101 Struggles Only Narcissistic Abuse Victims and Survivors Will Understand

101 Struggles Only Narcissistic Abuse Victims and Survivors Will Understand

**Trigger Warning** These statements came from real narcissistic abuse survivors and are regarding actual narcissists. Please read with this in mind**

Living with a narcissist can make you feel crazy, to say the least – but any kind of relationship with a toxic person can really mess with your head!

In my SPAN (Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in relationships) online support group, I asked the following question:

“What are some things that only victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse will understand?”

And they came up with 101 of them!


1. Constantly being put down and told I am crazy
2. Knowing someone is a threat but no one taking you seriously because you do not have a cut lip.
3.Having someone say, “but they look normal”
4. Losing most of what you owned
5. Not being taken seriously by a domestic abuse shelter because you did not fit their picture of abuse
6. Being lied to
7. Triangulation or constantly being dragged into the drama.
8. Knowing no one has your back because they are either flying monkeys or blame you for being in the situation in the first place
9. Being the problem child worker spouse when the narcissist just smiles and knowing you have been set up
10. Not knowing your power, worth, or rights.
And not even understanding that you get them from yourself and your higher power
11. Maybe explaining basic human compassion to your N. I mean not even about his treatment of you but having to explain to an adult why his behavior in a certain situation might be inappropriate. E.g. the death of this person’s father is not about you. It is the other person’s grief and your only role should be to be there for that person and this behavior would be selfish and hurtful to the other person. I felt like I was talking to a child trying to explain why it’s not nice to hit other kids or something.
12. Ongoing fear and anxiety of moving forward to have the N pull you back in…losing yourself in it all…coping skills needed..nothing is working.
13. The tantrums. Like a 3-year-old.
14. For me it’s hard to explain to ANYONE how deeply rooted the pain goes when it’s done covertly. No outwardly scars. I have a very hard time putting my finger on it myself.
15. It is difficult because from the outside looking in the covert narcissist is a saint. This was my father and my most recent experience. People don’t want to hear it and they are condescending and make me feel as if I am damaged and crazy (which I am, but not how they think!). I have been with and known other narcs as well, but the covert narc is the worst!
16. Covert narcissists are skilled manipulators. The proverbial Street angel and house devil. Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde.
17. Whenever I speak to someone, I am hyper-aware of the words I chose because I don’t want them to take what I’m saying as an insult. One of the ways my ex sister in law battered my self-esteem was to twist anything I said into an insult and she was good at it. It made me feel like not talking at all and then thinking and rethinking everything I wanted to say… I ended up coming off as a freak and completely unnatural.
18. Feeling like you are addicted to a substance, but it’s a person so you cannot go to detox.
19. Going into a relationship with a narcissist is great at the beginning. I thought I found the love of my life. Just recently I discovered I’m addicted to him. He’s doing it on purpose with the silent treatment. I wish there was a detox for this!
20. Constantly battling feeling like no one wants to hear what I have to say…worrying that I have no social value and that people think I’m a bitch.
21. Anxiety and fear of moving forward…coping skills and desperately needed support.
22. People thinking I’m crazy when I try to explain my situation.
23. Being told that you are “falling apart” without them holding you together. Without them you are pathetic. They are so much stronger than you….when the entire time you are thinking how incredibly strong you are to handle this abuse!
24. The “You know what you did” stare. It makes you feel guilty when you have no idea why.
25. Constantly being emotionally and mentally exhausted.
26. Feeling unsafe and always doubting your perception of reality
27. Never wanting to trust anyone with your heart again
28. Not wanting to waste my precious time and life on another person that doesn’t value the gift.
29. The rapid beating of the heart when the phone rings and it’s your Narc.
30. The triggers and the need to reprogram them after the abuse ends.
31. That they can not accept love from never having a single hug, kiss…and they are so damaged – it is sad.
32. The fear of authentically expressing yourself and knowing that some form of punishment will follow.
33. Never feeling safe in the relationship because the kind person that you are dealing with is fragile and will flip in one second flat. When that happens and you were already low about something to begin with, the pain you feel can be almost unbearable. You end up not trusting yourself or the universe to bring anything good to you.
34. When you live in a constant state of trying to predict and prevent mistakes, visible signs of failures, messiness, things that could be perceived as laziness, disrespect, or stupidity before the Narc gets home.
35. Hiding small purchases so you don’t get criticized for being frivolous and careless.
36. Cleaning your daughter’s room so she doesn’t get yelled at and criticized.
37. Being hyper-vigilant in all things so that you can try to avoid disappointment and lecture.
38. Looking over my shoulder wherever I go and being afraid that he’s going to be there. Not even going to buy groceries when I don’t have any food because I’m afraid I will see him.
39. The effects of toxic-relationship-induced PTSD.
40. When every six months you are given a list of “improvements” that must be made otherwise the narc is going to divorce you.
41. Emotional blackmail is constant.
42. I have a hard time making choices. And always depend on others to make them for me because it feels safer.
43. Questioning everything and doubting your ability to choose the right path.
44. When you never hear the words: “I’m sorry”, “You look nice”, “How was your day”, “What did you do today”, etc.
45. When your own daughter says “He isn’t very nice to you” or “You know Dad doesn’t like you, right?”
46. My husband and my sons told me so many times to stop talking with my mother. But being a “bad daughter” in other people’s eyes stopped me from doing so. I didn’t want my mother to be right about me. But the support from my husband, sons, family (even her side) and friends totally shocked and encouraged me. They don’t think of me as a bad daughter. But the thing is…their approval though nice isn’t necessary anymore.
