Stop Putting Your Life on Hold! Narcissistic Abuse Recovery is a Beginning, Not an End

Stop Putting Your Life on Hold! Narcissistic Abuse Recovery is a Beginning, Not an End

If you’re going through narcissistic abuse recovery, you might feel like you need to put your life on hold while you work on your healing. Maybe you tell yourself you’ll start living when you’ve fully healed, or you think that you’re waiting for the perfect time to do all those things you didn’t do (because the narcissist in your life held you back).

Maybe you’re worried about money, so you think you need to get yourself to a better career position before you can have fun. Perhaps, due to your decidedly empathic nature, you’re concerned that taking time to focus on just yourself when there are so many things that your family needs might be selfish. Or maybe, like a lot of survivors of narcissistic abuse, you’re worried that you couldn’t even imagine focusing on such things when you’re struggling so much with actually surviving this whole narcissistic abuse recovery thing.

You want me to start living when I’m trying to heal from narcissistic abuse?

I know what you’re thinking. How can you possibly even begin to think about having an actual life when you’re in the midst of just trying to make it through and heal along the way? That is not only time-consuming but energy-draining, at least at first.

How can I live again when I’m angry at myself for putting up with the abuse?

Being angry at yourself is absolutely normal for narcissistic abuse survivors. It is just part of the process – once you realize what you’ve been through and you recognize the events, physical ad emotional symptoms, and depth of abuse you’ve been dealing with, you get angry. First, usually, the anger is rightfully directed at your abuser, and often, toward others who may have been aware of your situation but did nothing to help.

But eventually, you might end up angry at yourself, because in hindsight, it seems so clear and obvious – or because you continued to tolerate it even after having recognized the situation. This is very common for intelligent people who find themselves in toxic relationships, partially due to a high threshold for abuse often gained in early childhood. In this video, I go into depth about how to forgive yourself (and why you’ll need to).

What if I’m too damaged to start living again due to narcissistic abuse?

Well, once again, you’re not alone if you feel like you can’t even function like a normal person. In this video, I fill you in on exactly what happens to you when you’ve been abused by a narcissist. It’s not pretty.

And, listen – I get it – believe me. As you learned in the video, I went through very similar experiences and feelings during my own recovery. But I’m here to tell you that – in any case, and regardless of your reasons, putting your life on hold and waiting for someday to do the things you aspire to is rarely a good idea. Narcissistic abuse recovery is no exception.

Why? Because starting to live again IS one of the most important parts of your whole narcissistic abuse recovery process. It’s part of why you will survive and eventually thrive! I promise you.

Just think about that old saying about having kids, for example. They say you’re never really ready, so you might as well do it when you can. That sounds a little silly, especially if you’re a parent and you understand the amount of work (and money) that goes into raising a kid – but there’s a lot of truth to it! After all, as you’re well aware, we’re never guaranteed a tomorrow. Holding out for the “right time” usually just ends up costing happiness and fulfillment.

That’s why I suggest that you take a deep breath, decide what it is you want out of your life, and take action steps to get it right now. Not tomorrow. Not someday.

Like, literally, right now. So how can you do that?

How do you start living again during narcissistic abuse recovery?

Well, let’s start here. Take a look at the following suggestions to get started living your best life now. You can start small – just dream about it. Take some time to figure out what it is that you really want. Then you can dig in and get really clear on it, plan and begin doing what you need to do to make it happen. FIguring out your timelines and taking even the tiniest baby step today can change everything for you! Let me break it down a little further for you.

Take Time to Dream

Many of us say we’ll wait until a better time to go after what we want, but we may not even know what it is that we’d like to see in our lives. Therefore, your first step is to take some time to dream. Think about the things you desire. Make lists. Let yourself dream big. Jot down short-term and long-term goals.

Clarify Your Vision

Once you have some ideas, start to narrow things down. Clarify the goals you most want to meet and that seem within reach to at least begin working on now. Write them down and commit to working toward them.

Create a Map

Now you’re ready to create a framework or draw a map for how you’ll reach your destination. Decide how you’re going to obtain the things you want. Write down the steps you plan to take. Try to come up with a reasonable time frame in which to arrive at each step. Decide on milestones to mark your progress. Doing so will help keep you on track.

Take Action

It’s time to start bringing your plan to life. Decide on which actions you need to take right now to begin making progress toward the goals you’ve set. Grab your calendar and write down guideposts for these steps so that you know what you should be working on at each stage of the journey.

Have Fun

Finally, be sure you’re striving to enjoy these steps along the way. This isn’t another to-do list that has to be a chore. This is your life plan, and it’s meant to be a joy. Doublecheck your action plan to make sure there are fun activities included, and always take time to celebrate those milestones.

Keeping these steps in mind as a model for moving forward will help to ensure you’re no longer putting your life on hold. You now have a plan. As you start to work it, you’ll notice your outlook improving and your satisfaction levels rising.

You might also be interested in my book, How to Rewrite Your Story After Narcissistic Abuse.

