15 Survivor Life Hacks for Beating Laziness & Overwhelm

15 Survivor Life Hacks for Beating Laziness & Overwhelm

Beating overwhelm is a necessary part of getting things done. While overwhelm can have a variety of causes, for narcissistic abuse survivors, it can feel like you’re absolutely paralyzed. In most cases, the task that needs to be completed isn’t enjoyable. Or you lack inspiration. Mowing the grass when it’s 90 degrees outside is a good example of both.

Dealing with laziness is an important self-management skill. Getting things done when you don’t feel like doing them is practically a superpower. You’re unstoppable.

Beat laziness and accomplish more each day with the 15 tips I’m sharing in today’s video.

  1. Take frequent, short breaks. Tell yourself that you’ll work for 25 minutes and then take a quick break. Focus with all your might for those 25 minutes, and then relax for five.
  2. Be tough with yourself. Getting started requires the most willpower. Once you’ve gotten started, it’s easy to keep going. Grind your way through the first few minutes and then use the momentum to your advantage.
  3. Stand up straight. Slouching and laziness go together. Stand up tall and straight. You’ll feel better and more motivated.
  4. Monitor your inner dialog. Say positive things about the task at hand. Negative talk will stall your progress.
  5. Stop thinking about it. When you think about doing an undesirable task, you feel uncomfortable. That’s the reason you won’t do it. So, don’t think about it. Keep your mind on something else and get started.
  6. Keep it short and intense. Change your physiology, and your thoughts will change, too.
  7. Use a timer. See how long it takes you to complete the task. Make a game out of it. Another option is to set a timer for five minutes and see if you can perform the task for those five minutes without having even one negative thought. Timers are great for increasing focus.
  8. Get rid of the distractions. Get away from the TV and lock your cell phone in your desk.
  9. Keep your mind on a single task. Ironically, when you have a lot to do, it can be hard to do anything at all. Keep your mind on one task and forget about the rest. When this task is complete, the others will still be there.
  10. Think about how great you’ll feel when you’re done. Thinking about how dreadful the task will be is the best way to ensure that you won’t do it anytime soon.
  11. Be proud of getting your tasks completed. Most of us hate performing a task, and then feel neutral about getting it done. Get excited about completing these annoying tasks. Give yourself a pat on the back when they’re completed.
  12. Start with something easy. When faced with several things you don’t want to do, start with the quickest and easiest. The sense of accomplishment will keep you going.
  13. Make a to-do list. Cross the items off as they’re completed and enjoy the progress you’re making. There’s something satisfying about marking items off a list.
  14. Consider the benefits of the task. Will you get to keep your job? Get a date? Have a freshly manicured lawn? Consider the benefits of the activity. Focus on these benefits and get started before your attention drifts.
  15. Plan a reward at the end of the day. If you get everything completed, do something enjoyable. Meet a friend for dinner or rent a movie.

 

Laziness is a common dilemma. It occurs when the motivation to do a task is insufficient. There are several causes for this, but the cause isn’t important. Choose a few workable strategies to get you going and put them into action. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at your results.

The Depressive Narcissist

The Depressive Narcissist

Many scholars consider pathological narcissism to be a form of depressive illness, according to “Psychology Today”. The life of the typical narcissist is, indeed, punctuated with recurrent bouts of dysphoria (ubiquitous sadness and hopelessness), anhedonia (loss of the ability to feel pleasure), and clinical forms of depression (cyclothymic, dysthymic, or other). This picture is further obfuscated by the frequent presence of mood disorders, such as Bipolar I (co-morbidity).

While the distinction between reactive (exogenous) and endogenous depression is obsolete, it is still useful in the context of narcissism. Narcissists react with depression not only to life crises but to fluctuations in Narcissistic Supply.

The narcissist’s personality is disorganized and precariously balanced. He regulates his sense of self-worth by consuming Narcissistic Supply from others. Any threat to the uninterrupted flow of said supply compromises his psychological integrity and his ability to function. It is perceived by the narcissist as life threatening.

