NPD and anger management SHOULD go hand in hand, but rarely do they. When narcissistic rage comes out, very often, narcissistic injury is quick to follow. Whether you’re going through a divorce with a narcissist or trying to go no contact with a toxic family member, this video will help you understand better what they’re REALLY saying.
22 Things the Injured Narcissist Says And What They Really Mean
- “You’re crazy. It’s all in your head. You need to see a psychologist.”
Translation: I need you to doubt yourself, your perception and your reality so that I can more effectively manipulate you and make you do what I want.
- “I never said that; you heard wrong. You misunderstood me. That never happened.”
Translation: I will change your reality at any given moment, and you better go along with it, or you’re in big trouble.
- “I don’t understand. What you are saying makes absolutely no sense. I don’t know what you are talking about.”
Translation: I am pretending that I don’t understand you so that I don’t have to respond to you in a logical fashion.
- “That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry that’s how you feel.”
Translation: I’m pretending that I care or that I’m sorry by using words to invalidate you ever so subtly.”
- “I can’t remember what happened.”
Translation: I am perfectly aware of what happened, but if I pretend to forget, I hope you’ll forget too.
- “Stop attacking me. Why are you always attacking me?”
Translation: Stop holding me accountable for my actions. Why are you always holding me accountable for stuff I do?
- “I didn’t hurt you; you hurt yourself. Well, maybe you deserved it.”
Translation: I so lack empathy for you that I literally believe that your effort to stand up for yourself (or whatever caused it) forced me to abuse you in some way. I think you deserved it because you didn’t do what I wanted you to do.
- “I do not like talking about my past.”
Translation: I have carefully crafted the image I am showing you and/or the world right now, and if I talk about my past, this image will be proven false. I can’t keep up my false self if I talk about who I used to be.
- “That’s in the past. 15 minutes ago IS the past! Why can’t we just forget the past?”
Translation: I don’t understand why you don’t just get over the fact that I am actively abusing you. It’s been 15 minutes since it last happened. How come you’re not all happy-go-lucky yet? Why do you always want me to be accountable for what I’ve done?
- “Why do you keep talking about (whatever you’re interested in)? This is boring! Don’t you have anything else to say? Like, about something interesting? Like, ME?”
Translation: I don’t care about whatever you’re talking about and even if I did, I’m going to pretend you’re boring and stupid so that you feel invalidated. When is the conversation going to get back to being about ME?
- “There is something wrong with the way you think. You are delusional.”
Translation: I do not like it when you call me out on my BS. You are too aware of this stuff – I need you to start doubting your judgment and fast!
- “How dare you accuse me of lying! I’ve always told you the truth. I never lie.”
Translation: I have always told you whatever I wanted you to believe, regardless of whether or not it’s actually the truth. And if you question me on that, you’ll be in big trouble!
- “I can’t help it that I’m like that. I just need someone to love me for me. Take it or leave it.”
Translation: I am aware that I’m a total douche. But I’m going to need you to overlook that obvious fact and go ahead and act like I’m the most amazing person you’ve EVER met. MMmmkay?
- “You never loved me.”
Translation: I never loved you. Or I’m bored and I forgot that I once had feelings for you. But either way, I’m going to blame it all on you and act injured because I’ve suddenly discovered that I’m over this whole “me and you” thing.
- “If you loved me, you would understand.”
Translation: I’m going to try and make you feel guilty for expecting me to take responsibility or tell the truth about what happened. I figure if I can use your love against you, you’ll feel too bad to actually force me to explain myself or take responsibility for what I’ve done wrong.
- “You are never happy.”
Translation: Why can’t you just accept all of my abuse and like it already?
- “You are twisting my words. You are putting words in my mouth because I never said that.”
Translation: I twist your words all the time, so I know that tactic. And yeah, I totally said that but I don’t want to admit it, so I’m going to deny it and feel offended and hurt. This way, you’ll end up apologizing to ME.
- “You are never there for me.”
Translation: I am never there for you. But you damn well better be there for me, at my beck and call, without question or error. Or else!
- “Every partner I have been with has been crazy – but you are the worst.”
Translation: I have driven every partner I’ve had to the edge of sanity, and sure, I’ve said this exact same line to every single one of y’all, but since you’re the one standing in front of me now, you’re the one I’m naturally going to accuse of being crazy. I’m obviously attempting to distract you from the actual issue here, and clearly trying to reinforce all the gaslighting I’ve done up til now. Are you doubting your own sanity yet? Well, are ya?
- “I can’t handle this.”
Translation: I don’t want to deal with this right now, so I’m playing a little narcissistic injury on you. Poor, emotionally devastated me. How dare you ask me to be responsible for what I’ve done?
- “I am innocent. I’ve done nothing wrong. I had no idea this would hurt you.”
Translation: I am guilty. I did what you are accusing me of doing. I totally knew it would hurt you, but I did it anyway because the truth is that I have NO empathy for you. I only want you to stop reminding me and believe the straight-up lies I’m shouting at you. I’m pretending to feel hurt to get you off my back.
- “I hate drama. You create a world of drama around everything.”
Translation: Drama is my very favorite thing, and it’s a HUGE form of narcissistic supply for me. I create drama around everything, and you play into it. That makes me SO happy because then I can blame YOU for all the drama in my life. Drama is SO fun. You’re seriously one of my favorite forms of narcissistic supply. Drama!! Yes.
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.