 Resources for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

  • Best Books on Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
  • Comprehensive Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Glossary: This is a comprehensive guide to words and phrases (related to narcissism, NPD and related conditions, narcissistic abuse, and narcissistic abuse recovery) that are commonly used in articles, videos, and narcissistic abuse recovery support groups. Defined here as specifically how they relate to narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and narcissistic abuse recovery, these terms have been developed by psychologists, coaches, therapists, and survivors of narcissistic abuse who need a way to understand and overcome the abuse.
  • FAQ Help: Whenever you need help with something related to this site or you want to know how to find something, join a group or otherwise deal with an issue you’re having, visit our new FAQ Help page.
  • Self-Care for Survivors: This is a page that covers everything you need to know about self-care, from how to build your own self-care kit to how to sign up for self-care support, and more.
  • New Resources Page: This is a one-stop overview of narcissism, NPD, and narcissistic abuse recovery, offering a long list of resources that will be helpful for you.
  • Stalking Resources Center: If your narcissist is a stalker, the information and resources on this page will help you get and stay safe.

Helpful Videos for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors

*Disclaimer: This article is for informational and educational purposes only.  It’s very important to always check with your doctor before taking any action that could affect your physical or mental health.  

Private Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching for Less – Small Group Coaching

Private Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching for Less – Small Group Coaching

Are you looking for personal support for your narcissistic abuse recovery, but you aren’t willing or able to pay for private coaching? Or maybe you want some support in addition to traditional therapy or private coaching you’re already doing? Listen, I get it. Narcissistic abuse recovery is not even remotely easy, and it’s more difficult when you don’t have the right kind of support.

Join a group here, or check out the testimonials from members of our small group coaching program for narcissistic abuse recovery.

We have plenty of free resources for survivors of narcissistic abuse here at, and if you’re willing to do it, you can work through this process on your own for free when you use the resources here on the site along with the videos at QueenBeeing.TV as well as our free online narcissistic abuse recovery support groups.

But sometimes, you want personal support and you have specific questions you really need to be answered. And that’s why we created a new, lower-cost way to get the support you need with our small group coaching program for survivors of narcissistic abuse.

Is Small Group Coaching Right for Your Narcissistic Abuse Recovery?

It’s important that you get involved in the type of recovery program that is right for you. So, let me ask you:

  • Do you feel like you’ve lost yourself after a toxic relationship?
  • Has someone in your life made you feel worthless like you don’t matter or like you’re not even a real person?
  • Are you struggling to let go of a toxic person so you can move forward in your life?
  • Are you ready to stop accepting crumbs and start taking what you deserve?
  • Are you looking for private support from a small group of people who get where you’ve been?
  • Would you like to keep your costs low and still heal quickly through a personal program?
  • Are you ready to truly begin an inner transformation and evolution that will allow you to become the powerful person you’re meant to be?

If you said yes to any of these questions, you’ll definitely want to take a look at our group coaching program, facilitated by narcissistic abuse recovery expert, certified life coach, and trauma coach, Lise Colucci.

Who is Lise Colucci?

If you don’t know already know her from our SPANily support group, you can learn more about Lise, right here. But here’s what you really need to know: A trauma-informed fellow survivor of narcissistic abuse, Lise offers a powerful kind of support that only a fellow survivor can provide. She makes sure that this group focuses on helping survivors of narcissistic abuse and traumatic relationships take their healing and personal evolution to a whole new level. All stages of healing welcome! It’s never too soon to evolve.

How Small Group Coaching for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Works

This small, private group runs in four-week blocks, meeting once weekly for one hour on video chat. Also included are messenger chat with daily check-in from your coach, Lise, and access to resources and a printable online journal.

Principals of self-care will be taught and reinforced as you learn to make that a lifestyle while working with these deeper inner issues that may be keeping you stuck in patterns that limit your life. As this is a coaching opportunity, please note it is not therapy, but it certainly does make a nice addition to a therapy program you may already be using and it can be beneficial for you if you’re already doing one-on-one coaching as well. This group will help you find your path to your own journey into self with the support of a fellow survivor who is also a certified life coach and narcissistic abuse recovery expert.

What You Need to Know About Small Group Coaching for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Here’s what you can expect when you join our narcissistic abuse recovery small group coaching program.

  • One hour weekly video meetings
  • Email Lise for current times and session information at [email protected]
  • Cost: $60 (non-refundable at this reduced group rate) for the whole month.
  • This group is ongoing and can be joined at any time.
  • You can continue month-to-month if you choose (many people do), or you can opt-out at any time after the first month.
  • This includes an active group messenger chat for daily check-in if you need it as well as a printable journal and access to additional resources.

This program may not be for everyone, but it is definitely powerful and has helped so many of our fellow survivors to take their healing to the next level. Sign up right here, or click through to learn more about the program.

Testimonials for Small Group Coaching for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Here’s what people are saying about our small group coaching program:

“This coaching was life-changing for me. There is unparalleled support from the group and Lise makes you feel like you are the only one – it gave me the courage to act on the things I have learned in these groups. At the time I started attending I was struggling just to grey rock – now I am out with minimal contact and working on regaining my freedom.” ~M.