47. When your daughter tells you she is afraid to leave you alone with him.
48. The stalking and watching and having decisions made for you…the controlling… you spiral further down wondering where you went.
49. The battering that your self-esteem takes and then when you finally get the courage to leave…there is nobody there to really support you because you weren’t allowed to even have any friends in real life… in other words, feeling DISCONNECTED with other human beings that really do care about you.
50. Your trust of other humans is shattered and your general feeling safe in the world is gone because your abuser managed to destroy that, also…if there was any time in your life for others to step in and say “how can I help?” – it is then….not to just ignore you like you have got the plague.
51. How to divorce a narcissist.
52. Trying to understand how a human being with not one ounce of empathy can actually be classified as a human being.
53. Being discarded with no closure.
54. When your 3-year-old granddaughter sees a smiling Bob commercial and says, “Grandma, I think grandpa needs some of that stuff to fix his smiler.” (She thought it was a commercial for smiling pills).
55. When you want to stop celebrating the holidays because of the stress of spending time with a room full of narcs.
56. When you understand that nothing the narcissists do to hurt or upset you could ever be worse than you getting upset at them for doing it. Being upset at them is unforgivable.
57. Being treated and spoken to like a child. He would come into my home office and say, “The window needs opened” and just do it without asking if I would like the window open. Every time I left the house he would have to walk me out to the car and usually give me a lecture on how to drive even how to get in the car and also warnings about all the bad things that could happen. When I told him this made me feel infantilized, he responded, “You just don’t appreciate my helping you and doing things for you. Plenty of women would be grateful for me.”
58. Whenever I bring up ANY topic I wish to discuss that involves ANY involvement his part, the subject is immediately redirected as a missile in my direction. No matter how far off-topic it may be, suddenly I am the immediate focus of the source of the problem, the reason that the solution cannot be obtained, and the villain of the day. Amazing how he is a master of turning the tables. No amount of reasoning no matter how much logic I throw at him can thwart him. His confidence in his beliefs are unshakable. Its a losing battle but still my sense of incredulity overrides my common sense.
59. Cognitive dissonance. For example, you see obvious signs a narc has been cheating on you and you choose to believe the lies the narc tells you about what’s really happening.
60. Always feeling I have to solve everyone’s problems. Or explain why someone is acting stupid – as if it’s all my fault.
61. I used to be the person who would say that every child needs both parents. After narcissistic abuse, I see exactly why some children must never see the narcissist parent. Now people ask me the same question. They are where I used to be and probably think I am cruel for fighting so hard to keep the little one from him.
62. Going to sleep in fear and waking up in dread every day. With no resolution in sight. Feeling stuck. A living nightmare that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.
63. The Gaslighting.
64. Flying monkeys.
65. Being isolated from people who actually care about you.
66. Getting married or romantically involved with a narcissist and realizing that you were also raised by one.
67. Being disgusted with yourself for not taking action to leave.
68. Repeated attempts to leave and repeated hoovering and love bombing episodes to keep you hooked.
69. Being shocked by the consistently outrageous behavior they display in private.
70. Smear campaigns.
71.The constant”loop” …that hooks & holds your brain’s thought patterns on a repetitive “rewind/record button” that plays over & over & over again making you trapped with the”what if’s” ??? Why didn’t I do this? Why wasn’t I smart enough, before after the fact? If, I had only? IF, IF, IF??!!
72. The narcissistic flip – when the narcissist gets mad at you for being upset or disappointed in him/her.
73. Never feeling good enough.
74. Feeling like you’re not a “real person”
75. Being treated like property instead of a person.
76. Always putting the narcissist’s needs before your own because you don’t want to make him/her angry.
77. Narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury.
78. Hearing the narcissist’s car in the driveway and warning your kids so they can hide out and avoid the wrath.
79. Becoming so numb that you don’t even feel joy anymore.
80. Dissociation that becomes toxic.
81. Using the gray rock method to survive.
82. The horrible unsympathetic attitude of ‘why are you still with him? You must enjoy it’ (even my narc said this to me, which later would change to “How dare you even think of leaving me?!?”)
83. The long and repeated silent treatments you’re subjected to.
84. You understand what it’s like to be the constant source of criticism and blame that turns you into a frightened, mentally paralyzed version of your former self that you have to bring back to life. Only your youth is gone, your looks are fading, your energy is drained and your hopes and dreams are crushed.
85. Always being told you are weak. So you stand up for yourself and then you are told you are crazy and full of drama.
86. The triangulation and smear campaigns that the Narc perpetrates against the target. Including; using your own family and children of all ages.
87. You understand what it’s like to carry the emotional weight for someone you love only to be told that it’s your fault that they have emotional problems in the first place.
88. Fight and/or flight
89. Walking on eggshells
90. Feeling manipulated and intimated no one seeing it but you
91. The one-sided, manipulative phone calls.
92. Love bombing.
93. Narcissistic altruism – the gift that keeps on taking. The narcissist is not selfless. Whenever the narcissist “does” for you, they expect to be “paid back.”
94. Wondering if the narcissist is right about you.
95. Wondering if YOU are the narcissist.
96. Feeling lonely and like everyone in your life is a narcissist.
97. Being homeless.
98 Believing that you were loved and learning that the narcissist isn’t capable of love.
99. Always feeling like you are dead inside.
100. Wishing you could just talk to someone who understands – and having no one in your life who fits the bill.
101. Dealing with flying monkeys

