Original Question on Quora: Why do some narcissistic mothers only enjoy having children until they reach puberty?
I see this in both sons and daughters of narcissistic mothers – but the effect is different for each. Puberty leads to physical development – and when the child is a female, a narcissistic mother is often threatened by her. The mother may feel less attractive or even feel like she wants to compete with the daughter. In the more covert/cerebral narcissist, this will be a subtle thing, but in the more overt/exhibitionist types, you’re going to see it become painfully obvious.
I found that the change is different with boys of narcissistic mothers. Sometimes, it doesn’t even become an issue (especially if the mother is the histrionic type).
But whether we’re talking male or female, any child who refuses to be what his/her mother wishes they would or who has an opinion different than that of the mother (and expresses it loud enough) is going to be a target and scapegoat for the narcissistic mother.
“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.” ~Audre Lorde
After breaking away from a toxic relationship with an abusive narcissist, you may find that you have forgotten how to treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated. You may not know how to nurture yourself properly, because you have not been nurtured. And because you’ve spent so much time focused on someone else’s needs while ignoring your own. Fortunately, there are simple ways to take care of yourself that can have some excellent healing effects on you.
5 Self-Care Tips for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors
Let’s look at 5 easy self-care tips that many survivors of narcissistic abuse tend to overlook or forget completely.
You may have been conditioned to do things for others at your own inconvenience while being in a non-nurturing relationship. However, when you reclaim your power by saying ‘no’ and sticking to it, you will feel much better. Only do favors for others if you feel you will get something out of it and if you are not inconvenienced in any way. You don’t need to be a people-pleaser anymore, as you’ll learn in this video.
Reading is really good for your mind, as it is stimulating and relaxing at the same time. You will want to read books that are in the genre you are interested in. And you may want to read about something that you know very little about so you have the opportunity to learn something new. But the best thing to do is to take a nice bubble bath and to take your favorite book, and enjoy some self-pampering. Nighttime reading is great, as long as you are not reading something that is too stimulating before bed. There are also tons of amazing books for survivors of narcissistic abuse Not a reader? That’s okay. Figure out what your passion is and take it to the next level! This video teaches you how to find passion and purpose in your own life.
5. Do Nothing
If you don’t feel like doing anything at a particular time, there is nothing wrong with just sitting there and doing nothing. Don’t berate yourself for not being productive at that given moment. Perhaps you need to just sit there and literally do nothing. This could be a reset for you so you have the energy to be productive. Sit there, listen to music, and just allow your body to reset itself. Here is a video that will teach you how to calm down quickly.
These overlooked self-care tips are a lot more helpful than you would think but why not utilize them and heal at the same time! Stay healthy.
Life isn’t the same, Your mask has been removed,
And I know your game.
You’ve manipulated my life,
Given me a bad name & turned it into strife.
You’ve turned my family & friends against me,
all for your own glory.
May the truth be revealed,
that you are only an imitation of love & empathy.
They will come to find your connection with them hollow, I
& your heartlessness hard to swallow.
They will be sorry it was you they chose to follow,
& sad that they gave up on someone who would of been there for them tomorrow.
Your sources of supply, only need empathy & love & support & encouragement, to acquire your reply.
It’s all abt., you & how others will fluff your feathers, soon away will they all fly, without a goodbye!!
Your projection of heartlessness onto others, soon becomes towards you their rejection.
Upon introspect, they soon realize of whose false affections they must reject.
Inverted jealousy, you thrive on, twisting the blame.
Gaslighting one too many a flame.
Narcissism has an end, when many eyes become opened.
Alone you will be, inflicted with your own pain.
A heartless game played by the NarcNessMonster within,
everything done to tie me into your sin.
You brought it upon yourself, strife will eternally be your life.
You played this game in stride, soon you’ll have to dwell alone with the beast inside.
-By Cynthia Lyn Woods
An Original Poem Written September 23, 2018
When you hear of the term ‘word salad’, you may think that it is a bunch of edible scrabble pieces literally thrown into a salad. As cute as that sounds, a word salad is anything but cute.
What is Word Salad?
Originally, the term “word salad” was applied to people who were suffering from psychological and/or neurological conditions. For example, when someone who was diagnosed with schizophrenia uses a string of unrelated words, psychologists call it “schizophasia.” Other examples of word salad include:
Clanging, in which the affected person speaks in rhyming and other patterned ways, but without making any sense.
Graphorrhea, in which the affected person writes or types in an incoherent way.
Logorrhea, in which the affected person talks excessively and compulsively but without making a lot of sense.
