As you’re evolving and moving forward in your life after your toxic relationship, it’s important to start thinking about what you need to be happy. And while we often share ways that can help to bring happiness into your life, there are also plenty of habits that will chase happiness away.
When we’re in a toxic relationship, it’s very unlikely that we’ll experience happiness on a regular basis. But whether you’re still stuck in one or you’ve moved on, you might be doing at least of a couple of these things and never considered the negative impact that they could be having on your life.
So, if you want to ensure your happiness (and I think we can both agree that you might need to!), you can avoid these habits that can rob you of happiness.
1. Unnecessary spending. One of the greatest stressors in life is financial issues. Happiness is harder to find when you’re up to your eyeballs in debt. General financial pressure is one of the greatest causes of misery and divorce.
- Clutter is another barrier to happiness. When you spend too much, you have too much stuff. It’s always in the way and serves as a constant reminder that you spent more than you should have.
- Think about the reward you gain by spending and find a less destructive way to accomplish the same thing.
- If you want to make happiness a real possibility in your life, keep your spending under control.
2. Postponing your life. We’re always waiting for something to happen before taking action. Whether it’s waiting for the first of the month to start a diet, or waiting for the kids to leave the home before starting an online business, we always have an excuse to wait.
- There will never be a perfect time to take that big step. Manage your circumstances as well as possible and get started today. Time is the one thing none of us can ever get back.
3. Blaming others for your challenges. This is not to say that you should take responsibility for what happened to you. But you CAN take responsibility for everything from this moment forward. It might feel hard to do that right now, but if you keep focusing on what the narcissist did to you, it lets the narcissist have control over you – even if you’ve already gotten out of that situation. It’s not easy – it actually sucks sometimes, but what other choice do you have? No one else is going to fix it for you.
- My point is that even if you’ve been used and abused, you are still responsible for dealing with the aftermath. Accept the challenge and move forward.
4. Not staying grounded in the present. Most people have a bad habit of dwelling on past mistakes and tragedies and worrying about the future. The past is over, so leave it there. Good choices today eliminate most future challenges. Focus on making the most of today, and the future will take care of itself.
- Pay attention to your thoughts for an entire day. Notice how much time you spend thinking about the past or the future. Think about how that impacts your effectiveness and your happiness.
5. Holding a grudge. If someone has wronged you, you might be making a good decision by not trusting that person again. However, holding on to the animosity is pointless. You just make yourself unhappy and less effective. Once it’s over, learn what you can from it and forge ahead.
6. Focusing on challenges instead of solutions. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed if you focus on the unpleasant things in your life. When you’re ready to stop grieving the narcissist, begin to spend your time, energy, and focus on finding a way to make things better. You’ll feel better and be much more successful.
It’s easier to be happy if you stop doing the things that prevent happiness. We all pick up some bad habits along the way. The important thing is to recognize them and eliminate them.
Allow yourself to be happy by letting go of your anti-happiness habits. You’ll find that happiness isn’t as challenging to achieve as you thought.