“Lise rocks! Truly worth the money. This is a bargain for how much it’s helped me.” ~J.

“I had the best experience with Lise and really enjoyed the part where we could communicate with the group even when not in session.” ~A.

So, what do you think? Sound like it’s for you? If so, sign up here. If not, no worries! Definitely check out all of the amazing free healing resources we have for you over at and QueenBeeing.TV.

Feel free to also reach out to Lise directly with questions at [email protected] with questions or to be added to a group.


Movies to Empower You During the End of Your Toxic Relationship (Narcissistic Abuse Recovery)

Movies to Empower You During the End of Your Toxic Relationship (Narcissistic Abuse Recovery)

So, you’re looking for movies and TV shows that inspire you to leave a toxic, abusive relationship? Or you’ve already left, and you’re working on narcissistic abuse recovery, so you’d like to watch something that makes you feel inspired and ready to move on?

Well, my friend, look no further. Here’s a list made by our community of narcissistic abuse survivors of movies and television shows that inspired, entertained, and properly distracted them during their recovery.

You’re not alone if movies and TV shows help give you a little push toward taking back your life.

Many narcissistic abuse survivors find that, especially these days, they spend a lot of time alone – whether they’re still with their abusers or not. And in any case, one convenient way to spend rainy days or extended alone time is to watch movies and TV shows.

And, when you’re dealing with the need to feel empowered or motivated, what better way to multitask than watching inspiring, empowering, and at times, hilarious movies at the end of a toxic relationship and into your narcissistic abuse recovery, right? 

So what are the best movies to inspire you to feel strong, empowered, and ready to move forward with your life?

Best Movies to Empower You in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

I polled The SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Group – and they shared the movies and television shows that help them stay focused on their goals, empowered to take back their lives, and properly distracted as needed

Best Movies to Inspire & Empower You To Leave a Narcissist

#1. Enough

Survivor Reviews:

  • “It’s got Jennifer Lopez in it, playing an abuse victim. It was my relationship to a T!”
  • “It helps you realize what you’re dealing with in the relationship, but then she takes back her power.”
  • “Totally inspired me to leave.”


#2. Birds Of Prey And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn

Survivor Reviews:

  • “Somehow, they really nailed some of the truths of escaping abusive relationships. Like how they made her vulnerable and depressed and disoriented and strong and capable and resilient all at the same time.”
  • “I felt a lot of that movie on a personal level. It definitely was a solid pick me up.”
  • “I found Birds of Prey to be strangely inspiring. I mean I took away from it that Harley learned to be independent and strong after her breakup. Not having to rely on anyone else’s protection anymore.”

#3. Sleeping with the Enemy

“Julia Roberts kicks narc ASS!”

Honorable Mention: I Can Only Imagine

Survivor Reviews:

  • “I just watched the movie and I cried like a baby!”
  • “Warning: it can cause triggers. It’s about an abusive father but the ending is absolutely amazing.”

Movies That Make Good Distractions During Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

#1. Ma

Survivor Reviews:

“It’s a horror revenge thriller but I enjoyed it so much.”

“Not necessarily empowering, but a perfect way to distract myself.”

#2. Magic Mike XXL

Survivor Reviews:

  • “Because it’s sex-positive with hot guys.”
  • “Yeah, that one will keep your eyes glued to it!”

#3. Forgetting Sarah Marshall

“This one’s on the lighter side, but it was a great distraction for me when processing the end of my narcissistic relationship.”

More Interesting and Empowering Movies Recommended by Survivors of Abuse

Honorable Mentions 

TV Shows Recommended to Help Inspire & Distract You During Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Please remember this.

TV shows and movies aren’t going to solve any problems for you. But, if you carefully curate your intake and choose media that empowers, amuses, and supports you in your narcissistic abuse recovery, you’ll thank yourself.

If you’re going to feel triggered, steer clear of those abusive relationship movies and TV shows.

In other words, you KNOW what will trigger you in any given moment, so be conscious when choosing the media you will consume.

For example, watching these types of shows can help you recognize that you’re being abused and encourage you to step away from the relationship, but maybe they’ll give you flashbacks once you’ve been out awhile. 

As one survivor noted, “TV and movies can be very triggering for me sometimes. I never realized how deeply it was affecting my thinking, but so much of it is aimed at getting people to measure their worth through romantic relationships. So now I have a list of emotionally ‘safe’ shows, movies, and even music that I resort to when I feel vulnerable. They do not focus on romantic relationships but instead base the female character development on other aspects of their lives.”

Be sure that TV and movies are not the only areas you start curating in this narcissistic abuse recovery process.

While recovering, you want to focus on the people, activities, and even the general energy you allow in your space.

It’s an ongoing process, and if you want to heal intentionally, the first place to begin is by removing toxic influences from your life to make space for more positive ones.

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Resources

Helpful Videos for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors


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