I’ll explain to you exactly what you need to know to begin making your own choices again.
Basic Decision-Making Process Tips
- Gather information on the decision to be made, determine the best alternative and put that decision into action.
- Look back only to learn from your past decisions but don’t dwell on them. Move ahead and focus on your future.
- Decision making requires a plan. If you don’t know where you’re going then one decision is as good as the other.
- It’s a good feeling to make a conscious decision about yourself and your life and each time you do this the process becomes easier and your confidence builds.
- Make a commitment, make a difference and take control of your life.
“Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it.” ~Oprah Winfrey
In any situation, when you get a divorce or move on to a new relationship and you have kids, it makes dating a completely different experience. No longer are you just trying to find someone who’s right for you – you’re trying to find someone who’s right for your kids.
And when your ex is a narcissist, it’s a whole other ball of wax.
Even so, there are some common truths for all moms who are dating again after divorce.
How to Know If You’re Ready to Date After Divorcing a Narcissist
Narcissists do a real number on our self-esteem and our self-image. It’s incredibly important to take the time you need to heal before jumping into a new relationship, because you don’t want to end up with another toxic person. Feeling lonely isn’t quite enough – nor is wanting to replace your ex. There are some subtle issues you need to understand and there’s a level of healing that’s required if you want your next relationship to be successful. In this video, you’ll learn exactly how to know if you’re ready to date after your divorce.
Finding Love After Divorcing a Narcissist
The fact is that you might find yourself looking for a “new dad” or someone to fill the void left in your life by your ex – but don’t fall into that trap! You might end up scaring away Mr. Right – because unlike most narcissists, Mr. Right is willing to take things slowly – and that’s what you should want to do as well – after all, you definitely don’t want to attract another narc, right?
So, before we continue – a bit of harsh truth for you.
Being a Mom doesn’t mean you have to be looking for a forever commitment – even though most women do seek out that stability for their children in these circumstances.
You don’t have to latch onto the first man who is willing to date a woman with children – you can take your time finding Mr. Right and vetting the prospects to see who would be the best fit for your family.
When I was a single mom, I’d ask myself “Is this guy someone I’d want my son to grow up and be like?” It is an incredible way to really get a good read on a guy, if you can be honest with yourself.
You never want to settle for someone who is right for you, but not your kids – or right for your kids, but not right for you. He needs to be the total package. That means you prioritize things a bit differently sometimes.
Most importantly, do your best to keep your head clear so you can be aware of any red flags that might indicate that you’re getting involved with another narcissist (or toxic person). In this video, I’ll explain how to catch the red flags you’re dating a narcissist (and offer 12 examples of common red flags).
Safely Using Dating Sites After Divorcing a Narcissists
There’s good news and bad news for divorced moms when it comes to dating these days. The good news? It’s easier than ever to meet people to date after divorce, thanks to online dating sites. Now…for the bad news: unfortunately, these sites are often a hotbed of narcissism, full of toxic people looking to take advantage of vulnerable divorcees. It’s important to know what to look for and exactly what to avoid. Watch this video for a detailed explanation of the typical narcissist’s dating profile and how to avoid narcissists on dating sites.
Added Challenges That Come with Dating After Divorcing a Narcissist
Dating after any divorce has its challenges, but when your ex is a narcissist, there are many additional things to consider. If you’ve healed after a relationship with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder and you’re feeling pretty comfortable in your codependency recovery, then you might be ready to date. But do you know what to expect?
In this video, I’ll explain what kinds of issues you can expect in a new relationship after being in a toxic relationship with a narcissist. In this video, I’ll explain in detail why it’s so difficult to date after a toxic relationship, which red flags to watch for, and what you can do to make your life easier in the process.
How Soon Should You Start Dating After Divorce When You Have Kids?
This is going to be a different answer for every woman. Only you know your kids and your situation. But there are some guidelines you can use to figure out when the time is right.
Is your ex-narcissist influencing your kids against you? If there’s chaos in the post-divorce stage (and it’s likely when you’ve been involved with a narcissist), then he might disparage you and make the kids think less of you because you’re dating again.
This kind of thing happens frequently. You don’t have to wait forever, but it might be best to either postpone dating until the raw feelings fade away, or make sure that your kids are okay with it before you go there.
Some kids will be loyal and fierce to your ex no matter what – and no amount of time is going to make them okay with you dating again. You might have to get family counseling so that an unbiased third party can help them see that you’re an individual now, not a couple, and that you should be allowed to enjoy life, too.
When your kids are too small to understand, then you can begin dating as soon as you see fit. The older they get, the more resentment they may feel – but that all depends on the relationship they have with you and their father.
Many kids embrace the idea of their parents getting out on the dating scene because they like to see their parents happy. This is perfect – but don’t force yourself into it if you’re not ready.