Would love to hear your thoughts – and your own experiences – in the comments!

Please subscribe to my YouTube channel if you haven’t already. Hugs and love to all of my survivors! Get my books at http://booksangiewrote.com and pick up your free 5-day fear-busting email course (especially designed for narcissistic abuse survivors) at http://narcissismsupportcoach.com.

The Hard Part: Why and How You MUST Resist Narcissistic Hoovering

The Hard Part: Why and How You MUST Resist Narcissistic Hoovering

It’s always hard to deal with a narcissist, whether you’re still in the toxic relationship or you’ve recently left it. But due to the narcissist’s behaviors and patterns, there are times when we find ourselves feeling weak, almost powerless to resist their charms – even when we KNOW BETTER.

One of those times is during the narcissistic hoovering phase. So that’s why we’re talking about hoovering and how you can deal with it today.

So what is hoovering, anyway?

The “hoovering” technique was named after the famous vacuum cleaner company, and it’s one of many common manipulation tactics employed by abusive, toxic narcissists.

This is when a narcissist sort of “sucks” his victim back into the relationship, or some  version of it. It often begins innocently enough, sort of subtly, but it always happens with one target – to regain control.

Hoovering usually begins after the devalue and discard phases, when the silent treatment has stopped giving the narcissist pleasure, and when he’s ready for more of the supply you’ve been feeding him all these months or years. Or, it’ll start when you’ve left the narcissist and he fears you won’t return.

The idea is that the narcissist needs to reestablish contact with you in order to get the narcissistic supply you’re so good at providing.

This is a dangerous tactic, because once a narcissist gets back into your good graces, you’ll often find yourself being love-bombed and hearing promises of brighter days ahead – but sadly, they won’t last.

10 Ways Deal with a Narcissist’s Hoovering


So, now that you know WHAT it is, how do you deal with being hoovered? Well, if you’re still stuck in the toxic relationship, you might as well just let hit happen – BUT, with a few safeguards in place.

First, don’t take the bait – because if you do, you may end up allowing the narc to cross your boundaries and you’ll end up settling for less than you really deserve.

Plus, you don’t want to allow yourself to start doing things that you wouldn’t normally do, and you don’t want to stop taking care of yourself in favor of the narc’s needs.

And most importantly, don’t give up your own independence.

But in general, the best way to cope with hoovering is to follow these guidelines.

