Why Do People Fall For The Narcissist’s Smear Campaign?

Why Do People Fall For The Narcissist’s Smear Campaign?

Narcissists have a funny way of doing anything they can to maintain appearances to people who aren’t really very important in their lives, while at the same time, caring very little about how they’re perceived by the people closest to them. One way they show this is through the liberal use of smear campaigns used against loved ones as part of their relationship cycles. The worst part is that people often believe the lies the narcissist spreads and this can lead to the complete destruction of your life as you know it.

What is a smear campaign?

A smear campaign is a manipulation tactic in which the narcissist spreads rumors and lies about you in order to socially or otherwise isolate you, as well as to get additional narcissistic supply in the form of support or pity from those who are hearing their latest “sob story.”  Smear campaigns are most often used by the narcissist when you have discarded them (or they have discarded you).

In this video, you’ll find everything you need to know about smear campaigns.

How do narcissistic smear campaigns work?

Let’s begin with a few examples of the typical narcissistic smear campaign.

When you go no contact with a narcissistic parent or break up with a narcissistic friend or partner, you know that they will not take it well. And even if they are the one who leaves you, they will make you look like the bad one.

For instance, if you cut your narcissistic mother out of your life, then she will go around telling the extended family and others in the community what a terrible person you are. She might say that you had stolen from her (which you never have done), and did everything you could to cause damage (which you never did).

If you stop being friends with a narcissistic person, he or she will spread harmful rumors about you and easily ruin your reputation that way. The same goes for when you divorce a narcissistic partner. They will lie about you to the courts, and to others, and throw you under the bus at any opportunity possible. Of course you can always attempt to expose the narcissist’s smear campaign, as explained in this video.

When does a narcissistic smear campaign happen?

The narcissistic’s smear campaign seems to be most common when the narcissist feels you “betrayed” them in some way – when the narcissist feels and demonstrates “narcissistic injury,” which is explained in this video.

They will tell plenty of lies about you (which the narcissist actually might see as “truth,” as they can be quite delusional).

They will ruin you in order to protect their image, hide their insecurities, and they never hold themselves accountable for anything they do. Any victim of a narcissist will be a scapegoat.

Why do people fall for the narcissist’s smear campaign?

There is one basic reason that people will fall for a narcissist’s smear campaign. That is due to the fact that narcissists are extremely manipulative and convincing to the point that they are excellent liars. Narcissists know exactly how to make you look like the bad one and will get others to believe their lies about you.

Unfortunately, the narcissist’s smear campaign is aimed at ruining you, and their efforts are focused on exactly that. Remember, narcissists believe their own lies – as explained in this video.

For many, you will look like the bad one that the narcissist successfully portrayed you to be. Some people may always believe them. However, eventually, the narcissist’s true colors will shine right through. Some people will see that the narcissist is just that, a narcissist which will make them think twice about what they had said about you.

So, if you are planning to cut a narcissistic parent out of your life, or separate from a narcissistic partner or friend – be prepared. Know that they will create a smear campaign about you that can easily ruin your reputation. However, the decent people who may believe them at first will eventually see the truth once they see the narcissist’s true colors.

Who is Involved in the narcissist’s smear campaign?

You guessed it – narcissists don’t usually “go it alone” when it comes to smear campaigns. They have a special group of people who help them do their bidding. This can be a group of one or more – and we call them “flying monkeys.” Flying monkeys, for the record, are those people who willingly or otherwise do the narcissist’s bidding and support their agenda. They are essentially the enablers of the narcissist.

In this video, learn the truth about narcissists, flying monkeys and the smear campaign.

What can you to stop the smear campaign?

Truthfully, there is very little you can do once the smear campaign has already started. But don’t waste your breath trying to defend yourself. If the narcissist gets to someone who you trust, give them one chance to hear your side of the story – and if they don’t understand and/or believe it, you might want to back off for a short time (or longer) until this whole thing blows over. But those who know and trust you should stick with you. Those who don’t might not have been your people in the first place. This video offers a “don’t get mad, get even” technique for how to deal with the narcissist’s smear campaign.

4 Things That Happen When You Ignore A Narcissist

4 Things That Happen When You Ignore A Narcissist

What happens when you ignore a narcissist? In the narcissistic abuse recovery community, we often suggest that survivors go no contact and essentially ignore the narcissists in their lives in order to begin to heal.

