41 Insults & Manipulative Things My Narcissist Said to Me

41 Insults & Manipulative Things My Narcissist Said to Me

*Editor’s Note: Dear SPANily, this list of horrible insults and manipulative phrases was submitted by a fellow narcissistic abuse survivor, Anna, who tells her story in this post. I’m publishing it here because I agree with Anna that it may help one of our fellow survivors recognize their own abuse. Love, Angie

By Anna

I started keeping a list of his abusive phrases months ago, mostly because I needed to see them in writing to believe they were real. I cannot fathom why I’ve allowed him to say these things to me. I am sharing them with you (sorry for some of the language), so you can share them if you like. Maybe they will help another victim to know there is hope and that there are people who understand.

Here is the list. 

  1. I am late because of you.
  2. I have to take care of you.
  3. This is what I have to do everyday-work for you and those f***ing cats
  4. Do you know how much you eat?
  5. You’re a pig
  6. Everything will be ok if you just shut the **** up
  7. All women are w****s
  8. Do you know how good you got it?
  9. Get the **** out of the truck, b***h
  10. You’re ****ing stupid
  11. You know I love you, right?
  12. Don’t touch me
  13. Get away from me
  14. Here I bought you this
  15. Has anyone else ever done this much for you?
  16. Women don’t have friends
  17. It’s because you’re stupid
  18. Fix me something to eat, bitch
  19. I am going to bust you in your teeth
  20. You are so f***ing stupid
  21. That’s how you do
  22. Think about it, how good you got it
  23. You can’t even take care of yourself
  24. If you show up with a black eye, you better tell them everything is ok
  25. Why are you so mean to me?
  26. I knew you had something going on; you planned this
  27. I don’t need you; I don’t care if you are here or not
  28. You’re nasty
  29. Do you know what you did wrong?
  30. I don’t give a ****
  31. Do you know how much it cost me?
  32. Get your s**t and get out; never come back to this house!
  33. I will pay for it, and then I will own me
  34. See what you did to me?
  35. I cannot be happy because I am with you
  36. It’s about time to beat your a**
  37. You are almost well enough to be hit
  38. I have to deal with everything
  39. Do you understand me?
  40. Is there anything else?
  41. I am going to break this phone.

Get help with narcissistic abuse recovery right now.

True Story: Surviving a Narcissist

True Story: Surviving a Narcissist

Editor’s Note: Dear SPANily, this story was submitted by Anna, a fellow survivor of narcissistic abuse. We share it to offer you hope and to help you understand that you’re not alone. Want to share your story? You can do so right here. 

Anna’s Story

I reconnected with a long time friend in the spring of 2015. We first met as teenagers in 1980, and we are both in our mid-50s now. We’d always kept in touch between relationships and were close. I knew him and I trusted him. I moved 1100 miles at his request to be with him. He told me to move into his house and I did. I got a pretty decent job and believed after all these years the magic was going to happen for me. I fell in love with him.

I lived with him for 3 years until mid-summer of 2018. I use the word “lived” loosely as I feel I merely survived. In addition to the living/dating relationship early on in the love bombing stage, he convinced me to leave my job and come to work for his company.

He said, “Just think of all the freedom you will have, you can come and go etc. as you wish. I will pay you x amount etc. It will be great! “

It has been the worst 3.5 years of my life.

I do not think I can put it into words, but here are a couple of examples of what it was like.

The Flu of 2016

I had the flu for two weeks in 2016 and this is what happened:

He said, “You know when you get well you are going to owe me for all this?”

I said, “You mean I owe you something for taking care of me when I am sick?”

No answer.

Then he comes over and starts picking up cough drop wrappers and says, “I have to clean this shit up.”

He then proceeds to call his friend on the phone and tells them how sick with the flu he is. But he is not sick. He continues lying to his friend about how he is struggling to make it through – no mention as to my health or me at all.

 

Stripping Me of My Identity, One Thing at a Time

I was allowed a 2 x 3 closet for my clothes when I said it is hard for me to fit all my things in this space he told me to get rid of my things until they would fit. I ended up renting a storage container.

How I Finally Escaped, Sort Of

After 3 years of his abuse, I found a very small house and somehow managed to purchase it. I told him I was buying it so my elderly mother would have somewhere to go where she would not have to climb stairs. I convinced him I was telling the truth because my mother is 86 years old.

Meanwhile, I started secretly moving my personal belongings (one backseat full at a time) to the new place. It took about 2 months since I could only load the car when he was gone, but finally, my things were out of his house!

I kept just enough to get ready for work on a daily basis, stopping by my house to trade out clothes on the way to and from work. Eventually, the devalue/discard stage started (as it did on a regular basis) and one night in a rage he told me to leave.

I did. I drove to my home and have been there for 6 months.