1. Don’t let your boundaries be changed or broken during the hoovering phase. It’s too easy to “give in” during this phase – don’t!

2. If you’ve put safeguards (or consequences) in place due to the narcissist’s bad decisions, you need to keep those in place even and especially during hoovering .

3. KNOW that this phase WILL end and you’ll be back to “normal” status with the narcissist at some point. Look at previous patterns for an idea on how long it might last.

4. Make a special effort to maintain your healthy activities and relationships – and even increase the engagement with these healthy situations in order to strengthen your recovery efforts.

5. A lot of times, we use hoovering to bargain with our narcissists. We try to create positive change in our relationships during this time because the narcissists seem so receptive (moreso than usual) to our requests – but you’ve got to understand that most of the time, any change created will be quite short-lived – you’re only setting yourself up for disappointment.

6. Keep in mind that, as big of a jerk as he or she can be, a narcissist is a person who has a personality disorder – and mood swings or rapidly changing ideals are a big part of that.

7. Remember that knowledge is power. Educate yourself on NPD and make an effort to understand what you’re really dealing with. Often, understanding can lead to overcoming.

8. Don’t allow yourself to depend on the narcissist emotionally. They will disappoint you every time, especially when it matters the most to you. The hoovering phase can cloud your judgment and you might even end up setting yourself up for some real emotional devastation if you allow your narc to lull you into a false sense of security and intimacy.

9. If you have been physically abused and the hoovering is an attempt to make you forget it – don’t. Get some help – check out the emergency domestic violence page on QueenBeeing.com and don’t waste a minute – your life could literally depend on it. Take care of yourself!

10. Understand this deal for what it is. The narcissist does not love you – the narcissist is not capable of actual love. In fact, you’re just a pawn in his or her little game – so get off the roller coaster as soon as you can – go no contact or low contact. If you aren’t able to completely cut all contact, try the gray rock method.

The bottom line is that the one thing you can count on with a narcissist is that they don’t change. They might get better at hiding their true selves, and they might pretend to change for a while to get you back – but they certainly don’t ever actually change.

Here are some ways narcissists try to hoover you back into the toxic relationship. Each of these was collected from a survivor of narcissistic abuse and is a true story.

Have you experienced hoovering before? How did you deal with it? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.

Why Narcissists Are Often Misdiagnosed With Bipolar Disorder

Why Narcissists Are Often Misdiagnosed With Bipolar Disorder

Today, in response to a question from one of my narcissistic abuse recovery coaching clients, I’m covering the differences – and similarities – between narcissistic personality disorder and bipolar disorder – and why psychologists and other medical professionals often confuse the two.

I’ve been writing and talking about narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and narcissistic abuse recovery for years, and one of the questions that I hear over and over again is actually related to another major issue – bipolar disorder.

The question: What are the differences between bi-polar disorder and NPD?

For example, one client told me her ex-narc has been diagnosed by a psychologist as bi-polar, but that she doesn’t believe this to be the case – and no one will listen to her. While I haven’t experienced this exactly, I can certainly relate to her pain – how about you?

Why Are Narcissists Are Often Misdiagnosed by Psychotherapists?

Narcissists tend to be misread by many therapists, and generally in one of two ways – either the therapist doesn’t see an issue, or they are diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Why does this happen? Well, there are a few reasons, so let’s talk about that.

Psychology schools haven’t taught about NPD.

First, many schools didn’t teach psychologists a lot about narcissistic personality disorder, so a lot of therapists aren’t educated on NPD at all. Others just don’t even recognize it as a possible diagnosis. One of my clients told me that she mentioned gaslighting during a therapy session, and her therapist told her that he not only hadn’t heard of it but asked her how to SPELL it. No, I’m not kidding.

Bi-polar and NPD symptoms overlap.

Another reason this happens is that so many of the symptoms overlap between these two disorders.

So, to put it in clinical terms, let me share this with you from a 2008 study published by the US Department of Health and Human Services, entitled Commonalities and differences in characteristics of persons at risk for narcissism and mania, written by
Daniel Fulford,* Sheri L. Johnson, and Charles S. Carver.

