Sometimes, narcissistic abuse takes away your confidence on every level. Even so, depending on your natural personality type and your social experiences as a child, you might be the most socially confident person you know or the least. Of course, most of us fall somewhere in the middle. However, there’s always room for improvement, regardless of your current skills and expertise.
Your ability to interact with others impacts your self-concept, career, social life, and personal life.
Life is more fun and a lot easier if you feel confident around others. The skills that make this possible are well-known but can be uncomfortable to develop. There’s no reason not to greatly increase your abilities if you’re willing to be a little bold.
Follow these steps to build your confidence around others:
Talk to a lot of people. You become more comfortable with something when you do it a lot. Most confidence issues are based on fear. By talking to a lot of people, you’ll show yourself that there’s nothing to be afraid of. Fortunately, there are people everywhere.
- Consider getting a part-time job that involves speaking to people. You could be a waiter, salesperson, customer service rep or any other job that requires interacting with others. You’ll earn some extra money, too.
Schedule your social life. Be sure you have a few hours of social activity planned into your life each week. Get out of the house and have a little fun with others.
Study confident, powerful characters in movies. Look at movies with strong characters and note how they stand, move, and use eye contact. What is it that makes them appear so in control and formidable? Which movie character do you wish you could be like? Study them.
Have controlled emotional reactions. Think of James Bond. You could tell him he has mustard on his shirt and a satellite was about to fall on the building. He would smirk at you, say something funny, and then take another bite of his hotdog before taking any action. The most confident people underreact.
Maintain confident eye contact. Look everyone in the eye with great confidence. You’re not in a staring contest, but you can’t lower your eyes in deference if you want to be viewed as a powerful person. Practice your eye contact with everyone that crosses your path.
Stand tall. Slouching and appearing smaller than you really are has no place in your life. Imagine you were the president of the United States and were walking among your greatest supporters. How would you stand?
- Try to maintain that same posture whether you’re addressing the masses or taking your trash cans to the curb.
Create social opportunities. There are many ways you can make yourself the center of attention.
- Have a party.
- Start a meetup group.
- Join Toastmasters.
- Inform your peers of one of your goals, such as losing weight.
- Attend networking events.
- Get a group of people together to go out to the movies or to dinner.
- Get some friends together for a poker night.
Expect success. Remind yourself of your successful social interactions in the past. Visualize success in the future. Have high expectations for interactions in all social situations.
Imagine entering a room full of strangers and boldly speaking with the most attractive or influential person there. The world would truly be your oyster. That confidence would overflow into other parts of your life.
The skills of confident and effective communicators are widely known and available to all. Get a handle on this important part of your life. Your life will never be the same.
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.