I. Loss Induced Dysphoria

This is the narcissist’s depressive reaction to the loss of one or more Sources of Narcissistic Supply or to the disintegration of a Pathological Narcissistic Space (PN Space, his stalking or hunting grounds, the social unit whose members lavish him with attention).

II. Deficiency Induced Dysphoria

Deep and acute depression which follows the aforementioned losses of Supply Sources or a PN Space. Having mourned these losses, the narcissist now grieves their inevitable outcome the absence or deficiency of Narcissistic Supply. Paradoxically, this dysphoria energizes the narcissist and moves him to find new Sources of Supply to replenish his dilapidated stock (thus initiating a Narcissistic Cycle).

III. Self-Worth Dysregulation Dysphoria

The narcissist reacts with depression to criticism or disagreement, especially from a trusted and long-term Source of Narcissistic Supply. He fears the imminent loss of the source and the damage to his own, fragile, mental balance. The narcissist also resents his vulnerability and his extreme dependence on feedback from others. This type of depressive reaction is, therefore, a mutation of self-directed aggression.

IV. Grandiosity Gap Dysphoria

The narcissist’s firmly, though counterfactually, perceives himself as omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, brilliant, accomplished, irresistible, immune, and invincible. Any data to the contrary is usually filtered, altered, or discarded altogether. Still, sometimes reality intrudes and creates a Grandiosity Gap. The narcissist is forced to face his mortality, limitations, ignorance, and relative inferiority. He sulks and sinks into an incapacitating but short-lived dysphoria.

V. Self-Punishing Dysphoria

Deep inside, the narcissist hates himself and doubts his own worth. He deplores his desperate addiction to Narcissistic Supply. He judges his actions and intentions harshly and sadistically. He may be unaware of these dynamics but they are at the heart of the narcissistic disorder and the reason the narcissist had to resort to narcissism as a defense mechanism in the first place.

This inexhaustible well of ill will, self-chastisement, self-doubt, and self-directed aggression yields numerous self-defeating and self-destructive behaviors from reckless driving and substance abuse to suicidal idealization and constant depression.

It is the narcissist’s ability to confabulate that saves him from himself. His grandiose fantasies remove him from reality and prevent recurrent narcissistic injuries. Many narcissists end up delusional, schizoid, or paranoid. To avoid agonizing and gnawing depression, they give up on life itself.

Narcissistic Relationships: One Simple Way to Stop Gaslighting

Narcissistic Relationships: One Simple Way to Stop Gaslighting

“If you have been living with a narcissist for a long time, you may feel that you have lost all ability to function as an intelligent human being. By the time I divorced, I no longer felt confident about my looks, my ability to use technology, my driving ability, or the reliability of my thoughts and emotions. It’s not an easy thing to come back from but you can do it.” ~ First Wives World

Anti-gaslighting tool
Narcissists are infamous for their gaslighting manipulation techniques. You know, the ones they actively use in order to manipulate you into giving them what they want.

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a pervasive and highly effective tactic used by narcissists and other toxic people. It’s meant to manipulate you by psychological means into questioning your own sanity. Learn more about gaslighting here. 

How does gaslighting affect you?

Gaslighting techniques can be psychologically devastating for anyone who is involved with a malignant narcissist. Quite often, narcissists have such an emotional hold over the people in their lives that they literally invade their every thought.

If someone in your life makes you feel completely worthless, or constantly questions your sanity (especially when no one else in your life sees you this way), you might be dealing with a narcissist who is actively using gaslighting against you.

How do you shut down a narcissist who is gaslighting you?

There are only a few ways to stop gaslighting. The first and most drastic is to simply cease all contact with the narcissist. This is definitely the most effective way to end the cycle of emotional manipulation that can come with a relationship with a narcissist.