“Clinicians have long noted overlap in some of the key features of narcissism and bipolar disorder, including excessively high goals and impulsivity. In addition, empirical findings consistently document high levels of comorbidity between the two conditions. To better understand the similarities and differences in psychological qualities associated with mania- and narcissism-related vulnerabilities, we administered to 233 undergraduates a broad range of measures pertaining to goals and affects (both their experience and their dysregulation) and impulsivity. As hypothesized, tendencies toward both narcissism and hypomania related to elevations on measures of affective and goal dysregulation. In addition, hypomania tendencies were related to higher impulsivity, but that association did not appear for narcissistic tendencies. Results highlight key commonalities and differences between those at risk for mania versus narcissism. Future research should examine these relationships in clinically diagnosed samples.”

Putting it in layman’s terms, both someone with NPD and someone with bipolar disorder will present with grandiose perceptions of themselves sometimes, and both will have unrealistic fantasies of power or success – plus, both may also feel a heightened sense of their own abilities or accomplishments.

This is most commonly misdiagnosed when a therapist believes that the person is experiencing mild hypomania – an elevated mood that hasn’t reached the full manic level yet – due to bipolar disorder. Of course, based on these symptoms alone, even a well-trained professional may misdiagnose their patient.

Psychologist on Bi-Polar and NPD Diagnosis Confusion

Now, as you know, I’m a certified life coach, NOT a psychologist – so I figured I’d bring some advice from a psychologist who IS qualified to offer it here.

According to psychiatrist Michael Peterson, who’s also an assistant professor at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health‘s school of psychiatry, one major distinguishing feature is the timing.

Peterson adds: “Personality disorders are pervasive patterns of relating to others and situations that are long-standing. In bipolar, manic or depressed periods typically last weeks to months, but are not always present.”

Of course, as I said, these symptoms can definitely overlap, and Peterson advises that other factors could play a part in the confusion.

He says: “Many of the core symptoms of bipolar can be confused with normal variability in mood, changes associated with personality disorders — including narcissistic or borderline personality disorder — or changes associated with alcohol or drug use.

Bipolar Disorder Symptoms Vs NPD Symptoms

Let’s cover the basics here – bipolar disorder is mostly characterized by dramatic and overwhelming shifts in mood or energy – the bipolar person may hit the highest highs and the lowest lows, and these will alternate, often in a pattern. During the manic period, they’ll have lots of energy and be much more extroverted – while when the “down” side hits, they’ll find themselves exhausted, withdrawn, and generally in despair.

Another big marker for bipolar disorder: those who are most seriously affected sometimes can’t function in normal day-to-day life. They can’t keep jobs or relationships due to their disorder. Of course, when it comes to NPD, you’re dealing with someone who is self-absorbed to an unhealthy point, and who does not experience real empathy for the people around them.

So, in order to correctly diagnose or differentiate between the two disorders, psychologists must pay attention to the patterns in the lives of the disorder and be aware of the specific phases, if they believe the patient is bipolar.

Cluster B and Bi-Polar Can Be Co-Morbid Conditions

Sometimes the two CAN coexist: A recent study found that cluster B (which includes borderline, narcissistic, antisocial, and histrionic personality disorders) features were evident in about one-third of bipolar patients, with possible associations to childhood emotional and/or physical abuse.

NPD SYMPTOMS:

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), published by the American Psychiatric Association, the official list of symptoms is as follows.

  • Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance
  • Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
  • Exaggerating your achievements and talents
  • Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
  • Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
  • Requiring constant admiration
  • Having a sense of entitlement
  • Expecting special favors and unquestioning compliance with your expectations
  • Taking advantage of others to get what you want
  • Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
  • Being envious of others and believing others envy you
  • Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner

According to the DSM – 5, these are the basic symptoms for bipolar disorder – and please note this is a VERY high overview – bipolar disorder is far more complex than you’d expect.

Bipolar Disorder Symptoms

First, you cannot self-diagnose bipolar disorder – the DSM5 requires a medical diagnosis. “Mania symptoms include periods of elevated mood or irritability. When experiencing a manic episode, a patient often has high energy levels with reduced need for sleep. Less often, people may experience psychosis. Depression symptoms include feeling sad, low energy, low motivation, or loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities.”

