Dating After Narcissistic Abuse

Dating After Narcissistic Abuse

Dating After  Narcissistic Abuse

Survivors Q&A

Dating after a toxic relationship for most of us is very scary and so many questions can come up. The following video replies to direct questions survivors have asked about dating again, friendships, trusting others, red flags and how to handle triggers that come up. Knowing how to be ready, when you are ready and how to protect yourself while dating, seeing things for what they are and many other topics were talked about in the video. If you are no where near ready to date you can take what is talked about and apply it to friendships, meeting new people, the work place or any other form of contact with others that may be what you want or need to begin engaging with alongside others. The following video is part one of two so be sure to subscribe and catch part two as well.

What questions do you have or what have you experienced dating again after being in a toxic relationship? Any tips that you would like to share with others to help find and form healthy attachment and safe relationships for our futures?

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery by QueenBeeing.com offers free video coaching each week on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays along with videos and help on recovery from toxic relationships. Featuring certified life coach Lise Colucci and supported by QueenBeeing founder and certified life coach Angie Atkinson.

Lise Colucci is a certified life coach, as well as a certified narcissistic abuse recovery coach. She is a long-time admin and mentor for the SPAN Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Group, actively helping survivors of narcissistic abuse in the expansive community to learn and heal.  Lise is passionate about providing coaching services that help her clients feel heard and validated as she guides them along their healing journey. For information on coaching, group coaching or to contact Lise check out the links below.

Join our private coaching group https://lifemakeoveracademy.teachable…

Get one-on-one coaching with Lise Colucci at https://queenbeeing.com/lise-colucci-…

Get notified free for free video coaching sessions by texting LISELIVE to 33222. Find Lise on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lise.colucci… Email Lise at [email protected]

 

Re: ‘Sorry, But Your Ex Probably Isn’t a Narcissist’

Re: ‘Sorry, But Your Ex Probably Isn’t a Narcissist’

Re: “Sorry, But Your Ex Probably Isn’t a Narcissist” (The Truth!)  – In this video, Dana Morningstar from Thrive After Abuse and I respond to this article on Psychology Today.

From the article: “It seems there is a great hunger for info on narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) — what it is, how to identify it, how to co-exist with someone who exhibits NPD, or how to go on after having been in a relationship with a narcissist. This great interest is curious, given that NPD is a relatively rare condition — at least it is one encountered only infrequently in clinical settings. The highest prevalence rates reported run around 6-7% for men and 4-5% for women. But people with NPD are not known for seeking help from mental health clinicians. In fact, if a patient were to tell me that they were worried that they might have narcissistic personality disorder, I could be fairly certain that they don’t — narcissists don’t worry about being narcissists. To do so would imply the presence of empathy: “I worry about being a narcissist because being a narcissist would mean that I am harming or exploiting others and I wouldn’t want to do that.” This is logic that does not compute for someone with a true case of NPD.”

Get Unstuck with this ONE Thing

Get Unstuck with this ONE Thing

The Secret To Self Motivation – It’s Motivational Monday! Today we’re talking about how to get stuff done when you’re feeling stuck. So often, when we’re dealing with the aftermath of a toxic relationship, we find ourselves feeling stuck and like we just can’t get anything done. Today, we’re talking about exactly what you can do to stop feeling stuck and start getting stuff done!

My Cards:

Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive Dissonance

Maybe you’ve heard the term ‘cognitive dissonance’ before, maybe you haven’t. Regardless of where you are in your healing journey, if you’re just discovering the term cognitive dissonance now, it will help shed some light on why you feel like the crazy one for believing that something is wrong in the relationship – and that something is not within yourself.

Are they really a narcissist? What if I was wrong? It wasn’t so bad, was it?

How often have you asked yourself these questions? Be honest.

Ever find yourself wondering if your love will be enough to heal the toxic person? You may be experiencing cognitive dissonance and abuse amnesia. 