Receptive aphasia, where the affected person seems to know what they’re talking about and speaks in a rather normal-sounding way, but they don’t actually understand what they’re saying. This is often seen in stroke victims.
What is narcissistic word salad?
The truth, according to Elinor Greenburg, Ph.D., is that the term “narcissistic word salad” is just plain wrong. As Greenburg writes in a Psychology Today article, “Instead of referring to an involuntary verbal sign of a severe mental illness, such as schizophrenia, it is being used as a slang term for a type of narcissistic speech that is purposefully confusing.”
In other words, when people in the narcissistic abuse recovery community use the term “word salad,” they’re talking about a common manipulation tactic used by malignant narcissists, or toxic people, which in this case can include both people with diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder and those with narcissistic tendencies.In other words, word salad is a narcissistic manipulation tactic that manifests as a confused or unintelligible mixture of seemingly random words and phrases meant to confuse you.
Why do narcissists use word salad?
Narcissists will throw out a bunch of words that don’t make sense if they are feeling threatened. They do this to purposely confuse you and it is a gaslighting tactic.
Narcissistic abusers use this tactic to confuse their victims into doubting their own perceptions and memories of the abuse.
Word salad is often used as a defense mechanism when a narcissist feels threatened, but especially when you’re getting too close to the truth.
The term is also used to describe the way narcissists frequently contradict themselves. They will do this when it serves their purpose of making you second guess that what you heard is true. This manipulation tactic can be especially damaging to a survivor or abuse victim’s emotional health – it’s one way they gaslight you.
What are some examples of word salad scenarios?
Examples of word salad scenarios will happen when narcissists throw random words into their speech to throw you off. Word salad can include things that sound logical, but are actually pure nonsense – or they might include things that are completely random words all thrown together, such as the following.
are stairs run go over there
run fan making lunch window menu
files cry swimming green sky
Do those make sense to you? No. But when a narcissist throws a bunch of words together that are nothing but gibberish, it is time to stop engaging with them. Sometimes word salads are not just random words thrown together. They are words that they throw at you that have nothing to do with a conversation you are trying to have with them.
What are the signs a narcissist is using ‘word salad’ on you?
Here are 5 signs for you if a narcissist is throwing you a word salad.
1. Narcissists Talk In Circles
After having a normal conversation with a narcissist and making an agreement on something, you will find that there was no agreement at all. They will go back to discussing the issue again in a matter of minutes in words that do not make sense. That is their way of keeping the argument alive and the more you engage in it, the more word salads as a result of them not honoring their agreement will be thrown at you. And let’s not forget the narcissist’s filibuster – the part where they talk and talk and talk, repeatedly making the same points over and over again. They just won’t shut up!
2. Narcissists Make Excuses and Believe Their Own Lies
Narcissists never own up to their actions and there is no denying that at all. When you confront them about something they did, they will make excuses. And their excuses will result in them throwing word salads at you just in order to confuse you and throw you. They want you to think you are the one who is ‘crazy’ for accusing them of doing the very thing they are making excuses for. And they definitely seem to believe their own lies. Talk about infuriating.
3. Narcissists Drain You On Purpose
When you are trying to have a normal conversation with a narcissist that they find threatening in some way, they will throw a word salad at you. And they do it to drain you and if they see you are drained from having to engage in a nonsense conversation, then they would have attained their goal. It is best to walk away if this is the direction that the conversation is going before you are completely drained from it. It’s like they’re emotional vampires!
4. You Have to Teach Narcissists to Understand Basic Emotions
If you are finding yourself having to teach a narcissist about empathy and why it is important to be kind as you would with kids in preschool, then this will drain you. They will catch on and they will throw word salads at you in order to throw you and for you to stop talking about feelings. This threatens them. The psychology of a narcissist can be very confusing, but it’s worthwhile to take the time to understand so that you can deal with them effectively.
5. Narcissists Accuse You Of Doing Things That They Are Guilty Of
Narcissists might know that they have done a lot of wrongs and do a lot of wrong deep down – but they will never own up to it. They keep this knowledge so hidden – even from themselves – that they almost don’t even understand that it’s there. And then they will accuse you of doing things that they do that just simply don’t make sense. They will throw these accusations at you out of the blue. Projection, anyone?
When narcissists throw word salads at you, then you will just want to end the conversations there and walk away. It is a manipulation tactic. Here are some helpful videos on word salad and other narcissistic abuse and manipulation tactics.
Other Conversation Manipulation Tactics Narcissists Use