But what should you expect when you try to ignore a narcissist?

We all know how desperately a narcissist wants to have all of the attention of anyone who might be willing to dole it out. And who of us doesn’t realize that they demand attention from us – their sources of narcissistic supply. They expect you to make it clear that THEY are the most important person in any room.

Watch this video to discover five possible outcomes of ignoring a narcissist.

The Truth About Ignoring a Narcissist

Narcissists and other toxic people are often psychologically and emotionally abusive as well. This is mostly because they could not care less about hurting your feelings – or anyone else’s for that matter. They have seriously impaired empathy – and when you get to the sociopathic end of the cluster B spectrum, they have no empathy whatsoever. Narcissists will do everything to control you, gaslight you, and abuse you as long as it serves them in the end. Your suffering to them does not matter at all.

But one thing you can do to get the narcissist back for their abusive behavior is to ignore them. You may think that ignoring them doesn’t sound like it would really make a difference in how they control you. But it does.

4 Things That Happen When You Ignore A Narcissist

Let’s now talk about four things that happen when you ignore a narcissist.

1. The Narcissist Gets Scared

The narcissist will be afraid that something is quite wrong if you are ignoring them. Suddenly you are not giving them the attention that they crave and need. They may begin to start hovering over you even more by sending texts such as I’m sorry, or Can we talk? Just keep ignoring them anyway.

Watch this video to better understand the narcissist’s fears and why they are so worried about these issues.

2. The Narcissist Will Begin To Gaslight You Again

Narcissists cannot stand the idea being ignored, so they will do anything they can to get your attention. This means that one of their favorite kinds of manipulation will pop out again – gaslighting. Gaslighting is a pervasive and highly-effective tactic meant to manipulate you. The narcissist will use psychological means to sort of push you into questioning your own sanity. This could be as simple as the narcissist sending messages about the fun times that you had with them (leaving out that whole “psychological abuse” part, of course). They will make up stories about the lovely romantic dinners you had with them which never happened (or which were ruined by the narcissist, as usual). They may even go to the extreme by saying how memorable the trip to a certain country or city was with you and how you cannot just throw those memories away – even though this trip never happened or was toxic due to the narcissist’s bad behavior. Just keep ignoring them.

Watch this video to understand more about gaslighting and to learn how to overcome it.

3. The Narcissist Will Become Angry (Be Cautious When This Happens)

You keep ignoring the narcissist, and the emotions they feel go from fear and worry to fury and rage. We call this narcissistic rage. Narcissistic rage is often coupled with narcissistic injury. Narcissists employ the narcissistic rage tactic when they know they’re wrong but won’t admit it, or when they don’t get what they want, or when people don’t treat them different or more special than others, or when their sense of entitlement is threatened – anytime things don’t go their way. This is when narcissists get inconsolably angry in an attempt to bully or coerce you into giving them what they want.  They will begin to stalk your social media profiles, and they can even create a smear campaign against you. Narcissists can become quite vengeful at this point. Be very careful and if they begin to harass you, or invite others to harass you and to ruin your reputation, get the authorities involved. This is a painful and scary step because you will be afraid of your safety once the narcissist becomes enraged. Eventually, they will give up. Going no contact at this point is the best thing to do. Block them and disappear from them.

Watch this video to better understand narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury and how to deal with both.

4. They Give Up And Find A New Victim

This is the part that you know logically you want – but you also secretly fear (at least in the beginning). It is when the narcissist goes on and finds a new source of narcissistic supply. A narcissistic supply is usually a person, but can also be a pet or group of people. Narcissists use the narcissistic supply for attention, validation, admiration – all the “supply” they need to feed their ego. The narcissist often has a circle of supply or “narcissistic harem.” You have ignored the narcissist and got them out of your life. They may have even accepted that you are not accessible to them anymore. This hurts their ego a lot, but they will not change or have learned anything. They will forget about you and find a new victim. You can only hope that any future victims that the narcissist finds will be able to ignore them again, and again. (Despite your urges, there’s really no ethical obligation or point in actually telling the new supply what they’re in for, so be careful.)

There are a LOT of questions people ask us about the narcissist and their new supply – all of the answers are included in this playlist.