Cognitive Dissonance, Feeling Conflicted, and Trauma Bonds 

Do you know the feeling of really not wanting to be with the narcissist ever again but then feeling the urge to contact them? That is just one example of cognitive dissonance. But let’s get a little more specific.

What is cognitive dissonance? 

Officially, cognitive dissonance is a form of psychological stress or discomfort that happens when you simultaneously hold two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values.

Ironically, cognitive dissionance often affects narcissists as well as their victims at different times and for very different reasons.

In layman’s terms, cognitive dissonance is the holding of two conflicting beliefs or values at the same time.

Examples of Cognitive Dissonance 

Though inconsistent thinking is common in those who have been subjected to narcissistic abuse, it may not necessarily be a sign of cognitive dissonance. There are other factors that can bring about this tendency to have conflicting thoughts and feelings.

For example, when a person is experiencing intense emotions, they are more likely to be unable to process new information.

The goal here isn’t to assign blame or suggest some kind of thought disorder with regard to cognitive dissonance but rather to better understand why these sorts of internal conflicts happen in the first place.

Though inconsistent thinking is common in those who have been subjected to narcissistic abuse, it may not necessarily be a sign of cognitive dissonance. There are other factors that can bring about this tendency to have conflicting thoughts and feelings.

For example, when a person is experiencing intense emotions, they are more likely to be unable to process new information.

The goal here isn’t to assign blame or suggest some kind of thought disorder with regard to cognitive dissonance but rather to better understand why these sorts of internal conflicts happen in the first place.

Cognitive dissonance is exactly why you don’t hear many narcissists admitting their behaviors aren’t normal and it’s the reason why you keep blaming yourself for something that wasn’t your fault.

How does it feel to have cognitive dissonance?

When experiencing cognitive dissonance, your thoughts and emotions feel conflicted and can cause you to experience self-doubt, as well as self-blame and shame.  

The trauma bonds we feel after narcissistic abuse are amplified by this state of cognitive dissonance making it really difficult to move on.

Why is cognitive dissonance a concern for narcissistic abuse survivors?

Here’s the thing. cognitive dissonance is deeply uncomfortable on a neurological level, so when it happens, our brains sort of get to work to try to fix the problem. Our brains are actually attempting to protect us by “helping” us to understand law enforcement

The natural urge to reduce and resolve this dissonance pushes us to change our attitudes, or justify our behavior and we usually do this by changing our thoughts so that they are not in conflict.

For many survivors, it can be very difficult to get to the point of acceptance of who the narcissist really is when feeling cognitive dissonance.

In other words, you might be holding on to or even fooling yourself into seeing the idealized version of the narcissist that you first fell for, or the one they’ve been selling you their whole life. 

Not only does this mean you’re lying to yourself about the person you’re with, but your own needs and wants and even beliefs are switched out and the narcissist’s needs, wants and beliefs replace them. Or else. 

I say this with absolutely no snark, and from a place of love, deep emathy, and commiseration: It might be time to take off those rose-colored glasses and see what you’re really dealing with in regard to the narcissist in your life.

Understanding Cognitive Dissonance As It Relates to Narcisisstic Abuse

This video explains cognitive dissonance as it relates to narcissistic abuse and includes ideas and tips to help you with understanding what is happening to you as well as to make changes to get past the cognitive dissonance.

What is cognitive dissonance as it relates to narcissistic abuse?

In the case of narcissistic abuse, cognitive dissonance can be used to describe the internal battle that survivors go through when they start to unravel the lies and deception they were subjected to.

Cognitive dissonance can also be used to describe the way your brain tries to reconcile what happened to you with what you know about yourself and the world around you.

You question everything you know to be true

Imagine being told something over and over again until it becomes ingrained in your mind as fact.

Then one day, someone comes along and tells you that what you believed was actually false.

You begin to question everything you previously believed was true, but because it has become so engrained in your mind, it causes an internal struggle between your old beliefs and new ones.

This creates cognitive dissonance as your brain struggles to process this new information.

If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone; it’s estimated that around 90% of survivors have gone through this experience at some point during their recovery process.

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