Do narcissistic parents have a handbook? You might think so when you hear what I’m going to share with you today. After a poll of the SPANily Support Group for Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents, I’ve compiled a list of the most commonly used phrases by narcissistic mothers.
Things narcissistic mothers say when you’ve made a choice they don’t agree with
- You only did that to hurt me!
- You’re so ungrateful.
- You never stop to think.
- You are SO selfish!
- This is never going to work.
Things narcissistic mothers say when you’re upset or crying about something and they are annoyed by your emotions, which they feel are not real or relevant.
- Get over it.
- You’re so dramatic.
- I’ll give you something to cry about.
- I told you so.
- Why do things always affect you more than other people?
- These are the choices that you have made.
Things narcissistic mothers say when you attempt to confront them about anything
- What is wrong with you? You’re making too much out of nothing.
- I never did that, you are just sensitive, I don’t remember it that way.
- I don’t care.
Things narcissistic mothers say when you have proved them wrong or have a different opinion than they do
- You think you’re SO smart!
- I have no idea what you’re talking about.
- Who told you that? You’re so gullible; you can’t believe everything people say.
Things narcissistic mothers say when you question their authority
- Don’t you dare look at me like that.
- Get that look off your face before I slap it off.
- Who do you think you are?
- How DARE you question me?
Things narcissistic mothers say when they’re guilt-tripping you
- I will die without you.
- You’re breaking my heart.
- You are the reason your father and I divorced.
You only care about yourself.
- I’ve given up my whole life for you!
- You owe me this (because I gave you life)
- I’m the only one who will ever really love you.
- You’re ungrateful.
Things narcissistic mothers say when they are tearing you down and devaluing you
- You were a mistake. Everything in my life is your fault, because you were born.
- You’re just like (insert awful individual here)!
- You’re never going to amount to anything. I don’t know whose child you are.
- I’m so ashamed of you. You should be ashamed of yourself.
- No one will ever love you. No one will ever want you.
- You are worthless.
- You’re immature.
- You don’t deserve to be happy.
- Just wait til your father gets home!
- It’s a shame you don’t have any friends. People would like you more if you weren’t so ______.
- Everyone else agrees that you’re horrible/lazy/stupid/otherwise unsavory.
Things narcissistic mothers say when they are jealous of you
- You’re such a Polly Anna, always with your rose-colored glasses on!
- You think you’re so pretty/smart/good
- You’re a (insert rude term here) and you are only trying to get attention!
- Guys only like you because you’re a (insert rude term here), or girls only like you for your money.
- People always used to tell me I was pretty.
- You’re ugly on the inside.
Things narcissistic mothers say when they are issuing the back-handed compliments
- You’re so smart but you have zero common sense
- You would be so pretty if you just lost a few pounds
- Your house is so clean! No wonder your two-year-old can’t read yet.
- That dress is so pretty! It would look great on your sister.
- I’m so proud of your accomplishment – obviously, you get it from me.
Things narcissistic mothers say when they are having delusions of grandeur
- I am not capable of lying! How dare you accuse me of that?
- Everyone wishes they could have a mother like me.
- Calm down! You’re being irrational!
- I’ll never understand how I gave birth to a horrible child like you.
- I can’t believe you’re no good at ______. You should be successful at _______ because you’re MY child!
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.