Thoughts on this post? Share them with me on Facebook, join the SPANily or Tweet me at @angieatkinson. ~Angie

Someone in one of my groups today asked an amazing question – they wanted to know how narcissistic abuse survivors who had gone no-contact had made the choice.The Moment I Knew I Had to Leave

What had driven them to finally leave and go no-contact with their narcissists?

In many cases, there was a single moment that became the catalyst for change (often led up to by a series of events that caused growing concern, of course).

With the permission of the people who shared their stories with me in a private group I have on Facebook for research purposes, I’m sharing these true stories with you anonymously (to protect the people who wrote them).

The stories do come from three separate and unrelated individuals, but that’s all I can tell you about their identities.

I’m not sharing these stories for shock value – simply because oftentimes reading about the successful transitions of others from narcissistic abuse victim to survivor can inspire us to take action to make our own situations better.

(Survivor Story #1)
The Moment I Knew I Had to Leave a Narc Husband: I realized he was interested in my daughter.

He had no idea how much he was hurting me by looking at porn all day on his phone.

One day I woke up and realized I didn’t care anymore – it was like a light switch went off and I was numb to his abuse.

We went for a drive into town and there was a puppy in the road that had gotten out of their fenced yard. I said, “let’s stop and put him back;” he said, “the dog will be fine,” and kept driving.

We got to town and an old man was pulling out of the store parking lot with an old motor home and one of the side doors was open.

I said, “let’s let him know he has a problem.”

My husband screamed at me to mind my own business.

I said fine, but I knew it was time, I couldn’t keep going on.

A few months earlier he had started to show a big interest in my daughter. I noticed that lately, when she went to say goodbye, he would turn his head.

She’d end up kissing him on the lips. He would sit down so that she would have to bend over and he would get a good look at her breasts.

We lived on a lake and she was taking a shower and everyone else was at their lake, someone needed something and he “volunteered” to go up to the house.

My “mom-bell” went crazy. That’s when I said, “I will go with you.” Of course, he was furious! I don’t know what he thought he was going to do, but I couldn’t take a chance.

(Survivor Story #2)
The Moment I Knew I Had to Leave a Narc Boyfriend: When He Gaslighted Me

I knew I had to leave four months in! I’d experienced the love bombing and thought we where failing in love.

But for some reason, I always had concerns and held back. while I kept my own life going.

Over time, I learned that my concerns weren’t for naught – I found out he’d been an excessive cocaine users for years!

Although, according to him, he pretty much stopped when with me, I didn’t agree with it. And then, he credited me for making him deal with life. He drank a lot at first which I didn’t like as I’ve gone out with an alcoholic in the past, but then he seemed to cut down.

He admitted he had cheated on his ex wife several times. That knocked me sick and I pulled him on this and told him how shocked I was. He didn’t seem to have much empathy toward his ex wife at all.

He was always banging on about exes, calling them psychos and worse. Explaining domestic issues and fights they had had. I’d had enough! I was making subtle hits for him to stop.

Anyway, after four months of me playing it cool and kind of cringing a little about the love bombing, I actually started to expect a little more.

He went all distant and became very unreliable with plans he’d made with me. Of course, when I tried to bring this up he became so angry with me. Plus, he used his son as an excuse, and to guilt me.

He was totally unreasonable. I got the silent treatment.

He was telling me I was angry when I wasn’t – just upset my his uncaring behavior; I felt all off a sudden so anxious.

I was totally walking on eggshells, when I thought he was smitten with me. I googled something, and the pattern of the courtship, his chaotic past he admitted to and -SHOCKER- his personality matched the traits of a narcissist!

I knew I had to leave. I mean, unless he suddenly showed me he’d had a personality transplant. Well, he never  did of course, and we both just stopped talking with each other.

The fall out for me was very upsetting, but I’ve never said a word to him. I knew I could not resolve conflict with him. And looking back, he had hinted about me seeing his bad side and how he’d be heart broken if we ever argued.

Nowadays, I can see how me pulling him up and having a opinion made me not very agreeable in his mind. He wanted me to be his girl and had warned me I couldn’t get my way all the time – this after he cancelled other arrangements. It was just really odd behavior, but looking back, I realize now that I didn’t see it at the time.

(Survivor Story #3)

The Moment I Knew I Had to Go No-Contact With My Narc Family: When my father committed suicide

I left my family for good after my father died and I saw how heartless they truly were. He barely had a funeral and they were 20 times more concerned with getting the money he left.

The only reason they gave the half-assed funeral they did was so their name can be on papers to get his stuff. They felt no remorse what so ever for the trouble they caused him (or even the fact that he was gone or killed himself).

They read his suicide letter (which they had the biggest shout out in) and nothing they spun it around to “he was just crazy.”

My sister got over $100,000 from his death and screwed over everyone else in the end -and when we found out the rest of the family didn’t bother to get him even a $200 tombstone, she said it wasn’t her problem and to let someone else pay for it.

