As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, you know that sometimes we all care too much about certain things in our lives. Truth? Some things are worthy of your attention and concern. Others are not. Spending too much mental energy on the wrong things can move you further away from happiness and contentment. Making these things a priority isn’t just a waste of time. It creates unnecessary challenges in life and wastes your precious energy.
Do you spend your time caring about the things that can make a positive difference? Are you sure? Let’s find out!
Most people care too much about these things:
- The opinions of others. Do you choose clothes you like or clothes that you think others like? When you chose your last car, did you consider how others would judge you if you drive around in that car? Worrying about the opinions of others can make you miserable and cause you to do and say things that don’t match your values.
- Possessions. There’s nothing wrong with possessions, but it can be a problem when they become an obsession. You’ll never be happy just because you got a nicer car or a bigger house. Have all the possessions you like but avoid making them a priority in your life.
- Wealth. Have all the money you like too but avoid making it the most important thing in your life. Pursuing wealth at any cost is a recipe for misery and disaster. Having more money than you need doesn’t really do a whole lot for you. Many people make themselves unhappy by making wealth too big of a priority. Ensure you have enough with a comfortable cushion. Be willing to have more but avoid putting too much mental energy into it.
- The past. It’s done. It’s over. Sure, maybe you messed up. You did and said things you wish you hadn’t. You wasted golden opportunities. It’s just horrible. Join the club. The past is riddled with pain and disappointment. Examine it and learn from it. Then push on. There’s a whole life waiting for you.
- Failure. Caring too much about failure will keep you stuck in a job or relationship that you don’t like. It will prevent you from doing the things you really want to do. It’s a trick that your ego is playing on you. Use the logical part of your brain and overrule this mentality. If you fear failure, you avoid success and happiness.
- Society’s values. It might be true that a 3-bedroom ranch, a pleasant spouse, two kids, and 9-to-5 is the right path for some, and maybe even most. It doesn’t mean that it’s the right path for you. If you want to impress those around you, you might be tempted to follow this basic recipe for life. You might even choose it because you don’t have the courage to choose something else.
- Choose your own path. Otherwise, you’ll be stuck with what society wants for you. Be more than just a cog in the machine.
Your shortcomings. Why worry about them? Fix the ones that can be fixed and forget about the ones you can’t. What other choice do you have? You’re already good enough to do just about anything you want to do. Just get busy doing it instead of looking for an excuse.
Is your attention focused on the right things? Are you too worried about impressing others or acquiring a mansion? Do you care about failure?
There’s only so much time available each day and over a lifetime. By releasing your concern for these things, you’re giving yourself freedom and the room to be happy. Avoid following the herd.
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.