What Type of Man Would Be Right for Your Family?
Like I mentioned, when you’re looking for a man who is right for you, you have to always be thinking in the back of your mind, “Is he right for my kids?” You might have your own criteria, but here are some things to consider.
Is he willing to take things slow? Some men will want to come right over and spend the night – practically moving in on week one – and be careful, because that’s a sign of love-bombing. You want a man who will respect your boundaries on when he should meet your kids, spend time at your home, and anything further than that.
Does he respect the role of their biological dad? Regardless of his flaws, the kids will already have a father – and you might have problems if he assumes that the two of you dating means he’ll be taking his place. Even if he’s a narcissist, he still may want to be involved in the kids’ lives. You want your new guy to be okay with this.
In some instances, the kids won’t have a father in their lives – and that means this new guy might be seen as a father figure. Is he okay with that position? Some men might feel uncomfortable.
What kind of parental role do you want him to have? Should he be like the fun uncle who comes over to play and act silly or eat dinner once in a while, or will he be stepping up to the plate to be “Dad” pretty soon?
These are things that you need to be open about and honest with yourself about – even though your heart (and other tingly bits) may not go along with at first – but you and I both know this MATTERS – you don’t want to fall into old traps and old habits. You need to make it clear to your new potential love how involved you want/expect him to be with your kids if at all.
Personally, I had a rule that no guy got to meet my son unless we were able to date consistently and monogamously for 3 to 6 months. Yes, it made life a bit more complicated, but it protected him from a lot of heartache in the end. This way, he didn’t develop attachments to people I dated who weren’t right for me.
Can/will he discipline the kids, and if so, how? Some families have it written into the parenting plan during a divorce that other people can’t punish the kids at all, or that no corporal punishment should be allowed. One friend of mine had a rule that her new guy didn’t do any parenting or discipline. To be honest, that doesn’t always work well in a marriage. Think balance and appropriate boundaries – and be sure to be transparent with both your new guy and your kids on what is expected (and what is acceptable).
Is he good to your kids? You want someone who is protective over them and wants everything in their best interest – even if he’s not leading the family as a father figure at all.
You want your kids to be excited about him coming over, not resent it or head off to their rooms when he arrives. This is where a sense of humor (which is different from biting sarcasm) comes in handy. It’s great to find a guy who will play ball with the kids, engage them with a video game, or just chat with them about their day.
Does he have kids of his own? This brings another layer to the relationship if you decide to date this man. The Brady Bunch makes it all look easy, but mixing families can be difficult.
If he does have kids, be sure you each meet each other’s kids and get to know them before you start introducing the kids to one another – this will help to take the edge off a bit. Take it slow and make sure each child feels adequately loved and important during this transition.
Uncomfortable but Necessary Warning: It’s a simple fact of life and you need to be aware of it so that you can protect our family. There are some dangerous men out there who seek out single Moms to date because in reality, they’re pedophiles.
These men will date you and even marry you – and you might have a thriving sexual relationship – but they’re doing all of it to gain your trust so that they can abuse your children. Educate yourself about this before you start dating because it’s a real issue with serious consequences.
First Date for You Versus First Meeting With the Kids
There are two different situations here. The first time you meet a man and the first time your kids do. Your first date should come quite a bit of time before your kids are introduced to him. For me, the 3 to 6-month rule worked, but that might be different for you – don’t get stuck on numbers.
For your own first date, keep yourself safe. You should do this anyway as a single woman, but as a Mom, you have a responsibility to your kids now, too. Don’t have anyone pick you up at your home.
Meet him somewhere else instead. If possible, take a friend along (have him bring one, too) and make it a double date. If not, that’s okay – just meet somewhere visible with other people around.
You want a place where good conversation can take root. Meals are great! You can talk while eating – and if you want to have a quick date, try doing brunch or lunch instead of dinner.
Sporting events are another great idea. You can really get to know each other if you’re sitting at a baseball game for your local team (if both of you enjoy it and are fans).
When should you introduce your kids to your new man?
When you have kids, it becomes difficult to decide when to introduce them. On one hand, you don’t want to go through man after man after man with your kids. They need stability and it doesn’t make them comfortable to see their Mom dating dozens of different men – and that was part of my reason for the 3-6 month rule.
On the other hand, you don’t want to get too serious with one man before introducing him to your children because you have to see how it works with your children first.
So sometime between “just met him” and “I’m ready to be exclusive with this person,” you should introduce him to your family. Start off by letting them get used to the idea.
You can initiate conversations about your new guy first. Don’t just spring him on them out of the blue one day. Mention him in passing as a friend who you’re having dinner with, etc.
Don’t bring him to your house to meet your kids – and don’t take them to his. Have all of you meet at a public, fun destination like the park where your kids can play and he can interact with them.