I knew he was going to hoover and I knew I was going to be weak so, I went to the humane society and adopted a kitten. This way when he hoovered I could not move back to his house. He has two big cats that don’t play well with others, so my kitten at his house was a no-go.

The Journey Isn’t Over, But There’s Light at the End of the Tunnel

As of today, we are still dating because I work for him and I can not go no contact. I am a gray rock queen and I am not sure I am capable of feeling anything.

My plan for the new year is to secretly get another job. I am 56 years old, so age discrimination is somewhat of a problem. I have a BA from a good University and I am pretty good at a lot of things. My dream is to be a professional writer-blogger etc. however, if I can find something which pays enough to live on I will run like the wind. I am working on my final escape plan.

To Angie: I don’t think I would be writing this today if not for you. I cannot thank you enough for the genuine kindness I feel coming through your videos. Your advice is always on point and well…who doesn’t love coffee?

See Anna’s list of 41 insults and manipulative things her narcissist actually said to her.

New Support Group for Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

New Support Group for Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

Introducing a brand new support group for people who are actively co-parenting with a narcissist. We KNOW how hard it is, and due to several requests, we have launched the SPANily Support for Co-Parenting with a Narcissist Support Group.

If you’re co-parenting with a narcissist, this is the group for you. SPANily Support for Co-Parenting with a Narcissist is a parenting-focused narcissistic abuse recovery support group by Angie Atkinson and QueenBeeing.com.

Things to Know:

  • This group is part of the QueenBeeing SPANily family of support groups. See more groups here.
  • Your group leaders are QueenBeeing coaches Angie Atkinson, Lise Colucci, Colleen Brosnan and Misty Dawn. Each of us is a certified life coach and have experience co-parenting/parallel parenting with narcissists.
  • We are here to support you and we expect you to support our fellow survivors/parents in this group in return.

Join the group here. 

Did you know?

QueenBeeing.com offers all kinds of resources for support for people who are affected by narcissistic abuse and working on their recovery.  That includes group support. We have both free and inexpensive options. Our other support groups currently include:

Want more personal support? Check out our one-on-one coaching options, right here. 

Podcast: 8 Common Narcissist Lies and Mind Games

Podcast: 8 Common Narcissist Lies and Mind Games

Things Narcissists Don’t Want You to Know: 8 Common Lies & Mind Games Narcissists Play

Let’s Also Connect On:

Survive the Holidays: With or Without the Narcissist

Survive the Holidays: With or Without the Narcissist

Holidays with a narcissist can be horrible and painful. Not only might you be dealing with your standard “holiday hoover maneuver” if you’ve already separated from the narcissist in your life, but if you’re in the middle of a toxic relationship, chances are, your holidays, birthdays and other special events are ruined every time. 

Did you know that the holidays make narcissists more likely than ever to try to suck you back into the relationship? It’s true! We are going to cover exactly why Christmas, Hanukah, Thanksgiving, your birthday, and most other holidays incite a narcissist to try to hoover you back in to the toxic relationship.

Plus, I’ll fill you in on exactly what you can do to avoid it. The fact is that it’s always hard to deal with a narcissist, whether you’re still in the toxic relationship or you’ve recently left it. But due to the narc’s behaviors and patterns, there are times when we find ourselves feeling weak, almost powerless to resist their charms – even when we KNOW BETTER.

The “hoovering” technique was named after the famous vacuum cleaner company, and it’s one of many common manipulation tactics employed by abusive, toxic narcissists.

This is when a narcissist sort of “sucks” his victim back into the relationship, or some version of it. It often begins innocently enough, sort of subtly, but it always happens with one target – to regain control.

Learn more about the hoovering technique.

Survive the Holidays With or Without Narcissists: YES YOU CAN!

It’s always hard to deal with a narcissist, whether you’re still in the toxic relationship or you’ve recently left it. But due to the narc’s behaviors and patterns, there are times when we find ourselves feeling weak, almost powerless to resist their charms – even when we KNOW BETTER. Here’s help. 

Holiday Gift for Survivors

Here you go! Pick up your free ebook right here.

May your days be filled with light, love and laughter! And be sure to visit the QB Freebies page for more gifts.

Click here to reveal your gift! 

 

  Helpful Reading for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

More Helpful Videos for Dealing with Narcissists on the Holidays

Narcissists on Valentine’s Day

The Narcissist’s Holiday Smear Campaign

Narcissists at Christmas

Online Support Groups for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse to Keep You Company and Offer Support on the Holidays

If you’re feeling lonely on the holidays, be sure to join one of our active and supportive narcissistic abuse recovery support groups. We have several available and you may join more than one, depending on your specific needs. Learn more about our free online narcissistic abuse recovery support groups and join one here. 

 

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