But in some cases, “no contact” isn’t possible. So what can you do then?

Simple: limit contact – at least as much as you can.

It’s not always going to be possible to avoid a narcissist, so it’s better to only spend as much time as necessary with him or her. The same goes for conversation when you do spend time together. Try to avoid it when you can, and if you must engage, don’t get beyond small talk.

Stand Up and Refuse to Cower

This sounds kind of silly, but if you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, you know what I’m talking about.

When gaslighting happens, a narcissist wants to feel in control, so they will do their best to make you feel crazy. But if you do not allow them to intimidate or upset you, then you take back your power and become the rightful mistress (or master) of your own destiny.

How do you do this? You simply REFUSE TO REACT in any negative way, other than to quietly stand up and remove yourself if necessary. Refuse to be confrontational. And watch the narcissist squirm.

By not paying attention or giving him the satisfaction of a reaction, you cause the narcissist to feel irrelevant. That deprives them of narcissistic supply. The narcissist will feel upset and off-kilter – and they might even decide to go back into “charming” mode (idealization or love-bombing) in order to get back his narcissistic supply (aka your attention). Either way, it stops the gaslighting – at least temporarily.

Shut Down a Narcissist’s Gaslighting with The Gray Rock Method

This video offers additional information on how to stop gaslighting, plus an overview of the gray rock technique and its creation story.

Want more ways to end gaslighting? Check out Take Back Your Life: 103 Highly-Effective Strategies to Snuff Out a Narcissist’s Gaslighting and Enjoy the Happy Life You Really Deserve.

How about you? Have you found a way to stop gaslighting? Share it when you hit me up on Facebook. 

More Help to Shut Down the Narcissist’s Gaslighting

Get help with narcissistic abuse recovery, right now.

15 Tips for Letting Go of Anger: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

15 Tips for Letting Go of Anger: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” ~Buddha

How do you let go of anger after narcissistic abuse?

Anger is one of the moreCan anger ever be a good thing during narcissistic abuse recovery common emotions we deal with during and after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships in general. It’s also one of the most damaging.

Anger can ruin relationships, fuel poor decisions, and even lead to harming another person. However, when you’re trying to get away from your abuser, you might feel yourself getting justifiably angry. You might even rage. In this case, you can use this anger to propel you forward.

But while a little justified anger might just be appropriate as you’re working on getting out of a toxic relationship with a narcissist, there’s a point at which it stop serving you – and that’s when it’s time to figure out how to deal with and release it.

And remember: choices made while angry are otherwise rarely good choices. Learning how to deal with anger like an intelligent, rational adult can eliminate a lot of drama from your life.

Highly-Effective Tips for Managing Anger in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Deal with anger effectively and avoid making a situation even worse with these tips.

    1. Call a timeout. Imagine all the problems you could have avoided by taking a short break and cooling off before opening your mouth. Not every situation is suitable for a break, but most are.
    2. Get some exercise. Go for a hard run or hit a punching bag. A long swim can burn up a lot of energy, too. Get your heart pounding and breathe heavily for a little while. You’ll feel much better and increase your health and fitness.
    3. Listen to soothing music. Now isn’t the time for heavy metal or the theme from Rocky. Find something that soothes your emotions and listen for 15 minutes. Experiment with different types of music until you find the best choice for you. Try Amazon Music Unlimited 30-Day Free Trial
    4. Praying can help calm you and release your anger.
    5. Meditation can also lower feelings of anger. Either meditate on your breath or on your feelings of anger. Stick with it until you feel better.
    6. Count to 10. Visualize the numbers as you count. If possible, count out loud. Changing your focus to counting, visualizing the numbers, speaking the numbers, and hearing the numbers will keep your brain occupied. Think of counting as a very short break.
    7. Focusing on breathing is another way to take a mini-break without having to flee the scene. Breathing is a tool you can use throughout the day with complete privacy.
    8. Volunteer regularly. One of the advantages of volunteering is the perspective it provides. You realize that your life could be a lot worse than it is.
    9. Take a walk. Walking is a great activity. You get a little exercise. It requires a little bit of brain activity, but not so much that you can’t think deep thoughts. A walk is a good addition to anyone’s day and can help you deal with anger-related issues.
    10. Remember that everyone is doing the best they can. At any given moment, everyone is doing their best. Their best might not be very good at this moment, but it’s still their best.
    11. A smile holds more power than most people think. The simple act of smiling can enhance your mood and change your perspective.
    12. Focus on solutions. Rather than focusing on your emotions, focus on how you can resolve the situation.
    13. Address your anger internally. Ask yourself why you’re angry. Did someone fail to meet your expectations? Do you feel threatened or underappreciated? Are you afraid? Dig into the reasons that you feel angry.
    14. Address the issue rather than the other person. By attacking the other person, you escalate the situation. Once the other person starts defending themselves, finding a solution becomes much more difficult.
    15. Get help. Get professional help for serious anger issues. If you’re regularly angry and can’t control your anger, seek out the help of a professional.