You might want to clue your new date in on some things your kids do and don’t like before he meets with them. For example, if they hate someone teasing them or can’t stand it when someone throws them in the pool, give him a heads up so that he doesn’t become public enemy #1 without warning.
How to Help Your Kids Cope With Your New Dating Life After Divorcing a Narcissist
Sometimes, no matter what you do to try to alleviate the strain of your new dating life, your kids will have a problem with it anyway. Sometimes their feelings are justified and you can help them by acknowledging that, so don’t dismiss it just because of their age. Especially when their father is a narcissist, they might really feel slighted when you start paying attention to someone else. Listen to them and validate their feelings. It matters more than you might think.
Let’s look at some common complaints kids have when their parents start dating and how you can address each one:
“You don’t spend time with me anymore.”
If dating starts to consume you, then it can get things started off on the wrong foot. It’s understandable that you want to spend lots of time with your new guy, but remember that your kids view him as an invader – and they’re going to dislike him if he is favored over them.
Make sure that you take each child and spend some one-on-one time with them throughout the day. Don’t text or take phone calls during this time – focus all of your attention on their needs.
It’s great if your kids can see you recognize a call from your new guy and say something like, “Oh that’s Bob – I’ll call him back later – right now, I’m playing with you!”
Though I got remarried 15 years ago, I still try to make at least an hour a day to spend with each of my kids (we’ve added two to the fold in that time) – the mornings are great for that in my case.
“He’s just not right for you, Mom!”
Sometimes we’re so desperate to get into another relationship that we forget about our list of deal-breakers. We fall into old patterns. Our kids may be able to see it – the way you become “different” around this new guy versus when you’re by yourself.
If they have concerns, make sure you give them the freedom to speak up and talk to you about it. If they say he puts you down, for instance – ask for examples and keep an open mind. Don’t excuse his behavior – address it with him. It’s important to know and enforce your deal-breakers. Learn more about healthy dating deal-breakers in this video.
“He doesn’t like us (or we don’t like him)!”
Some men may be right for you, but when it comes to your kids, he just doesn’t have the right mindset. Maybe he’s always grumpy or he comes off as “weird” to your kids.
You want your kids to enjoy the time they’re spending around him, so work with both your kids and your new man to see if things can get smoothed over to a better place. If not, then you may need to let him move on to someone else.
“We already have a dad and we are fiercely loyal to him!”
This is a normal reaction for kids to have, even if Dad is also a narcissist. If you’re on good terms with your ex, have him sit down with you and the kids and have a discussion about how it’s a positive thing that the two of you are dating new people.
Chances are that most narcs aren’t going to be okay with it, especially if they’re not already moving on (and in some cases, even if they are – narcissists aren’t known for their ability to empathize or for fairness/equality – they’d have no problem being with a new woman and still not being okay with you being with a new guy, especially if they perceive him as somehow superior to them).
But, in the rare case that he can or will work with you, remember that if they see that Dad’s okay with the new guy, they might be more open to accepting him, too. Invite both of them to something like your child’s birthday party and let your child see them shaking hands and being friendly to each other.
Tip: You can sometimes convince a narcissist to do what you want by convincing him that first, he’s the most amazing dad you know – and “how wonderful that he’s so secure in himself that he’s willing to be so selfless with his kids that he can at least pretend to like the new guy.”
Complications with the Ex – When the Narcissist Won’t Budge
If the ex is part of the problem, then you might need to have an honest discussion with your child about the situation. Don’t disparage their dad. Instead, explain to them how you just weren’t right for each other and that the new guy has nothing to do with the fact that you’re no longer a couple.
He may have believed that if the new guy wasn’t in the picture, then you and your child’s father might get back together. Explain to him that this isn’t a possibility even if you stay single forever so that he doesn’t sit there “wishful thinking” anymore – it will help you BOTH, even if the initial discussion is a little uncomfortable.
Finding Balance Between Your Dating and Parenting Lives
Parenting will always be your most important task in life. But you also need to take care of your own needs – and that includes forming meaningful relationships.
Put your needs and those of your children first. Then try to accommodate the new person you’re dating, because it will be difficult for him, too to come into an existing family and try to fit in while being judged. Dating with kids doesn’t have to be a struggle, even if you’ve been in a toxic or abusive relationship in the past. Just be mindful of everyone’s feelings and do the best you can!
Related Resources for Dating After Divorcing a Narcissist
- Divorcing a narcissist? Drop the tears, think straight, expert says
- Divorce Support Group
- Co-Parenting with a Narcissist Support Group
- Surviving a Long, Hard Divorce
- The real Rainn Wilson’s philosophy for happiness will get you in your feelings
- Oprah on How to Become What You Are Meant to Be
- Divorce: Why do people fall for the narcissist’s smear campaign?