3 Stages Of Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

Written by Angela Atkinson

After enduring narcissistic abuse from a parent, a friend, or an ex, chances are that you’ll be dealing with many unsettling emotions. You’ll be painfully aware that much of what you believed to be true about your life just…isn’t. And no matter where you’re at in your recovery, the best thing to do is to give yourself time and permission to feel what you need to feel as you will be going through three stages.

I always say that the stages of healing in narcissistic abuse recovery are as simple as they are overwhelming. It’s not just about narcissistic abuse and how to overcome it. You should also work on learning how to identify narcissists in your life and how to deal with toxic people. It may also help to learn the language of the narcissistic abuse recovery community, and learning the red flags of a narcissist will help you avoid toxic relationships in the future. My fellow coaches and I use my DUO Method to identify the main stages of narcissistic abuse recovery.

What are the stages of narcissistic abuse recovery?

The three stages of narcissistic abuse recovery involve feeling as you are the victim, then you will feel you are the survivor. The last stage is that you will feel as if you are ready to move on. Let’s now look into these stages in detail. Learn more about the DUO Method. 

Stage 1 – The Victim (Discovery Phase)

This is the stage you are going through right after you break away from the narcissist, or when you first discover that you might be dealing with a narcissist. You will be thinking about how betrayed you were, and you’ll be extremely hurt and confused. You will also be very hurt that you were led on and you’ll be extremely angry. Angry with yourself for allowing yourself to be hurt, and you’ll be angry with your abuser. You’ll feel as if you had lost time by sticking around for the abuser as well. There is also fear, fear of the unknown. And the fear of you not knowing if you can overcome this. Read more about the Discovery Phase. 

Stage 2 – Survivor (Understanding Phase)

You are now past the victim stage, and you will start thinking of yourself as a survivor. You’ll still be focused on learning aout narcissists and narcissism, but this is the time when you are ready to get counseling or coaching. You’re also focused on learning more about self-care. You will be less angry but you will also be quite triggered by reminders. You have a desire to get back to your old self and to move forward. But at the same time, you will be struggling to release your abuser and you’ll be struggling to rebuild your life. Read more about the Understanding Phase.

Stage 3 – Moving on to Thriving (Overcoming Phase)

Even though you are ready to move forward with your life at this stage, you have the desire to connect with others. However, you still have many trust issues that are holding you back. The angry feelings you have towards your abuser might still be plaguing you, but you’re beginning to move forward. And you might still feel a little embarrassed about your past, and you don’t really feel like discussing it with random people. Still, you’ve joined a support group and/or you’re getting some coaching, so you’re feeling a little better each day. There is now a light at the end of the tunnel and you’re propelling toward it! Read more about the Overcoming Phase. 

It’s important to note that there is no set time for going through each stage. It is all personal and depends on a number of factors. Where are you in your narcissistic abuse recovery? Take this quiz to find out if you’re not sure. 

 

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