  • Mood: mood swings, sadness, elevated mood, anger, anxiety, apathy, apprehension, euphoria, general discontent, guilt, hopelessness, inability to feel pleasure, or loss of interest
  • Behavioral: irritability, risky behavior, disorganized behavior, aggression, agitation, crying, excess desire for sex, hyperactivity, impulsivity, or self-harm
  • Cognitive: unwanted thoughts, delusion, lack of concentration, racing thoughts, slowness in activity, or false belief of superiority
  • Psychological: depression, manic episode, agitated depression, or paranoia
  • Sleep: difficulty falling asleep or excess sleepiness
  • Whole body: fatigue or restlessness
  • Weight: weight gain or weight loss
  • Also common: rapid and frenzied speaking

Bipolar Disorder Has Periods of Remission, NPD Does Not

A final thought on this – while people with bipolar disorder might have episodes of “remission” in which the disorder doesn’t dictate their lives, people with NPD are pretty consistent about their behavior. Sure, there might be varying levels of intensity with the gaslighting and the manipulative behaviors with a narcissist, but it’s a character-type that doesn’t go away – and even when there is some success in treatment (rarely is the disorder even treated), it doesn’t usually go away. That fact, along with the fact that the narcissistic person can’t experience real empathy, are, in my opinion, the two most obvious differences between these disorders.

Now it’s your turn – what do you think? Do you know anyone who seems to be a narcissist but who was diagnosed as bipolar? How do you feel about it and what would you say to my suggestion that the easiest way to detect the difference lies in both the patterns and the empathy factor?

Get help with narcissistic abuse recovery right now.

 

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Answered: Should I reestablish contact with grown kids ex-narc took from me?

Answered: Should I reestablish contact with grown kids ex-narc took from me?

Today, I’m answering a question from a reader who has lost his children to a narcissistic ex-wife who fled the country with them nearly 18 years ago. So let’s get started.

I got this response from a reader who took my free email course (you can see that over at NarcissismSupportCoach.com) when I asked him what he’s struggling with right now.Hi Angela,

My narcissist wife left with her affair partner (a friend known to me ) in
1998. Filed for divorce immediately and granted the same at end of 1999. Well
and good.

But the problem is , she took with her our 3 sons who were aged 6.5 years, 3 years and 6 months old at that time. I have not seen them since because they fled to a different country.

Should I seek to reestablish contact with my sons? Thanks a lot.


So, here’s my answer – yes. You should seek to reestablish contact and you should do so immediately. You should explain yourself and the way it happened on your end, and then you should let your kids make their own choices about how to continue the relationship.

Remain steadfast in the fact that you always loved and wanted them and that you have the desire to reconnect. Do your best to avoid trash-talking the ex, as much as she might deserve it, and be prepared for rejection.

While narcissistic women tend to be incredibly overbearing and controlling with their children (or, in some cases, entirely neglectful), your now-adult children might be thoroughly enmeshed with your ex by now.

They’ve probably been told a lot of lies about you, and depending on the level of enmeshment with their narcissist mother, may or may not believe them. You’ve got to tell your truth, but do so as respectfully if you can.

On the other hand, there’s a strong possibility that she may have created a “scapegoat” child among them, and if that’s the case, you might get a better response than you’d expect. The oldest is most likely to remember you, of course, but the younger ones might be equally interested in knowing you.

In any case, though, you’ve got to do your best to let those kids know that you love them, you always wanted them and that they were taken from you against your will – and, that you want to be in their lives now. These kids most likely grew up believing that it was you who rejected them, thanks to their mother’s perception and your absence. Even though it wasn’t your choice, the absence of their father was real for those kids – and you’ve got to respect that, even if you don’t like the idea.

What if they reject you?

If they reject you, just tell them you understand they’ve been affected by your absence but that you’re always going to be there for them. And then just passively remind them of that by sending regular birthday cards, holiday cards and occasionally just dropping them a note to let them know they’re on your mind.

This offers you a small but unobtrusive way to validate them from afar – and since they’re the children of a narcissistic mother, they are likely lacking in decent parental validation. You feel me?

Okay, now I want to open this up to you – what advice would you offer my reader? Would you tell him to reestablish contact gently, like I did, or do you have another idea? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this one! Please leave them in the comments below – and don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel, if you haven’t already!

C-PTSD and Dissociation in Narcissistic Abuse (Video)

C-PTSD and Dissociation in Narcissistic Abuse (Video)

Ever feel like you’re sorta “floating,” or like you’re just not really “here” in the moment? If so, you might be experiencing a symptom that’s common to victims of narcissistic abuse – a symptom that could indicate a much bigger problem. 

PTSD and C-PTSD are common for people who have experienced the gaslighting, manipulation and emotional abuse that a narcissist typically doles out in a toxic relationship. 

You might be affected by these life-altering symptoms if you’ve been parented by or are/were involved in a romantic or other type of close relationship with a narcissist. If you can relate to the feeling of watching the world like a movie instead of actually participating, or of being emotionally numb – this video’s for you. It’s time to start taking back your life. 

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