I noticed they only pretended to care in front of me, because in the end I was closer to him. They figured he had told me stuff, I guess.

They completely disregarded my sister as a person while everything was being planned. We used it to our advantage while we were fighting them.

Of course, I got a shout out in the letter too. So at the time, I did say a million times “I didn’t want any of the money.”

In my mind, I didn’t deserve it because I felt like I could have saved him and I didn’t. I was too busy all the time dealing with all the narcissist bullshit.

If I had known … if I had seen that hotel room just a few hours before I did, I never would have left him there.

Anyway, I guess it was then I realized my whole life I’ve most likely been living with sociopaths – it was like, at that moment, I suddenly recognized that I had been at the mercy of sociopaths my whole life.

I guess I should be lucky I only came out with nerve issues and anxiety – because I know for a fact I just barely missed a lot worse. Once everything was done, I went no contact. But every now and then they find flying monkeys – last year was the last time I saw one, I think. I want to get my niece and my brother out now, but it’s hard.

Okay, let’s discuss it. Do you recognize yourself or someone you know in one of these stories? 

Tell Us Your Story

One of the biggest things I hear from narcissistic abuse survivors who find this site or my narcissistic abuse recovery videos is that they are so relieved to learn that not only are they not crazy, but that they aren’t alone in the painful and shocking realization that they are being (or have been) abused by a toxic person.

It’s a HUGE part of recovery. And it matters. It’s so important for people who are going through and recovering from narcissistic abuse to truly understand that they are not alone.

When you share your story and your personal experiences with narcissistic abuse recovery, not only can it help you grow and evolve in your own recovery, but it offers you a unique chance to pay it forward and help to encourage and support other survivors who are having or have had similar experiences.

Watch my series on true narcissistic abuse survivor stories on YouTube, right here

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One Response to 3 True Narcissistic Abuse Survivor Stories: The Moment I Knew I Was Done

  1. Hi, after coming out of a bad relationship with an alcoholic, I met (or so I thought) an amazing man, he had a good job, working for his father, he was an ex policeman, we hit it off right away, he swept me off my feet, weekends away, telling me he loved me, attention, he got on brilliant with my two little girls, we had an amazing relationship for a year, he lived with his dad, but came to ours at weekends, we couldn’t wait for weekends with him I thought I was so lucky and couldn’t believe my luck on finding a man who loved me and my girls so much, he would do anything for us, my girls and I were smitten, they started calling him daddy and he wanted to adopt them. He told me about his past, he cheated on his ex wife several times, when he was in the police, he said because it was easy. He left his wife when he got a young woman pregnant, he then moved in with her and had a son and then another son, she left him and he says she was a psycho! He never had a relationship for more than four years, which I was concerned about as he was 43. Anyway despite his past I fell for him hook line and sinker, after my relationship with my alcoholic ex I had been studying hard to get a good job and once I did he wanted us to move in together at his house that he had shared with his ex, I had concerns, as my job was very demanding and I needed a lot of support with the girls, which I had where I lived at the moment, but if I moved away, that would change and I would have to rely on him, which I was scared about, he soon put my concerns at rest, promising everything will be perfect. Well I moved in and straight away he changed, he started shouting, he would never clean or wash pots, he stayed in bed all day, he called me names, he never took us out anymore, he complained of having girls while I was at work, he wanted more and more money off me, I found out he was earning a huge amount of money, but he was in a huge amount of debt, that he expected me to pay for, he would stay in bed all day long and when I came home after a 12 hour shift, he wouldn’t lift a finger to help clean, the house was discussing, I would come home and the dog had pooed and he wouldn’t even clean it, if I complained he would threaten to kick me and the girls out, as it was his house, if I said anything that he didn’t like he would withdraw affection and ignore me, sometimes not speaking to me for days on end. I wanted to leave, but I was giving all my money to him, I had nothing, from my old house apart from the girls bed and toys. He then got arrested for raping his ex and convinced me that it was not true and she was a psycho!! I stuck by him and he changed back to how he used to be, we were happy again, his ex withdrew the accusations and he went back to his horrible ways, I was constantly walking on eggshells, if I said anything regarding him staying in bed all day and not helping in the house, I would be threatened to be homeless and then he just wouldn’t talk to me at all. Sex used to be amazing before I moved in, but now he would get in bed and turn his back on me and play on his phone, there was no intimacy ever, I was so lonely. I eventually spoke to my dad, who helped me to get a house and bought me all the stuff for my house, which I was very thankful for, because I could of ended up anywhere, refuge or homeless place. We was happy here in our new home and my daughters were upset though, as they loved him as their daddy, he played on this and tried to get us back using them and also saying he was depressed and he has been in a bad place since we left, not being able to go out or speak to anyone, I stupidly fell for it and believed he was suffering depression. Until his dad mentioned him being on dating sites and he went to magalufe with his friend, anyway I saw the light and told him to leave us alone, I have removed him from social media, I’m just hoping I can do this no contact now. X

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