It’s important to deal with your anger in a positive way. Handling anger poorly can damage your relationships and your health. There are many quick and easy ways to diffuse your anger and stop yourself from making a bad situation even worse. Address your anger in a healthy manner and you’ll be glad you did!

Get Support in Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

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Helpful Videos for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors

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5 Difficult Truths That You Need to Know to Get Through Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

5 Difficult Truths That You Need to Know to Get Through Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, there are a few things you may not want to hear. But it’s okay – the truth here is that you’ll be better for knowing them once you dry your eyes. Failing to understand these truths makes life confusing and dissatisfying. Seek the truth and it will set you free.

Understand these truths and increase your understanding of life:

Most people only care about what’s in it for them. The majority of the world doesn’t care if you’re nice to puppies and remember your spouse’s birthday. Do you know what society is composed of? It’s a bunch of people that need things. They need money, food, clothing, self-confidence, comfort, entertainment, and personal satisfaction.

If you can’t provide any of the many needs that society wants to have fulfilled, you’re not going to get the respect and recognition you desire.

It’s important to develop skills, products, or services that satisfy the needs of society. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself being ignored.

The universe isn’t for or against you. Many people are under the illusion that the universe is either on their side or working against them. The earth is but a speck of dust among billions of other specks.

You’re one organism among several millions of species of organisms. It’s estimated there are over 20 million species of microorganisms that live in water. There are 50 birds for every person on the planet.

The universe is neither on your side nor against you. That can be good or bad news, depending on your perspective. You’re responsible for your results.

Your friends and family won’t always be there for you. You’d better be able to cook, clean, make money, brush your teeth, and pay your bills on time. Your friends and family won’t always be available to bail you out when you need something. You might have to find your own way to the airport someday.

You can’t control or change others. This may be the hardest lesson to learn, especially where romantic relationships are concerned. You find someone that comes close to what you’re looking for, except for a few rough areas. You’re certain you can turn them into something you can live with. In most cases, you’d be wrong.

People naturally resist being controlled or changed. Think about how hard it is to change yourself even when you want to change. You want to eat better, lose weight, hit the gym every day, and save more money. But 99% of the time you can’t make those changes.

Now, imagine how hard it would be to change someone that doesn’t want to change. Then add on the fact that they’re resentful and resisting your efforts. You have no chance.

Accept people for what they are. Either change your expectations or expect to be disappointed.

Failure is normal. Failure is par for the course. Expect to experience several failures before attaining results that please you. The only way to avoid failure is to never try. Never trying is the perfect strategy to ensure that you never experience success.

Learn to deal with failure effectively. It’s nothing more than an undesirable result and there’s no reason to take it personally. Adjust your approach and try again.

Do you know the truth about the world? You’re on your own more than you realize. Fortunately, that puts you in the driver’s seat.

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