“Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.” ~Michael Jordan
And you’re trying to practice what you preach.
You’re being careful and trying to make sure to keep your behaviors and thoughts positive and yet you still can’t seem to manifest the stuff you really want.
You look around your life and there are so many things you just can’t seem to get right.
Me? I’ve struggled through various changes in my life. The most visible and immediately apparent happened when I lost more than 100 pounds – I won’t go into detail here, but I wrote a whole book on the topic, if you’d like to check it out. Plus several more – see them all at BooksAngieWrote.com. But trust me when I tell you – it DEFINITELY required me to become aware and to change my daily habits.
So what is it that you’re doing wrong? Why are you struggling so hard to figure out how to get where you really want to go in your life – and what can you do to fix all that?
Start here – you’re already on the right track. But you could be missing a very important ingredient: good, consistent habits that are in alignment with your ultimate goals.
Consistent habits breed positive results – both long-term and short-term.
Knowledge is power. But like anything else, knowledge is only powerful when it’s consistently applied.
In fact, if you really think about it, consistency is actually one of the most important components of success.
Both literally and figuratively, a small step forward each day adds up to a lot of mileage over time.
Are the little things you do each day adding up to something positive? Or is the quality of your life slowly slipping away?
Consider the power of keeping your habits consistent.
Take a moment and close your eyes. Then really imagine what you could accomplish if you develop good habits and work on consistent action over the next 10 or 20 years.
Of course, this could work one of two ways – to your benefit or to your detriment.
- Say you make five cold calls each day for your home business. If you work five days a week, that means you’ll have made 1300 sales calls in 1 year. WHAT!
- Say you eat a small handful of M&Ms each day. As it turns out, five small pieces of chocolate over the course of a year (only five days a week) is roughly 25,000 calories. That means that you could gain more than seven pounds in a year if you didn’t eat less calories in other parts of your diet or exercise more to make up for the added few calories per day.
Time to be honest with yourself – would you say that your consistent behaviors helping or harming your efforts to reach your personal goals?
Seven Reasons You Can’t Get What You Want (And One Way to Get It)
1. You Don’t Realize How Much The Little Things Matter.
If you re-lived today for the next 10 years, where would you end up? If you saved just a small amount of money each day, you’d eventually be wealthy. If you overeat slightly each day, you’d weigh 400+ lbs.
Goal Planning Tip: If you want to plan your goals easily, start by taking a look at your current progress and quantify it – then figure out how much time you need to devote to it each day.
- If you want to play the piano in a famous orchestra, an hour each night spent practicing would give obviously offer different results than spending an extra hour watching television.
- Your teeth aren’t clean because you brushed them for an hour straight. They’re clean because you brushed them for 3 minutes for 3,000 days straight.
Consider where your daily habits and behaviors are leading you financially, socially, spiritually, and physically. What are the logical conclusions of your daily activities?
2. You Think Change Will Happen Overnight.
Some changes in life come slowly, so don’t forget that. But don’t let it stop you, either. In fact, a lot of self-help gurus and life coaches suggest that you try something big – that is, to take massive action to see massive results.
Of course, in real life, that strategy is difficult to apply and maintain. Much easier said than done – and I’m definitely living proof of the whole baby steps theory.
Take your relationship with your body for example. If you’re trying to lose weight, you might get frustrated if you don’t start seeing results pretty early on. But you know you can’t lose 25 lbs. in a day. You’ll lose a little bit here and there and if you keep going, that’ll add up fast. Those little baby steps and tiny habit changes will eventually add up to impressive results. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.
It doesn’t matter what you want, really. In the end, it all comes down to that one thing if you’re ever going to succeed: Whether you’re looking to get rich, build your ideal body or to create the best relationships you can in your life, your success will ultimately be a direct result of your ability to focus and remain consistent in the habits that align with those goals.
3. You Don’t Do Self-Discipline (But You Worry You Should).
You’d think you’d need a lot of self-discipline to make stuff happen, and on some level, you do. Like I said, if you’re going to succeed, you’ve gotta have good habits. And, at least initially, good habits mean you’ve got to have a lot of self-discipline. And as it turns out, a lot of us struggle with that one. Me included, of course – so don’t feel bad.
But if you develop good habits, you’ll have a sort of “desire generator” on autopilot for those times when your self-discipline isn’t exactly up-to-snuff, if you know what I mean.
4. You Don’t Live in the Moment.
Stop living for the future (or the past). Live for the moment. I know this seems counter-intuitive, but the biggest reason we fail to meet goals is not living in this moment. Rather than just doing stuff and getting it out of the way, we think we can postpone it just one more day – and then another, and another and before we know it we forgot that we were even supposed to do it.
So make your choices, my friend. Remembering that every single day holds the power to get you closer to the things you really want in your life – and once it’s over? That day lost is lost forever. Chew on that for a minute.
When you live in the moment, the only self-discipline you need is the discipline to act right now. Simple, yes?
5. Your Expectations Are Outrageously Off.
Do you really think you’ve got reasonable expectations? Maybe your timeline is just off, or you aren’t looking at things from the right perspective. Start with the logical one.
If you’re shooting for an unrealistic timeline to complete your goal, it’s not easy to be consistent with your habits.
If you try to jump in with both feet and expect yourself to succeed, it can be just as tough, it can just as tough.
Nothing wrong with shooting for the stars. But while you need to focus on being positive and enthusiastic, be reasonable. Just stick with the slow and steady (which always wins the race) – AKA regular and consistent improvement.
No one is perfect, so don’t try to be something you aren’t. Just be the best possible YOU.
7. You Don’t Have an Itchy Trigger Finger.
Okay, it’s not really about a trigger finger – but a personal trigger. Whaaaat?
So, the theory goes that you can trigger your own motivation and enforce good habits if you keep practicing the good habits you’re building in a certain way.
You can set up your life to include reminders or triggers in your environment to encourage. What do you do each day that can serve as a sort of “trigger” the next logical step?
For example, putting your feet on the floor in the morning might trigger you to make your bed. Getting dressed might trigger you to do your makeup; starting your car can trigger you to check your mirrors, lights and gas situation; turning off your light at night could trigger you to visualize your goals. Once you’ve finished getting dressed for bed, you could do 10 push-ups or a few squats.
Now, just so there’s no confusion, let me put it very simply here.
What you do once in a while doesn’t impact your life significantly.
It’s really all about your habits, the “everyday” behavior. Consistency is a major predictor of success in any endeavor – and those tiny steps and advances toward your goals DO matter, even if they seem small.
Wanna be the best possible you and live the life of your dreams?
Then get busy and work on those tiny daily habits and Develop habits and routines that guarantee success. Ultimately, strong habits will determine how your life works – so choose the ones that are most in line with what you really want. And then stick to them MOST of the time – and you’re on your way to success.
What do you think?
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.