33 Signs Your Mother is a Narcissist

One Response to 33 Signs Your Mother is a Narcissist

1. 

   If your Mother starts a fight and then calls 3 or 4 friends and tells them the intimate details of your private life with a spin…. it’s all her fault. SHE IS KILLING ME!!!!

   When you hear her lie to garner support you feel kind of crazy because you were there and that’s not what happened but it sounds so very convincing. You start to think that maybe you are that monster. Maybe you did start the fight, but no it wasn’t me that started it. It’s very confusing. I never had a life. The thing I’ve been the most afraid of is becoming a narcissist.

   My Golden Child brother could never get enough praise. I starved.

   I had to take care of my mother through three nervous breakdowns at the ages of 9 and 10. She told me she would have killed herself if not for me and my brother. She kept telling me we are her whole life. She made me feel responsible for my brother and my grandmother who we moved in with during the divorce.

   We move during 5th grade and in 6th grade she sent me to yet another school. She convinced the leadership at the school district that I had emotional problems and belonged in special education. It was the worst year of my life, surrounded by strangers. Really messed up behavior disorder kids. It caused me to develop extreme anxiety being around kids that couldn’t speak, that had Outburst that were frightening, that were non-communicative and will rock back and forth and say the word rock rock rock rock. Some things that were worse, but I don’t want to think about them. At the end of 6th grade they tested me and kept asking the question how did she get in here? She doesn’t belong in this setting! She is testing it college-level reading and comprehension.

   The teachers asked me if I realized I have a high IQ? I told them no. After getting moved out of that school and being the center of all this attention and hubbub about this person should have never been here… my mother never even apologized. She never acknowledged that anything was done wrong. One whole year of my life….

   At two different times I had puppies. When I trained so well that he won an award at my school pet fair. Both puppies at different times supposedly were run over by cars in front of our house. When I got home mom told me patches was run over today in front of the house I couldn’t get the patches in time. There was nothing I could do. I remember doubting what she said but feeling ashamed for doubting it. Then a year later because she let me get another puppy, she told me my award winning dog Nubbins also got run over by a car on Highway Avenue. She tried, but nothing she could do. Same story, different dog. My gut told me no, but what’s a 5th Grader to do?

   I am now 54 years old and just a few years back comma in front of others, she laughed hysterically as she told the story of how she took my two lousy useless puppies out to this god-forsaken, supposedly haunted road called Reeder Road and dumped them.

   I sat crying and she laughed hysterically, shaming me for being sad at the horrific thought that my puppies were out there looking for me and never found me and God only knows what happened to them and how unfair it was to them and how they didn’t do anything to deserve this anymore than I did to deserve what she does to me. When I started to cry, she mocked me in front of the crew in the room.

   Now that I’m away from my mother and I went no contact over a year ago, my friends from childhood are free to tell me things. Some have told me my mother’s Behavior made them never want to come back because it was unlike anything they saw and they knew it wasn’t right.

   My best friend recently told me the reason she always wanted me to come to her house and she didn’t want to come to my house was because my mom was so nice to her and so horribly mean to me in front of her, she thought it was her fault and that my mom only did that to me when she came over. She said it used to break her heart the way my mom would treat me and talk to me in front of her and she really thought it was because she came over.

   I went on with my life and I helped my son and his wife raised their four children. I built a family outside of my mother and her destructive ways. I raised my son different than my mom did me. I wasn’t perfect. I tried really hard to keep a high standard, be truthful, attend church not in a self-righteous way but in a self-checking way.

   My oldest grandchild was born in 2002. My grandchildren are 15 14 13 and 12 years old. When my son struggled, I didn’t rejoice and talk about it. I didn’t ignore his problems and let them suffer… they lived under my roof for 6 years off and on.

   My son has turned out to be a malignant narcissist and a sociopath. He tells everyone I’m a narcissist. He has connected with my mother and alienated me from the children. My son took up with a mistress in 2014 and involved his children as early as spring of 2014 in keeping his secrets and going with the two of them on outings and having fun. They promised the children a much happier life once they could get rid of their mommy. They were sworn to secrecy and we never knew what was happening to them. My son moved the woman in in 2015 fall. She tried to strangle my grandson who was not quite 13 yet, and my son got an order of protection out against her. Later he squashed that order of protection.

   Since he has been with this woman, he has threatened my life on more than one occasion. He has told me he will make me disappear and never be heard from again. He has crawled through my window of my home and hidden in the Darkness and before I could flip the light switch on I heard a man’s voice say you should be more careful, anyone can get in your windows. Tssk…tssk

   He has kept our beloved from us since 2016 when he married the mistress. The woman is really messed up. She’s only 10 years older than my grandson.

   My mother suddenly wants to be involved in their lives once I was out. She knew the new woman was physically abusive to two of my grandchildren. The last incident was leaving bruises all over the 10 year old. Child Protective Services did nothing because my son lied to them to protect his new wife. They made my granddaughter lie.

   Anyway, my mother told me to stay away from them and she was going to stay away from them and teach them a lesson. Just to put this in perspective, my home is 15 minutes from my mother’s. I have a chronic illness that has developed and she will not even drive 15 minutes to see me or pick up the phone, not once since 2016 when I got sick to ask how I am, but she will drive an hour and a half to my son’s home to play happy grandmother, knowing that I’m not able to see them.

