Narcissists Blame You for Their Cheating & Betrayal: Here’s Why

Narcissists Blame You for Their Cheating & Betrayal: Here’s Why


Narcissist Cheating: Why the Narcissist Blames You for Their Cheating and Betrayal – Here’s the truth. When a narcissist is caught cheating on you or otherwise betraying you in your relationship, they will almost never take responsibility for the betrayal. In fact, one of the most common ways they refuse responsibility is to weakly apologize (if at all) and then immediately begin to point out everything they think is wrong with YOU in the relationship.

“This is not my fault; it’s a symptom of the problems in our relationship.”

And I am here to tell you that this is NOT the truth. You are not the problem here. In fact, this is a known manipulation tactic that narcissists will sometimes employ to shift blame when they do things like cheat on you or otherwise betray you.

Things you need to understand if you are codependent with a cheater: They are not sorry they betrayed you. The only thing they MIGHT be sorry about is that you found out and now they have to deal with your feelings, which they will quickly turn back on you in order to remove blame for their behavior. (See video for full list)

We are healing codependency today.

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: The Workout Illustration

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: The Workout Illustration

How do we get stronger as we recover from narcissistic abuse? How do we learn to deflect the manipulation and oppression tactics as we’re preparing to leave, have left, or are still sometimes dealing with contact due to underage children?

Ok, let’s look at this in terms of progressive strength training.

Your goal is to achieve a level of strength (wisdom/knowledge about the disorder coupled with self-love and understanding that the abuse wasn’t your fault). A goal that makes you able to move something away from you that is currently immovable; holding you down whenever it appears. You, therefore, have to train up, gaining the power to manipulate that weight away from you, rather than it manipulating you into any kind of submission.

Your progressive training is done by daily procuring more and more knowledge about this disorder, progressively increasing your knowledge. Then taking that knowledge and practicing its uses against the ways the manipulative “weight” is going to try to dominate you.

Specific example: Deltoid Training (major muscle group comprising the shoulders)

We train delts by both pushing (overhead press) and pulling (delt flyes). We prepare those tissues to be strong and capable no matter what direction the workload may be coming from, yes?

It’s the same with oppression/manipulation from an abuser. Abusers both “pull” (manipulation, hoovering, false compliments, etc.), and “push” (sudden accusation, projection, cruel comments, etc.).

Train yourself to recognize the faked, syrupy “pull” attempt (…that they’re attempting to trick you into vulnerability for an upcoming attack so they get their power high), and recognize in this that there’s no sudden change in them, no new love of you (or anyone ever—they are incapable of human devotional bonds), and you thereby become the improved muscle group capable of deflecting the weight rather than the weight manipulating you. Train yourself in recognizing/properly deflecting the manipulation.

And for recognizing the “push” moments when they’re suddenly cruel, train to see that this is the baseless attack where you’ve done nothing to deserve it, but they seek to push all others down so they can feed their power high…you’re just the target of the moment. Recognize this, and you become the improved muscle group capable of deflecting the weight rather than the weight pushing you down. Train yourself in recognizing/properly deflecting the oppression instead of thinking you “did something wrong”.

See?

So, what are you studying on the disorder to increase and practice your strength (wisdom)? C’mon…let’s go train.🌟

Helpful Resources:

21 Signs You’re Addicted to Love

21 Signs You’re Addicted to Love

What are the signs of love addiction? In my last video, I gave you an overview of what love addiction is and what causes it. Today, we’re talking about the signs of love addiction.

What is love addiction?

Love addiction is the feeling of not being able to live without the idea of love; a pathological behavior involving the feeling of being in love. It’s very dangerous for victims of narcissistic abuse as it makes it even more impossible to leave when trauma bonding is a factor. Love addiction is a strong compulsion to be in a relationship with a romantic partner, even if that partner is not perfectly healthy. Love addiction is characterized by feelings of anxiety, worry, and dependency on the thought of your perfect match.

What is a love addict?

