5 Tips To Spot A Narcissist

Written by Miriam Slozberg

“A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.” ~Karla Grimes

You already know that some narcissists can be extremely charming and likable. Some are loud and some are not. Does that mean that everyone who is charming is a narcissist? Not at all. Some people are simply very extroverted and are great with other people in social situations.

In fact, being charming is not necessarily a common quality among narcissists – and those people who possess charm are not necessarily narcissists.

This gets confusing, right? Because now you’re asking yourself: then how can you spot a narcissist? What are the red flags you need to watch for when you’re meeting new people?

5 Tips To Spot A Narcissist

Let’s look at 5 tips that will help you spot a narcissist so you know what you are facing when you are with the individual.

1. Their Conversations Revert Back To Themselves

The fact of the matter is that narcissists are heavily focused on themselves. Therefore they will not care to talk about the other person – unless it benefits them to do so. If you are going through a difficult time, for instance, they will not ask about that (again, unless they can later use this against you or they’re trying to get something from you in that moment – and during love-bombing). They will go on to talk about their new car. Even if you had just lost your job and your income has gone down as a result.

2. A Narcissist Will Brag At Any Given Moment

Narcissists can be big braggarts and will only talk about their amazing accomplishments. They will use any opportunity to talk about themselves They will boast about their large homes, their vacations, and anything that they find worthy to brag about. They will never acknowledge the accomplishments of others. They simply do not care.

3. They Don’t Only Talk About Their Victories

You would think that a narcissist would only talk about their wins and their accomplishments. However, they will be open about their failures and anything that went wrong. However, when they do that, they will make it as if they had the worst luck in the world. They will appear to be helpless victims in their struggles. In fact, they will make it as if no one has it harder than they do. Their lives are the hardest and they will make that clear. Narcissists LOVE a good sob story – it’s one of the ways they suck you into a relationship.

4. They Play The Blame Game

Narcissists will not take responsibility for their actions. They will blame others for what went wrong in their lives. Even if they were the ones who for instance, were late for a meeting, it is never their fault. It is always the fault of the driver that held them up in traffic. The fact that they did not leave on time is not something they would own.

5. They are not always socially savvy.

There is a certain type of narcissist who will take no selfies. They have few social connections and kind of seem to be an introvert. And despite all of this, they are still entitled, arrogant and self-serving. This is the kind of narcissist that flies under the radar – often referred to as a covert narcissist or a “closet” narcissist. They can be the most dangerous because they are the most difficult to spot.

If you see these 5 traits in someone, then that is a sign that they likely are a narcissist. Be careful with this individual.

Want more? Here is a playlist from trauma-informed certified life coach (and narcissistic abuse recovery expert) Angela Atkinson that offers specific tips on how to spot a narcissist.


  • Miriam Slozberg

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