7 Steps to Social Confidence

Written by Angela Atkinson

Narcissistic abuse takes away your confidence on every level. And often, redeveloping your self-confidence can feel completely impossible after going through such intense ongoing trauma. Many survivors of narcissistic abuse also find themselves struggling with social anxiety and even agoraphobia.

This makes life so much harder, right? After all, your ability to interact with others impacts your self-concept, career, social life, and personal life. And once you’ve left the toxic relationship and started your life over, you find yourself flailing and feeling both lost and alone. Plus, so often, survivors feel anxious about developing their self-confidence, fearing that they themselves might become narcissistic. Can you relate?

How do you rebuild self-confidence after narcissistic abuse?

Okay, so we know that life is more fun and a lot easier if you feel confident around others. And when you’ve been through a toxic relationship that has completely wiped your self-esteem out, it might feel really difficult to make it happen. But the good news is that the skills that make this possible are well-known but can be uncomfortable to develop. And, if you’re willing to be a little bold, you can start rebuilding confidence immediately. To start, watch this video, which offers tips on how to develop rock-solid self-confidence after narcissistic abuse.

Want additional self-confidence tips for narcissistic abuse survivors? Watch these videos, and read the following additional tips on how to do just that.

Level-Up Your Post-Narcissistic Abuse Confidence

Talk to people.

You become more comfortable with something when you do it a lot. Most confidence issues are based on fear – ESPECIALLY for narcissistic abuse survivors. By talking to a lot of people, you’ll show yourself that there’s nothing to be afraid of. Fortunately, there are people everywhere.

  • Tip: Consider getting a part-time job that involves speaking to people. You could be a waiter, salesperson, customer service rep, or any other job that requires interacting with others. You’ll earn some extra money, too.

Schedule your social life.

Be sure you have a few hours of social activity planned into your life each week. Get out of the house and have a little fun with others.

Study confident, powerful characters in movies.

Look at movies with strong characters and note how they stand, move, and use eye contact. What is it that makes them appear so in control and formidable? Which movie character do you wish you could be like? Study them. Check out this list of best movies for narcissistic abuse survivors if you need a little inspiration.

Have controlled emotional reactions.

Think of James Bond. You could tell him he has mustard on his shirt and a satellite was about to fall on the building. He might wink at you, say something funny, and then take another bite of his hotdog before taking any action. The most confident people underreact. You might also recognize this as a version of the gray rock technique.

Maintain confident eye contact.

Look everyone in the eye with great confidence. You’re not in a staring contest, but you can’t lower your eyes in deference if you want to be viewed as a powerful person. Practice your eye contact with everyone that crosses your path.

Stand up straight!

Slouching and appearing smaller than you really are can make you feel less confident than you need to feel. Seriously! Imagine you are a famous person walking among your greatest supporters. How would you stand? Try to maintain that same posture whether you’re addressing the masses or taking your trash cans to the curb.

Create social opportunities for yourself.

There are many ways you can make yourself the center of attention (in a good way!). For example, the following.

  • Have a party.
  • Start a meetup group, or join one. Check out meetup.com for ideas!
  • Join Toastmasters.
  • Inform your peers of one of your goals, such as losing weight.
  • Attend networking events.
  • Get a group of people together to go out to the movies or to dinner.
  • Get some friends together for a poker night.

Expect success, nothing less!

Remind yourself of your successful social interactions in the past. Visualize success in the future. Have high expectations for interactions in all social situations. Imagine entering a room full of strangers and boldly speaking with the most attractive or influential person there. The world would truly be your oyster. That confidence would overflow into other parts of your life.

As you continue your recovery from narcissistic abuse, developing your self-confidence will be an important way to level up. When you get a handle on this important part of your life, it will change everything – in a very good way.

Thinking about dating after narcissistic abuse? You might want to check out my guide to dating online safely. 

Get Support in Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

Need help dealing with a narcissistic relationship?  Start with your friends and/or family members who may understand and be willing to support you. If you don’t have supportive or understanding people around you, which is often the case for survivors of narcissistic abuse due to the fact that narcissists have a tendency to isolate you, you may need to look at some other options. Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

Related Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Resources


  • Angela Atkinson

    Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own. Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves. Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.

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