   She has not allowed them at her house since 2003, but last year she began hosting their birthday parties at her house. She has made herself the center of attention. At least when they were with me, the children got to be their own people. Got to tell me their deepest thoughts and share their dreams. Got to think out loud safely.

   Now their new step mother tells them who they really are. She’s into the occult and darkness. She gets on Facebook pretending to be my son and post the most god-awful things about me. Not only untrue, but very slanderous. While pretending to be my son, she claims that I’ve abused the children. The very thing she has done.

   I could in no way abuse those children. I couldn’t live with myself

   This woman that my son has brought into our lives has really triggered me. I didn’t want my grandchildren to grow up the way that I did, controlled marginalized and not being able to speak their minds or be who they really are.

   His new wife has told my son that I spoke poorly about him and that I said bad things to her and that she will not allow me to come between their marriage. The only problem is I never confided in her about my son, nothing about him. I don’t like her and I don’t trust her. I shared one thing about my life with her and she went to the person it was about.

   I wasn’t about to share anything with her again. If she can’t keep my secret, she gets nothing!!!

   A few months after telling my son that and I didn’t know why he was so mad at me, the children started telling their mother on visits “Gram is saying bad things about me. I’m mad at Gram. Gram called me a lesbian on Facebook. Paige (Step Mom) saw it, but won’t show it to me because it’s her job to protect me from those things.

   I consulted lawyers. Grandparents really don’t have rights in Indiana, not very strong.

   Last fall, my brother contacted me to let me have it over the bad things I had said about my mother and my stepfather. Just then it hit me, Paige has been on a mission. In one year she removed me from my son’s life, my grandchildren’s lives, and my parents lives.

   My mother recently saw me at a family wedding shower that could not be avoided. I planned and practiced and I knew she would approach me. My plan was to turn to her look at her confused and say you don’t know me.

   Instead, she snuck up behind me, touched her mouth to my ear and hair and breathe heavily in my ear while asking, “How are you, Donna?” I wanted to throat punch her. How dare she get in my private space and put her mouth to my ear and act like we are intimate.

   I’ve been so triggered since that day that I’ve been having high blood pressure spikes. This shower happened within the last week. She caught me off-guard and did something completely inappropriate that she knew would throw me off.

   Meanwhile she looks like she’s taking the high road by coming over and whispering to me in extending an olive branch in front of others. It felt like rape to me.

   This woman has been loving on my grandchildren that she never wanted anything to do with. I think it’s outrageous to show up in a 15 year olds life for the first time. I know that I know that I know she is doing everything she can to degrade me in front of my grandchildren and tell them what a bad evil person I was when I was a teenager.

   Anytime my mom was around me she was either scamming my house to look for something new that I might have that she wants and that her husband must stop and get her on the way home, or she was making me relive my rebellious days and shame me about smoking pot in the 70s with my friends.

   The thing is, because of her, if I hadn’t, I think I would have been institutionalized.

   My grandchildren used to have a lot of respect for me. The way my mother will paint it we’ll make it look like I’ve been a hypocrite all along. I became a Christian at the age of 18 and changed my way of life for the better.

   Again, not in the way of thinking I’m above anybody else but in the way of I had a great need, and I wanted to do better than I had or had experienced.

   Now that my health is gone, I have a chronic disease and some days can’t get out of bed, I’m no good to my mother so she threw me away.

   Now that my money is gone, drained by my son, and I’m sick, my son wants nothing to do with me.

   I feel like I used hamburger wrapper thrown out of a window of a car.

   I went through enough breaking in my early years. My mother would even tell my father stories about me so that I would get in trouble, and not her. My father was abusive, and my mom didn’t want to get it. She would literally fabricate stories, or take something true and embellish it so that I would get beaten.

   I thought I made all these good choices and sewed all this good seed. I was close to my son and my grandkids.

   I became critical of my son when he and his family lived with us for 2 years without paying rent and he kept sitting in front of the TV playing video games or watching movies. They moved out because he had a complete attitude about it. They wanted to live in a motel because his ex-wife didn’t want to help clean up this house while they lived here rent free. He called her lazy. If I know him, he probably told her I said that.

   I said all this to say this, somehow I ended up being the turkey in a narcissist sandwich.

   I’m sure that the stress and the anxiety brought on by all of this has not helped me with the illness. My heart is literally broken over the loss of my grandchildren. Thinking that they think I am someone else. As a result they have to doubt everything and have no trust anymore. They were innocent kids. The last time I saw them they were singing sexually explicit lyrics. The new stepmother moved her girlfriend in to their house and the kids have told their mom they heard her friend and her boyfriend having sex in the Next Room all the time moaning and groaning and screaming.

   I filed for grandparent’s visitation rights. According to the lawyer that’s all I can do.

   Even when I go no contact… and stay no contact… Mommie Dearest is still in destructive mode.

   I still got myself over things that she has told me that I knew were untrue.

   How do you ever truly recover from this?

   Donna Fanning    July 13, 2018 at 3:22 pm