Ignoring a narcissist is the best punishment you can give them. It will be difficult when they are infuriated by this, but it will set you free in the end.

Am I Codependent? The 5 Signs That Point To That Strong Possibility

Am I Codependent? The 5 Signs That Point To That Strong Possibility

When you think of the term codependency, you may think about someone who is relying on substance abuse. But that isn’t always the case.

What is Codependency?

Codependency is a toxic emotional and behavioral condition that makes it nearly impossible to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form and stay in relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.

In layman’s terms, codependency is being too dependent on others to the point that they cannot function on their own. It happens often in relationships whereas two people are too invested in one another to the point that the one who is too dependent on the other struggles to be independent.

So, if you have a codependent personality, you are highly likely to end up with someone who is dominant for that obvious reason. You’ll struggle to think and do things on your own without your partner.

How to Know If You’re Codependent in a Toxic Relationship

Are you codependent? Let’s look at the 5 signs that point to that possibility.

1. You Don’t Trust Yourself

The fact of the matter is that if you are codependent, you struggle with trusting yourself. You don’t think you can make decisions without someone else backing you up. This is a sign that you have low self-esteem and confidence if you don’t believe in yourself and the actions you take to the point that you have to rely on others to do if for you.

This video offers tips on how to trust yourself again after narcissistic abuse.

2. You Need The Approval Of Others More Than Valuing Yourself

It would be devasting to you if you did a creative project and worked very hard on it, and yet you did not get the approval from others that you wanted. It is normal to want to have others acknowledge your work, but someone who is not codependent will realize that everyone’s taste will not match their style and the approval of others has no effect on what they do. That is just a common example of codependency. If you don’t value yourself but you do things for the sake of gaining the approval of others, then that is problematic. Stop being a people-pleaser and try focusing on what really makes YOU happy!

This video will help you learn how to stop being a people pleaser.

3. You Can’t Identify Your Feelings

If you are not sure how you are feeling whether you are sad, happy, excited, or bored, that can be a sign of codependency. In other words, your feelings are based on the way that your partner feels. If they are angry, you may be as well, but you will not know why and you will not be able to identify why.

Watch this video to learn how to be more self-aware.

4. You Fear Abandonment

You are terrified of being abandoned because you don’t believe you will be able to function on your own. The idea of being abandoned is no different than a part of your body disappearing which can render you not being able to function at all.

This video will teach you more about the fear of abandonment in narcissistic abuse recovery.

5. You Stay In Unhealthy Relationships

You may be in an abusive relationship but you will not think of leaving because you feel like you have to be with that partner, no matter how abusive they are. You cannot fathom the idea of being alone, and you doubt your ability to function alone.

You deserve better. Watch this video to learn how to let go and move on with your life.

You can see how being codependent is a serious problem but fortunately, there is help out there that can help you reclaim your power again.

There Are Two Pandemics Happening: Coronavirus And The Rise Of Mental Illness

There Are Two Pandemics Happening: Coronavirus And The Rise Of Mental Illness

You’re aware of the risks when it comes to not social distancing right now, as well as not wearing masks and gloves when you are out. Maybe you’re young and healthy, but you’re still trying to be extra careful with not putting yourself at risk for catching the virus. You may be not so much concerned about yourself. But you may be worried about passing the virus onto those who are physically vulnerable such as the elderly and those who have weak immune systems.

The goal is to protect yourself as well as your community. That’s understandable.

However, there is one major problem that is not getting enough attention. That is this pandemic has also increased the mental health risks such as increased depression and anxiety. That is not the worst part of it. Those who have mental illnesses who are trying to not regress into a hole are often judged if they go out to a hardware store to get ‘non-essential’ items. Their thinking is why bother putting the community at risk while going out to get an item that is ‘non-essential’.

You may see a man head over to the hardware store who is buying plenty of cans of paint. You may be thinking ‘how can he be selfish and put those at risk by going out to get items that he does not really need’. But here is the thing. Maybe for him, the cans of paint are essential. Maybe those cans of paint are helping him cope with his depression. Maybe he needs to so some home improvement during the time of quarantine for the sake of his mental health.