A love addict will do anything and everything in their power to be with “Mr. or Mrs. Right,” and if they do leave them, they think about it obsessively and desperately want them back in their lives. Love addicts are usually nice people who can’t leave their partners because they’re afraid of being alone.

What are the signs of love addiction?

Outside of a Relationship, You:

  • Feel like you’re in deep emotional pain and almost physically ill – and if you’re also alone, it’s so much worse
  • Are on a mission! You wish for and are always looking a romantic relationship
  • Can’t stand it! You struggle with deep, aching feelings of loneliness and despair
  • May find yourself having meaningless sex as a way to feel not so alone
  • Sometimes might feel like having sex or feeling deep love can actually help make the hard parts of your life a little easier – when these things are actively happening, you find it a lot easier to handle difficult emotions and experiences
  • Sometimes skip important family, career, or social events to search for a romantic or sexual relationship

In a Relationship, You:

  • Fall hard and fast for your partner – you may have even used the term “love at first sight,” and you might have said I love you quickly after getting together
  • Sometimes confuse intense or exciting sexual experiences and the excitement of the infatuation that comes with a new romance with true love
  • Really just want to be close to your partner, so you use sex and seduction to hook them and keep them interested
  • If sex and seduction don’t work, you hate to admit it, but you’re not above manipulation (guilt/shame) to keep your partner around.
  • Feel desperate to please and you worry that your partner isn’t happy with you
  • Participate in activities that don’t interest you or go against your personal values in order to keep or please a partner
  • Give up or push aside important interests, beliefs, or friendships to maximize time in the relationship or to please a romantic partner
  • Find it really hard, and sometimes even impossible, to leave your relationship if it becomes abusive or in any way, even though you know better and you might have even made promises to yourself that you will eventually get out of there.
  • Keep going back to toxic or abusive partners even though you swear you’ll never do it again.
  • Really have a hard time trying to maintain a long-term romantic relationship because when the new, exciting part ends, you get bored or start to unintentionally sabotage the relationship

Your Partner:

  • Is often someone you settled for because you felt it would be better than being alone
  • Is a taker, while you’re usually happy to be a giver
  • May be emotionally inaccessible and/or verbally or physically abusive
  • May be obsessed with you, or alternatively, may not seem to care at all
  • Demands a lot of your attention and requires you to do things to take care of them, but refuses to meet, or even try to meet, your emotional or physical needs

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

Understanding Narcissistic Abusers: The Vampire at the Window Illustration

Understanding Narcissistic Abusers: The Vampire at the Window Illustration

A very precise comparison in our view of the narcissistic abuser is to compare them to vampires. These people do indeed “extract” from us our energy and emotions to the point of exhaustion, financial resources, health, and they also draw away from us our sense of self, and drain away other relationships such as family and friendships (sometimes not allowing their victim to maintain those relationships at all).

Perhaps you’ve experienced that particularly alluring yet covertly toxic moment when you do indeed see right through your abuser’s tactics (you may even have left or they left you), but now they’ve flipped that switch again…wanting forgiveness, to come back, promising the very moon itself.

“Let me in” – the words seem to form a fog around you.

Consider this moment like a vampire movie, when the main character is awoken by a horrific yet familiar face floating at their bedroom window, woefully begging for that person to unlock the window, to allow the vampire in, accompanied by complaints of the cold, begging for your help, or giving reminders that this now ghastly-faced creature was once beloved. If that story’s character is so enamored in that moment that they unlatch that window, what’s next?

The vampire’s true intent is revealed once inside, and another victim is taken.

Now consider—

What happens instead if the window remains locked and measures are taken to instead eradicate the vampire?

If your abuser has drawn narcissistic supply off you again and again but is now demonstrating the steps of the falsified, trance-like lure for the above-described goal, leave your “window” locked. Keep your awareness high. Create and maintain your boundaries. Your anti-abuse “crucifix” is making a full, undaunted use of anti-sociopath education…and the drive to pursue that knowledge is self-love/keeping yourself safe against any current or future vampires.

Are you in a toxic relationship with a narcissist? Start your recovery right here for free. Not sure? Take this quiz to find out. 

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