When Self-Help Tips Hurt: Stay Safe in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

When Self-Help Tips Hurt: Stay Safe in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

“There are as many forms of advice as there are colors of the rainbow. Remember that good advice can come from bad people and bad advice from good people. The important thing about advice is that it is simply that. Advice.” ~Al Franken

As a survivor of narcissistic abuse (who may also be an empath), it makes sense that you’re all about improving yourself and growing forward in all kinds of ways. Most likely, you listen to, watch and read the work of several different self-help experts and various other guru-types. And for the most part, you get advice that serves you well, right?

But be careful, my friend. Take the good bits and use what you can, and leave the rest behind. Because the truth is that not all self-help advice is great advice. All of those gurus are just human, and not all advice works for everyone. Just as doctors and lawyers are wrong from time to time, your favorite self-help guru may have spread some poor advice, too.

Plus, while there are certainly many well-meaning coaches and gurus out there, there are a few who are actually dangerous and even predatory. And for survivors of narcissistic abuse, some self-help tips can actually be kind of triggering or produce the opposite effect. Some of the most common self-help tips have been shown to be ineffective or even detrimental.

A few important things to remember:

  • If something doesn’t feel right to you, you don’t have to do it.
  • If you aren’t sure, ask your doctor, or an appropriate professional, whether the tips are safe to try.
  • If you are trying something new, try it for a while, and then evaluate how it is working for you before you continue.

Follow your intuition! How do you do that? You start by listening and paying attention to your SELF.

Your body and your intuition are constantly sending signals about what’s right and what’s not right in your environment. Going with your instinct, your gut reaction to a request is often the best response. When you’re asked to do something, before you answer, take a moment to check in with your body’s reaction.

Learn to read your body’s responses so you can make the right decision for you. Think about it. How does it feel when you’re asked to work on the weekend? When your kid wants a puppy for Christmas? I’m sure you know very well.

The same goes for self-help advice. When you hear it, listen to it, consider it and then pay close attention to your body and your thoughts. If your stomach clenches, your toes curl or you break out in a cold sweat, steering clear is probably the best response. You feel me?

Here’s a recent video I did with Dana Morningstar from Thrive After Abuse where we discuss some of the “bad life coaches” that we’ve encountered in the narcissistic abuse recovery field.

Is Your Partner Cheating on You? Take the Infidelity Test

Is Your Partner Cheating on You? Take the Infidelity Test

Are you worried that your spouse might be having an affair? For a number of reasons, it can be hard to tell if your spouse is cheating on you. But if you’re willing to look closely, many cheating spouses eventually show signs of being unfaithful, most of which are associated with their behavior.

If you’re worried that your spouse or partner has been cheating on you, start figuring it out now by taking this test. When you finish the test, you’ll be given your results as well as some help with what to do next.

You Can Reclaim Your Power and Release Toxic Shame After Narcissist Abuse

You Can Reclaim Your Power and Release Toxic Shame After Narcissist Abuse

Taking Back Your Power From A Narcissist (THIS is the key!) – With Dana Morningstar and Angie Atkinson

See video on YouTube

This is exactly what happens when you’re dealing with recovering from a toxic relationship, and exactly what you can do to begin to overcome it so you can take back your power and your life in the process! Not just standard “think positive’ advice, but real, meaningful tips that you can start using right now that will help you learn how to handle difficult people in a way that keeps you safe and brings back your personal power.

What Narcissists Think When They Make You Cry

What Narcissists Think When They Make You Cry

Are Narcissists Ever Remorseful When You Cry? This is Why Narcissists Love to See You Cry

Have you ever noticed that narcissists seem to love it when you cry? Or at least they seem to intentionally cause it to happen, and then use your tears as a way to either manipulate you or make themselves the victim? If this feels familiar to you, you might want to take a look at this video where I’m digging into the psychology of narcissists, toxic people and those actually diagnosed with NPD (or narcissistic personality disorder) to figure out why they seem to smirk or get happier when they see you crying.

The Mental Benefits of Meditating Regularly

The Mental Benefits of Meditating Regularly

Memory and focus tend to wane as we get older. That’s a known fact. But what a lot of people don’t know is that the same is true when we have suffered from trauma during and after narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.

We’ve discussed a number of ways to strengthen your brain health and to try to ward off cognitive decline. Today, I’d like to address one more, and that’s meditation. There are a host of great things you can obtain through this practice. Enhanced brain function is just one of them. Join me as we take a look at the mental benefits of meditating regularly.

Slowed Aging Process
Meditation has been shown to actually alter the connectivity pathways in your brain. The result is the actual slowing of cognitive decline that comes with age. Studies of meditation have resulted in demonstrating that memory loss can be reduced and attention increased in participants who take part in a meditation or mindfulness program.

Stronger Mind
Meditation causes you to focus your attention in specific ways and to block out distractions from the outside world. Doing so is one way to increase the levels of neurotransmitters and connections in your brain. Ultimately, your mind will be stronger, more alert and better-performing due to this regular practice.

Memory Retrieval
The process of meditating offers you many benefits. One of these is the ability to access long-forgotten memories. The mindfulness and focus attained during meditation give your brain the ability to ignore the outside distractions we’re bombarded with every day. Your mind is then free to go deep into the seldom-used recesses in order to call up memories you may have essentially locked away.

Better Focus and Concentration
Meditation encourages mindfulness, the process of being in the moment. Every day we’re faced with tons of outside stimuli. It can be incredibly difficult to gather our thoughts and to pay attention to any one thing, even if that thing is an important one. Through meditating, the neural pathways are strengthened ways that allow for increased focus. In fact, a concept known as neuroplasticity says that these neural connections are actually physically altered within the brain structure, leading to concrete changes.

Increased Memory Storage
The areas in which memory is stored are the frontal brain lobe and the Hippocampus. Both of these regions light up on scans when measuring brain activity during meditation. This is evidence that the neural pathways are being stimulated. Your capacity for storing additional memories grows as you practice meditation and stimulate these areas of the brain on a regular basis.

There you have it. Meditation is great for your brain. Give it a try and see if you start to notice a difference in your ability to remember and in your focus.

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