The same goes for the woman who is buying seeds and soil, as you may think that she is being selfish for risking others by purchasing a non-essential item. But what if she is an alcoholic who is doing her best to stay sober during this stressful time? Maybe buying seeds and soil to watch something grow is the very thing she needs to do in order to keep her sober.

The point is you cannot judge those who are leaving their homes to buy non-essential items. Sure, there is also a curbside pickup option. But that is not quite the point. You may be so focused on staying home unless you absolutely need to go out to get essential for the purpose of protecting those who are physically vulnerable. But don’t forget people are struggling with their mental health right now. There are more suicides, addiction relapses, and at the very least people who were doing well with their mental health have been regressing. Let’s not forget the wellbeing of those who are struggling as well.

Coronavirus is not the only epidemic going on right now. Mental illness is as well and this means you have to consider the needs of those who may not be physically vulnerable but are vulnerable due to the fact that they are struggling with mental illness right now.

5 Simple Self-Care Tips That Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse Forget

5 Simple Self-Care Tips That Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse Forget

“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.”  ~Audre Lorde

After breaking away from a toxic relationship with an abusive narcissist, you may find that you have forgotten how to treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated. You may not know how to nurture yourself properly, because you have not been nurtured. And because you’ve spent so much time focused on someone else’s needs while ignoring your own. Fortunately, there are simple ways to take care of yourself that can have some excellent healing effects on you.

5 Self-Care Tips for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors

Let’s look at 5 easy self-care tips that many survivors of narcissistic abuse tend to overlook or forget completely.

1. Journaling Is Helpful

After dealing with the extreme amount of stress and hardship in a toxic relationship, a lot of damage has been done. You’ve been traumatized and you need to heal. Journaling can be exactly what you need.  In your journal, you can literally express any emotion and thought you have. You don’t have to censor anything because it is private, it is yours. And it will help you release the tension inside. Doing this daily will be very helpful. In this video, narcissistic abuse recovery experts Angie Atkinson and Kim Saeed discuss how journaling helped them in their own recoveries from narcissistic abuse.

Angie Atkinson also finds that using a Bullet Journal is especially helpful for survivors of narcissistic abuse who deal with C-PTSD and/or adult ADHD. It can serve as both a traditional journal and a planner/life organizer at the same time. Angie finds that it works well for creative minds that have a tendency to be unconventional in their organizational styles. Here is a video where she discusses why she loves bullet journaling.

2. Saying ‘No’

You may have been conditioned to do things for others at your own inconvenience while being in a non-nurturing relationship. However, when you reclaim your power by saying ‘no’ and sticking to it, you will feel much better. Only do favors for others if you feel you will get something out of it and if you are not inconvenienced in any way. You don’t need to be a people-pleaser anymore, as you’ll learn in this video.

3. Prioritize Tasks

If you feel like you have too much to do, then the best thing to do is to prioritize tasks. What do you need to do? And don’t do too much at once either. In fact, if there are things you can delegate to others, then you will want to be sure to do that. This means if you are not going to be able to do something such as grocery shopping, then you can always order groceries online. It also means putting yourself on your own priority list! Yes, self-care is incredibly important during narcissistic abuse recovery – and so often overlooked. In this video, find out why self-care is such a big deal for survivors of narcissistic abuse.

4. Read Something Relaxing Or Intriguing

Reading is really good for your mind, as it is stimulating and relaxing at the same time. You will want to read books that are in the genre you are interested in. And you may want to read about something that you know very little about so you have the opportunity to learn something new. But the best thing to do is to take a nice bubble bath and to take your favorite book, and enjoy some self-pampering. Nighttime reading is great, as long as you are not reading something that is too stimulating before bed. There are also tons of amazing books for survivors of narcissistic abuse Not a reader? That’s okay. Figure out what your passion is and take it to the next level! This video teaches you how to find passion and purpose in your own life.

5. Do Nothing

If you don’t feel like doing anything at a particular time, there is nothing wrong with just sitting there and doing nothing. Don’t berate yourself for not being productive at that given moment. Perhaps you need to just sit there and literally do nothing. This could be a reset for you so you have the energy to be productive. Sit there, listen to music, and just allow your body to reset itself. Here is a video that will teach you how to calm down quickly.

These overlooked self-care tips are a lot more helpful than you would think but why not utilize them and heal at the same time! Stay healthy.

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