- Rack up $50k in debt on the credit card and then say she’s super stressed about money…yet keep spending.
- Spend tons of money on weed, try to find a weed dealer through social media… and yet complain nonstop that he was broke and never had money
- Spend our money on booze and then get mad at me because he couldn’t pay the bills.
- Run into the neighbor’s mailbox in our new van, call me whilst I’m outside and can see him down the street, then rage on me when I asked him if he was drunk.
- Let no one in their house ever, but then invited an old high school friend to live with us – when I said no way, as she was selling herself for drugs.
- We had gone to lunch; he had a couple of drinks (as he always does) and fell asleep in the car. When I was taking him back to work, he woke up (I think) and started yelling & cursing at the SUV next to us to get out of the way… not that he was IN the way. Then he reached around growling and punched the back seat! I still don’t know if he was still asleep or awake in that moment.
- Did drugs unapologetically in front of children.
- Masturbated in their mother’s room as she slept.
- He would often take us to the mall and have me check out girls with him. He would ask me which ones I would want to take home and sleep with (no one) He would go out with his buddies on the weekends the strip bars and spend all of our money we’ve had our light shut off more times than I can count. Then tell me that it it was actually community service to young coeds because he was putting them through college. That it was actually community service.
- Mine accused me of having sex with one of his best friend’s best friends on New Year’s even while we were all in the same house together. I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life. One time he stormed away from a restaurant we were eating at because I repeated something he told me when he was drinking (it was a detail about a concert we were at) and on many medications screaming at me accusing me of being liar and putting words in his mouth. I was beyond confused.
- Naming genitals, their own and those of other people. (Heard several variations of this one!)
- Thinking everyone (both sexes) wants to bed them and have a description of what they would do together.
- told a stripper/web came girl that he wanted watch her strip on cam from a library computer. He also demanded to know what she thought about Donald Trump over and over.
- He had come home paranoid claiming that something wasn’t right like I was cheating on him, he then had asked me why did i change the sheets he also asked me what time his brother got home. which had strongly believed he was telling on himself that he had probably just had left from being with another woman. I had woke up in the middle of that night and noticed him creeping around the bedroom, I had seen him taking the sheets out of the hamper and noticed he was examining them and smelling the sheets. I also would catch him circling around the outside of the house looking through the Windows like he was going to catch me cheating or something which was kinda of bizarre to me .but the day of the discard I knew something wasn’t right I went through his phone and saw many text messages that he had sent to women confirming what my gut was telling me from day one.
- Withheld sex. I was a swinger when we met, thru the couple I dated. Obviously, I’m not on the standard sexual spectrum and he was aware of this. Of course, he told me he found this refreshing as he too was of a nontraditional style. I even ran a kinky adult club, so I want hiding anything. I informed him that I really was looking for a “partner in crime” to be my primary partner and we could enjoy sexy play time with others TOGETHER. That must have been delightful for him, a real challenge to figure out how to mess up what was basically a Free Lunch situation. Know how you cheat in an OPEN relationship? You lie. You withhold. Our deal was we played with each other FIRST, and others, of mutual agreement, TOGETHER. YEAH. NO. He cut me off totally, made me feel awful if I perused him, all while sneaking off to MY CLUB without me and having sex with members who he told that I both knew and okayed this behavior, and that I didn’t want to have sex with him!
- Asked his first cousin for nudes. She sent them.
- I caught him cheating with a coworker. In anger, I told the coworker (who was also married) she could have him… when he came back around to me he would say “well you told her she could have me so see you didn’t want me”.
- On a couple of occasions when we were away on holidays in SE Asia, he would wait until I was asleep in our airconditioned room, then go out to who knows where. He would have to take the card key to the room which meant that the air conditioning would immediately turn off making the room very hot and humid. In the morning he would proceed to tell me in great detail about how long he was away for, and how v …… and apologize about not air con …… and how he hadn’t registered how hot it would get in the room while he was out. His machinations were wasted on me though as I didn’t even wake up. I grew up in the tropics and I am used to sleeping in heat and extreme humidity.
- He told me about his best sexual experience. A couple came into the bar where he bartended. The woman was flirting with him and then explained they were swingers. He took her in the back office and she used her mouth on him if you know what I mean. After work, he went back to their place. Not sure what happened between then and the next AM but he woke to the couple having sex in a sex swing. When they were finished he said, “My turn?”
- Mine told me he had a crush on his cousin when they met for the first time as adults. she came to visit two years later, and it was hell.
- Thinking I would cheat on him with a celebrity! I go to concerts a lot and meet some of the bands. There was one picture of me with one of the guys in the band, and he literally says, “I see who could steal you from me. That guy in the band you met. Don’t lie, I know you would sleep with him if you could and cheat on me!” I told him, the odds of me even having the opportunity to sleep with a celebrity is very unlikely!
- Abruptly interrupted sex to clean her dog’s teeth (disclaimer…dog had just jumped on the bed. Weirdest triangulation
- told me that I should kill myself. Said I should drown myself in the bathtub while we were fighting and not too long after begged to have sex.
- She took all s*x toys and dismantled them, showed them to various family members, then announced how she loved going d*wn on said person – to their mother!
- He straddled my body while I was laying down and dry hump the space between us making sure he had no actual physical contact with my body and made moaning noises. I layed there frozen and creeped out. I made my plans to exit the toxic relationship next day.
- Randomly make jokes about homosexuality and pretend he was into men. I didn’t care either way and love all, but wanted him to be upfront. He would make jokes about wearing my clothing or underwear. When I tried to have a heart to heart he got offended that I thought he might not be into women. He was sexually abused by his father when he was younger, I feel that was the beginning of where his fascination began.
- Accusing me of sleeping with my brother.
- He wanted someone in the bathroom to watch him shower all the time.
- Fantasize about a**l s*x with (minors)
- Talking about the pets as sex objects. Then scolding the pets for no reason.
- Declare that “if he was gay” he would want to be with Vladimir Putin.
- In a lesbian relationship, she denied being LGBTQ, and told me I was not as LGBTQ as she. Declared her genitals as superior as they had less lips. Tell me she is such a good member of the LGBTQ community, then say she would rather sleep with my brothers as they were prettier.
- Bragging about making out with her ex boyfriends while engaged and around family. I never heard of someone doing that in a relationship before and found it weird.
- He called his mom “Mommy” and would talk to her like a little kid, refuse to cut his fingernails and would grow them out like a woman’s and sometimes paint them because “Mommy” was proud that he could grow them out like that, walk around with his penis hanging out of the front of his boxers and randomly swing it around at me.
- He’s still stalking his ex-girlfriend from 7 years ago online. Every time he had a breakup, he’d go through the steps of accusing his mother of not “praising” him when he was younger, and then cause trouble for all of his ex-girlfriends (including me) online.
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.