Going through narcissistic abuse and recovery is no picnic. Often, you’ll find yourself feeling down – and if you’re anything like me, you might get stuck sometimes. You find yourself in a funk and you don’t know what to do to get yourself out of it. You can’t seem to get things done – even some of your most basic responsibilities might feel too difficult at times.
Why do we get in a funk during narcissistic abuse recovery?
While experts will tell you that some amount of sadness or depression is normal and even healthy sometimes, it can certainly have a negative effect on your ability to create the life you truly want. With sadness and depression come negative thoughts–consciously and subconsciously.
Since we create our own lives through our perception of the world around us, we attract more reasons to feel sad and depressed when we allow ourselves to feel unhappy. Negative thoughts create a vibration just like any other thought–so by focusing on them, you manifest more negative situations in your life. And then, you find yourself in a funk–a sad, angry, depressed, joyless funk.
How to Get Yourself Out of a Funk – FAST!
The good news is that we can choose how we feel, at least once we’ve gotten away from the toxic and abusive people in our lives. It may seem difficult at first, especially when you’re deep in the depths of a funk, but with practice, you can become the Houdini of funk–able to escape under even the most extenuating circumstances. And then, my friend, you can get back to manifesting the life of your dreams. Ready?
Yes, I’ve said it a thousand times, but it’s true. Anytime you find yourself feeling sad or blue, take a look around you and notice all of the things, people and situations for which you’re grateful in your life. Your family, your health, your friends, your home, the fact that you woke up this morning–any and everything that is good in your life.
Personally, I have a private online gratitude journal, and I try really hard to write in it every day. I express gratitude for things that I have and for the things I will have. I notice when I remember to spend a few minutes being grateful each day, I generally feel better and the days go more smoothly.
Crank Up the Tunes and Move
Both music and exercise are great to help you get out of a funk–together or separately. A 2008 study conducted at Arizona State University found that music has an overall positive effect on mood and that it positively affects joyfulness. And exercise has long been touted as a way to relieve stress, depression and a number of other emotional and physical symptoms.
I often forget this one–but it works every time. I play upbeat music and dance with the kids or work out–and my mood is transformed almost instantly.
You sure clean up nice!
Well, you do. Take a shower, comb your hair, shave the parts you shave and make yourself presentable.
I call this “getting beautified.” When I’m feeling anything less than fabulous, I “beautify”–put on something cute, do my hair and makeup, etc. Maybe you’ll think I’m shallow, but for some reason when I look good, I feel good.
Speaking of Cleaning Up…
They say our homes represent our selves–and if that’s true, we can clear our minds by clearing our living space. So work on de-cluttering your space–get rid of things you don’t love, push a mop around, brush the dust off your book collection.
I find that when my desk is messy, I’m less productive. So when I find myself spinning my wheels when I should be working, spending 15 minutes organizing my desk gets me back on track.
Watch a funny movie, call a funny friend…do something, anything that makes you laugh. Let loose and really get a case of the giggles. Not only will you have fun, but laughter is actually good for your health. First, it relaxes your entire body for up to 45 minutes–it literally relieves physical tension.
Laughter can boost the immune system–it’s proven to decrease stress hormones and increase your body’s resistance to disease by boosting immune cells and antibodies that fight infection. Laughter also releases endorphins, the “feel-good” chemicals which promote a sense of well-being and can even sometimes relieve pain. Laughter also increases blood flow and strengthens the cardiovascular system–it makes your heart stronger. Can’t beat that!
Change Your Scene
Sometimes a change of perspective is as simple as a change in location. Go somewhere else–to a different room in your home, to a park or to the mall–just somewhere other than where you are right now. As you step into your new “scene,” intentionally focus on changing your mind.
I find that even just walking around the block is enough to change my mood sometimes (and it probably doesn’t hurt that exercise is involved either!)
Make the ‘Write’ Choice
Pun intended, of course. Put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and let it all out. If a problem is plaguing you, sometimes just getting it out of your head and on paper is enough to allow you to understand it and move forward. If the problem you have is with another person, you can even write that person a letter expressing yourself–even if you never mail it, the therapeutic benefits are tremendous.
For me, journaling and letter writing have long been my go-to tool for getting inside my head and figuring out how to handle the world effectively. I call it free therapy. 🙂
Today, I challenge you to maintain your positive attitude–and if you do find yourself in a funk, try one or more of these techniques to bring yourself back into the light.
Do you think you’re depressed? Take my online depression test and find out if you might be struggling with depression.
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.